shoregurl
So down and frustrated..
Mar 26, 2009
Well here I am almost 4 weeks out, 24 days to be exact, and I am so depressed. I wonder sometimes if I made the right decision. I'm trying so hard to eat properly, take my vitamins, drink my protien etc., yet all I've lost is 20lbs and that was in the first 2 weeks. I guess that much is good, yet I am beginning to feel like a failure. I even started exercising this week thinking that will kick start me, nope nothing. I've been getting sick a lot too lately. Nauseousness and vomitting. I'm trying to find out why and I think it's because I'm drinking tea or water with my meals. The worst part is after I vomit, I don't feel like eating all day long. I basically look at food now with disgust. I hate it all. Nothing is appealing to me anymore. If I didn't have to eat to survive, I wouldn't. Who would have thought ME 300+ lbs ME doesn't want to eat!? If the weight loss was coming quicker I would feel better. Honestly, the thought has crossed my mind that I am the first person to fail. I think to myself here I am having had major surgery and I can't eat anything and I've only lost 20lbs. Geez, I could have done that on my own.
On the upside, many OH members have posted that this happens to everyone yet I can't wrap my mind around it. Thank God for my sweet friend Monica she has been such a help to me through this process and I really do appreciate her. Because of her, I will have faith and trust this is normal, it's just so hard!
Beginning of process weight 363
Monday March 2 Surgery day....... weight 341 -22
Wednesday March 4 Check out......... weight 352 +11
Friday March 6......... weight 334. -18
Sunday March 8...... weight 331 - 3
Wednesday March 11...... weight 328 -3
Monday March 16 weight 323 -5
Monday March 23 weight 322 -1
2 comments
On the upside, many OH members have posted that this happens to everyone yet I can't wrap my mind around it. Thank God for my sweet friend Monica she has been such a help to me through this process and I really do appreciate her. Because of her, I will have faith and trust this is normal, it's just so hard!
Beginning of process weight 363
Monday March 2 Surgery day....... weight 341 -22
Wednesday March 4 Check out......... weight 352 +11
Friday March 6......... weight 334. -18
Sunday March 8...... weight 331 - 3
Wednesday March 11...... weight 328 -3
Monday March 16 weight 323 -5
Monday March 23 weight 322 -1
Yum....I'm in heaven
Mar 17, 2009
It's amazing how creative we have to become when we have to eat only certain foods. lol My biggest craving is pizza. I am and always have been a pizzaholic. So since I'm 15 days out, the nutritionist said I could try some very dry toast. Well, I won't dare venture into that, but I asked her if I could have a whole wheat tortilla, she said yes. So I took 1 tortilla put a smidgen (that's my technical term) of olive oil and brushed it on each side, took 2tbs of pizza sauce and spread it on then put 1 ounce of part skim mozz cheese on top and baked it in the oven on 425 until crisp. All I can say is YUMMMMMM I am in pizza heaven. It was sooooo good and it satisfied my craving. I truly enjoyed it! 
3 comments
On the loser side!!
Mar 10, 2009
Surgery was March 2 and very uneventful. I arrived at the hospital at 10:30 after driving through our first blizzard of the season. Through a foot of snow I managed to get to my mother and then to Overlook. After checking in they took me to pre-op and set me up with a nifty gown and slippers. I lied in bed and the nurse began her prep work. Lots of paperwork and questions and IV's and blood samples and stuff. The anesthesiologist came in, Dr. Frazier, and he asked me some questions about my history. Then Dr. Forrester came in and asked how I was feeling. He's such a nice man. We joked a bit and I sat and waited. Only about an hour and they wheeled me into the operating room at 12:50. I'll have to admit, this is where I got a little bit nervous. After all, I never had surgery in my life and an operating room is very intimidating. Bright with lots of noise. I just tried to relax and go with it. My nurse was sweet and she helped prep me. Then Dr. Forrester came in and they said ready, let's get going! So just like on TV the mask came over my face and I was OUT.
The next thing I remember is being woken up in the recovery room. My mother was there and they had me on morphine. I asked them to get me off of it. I hate the way it makes me feel. They did, they gave me Dilauded(sp?) I got to my room at 7:30. It was a corner room with the view of the NY skyline. Too bad I didn't feel like I enjoying it. I passed out. They woke me up at 7am and made me get out of bed. GRRRR. Ok, I know this was a necessary thing, but I was NOT HAPPY, lol. I just wanted to sleep all day. So being a good patient I complied and sat up in the chair. I was very groggy and tried to wake up when a tray of food arrived. Broth, tea, water, jello. Blech. I just didn't feel like looking at it. After a little bit, I sipped some broth and water, but that was it. The next couple of days were more of the same. Walking, and resting and trying to start eating. Pretty uneventful. I was released on Wednesday and came home and passed out. I was so excited to to see my kids but I couldn't stay up long. I was in a lot of pain, come to find out it was all gas and bloating. I cried like a baby thinking I made the wrong decision. Thursday was the same. Friday, I tried to push myself to get out of my funk. It worked. Each day the more I tried to move the better it got. As for food, I am extremely lucky. I have been able to eat cottage cheese, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, yogurt, mashed potatoes. All of it in less than 4oz portions and very VERY slowly. One night it took me 2 hours to eat 4oz of cottage cheese. I just took my time. I am also doing my protein shakes and chewable vitamins faithfully every day. It's very important and I really believe it is helping me in my healing process. So here are some stats...
Beginning of process weight 363
Monday March 2 Surgery day....... weight 341 -22
Wednesday March 4 Check out......... weight 352 +11
Friday March 6......... weight 334. -18
Sunday March 8...... weight 331 - 3
Wednesday March 11...... weight 328 -3
2 comments
The next thing I remember is being woken up in the recovery room. My mother was there and they had me on morphine. I asked them to get me off of it. I hate the way it makes me feel. They did, they gave me Dilauded(sp?) I got to my room at 7:30. It was a corner room with the view of the NY skyline. Too bad I didn't feel like I enjoying it. I passed out. They woke me up at 7am and made me get out of bed. GRRRR. Ok, I know this was a necessary thing, but I was NOT HAPPY, lol. I just wanted to sleep all day. So being a good patient I complied and sat up in the chair. I was very groggy and tried to wake up when a tray of food arrived. Broth, tea, water, jello. Blech. I just didn't feel like looking at it. After a little bit, I sipped some broth and water, but that was it. The next couple of days were more of the same. Walking, and resting and trying to start eating. Pretty uneventful. I was released on Wednesday and came home and passed out. I was so excited to to see my kids but I couldn't stay up long. I was in a lot of pain, come to find out it was all gas and bloating. I cried like a baby thinking I made the wrong decision. Thursday was the same. Friday, I tried to push myself to get out of my funk. It worked. Each day the more I tried to move the better it got. As for food, I am extremely lucky. I have been able to eat cottage cheese, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, yogurt, mashed potatoes. All of it in less than 4oz portions and very VERY slowly. One night it took me 2 hours to eat 4oz of cottage cheese. I just took my time. I am also doing my protein shakes and chewable vitamins faithfully every day. It's very important and I really believe it is helping me in my healing process. So here are some stats...
Beginning of process weight 363
Monday March 2 Surgery day....... weight 341 -22
Wednesday March 4 Check out......... weight 352 +11
Friday March 6......... weight 334. -18
Sunday March 8...... weight 331 - 3
Wednesday March 11...... weight 328 -3
Signed my consent for surgery today...
Feb 24, 2009
I went to sign my consent for surgery today. I also went over all my pre-surgery instructions. There's a lot to take in, but I'm going to follow the program to the "T". I had to go get my protein shakes and all my liquid vitamins and minerals. Cost me a fortune, but it needs to be done. So starting tomorrow, Feb 25, I have to have one protein shake with 40 grams of protein per day, along with calcium, B12, Zinc, a multivitamin and iron. On Sunday, I need to stop eating after noon, and take mirolax, so I can clean out. So it's almost here. 4 more days. Wow....
4 comments
Oh boy, the nerves are kicking in...
Feb 20, 2009
I have been waiting and wanting this for so long. So, why am I so scared!? I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I have kids who need me. What if something happens and they lose me? I want them to know how very much I love them and I am doing this so I can have a longer life. So I can play WITH them instead of watching them, so I can get on those rides with them and stop standing there and waving at them. Ok, so I'm going through with it. I'm going to do it. I will have faith in God and in my doctor and not look back. I can't believe my surgery is 10 days away. Let the countdown begin!
2 comments
Omg, I got a date!!
Feb 18, 2009
WOW!! Robin from Dr. Goyal's office just called and she said she had a cancellation for March 2nd! She was like, do you want it? I said, Ummmmmmmmm YEA!! Lol
Now, I'm so nervous and scared and excited all rolled into one. I didn't think it would happen this fast. I mean it's been 6 months, but, I don't know. I guess I just never believed it would actually get here. Wow, just, wow!
4 comments
Now, I'm so nervous and scared and excited all rolled into one. I didn't think it would happen this fast. I mean it's been 6 months, but, I don't know. I guess I just never believed it would actually get here. Wow, just, wow!
Psych Evaluation today
Feb 12, 2009
I had my appointment with the Psychologist today and it seemed to go well. It was about an hour and a half and it was very informative. I was pleasantly surprised. I also lost another 2lbs so I'm down 22lbs as of November. Slow and steady wins the race, right? My next appt with Dr. Goyal is the 17th and all my pre-op tasks are now completed. I'm happy to be finished with everything. Hopefully good news with my test results at my next appt. Fingers crossed!
Old habits die hard...
Feb 02, 2009
I went to a friends superbowl party and I guess old habits do die hard. I pigged out and drank too much. I am so disappointed in myself. I knew I picked yesterday as a cheat day, but not to go overboard. I kept hearing myself say, "well this is my off day". Like it was ok to just keep going and going. I'm back on today and doing fine, but I'm feeling so bad. The scale said I gained 3 lbs, I know that's got to be water retention from the alcohol, but still. Ugh, I feel like shit. :(
1 comment
Exercise
Jan 28, 2009
Well I started exercising this week. I started out small, just 10 minutes on 2.0 incline at 2.5 speed. It's truly all I can handle right now. It's amazing to me how out of shape I truly am. By the time those 10 minutes are over, I am ready keel over. It's so not funny. I also incorporated some ab exercises and leg lifts and arm exercises at night. I hope I can keep it up and start to see a difference soon. We'll see what happens...
0 comments
Todays Appt Jan 20, 2009
Jan 20, 2009
Todays appointment went well. Dr. was proud of how well I'm doing. Handed in my note from the personal trainer and told him I had all my tests done yesterday. I hope and pray all comes out well. (Fingers crossed) Now, all that's left, is my psychological appt. My next appt is Feb 17. At that point, I should have an idea of when my surgery will be. He said possibly March or April. I am excited to be getting so close. I hope I can continue my weight loss on my own before surgery. I'm starting to realize, the more I lose now, the less I'll have to lose after. I also saw the dietician Jen. She said I need to bulk up my protien. So I'm trying to figure out how to do that.
About Me
toms river, NJ
Location
31.5
BMI
Surgery
03/02/2009
Surgery Date
Sep 15, 2008
Member Since
