Cindy C.

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May 27, 2008

I hit 159 on May 26.  Yeah!  I haven't been this small forever.  It feels awesome.  Lookout size 8s - here I come.  I bought two pair of denim shorts (w/ stretch) in a size 8.  One is Levis and the other is Duck Head.  I can get them on, but they are definately too tight to wear.  I have such hopes of getting into them for my family reunion on June 7.  I have so much to do between now and then though.  I'm afraid I won't get much time to work out and get my cardio in.  

I usually go to the gym on Mon., Wed., and Fri.  Last Friday, I didn't get to go because I had things to do for my daughters' graduation party.  Monday was Memorial Day - no gym.  So, when I go tomorrow, I will have gone 6 days w/o hitting the gym.  Ouch.  I really gotta pick up the pace.

We are supposed to go camping this weekend, so I most likely won't get to go to the gym this Friday.  I hope to get to hike a lot though.  A whole lot.  I'm looking forward to hitting the trails.  I haven't done that in years!  I want to test my endurance on the hills and rough terrain.  I hope I don't disappoint myself.  I guess if I do, I'll just have to challenge myself a liitle more when I work out so I don't fail the next time.

This weekend was just wonderful.  I once again was teary eyed.  My daughters' graduation and party went just as planned - picture perfect.  Then, to top it all off,  I felt like I was making my "debut" to some family that hadn't seen me since three weeks after surgery.  Everyone made me feel so good.  I love this surgery!  But guess what?  Some are already saying I don't need to lose more.  They say I'll be too thin. Right!  I am 5' 1" and still weigh 159.  That is definately not where I want to stay.  I thought they'd freak when I told them I still wanted to lose another 39 pounds.  This is my body and maybe 120 will be too small.  I just know that I WILL BE THE ONE to know when I've lost enough.  I'd like to be able to wear a size 6 comfortably.  Regardless of the style and fabric.  And maybe I can't go by a size either.  I don't know what my perfect weight or size is yet.  I just look forward to getting there and pray I stay there.  This has been such an amazing journey so far.  It just keeps getting better!  

By the way, today is my 19th wedding anniversary.  My, where have the years gone?  Someone asked me this weekend if I could wear my wedding dress yet.  I told them I thought so.  I weigh about the same, maybe even a little less that when we got married.  I don't plan to try it on though.  I have it stored away and am just too busy to deal with it right now.  I guess it really isn't important to me because I felt fat when I got married. 

May 13, 2008

My 5 month surgiversary was May 5.  I'm a little late at posting.   I have been kind of tired lately.  I survived tax season, an edometrial ablation,  and my daughters' senior prom.  She was so beautiful.  I will try to post a picture soon.

It's hard to believe how I have changed in these 5 months.  I have gone from 228 to 163.  A loss of 65 lbs.  I'm now wearing 12s and 10s in stretch jeans and 12 in most non-stretch.  In workout pants, I wear a medium.  Tops are all over the place.  It depends on the style and what store it came from.  

My closet is a complete mess.  I have everything from mediums to 2x and 20s to 10s.  I plan to clean it out really soon and organize it.  Wow, it's gonna be a lot of work, but it should be fun too.  

My family reunion is June 7 and all along I have had such high hopes of weighing 155.  I still need to lose 8 lbs.  I don't believe I'm going to get there.  I desparately want to get into the 150s though.  That is only 4 lbs.  I CAN DO IT!  I just need to push the cardio a bit harder.  

I have been trying to get in an hour on the treadmill or walking outside.  I try to do this at least 5 times per week and go to the gym 3 days per week.  When I first started on the treadmill, I was walking at 1 1/2 mph.  Now, the slowest I walk is 3 mph and sometimes 3.8 mph.  Lately, I have been inclining to 10 % at 3 mph for a minimum of 15 minutes at a time.  That sure works up a sweat.  I love it though.  I can't incline that high unless I hold on.  Yesterday, I inclined a little for most of my workout and didn't hold on.  I hope to gradually increase to 10 % incline w/o holding on.  My core isn't ready just yet.

I've been a little teary eyed the last few days.  Life is soooo good.  My future is so exciting.  We bought a new camper.  It's a 29 footer w/ 2 slideouts.  We're already making plans for the summer.  Our first bluegrass festival will be Rudy Fest in Carter County, Kentucky.  We hope to go to several this year.  I am looking forward to going to new places and walking the trails.  I used to love to hike in the woods.  It'll take some getting used to it, but it will happen.  It is happening.

April 5, 2008

It was four months ago today that had my RNY.  It has been a great four months.  I have changed so much - inside and out.  I have such hope and am constantly thinking of the future.  I sometimes daydream when I'm on the treadmill, just thinking about how much fun this summer is going to be.  We're planning on going to the beach in August.  I may be able to wear a normal swim suit.  Maybe a size 10 instead of a size 20?  I'd like to think I could get by without a skirt to hide my belly.  I guess it depends on the skin issues I have.  That late in the season there probably won't be much to choose from, but at least they'll be cheap.  lol. 
I can't wait to walk on the beach.  Before, when I'd get in the dry sand on the way back to our condo,  my weight pushed my feet deep into the hot sand.  It was so hard to walk in.  I was huffing and puffing after just a few steps.  It was embarassing.

My weight loss this month was slow.  I only lost 7 lbs.  There have been times when I was afraid the honeymoon was over.  I have feared I would never reach goal.  But, I joined the gym on March 5 and that has spurred me on.  The lack of movement on the scale only made me work that much harder.  I could feel the difference in my clothes and could see it in the mirror.  Soooo, I took my measurements today (I take them once a month).  I was blown away at the results.  Here's what I have lost:

DESCRIPTION		5-Dec	5-Mar	5-Apr	TOTAL
Neck		17 3/4	16	15 5/8	2 1/8
Bust		46 7/8	42 3/8	41	5 7/8
Waist		46 1/2	39 7/8	37 7/8	8 5/8
Hips		48	43 1/4	41 3/8	6 5/8
Upper Thighs		25 1/4	23 /58	22 3/4	2 1/2
Calves		17 1/2	16 1/2	16 1/2	1
Upper Arms		15 5/8	14 1/2	13 3/8	2 1/4

So, although I only lost a lousy 7 lbs. this month, I definately lost inches.  In this month, I lost 9 5/8 inches.  I don't know if it was the gym or what, but I'm happy with the results.  

My goal for the first six months is to lose 73 lbs.  I want to weigh 155 for my family reunion on June 7. That is 9 weeks from today.  That means I need to lose a little over 2 lbs. per week for the next 9 weeks.  I'm not sure that will happen.  I'm confident that I'll be really close.  Anything in the 150s and I'll be satisfied.  At our family reunion in 1997, I weighed right around 156 and wore a size 12.  I was really happy with myself back then.  The trainer reminded me that muscle weighs more than fat and that I am definately gaining muscle.  I even have a shin bone....with muscle definition!  Where has that been hiding?

Well, that's enough.  I'm at the office and decided I needed a break.  The break is over.  I have drop-offs up to my eyeballs.  Since I don't have to work tomorrow, I plan to stay late - like probably 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.  A local accountant passed away last week and I picked up some of his clients.  If the remainder of tax season goes as I hope, I might be able to afford new boobs and eyes!  lol.

March 27, 2008

Yeah!  Before my surgery, I went shopping for some incentive clothing.  I bought a pair of slacks in a size 12, a size medium misses top and a size large juniors top.  I haven't tried on the slacks or the juniors top yet.  But this morning, I was putting on my plum colored size 14P slacks (elastic waist) and decided to see if the misses top would fit me.  It is a wrap around style with frilly sleeves and is purple, black, and cream.   After I figured out how it went on (complicated w/ built in tank and buttons on the inside on one side and ties on the outside on the other side)- IT FIT!  It matches my pants perfectly.  I was so excited and no one else was home to share in my excitement.  It feels so good and and I feel feminine.  

Before this surgery, there were times when I would get dressed and just be so disgusted with myself.  I tried to find feminine looking clothes to wear but they were just about nonexistant.  I always felt I looked very unfeminine.  Not guy like - just not feminine.  Now, I DO feel feminine.  I've yet to feel sexy though.  

I stepped up my workout at the gym.  I'm doing extra sets on everything but the legs extensions.  Those things are hard.  I'm still doing 30 minutes on the treadmill, but I do it all at 3 mph and the last 20 minutes I put it on incline.  That seems to be getting my heart rate up better.  I'm hoping to gradually increase the amount of time I have it inclined and increase the % of incline.  It feels so good to work out.  I asked about working out more days after tax sesaon is over, but was told that I really needed to do resistance training only every other day.  That is what I'm doing now - Mon., Wed., and Fri.  I was told I could do cardio every day, but I can do that at home or the office.  

I haven't measured myself since March 5, my three month surgiversay and my first day at the gym.  I probably won't do it again until the 5th of April.  I'm really anxious to see what difference there is.  Since March 5, I have only lost 5 lbs., but I'm sure I have lost inches because my clothes fit so different.

Last year on the third weekend of April, I went to a pig roast with my husband at a big farm of a friend of one of our friends.  It was fun, but I felt so out of place.  There were very few people my size.  This year, I hope to feel more at ease.  And if there is someone there that is overweight, I'll make it a point to make them feel a part of evrything.  I'm really looking forward to going this year.  Our friend doesn't live close by and hasn't seen me since I had surgery and I'm hoping for a big reaction.  I'll be disappointed if I don't get it.  There will also be other friends there too, but they did see me about 4 weeks after surgery.  I hope the weather is good.  

Cindy

March 25, 2008

I went back to the Gyn today.  He got my bloodwork from the surgeon and agreed that something needed to be done to get my iron levels back to normal.  Since my periods ar still so heavy (I had a D&C a little over a year ago), the Gyn thinks it's best to do an Endometrial Ablation.  This is where they burn away the lining of the uterus.  It should stop me from having periods.  I may occasionally spot though.  I will have surgery the morning of April 23.  That's two days from my daughters senior prom.  He assured me I would be ok for all the prom festivities.  I dread being put to sleep.  My hair is already falling out bad enough.  I always get all my protein in, but my hair is still falling out.  It is so thin, especially the ends.  I already cut about four inches off in February.  I'm thankful it's curly, or else it would look even thinner and flatter.

I will be glad to quit having periods.  They have sort of ruled my life one week per month since I was ten.  I don't stay home all week, but I try to stay close to a bathroom.  I have to use tampons and thick pads.  In the summer, the pads are so hot and cause me a lot of irritation.  It will be such a blessing to get rid of them!  It kind of excites me.

March 20, 2008

I went to the surgeon today for my three month check-up.  Actually, it's been three months since my two week check-up.  All  was well, except for my hemoglobin levels.  He said they were way too low.  I told him I was kind of dizzy on Sunday and that my BP was low that day.  I took a five hour nap.  I even missed the Bristol race.  He asked if I'd recently had a period and I told him yes.  He asked if I had heavy periods.  I told him yes.  He wants me to take two extra iron pills per day.  This will give me 120 mg per day.  Pooping is going to be painful!  He also told me to talk to my Gyn to see if he could give me something to stop my periods for a while.  If I can't get my levels up to normal, he's going to send me to a Hemotologist to see about having a iron infusions.  I think I'd rather have that instead of taking all these iron pills.

Anyway, the Gyn was on my way home, so I stopped in to see if he could do as the surgeon asked.  I got more than I bargained for.  He did a vaginal ultrasound and an endometrial biopsy.  Ouch!!   He's going to get the lab work from the surgeon and I have to go back Monday morning.  I'm seeing dollar signs here.  I am hoping to have vision correction this spring or summer.  That dream is fading fast.  My daughter had to have two different tests on her bladder in the last two weeks.  At this point, I'm down to just one eye.  lol.   All was well with her test though.  I was really worried.

So, I went to the pharmacy and bought two more bottles of Building Blocks iron supplements.  At least they taste good.  I probably should have gotten some more milk of magnesia.  I hate that stuff - but it works good for me.  Just thinking about it makes me shiver.  I've learned to chase it with a few drinks from a protein shake.

It's 10:00 and I'm still at the office.  Between my daughters' appointments, my appointments, and trying to go to the gym three times a week, I'm getting behind at work again.  I've been trying to stay till at least 10:00, sometimes midnight, at least four days per week.  I need to get completely caught up before the craze hits in April.  For now, I'm going home to get some much needed sleep.

March 7, 2008

Where do I begin?  It has been sooo long since I have posted to my blog.  Tax Season during Jan. and Feb. was really rough.  My sister that was battling cancer passed away on Jan. 28, the day after my 44th birthday.  Her passing was not what I considered to be peaceful.  She had the death rattles and although was she was not consious, it was as if she was moaning.  I've never experienced anything like it in my life.  I got to spend some time alone with her, behind closed doors.  I really needed that.  My nephew ( her son) sensed that I needed some time alone with her.  God had to have shown him.  She is now dancing with the angels in heaven!

I have always been a stress eater.  I was surely tested when Mary passed.  I had such an urge to just pig out.  Many many times, I wanted to eat to soothe myself.  Thankfully, this surgery kept me from doing that.

I have survived the worst part of tax season.  March is like a walk in the park compared to Jan. and Feb.  I had planned since before surgery, to join a gym when March finally got here.  I had my first workout on March 5, my 3rd month surgiversary.  I loved it.  A trainer designed a program for me to do.  I have been on the treadmill 5 days a week during Jan. and Feb.  I had worked my way up to walking @ 3mph.  I usually walk about 1 1/2 miles.  At the gym, they took my blood pressure, pulse ox, and resting heart rate.  All were good.  Prior to surgery, I had been on BP meds because my BP was running around 159 / 90ish.  At the gym, it was 117 / 74.  I haven't taken BP meds since the day before surgery.

So far, I have yet to get sick.  I have felt uncomfortable - but never sick.  I even eat meat and it doesn't bother me.  I eat a lot of chicken.  I discovered that I can get a salad at Subway with chicken in it and add their  buffalo sauce to it.  It is like eating their buffalo chicken sandwich without the bread.  Yum yum.  I drink protein three times a day.  I always get my protein in.  Still not so good getting in the 64 oz. of fluids though.  Even with all the protein (70 - 110 gr), my hair has started to fall out.  But what I have seems healthier though.  Hopefully, It won't get too bad.  I do worry because I have very thin hair to begin with.  I use Nioxin shampoo, conditioner, and follicle booster.  Expensive stuff - but I feel it's necessary.

Right now, I feel fantastic.  I can't wait to get  a nice day and be off work so I can take a brisk walk in the sunshine.  I have looked forward to that for so long.  This has been an amazing journey for me.  I am down by 47 lbs.  That leaves me 61 to go.  I can''t wait to get to the halfway point.  I was busting out of size 22 jeans (non stretch).  Now I can wear 18 with lots of room to breath.  I'm down to size 16 in dress slacks.  I can wear some 14s in slacks if they have an elastic waist.  They pucker a little around the pockets though.  Those require a longer shirt.  As for shirts, depending on the style, I was wearing 18/20  and XXL.  I can comfortably wear a large now.  I measured myself again last night.  I have been doing that at least once a month and keeping a journal.  I don't remember all the numbers right now, but I do remember that I have lost 6 7/8 inches off my waist.  I am finally in the 30s!!  Have I mentioned I love this surgery?

Each morning, although tired form working several straight weeks of 80 + hours, I am excited to start a new day.  I feel life holds so much in store for me.  My family too.    

I have been discouraged sometimes along the way.  I went 13 days without losing a pound.  It was really frustrating.  Thankfully, the measuring tape made me feel better.  So did trying on smaller clothes.  I have bought several things from Goodwill.  I refuse to spend a fortune on clothes that I will only wear for a few weeks at a time.  Right now I have on a pair of sage green slacks and a camel sweater. Both originally came from CJ Banks.  I love their clothes.  I paid $2.50 for each piece at Goodwill.  I was actually excited.  They look and feel brand new.  

I have several people that have tried to lay claim to my old clothes.  I actually have a few family members that I plan to give most of my stuff to, if they want it.  I have went thru my closet twice and moved clothes from the top shelf to hangers and vice versa.  I won't miss those old clothes at all.  I have been saving all my tips, and I got money and gift cards from one of my favorite stores for my birthday.  I have it put back for new clothes.  My daughter and I are planning on going to the Jeffersonville outlets near Columbus, Ohio.  We usually go every year in the spring.  This year we're going right after tax season.  Her senior prom is the 25th and she needs an after prom outfit.  I usually come home with books from Borders or candles from Yankee.  Never any clothes.  This year, I hope to come home with some new clothes for myself.  Move over Amanda, mom gets to shop for clothes too!

I have a niece that is a severe diabetic and very overweight.  Her mom didn't really want me to have this surgery.  Now, my niece is thinking about it and her mom is supporting her.  I wish her the best.

It is snowing here like crazy.  I am at work.  Saturday is walk-ins and few people have tested the roads today.  But, someone is ringing the bell now.  Gotta go.

 

January 16, 2008

Tax Season has officially arrived.  So far, the latest I've been in the office is about 11:00 pm - just once.  Most evenings I'm home by 10:00.  I'm still at the office now - my car is warming up.

I have done really good getting in my protein.  I just can't seem to get in enough fluids.  I average about 40 some oz a day.  Not much - I know.  My employees keep after me constantly.  If I leave my water somewhere, they bring it to me and tell me to "drink".  They have been very supportive.

My treadmill is here at work and I've been walking a mile every day.  I usually walk at 2.5 mph, but today I managed to walk for a 1/4 mile @ 2.8 mph and the rest @ 2.5.  My breathing was really good, but my legs were tired.  The office isn't crazy yet.  I hope I get to keep this up.  It really makes me feel better - more alert.  

I have lost 31 #s.  Still seems small to me.  Seven of those were before surgery.  I do see some difference.  Just not as much as I had hoped.  Need to go - I forgot to crack the garage door.

January 5, 2008

One of my sisters, Mary, is terminally ill.  I though she was going to die on Thursday.   I went to see her thinking that I was going to say good-bye.  All six of us sisters were there with her.  She was pretty much incoherent and looked and sounded like death.  She come to herself for a short while.  She said her mind was racing.  She said she saw the shadow of Jesus' face and talked to our family that is in heaven.  They told her it wasn't her time.  She needed to go back because her family wasn't ready to give her up yet.  She said she was disappointed - she wanted to stay with them.  But she did come back to us.  One of my sisters prayed that God would raise her up and allow her to be able to talk to her family, especially her children.  To let her light shine for them.  She is doing just that!  I know it's just a matter of time, and I have truly found peace in that.  I sure didn't have it on Thursday.  I'm ready to turn her over to God, mom and dad, and our oldest sister Emma.  I don't want to see her suffer any longer.  She was so happy when she spoke of heaven.  It's soon to be her new home.  I thank all of my OH family for your prayers.

Well, where do I begin?  I am one month post-op today.  I feel excited about my future.  I try not to think about Mary not being a part of it.  This last month has been so different than I had imagined it would be.  I feel amazing now compared to how I felt the first week or so.  My hunger is gone.  I now eat by the clock.  I never thought that would happen.  I haven't been having much problem with head hunger.  On New Years Eve, I would have liked to have just a bite of the pasta salad I made.  I was afraid to try it though.  I know that someday, I will be able to eat things like that in moderation.  I plan to try making it then with whole wheat pasta.  

I want so much to be healthy.  So many people have asked what I'd like to get down to.  I tell them my ideal weight is 120, but that more than anything, I want to be able to enjoy the woods and outdoors again.  I want to walk up and down hills, and be able to play in the sun with my grandbabies (when I finally have them).  Liking what I see when I look in the mirror is just a perk.  I don't know really of any number on the scale that is going to do all that for me.  I just have to wait and see.  

I have got into a pair of jeans that I hadn't wore for a very long time.  Now, I can take them off without unzipping them.  When I was at this weight before, I didn't feel this small.  I have read that sugar swells your stomach.  Mine feels so much smaller and softer.  No bloated feeling.  Three weeks after surgery, I measured myself again.  I had already lost 
3 3/4 inches off my waist.  I had planned to measure myself this morning but didn't get time to because of going to the hospital.  My electric was off too and the house was pretty cold.  I will do it tonight and try to post them and some pictures in the next day or two.  I am really anxious to see how many inches I have lost.

As of today, I have lost 27 lbs.  Of that, 7 was before surgery.  That means I've only lost 20 lbs. in the first month following surgery.  I am really disappointed.  I don't know what I'd expected, but that seems low.  I'm trying to remember that it's not all about numbers.  I did realize that I am no longer morbidly obese, I am just plain obese.  It does sound better though.  

I have gotten a couple of comments about my skin.  Two people have said that my face looks so much smoother, that it looks healthier.   It must be the lack of junk food and all the fat.  I used to take in a lot of fat and sugar.  No wonder I feel better already.

Tax Season is here.  I must admit, I am worried about all the hours that lay ahead of me.  I am hoping that because I am eating healthier, that I will feel better.  I always get so run down.  Usually by about the middle of February, I am so wore out that I go to bed about Midnight on Saturday and sleep till about 4:00 or 5:00 on Sunday afternoon.  I do that a few times.  I can't complain though.  Even though I may work 80 + hours a week right now, I only have to work about 12 hours per week from May - December.  I plan to spend my time off this year enjoying the great outdoors.  My husband used to race dirt track and gave it up a few years back because we were buliding a house.  He is getting ready to put another car together and hopes to race again this summer.  He won't have the help that he used to have because our son is grown and works evening shift.  So, I'm going to learn to work on the race car.  Really, I am!  It's going to be a whole new experience.  For him too.  LOL.  I'm dumb when it comes to mechanical stuff.  He may fire me and put me back to just dealing with the tax consequences.  Who knows - I may find a new calling.  I really am looking forward to it.  I think it's going to be a good experience for both of us and make us even closer.  I'll write about how that goes a little later on.

December 19, 2007

This is only my second post since surgery.  I haven't even posted to the forum or replied to any posts.  I've been in a weird mood.  I was sooo hungry when I first came home from the hospital.  It was totally unexpected.  I just wasn't prepared mentally for that kind of hunger.  My sinuses were draining into my pouch and that didn't help matters any.  I stayed so nauseated.  Usually, I try to keep something in my stomach when my sinuses are draining.  It helps to kind of absorb all that yucky stuff.  Eating didn't bother me, but drinking fluids was awful.  It felt like the fluids were just making all that drainage worse.  My stomach gurgled really bad.

I am feeling better now.  My sinuses are better, but there's still room for improvement.  I haven't been getting any where near the amount of protein I'm supposed to get.  The closest I've came is about 56 grams.   I am doing better with fluids though.  This is all harder than I ever thought it was going to be.  I admit it.  The weight isn't coming off as fast as I thought it would either.  I lost 10 #s the first week.  That was great.  Then, for 5 days, I didn't lose anything.  I even flipped off the scale one day.  I was just so frustrated.  Finally, I lost another #.  That is just 11 #s in 2 weeks.  That is not acceptable to me.  I suffered an awful lot to lose just 11 #s.  I have this terrible fear that the surgeon did something "different" because I am a light-weight.  I am so afraid that I'm not going to lose much weight.  There is a part of my head that tells me that is silly.  But the other part is a real fear.  I don't know how to make it go away.  I think sometimes I just need support.  I think about posting to the forum and then change my mind.  I feel so judgemental right now.  I don't know where all this is coming from.  I am normally a positive person.  I can't wait to feel like "me" again.  Normal.  Excited about the future.  All this is so hard to put into words.  I feel like what I'm typing isn't even my words.  I kinda feel numb and just removed from the situation.  I've cried a few times, but I don't really know what I'm crying about.  My husband and daughter ask me every day how I am feeling.  Assuming they mean physically, I tell them I am feeling fine.  I've never had any pain.  I tell them the nauseated feeling is pretty much gone.  But emotionally, I am just not me.  It just plain sucks. 

I went to the doctor yesterday for my two week follow-up.  He was pleased with my weight loss.  I had bloodwork done since I was given blood in the hospital.  He wants me to take extra iron untill I see him in three months.  He released me to drive and go back to the office.  That is where I am at now.  I've not accomplished anything, but I'm here.  Good thing I'm the boss.  I'll pay for it later.