Cindy C.

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October 5, 2007

Well, my heart is in good shape and the Cardiologist is sending his consent for WLS to my surgeon.  Yeah!  However, my cholesterol was high - 263.  He said my good cholesterol was only 34.  He was really not happy with that.  He put me on Vytorin.  I need to have bloodwork again in 6 weeks to see if the meds are working.  He said I'll probably be able to go off the meds after WLS.  Most do.

Once again, I was told I didn't look like I was 100 lbs. overweight.  I ran into my sister outside of the hospital pharmacy.  I told her I had sampled Unflavored Unjury and really liked it and that I found out the hospital pharmacy carried it, so I bought some.  The woman next to her, overheard our conversation.  She said "you're not having WLS are you"?  I told her yes.  She told me there was no way I could be 100 lbs. overweight.  Me and my sister told her yes I was.  She is getting ready to have lapband.  She has short-term memory loss from a stroke and the doctor didn't feel she was a good candidate for an RNY.  She tried to convince me to have lapband because of my size!  She was nicer than all the other negative people I have encountered.  Actullay, she is the only one of those negative people that is morbidy obese.  The others were either really small or maybe 20 lbs. overweight.  I didn't feel as irritated with her as I did with them.  At least she knows where I'm coming from. 

By the way, my Avatar picture is two years old.  I weighed around 190 then.  I weigh 225 now.  I have yo-yoed for so long.  Lose 20 - gain 30.  I'm so sick of it.  And now my health is starting to fall apart.  I have caught my illnesses early.  I have hopes that there is no long term damage.  I really need this surgery to get my health back.    

I find myself getting agravated because things are taking longer than I thought they would.  I want to feel and look good for my daughters' graduation this spring.  I want to have my picture taken with her.  When she went to her Junior Prom this past spring and her 8th grade prom three years earlier, I took pictures of her with everybody else.  I stayed behind the camera.  No one even asked if I wanted my picture taken with her.  They already knew the answer.  I have missed out on so much with my kids.  When my son graduated in 2000, I avoided the camera then too.  It makes me so sad to not have those pictures.  I can never go back.  But I do want to change the future.  Things are going to be so different.  Better than they ever were.

September 29, 2007

A few weeks ago, my husband Cris, went to a bluegrass festival.  I didn't go because I can't walk up and down the hills between the campground and the stage.  When he came home he was so excited and told me all about how much fun he and all our friends had.  He even made some new friends.  I felt so left out.  I know it is the last time he will go without me.  This time next year, I will be thin and healthy.  Those hills will no longer be obstacles.

Anyway, last night, a friend of ours called and they were at the "new friends" house and wanted us to come over.  I instantly felt nervous and depressed.  I don't want to meet these peolple until I am thin.  I figured we wouldn't hear from them for awhile.  I always feel like the odd ball.  I think sometimes that people look at me and my husband and they feel sorry for him because he is married to me - the fat girl.  I just hate it so much.  Luckily, he was asleep when they called.  (His belly was full of biscuits and gravy - see earlier post.)  I just told them I would ask him if he wanted to go over when he woke up.  I prayed that he wouldn't want to go.  I even tried to think of an excuse as to why I couldn't go.  But I really hated to miss out on the fun.  When he woke up he didn't want to go because he had to work the next morning,  I was so relieved.  I wouldn't have to be embarrassed - this time.  I just hope they hold off on inviting us again.  I really do want to be thinner when I meet them.  My husband and I really don't look like we belong together.  He is 6' 3' and weighs less than 200 lbs.  And here I am at 5' 1" and 225 lbs.  I really do wonder what people think about us.  I can't wait to be ME again!  I want to look and feel normal.  I don't want to look in the mirror and be staring at some strange fat chick.  That is who I see - and that is not the real ME.

September 28, 2007

Feeling stuffed is one thing I won't miss.  I fixed biscuits and gravy for dinner.  I had a huge plate full and feel stuffed even after a few hours.  Why do I do that to myself?  I have found myself eating more the last few weeks.  I have had quite a few "last meals".  It is just ridiculous.  I'll probably feel like I'm starving when I'm on a diet two weeks prior to surgery.  At least this stuffed feeling will be gone.

I have started to mourn the loss of food already.  Sometimes I feel depressed.  How did I let myself get to this point in my life?  It 's been a long time coming and I have no one else to blame but myself.  When I think about rearranging my guts, it scares me.  It's not the surgery itself - it's the life I have to live after surgery.  Someone asked me today why I didn't try losing weight on my own just one more time.  She said if I was willing to change my way of eating after WLS, maybe I could change it before.  I didn't really answer her.  I wanted to cry.  She had no idea how many times I had already tried that.  I just couldn't keep it off.  It makes me ask myself - can I keep the weight off after WLS.  I tell myself that I can.  It will be different this way.  But in the back of my mind, I do have doubts and fears that I will fail - again.  Besides being unhealthy again, the humiliation would be horrible.  EVERYONE would know I failed.  I don't know if I could take that.  But I do know that I have to try.  This is definately the only hope I have of losing this weight and being healthy.  God be with me.

September 28, 2007

Today I had my Echo and Stress Test.  The Echo was no big deal, of course.  The Stress Test was even ok till the last minute.  The entire test was done with the treadmill inclined.  It started at 10 degrees and I'm not sure how high it went.  I had to hold on!  The first three minutes was really slow (1.something mph).  The next three minutes was at 2.5 mph.  I did just fine.  THEN the last minute was 3.4 mph.  I was almost running.  The incline made it really hard.  I couldn't have lasted any longer.  It was a good thing the Tech told me I only had a minute to go.  I am just glad it is over with.  They said I did great.  Thank God.  I had been so worried about this.  I was more worried about this than I was the EGD.  My followup visit with the Cardiologist is October 5.  He should clear me to have my WLS then.  I am excited and afraid all at the same time.  Oh, I almost forgot.  The Tech that did my ST, told me that his wife just had a RNY on Monday.  He said she was doing great.  She had the same doctor as I do.  He suggested I request a Suite when I have my surgery.  He said it was $75 more per night and was really big.  It even has a fridge for your spouse or whoever is staying with you.  It sounded really nice.  I have six sisters that will be there when I have my surgery.  I need room to put them. lol

September 20, 2007

Yesterday, I had appointments with three different people.  The first appointment was for an Exercise Evaluation.  It was not at all what I thought it would be.  I thought they were going to see what my range of motion is.  What they did was ask me questions about my physical activities and explained the importance of exercise in general, as well as how much more important it is with WLS.  They also gave me a formula to use to calculate what I need to get my heart rate up to when exercising.  It is based upon your age  - so you need to recalculate it every year.  He said I need to exercise at that rate for at least 30 minutes 5 days per week.  Then he put me on an exercise bike (treadmill was preferred - but I have a sore toe) to see what my heart rate would after three minutes if going at a steady pace.  It was all a simple process.  Note:  That was an awesome exercise bike.  I've never tried anything like it.  Wish I could afford one!

Appointment number two was with the nutritionist (she graduated with my son).  I didn't realize until the appointment, but I had met her already at the WLS Educational Seminar).  She gave me a bunch of papers stapled together that explain how I need to eat from two weeks before the surgery to.....forever.  It is very informitive.  It also explains the why of everything.  It will be my WLS BIble for several months. I should laminate it. lol.  Two weeks prior to my surgery, I am to eat a low fat and low carb diet.  This is necessary to decrease the size of my liver.  She said the surgeon will know during surgery if I followed the diet.  The smaller the liver is, the less possibility there is of knicking the liver.  She also suggested trying some protein supplements (even though my taste buds will change).  I also need to start chewing every bite 20 - 30 times and need to practice taking sips of liquids, instead of gulping.

Appointment number three was the Pysch Evaluation.  While she typed some info into the computer, she had me answer this list of questions.  I had to mark the answers as to whether I Agreed, Strongly Disagreed, etc.  Weird questions - although I can't remember them now.  She asked about my childhood (which was picture perfect - lucky me).  She asked about my husband and kids and did they support me having WLS.  She asked if I was close to my siblings (yes - all 10 that are living).  She asked what I felt was my greatest or strongest trait (I'm not sure how she worded it).  She gave me three words and asked me to repeat them in order.  I had to count backwards, starting at 100 and subtract 7 each time.  After a while, I had to repeat the three words.  I had to spell "world" backwards.  We did alot.  In the end she told me she felt I would be successful with WLS and wished me luck.  She said Dr. Tompkins would get her report in a day or two.  So.....I guess I'm not physco!  Who knew?!

All in all, everything went well.  I am glad it is all behind me.  All my initail tests are completed.  I do still have to see the cardiologist on the Sept. 28 for the Echo and Stress Test.  Then I follow up with him on October 5.  If my tests with him are all ok, the only hurdle left is the insurance company.  I say that like it's no big deal.  Yeah right!  I am worried that the insurance company will deny me.  I pray that all goes well with them too.  In the meantime, I need to start walking and eating/drinking more protein so my body will be ready for surgery.  Wish me luck.

Just got back from my Gallbladder Ultrasound and dropping off the Heart Monitor I had to wear yesterday.  The technician said the results should be to my WLS in about three days.

Tomorrow is my big day.  I am so excited it is finally here.  I have to have my exercise eval in the morning.  Then I go to the WLS office and meet with a dietician and then I have my Pysch eval.  At that point, all of the initial tests ordered will be complete.  I still have to deal with the cardiologist though.  I have my Echo and Stress Test on the 28th.  Hopefully he clears me to have surgery.  I truly feel that everything will be ok.

September 17, 2007

I went this morning and had the heart monitor hooked up and found out that the Cardiologist had also orderd an EKG.  I also had blood work done for the Cardiologist.  I have to wear the monitor for 24 hours and have to document any "happenings" while wearing it.  Hopefully, there are no "happenings" to report.  After I drop it back off tomorrow, I will go have the ultrasound done on my gallbladder.  

Each appointment (test) I mark off my list, is getting me that much closer to WLS.  Sometimes I can't fall asleep for thinking about it.  I am so anxious.

September 14, 2007

Well, I had the dreaded Endoscopy this morning.  I don't know what I was so worried about.  I didn't feel or know anything.  I wasn't even groggy afterwards.  My throat is a little scratchy - but it doesn't hurt.  Even hot coffee and a bagel didn't hurt it.  So for those of you in the testing stage - don't stress over the endoscopy!  A walk in the park.

September 11, 2007

My Cardiologist appt. was scheduled for yesterday, however it was rescheduled for this morning.  Due to heart palpitations and blood pressure being a little high (145/92), the Cardiologist gave me a script that will help with HBP and palpitations.  He also scheduled me for a Stress Test (I'm dreading this one folks), Echocardiogram, and I have to wear a monitor for 24 hours.  The Stress Test and Echo are scheduled for September 28 - so much for scheduling everything in two weeks!  I am waiting for the hospital to call me about the monitor.  I also have to have more blood work done.  I'll probably have that done this week.

Once all these tests are over, I go back to the Cardiologist for a follow-up visit on October 5.  So, hopefully, in the end, he will give me the ok to have WLS.  Keep me in your prayers.

September 9, 2007

I went to my WLS Consultation on Sept. 6.  I was so excited.  While in the surgeons' office I saw a total of 5 people, including the doctor.  Each one asked me questions and two helped to schedule all of my testing.

I went for my bloodwork testing on Sept. 7.

I have to see a Cardiologist because my pulse races sometimes.  Dr Thompkins said if it was doing that the day of surgery, they would cancel my surgery.  He wants to make sure nothing is wrong with my heart since Heart Disease runs in my family.  I have a sister who has had a heart attack and a triple bypass.  I go to the cardiologist on Sept. 10.

My blood pressure was high at the surgeons' office and he felt I should see my PCP because I am not currently taking anything for HBP.  So, I am scheduled to see my PCP on Sept. 13.

I am going to a support group meeting on Sept 13 also.

My endoscope (is that what it's called?) is scheduled for Sept. 14.

My Gallbladder ultrasound is scheduled for Sept. 18.

And finally, on Sept. 19, I will have an Exercise Evaluation to check my range of motion.  When I leave there, I go for a Diet Consult with the Nutritionist.  After that, I have my Psych Evaluation.  All three in one day.

If all goes well with my tests, My information will be sent to my insurance (Federal Blue Cross).  Then I wait.

I was told that if all went well with the tests and the insurance company did't drag their feet, I could possibly have my surgery within a month.  That totally blew me away.

My daughters' Senior Prom is in April, 2008 and her Graduation follows in May.  This past April, at her Junior prom, I struggled some getting up and down the bleachers.  I was afraid of falling.  It seems like my balance isn't very good anymore.  My legs are kind of shaky on those bleachers.  It would be so great to go to her Prom and Graduation without having to worry about falling.

Sure, I would like to like what I see when I look in the mirror, but more than anything else, I want to be active and healthy.