Erynn Z.

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I don't know why, but ever since surgery, chocolate just tastes weird and is unsatisfying. It's very strange. I was a HUGE choco-holic beforehand. 

I first noticed the change with chocolate pudding. It tasted like corn syrup, or like fakey chocolate flavoring. At first I just thought it was the pudding. However, (during my cheating week,) I had an ice cream sandwich with chocolate ice cream. It still tasted gross; with the same syrupy, chalky flavor!

I guess it's a blessing.

I'm still holding steady at 250.5, so my total loss for the week was 5 lbs. *sigh* I was hoping to be in the 240s by now. Oh well, there's always next week. My total loss since the morning of surgery is 18 lbs. It's not too shabby, but it's also not as fast as I was hoping to lose.

One of my biggest pet peeves is that my 4 week post op diet (one week left!) is WAY high carb, with minimal protein. I know I should be supplementing my protein intake, but I hate the supplements! I want to do it naturally, which is hard right now. I'm looking forward to next week when I can eat solid food, and thus begin to substantially increase my protein. Maybe then I can regulate the carbs with Fitday's help.

Oh my gosh, I am SO tired! I feel like I could sleep for days! I wish I could go home from work and take a nap before support group.

Everything was going pretty good until lunch time. I started getting hungry around 9:30am, but didn't have anything to eat here. When lunch finally hit, I went home and ate a whole bunch. (Whole bunch = about a cup of food) Not only am I stuffed, I'm exhausted now. I'm worried I'll fall asleep at my desk!

It would be nice if I could go straight home after work and fall asleep; but after work I have a support group meeting to go to. This is going to be a very long day!

I stepped on the scale before my shower today and saw 250.5!!!!!! Yay!!!!

Today was my 2-week follow up appointment with Dr. Hares, where he removed all of the staples in my belly. I feel so much better! There were over a hundred staples, and I was nervous that it was really gonna hurt. (My incision is over a foot long, and he spaced them 1/8 inch apart to promote minimal scarring.) However, there was no pain, just a pinching feeling on some of them, and a whack over the head from Jackie (Dr. Hares' nurse) for eating solid food last week. Jackie really is like family! Bless her for giving well-deserved whacks over the head. (I'm back on pureed foods now, so I won't be getting another one!)

I also got my work release to return to work on Monday. That will be interesting. I hope it's not too tiring to be back there. (It shouldn't be; I just sit and stare at  a computer all day.) Monday will be a very long day, though, because I also have a support group meeting up in Pontiac afterwards. Oh well, I can handle it.

Today I started logging my food intake at fitday.com. I learned that I'm eating too many carbs and not enough protein. (The latter is no surprise.) The biggest culprit is mashed potatoes, which makes this pureed food diet extra hard. One cannot subsist on yogurt alone.

*sigh* I just feel like I'm failing. I can already eat a cup of mashed potatoes at a time (It stuffs me, but still...) I don't think I'll be able to stick strictly to pureed foods for the next two weeks. I've also been too tired to exercise, even though I was really good at exercising before. My total 2-week loss is 13.5 lbs. I'm so afraid that I'll end up having had the surgery for nothing.

I hope this is just post-surgical depression talking.

Did I even have surgery? Aside from the staples being itchy, it doesn't feel that way. I'm pretty much back to normal.

I went to Lansing after my appointment on Thursday, and came back yesterday. While I was there, I started eating solid food. It was SO good! But Mom and Jackie freaked out, so I have to go back to pureed foods for the next 2 weeks. Ugh. I hate not chewing!

Total loss for this week was 3.5 lbs, bringing my weight down to 255.5.

I saw Dr. Hares this afternoon. The 259 weight is official, (with clothes now,) and he removed my drain.

Even though I had made sure to take vicodin beforehand, that sucker HURT coming out! I've got no better way to describe it other than the 9-inch part that was inside me looked like a nasty, blood-clotted nightcrawler when it was removed. Luckily Dr. Hares did it in one swift pull, so it could've been a lot worse. I do feel tons better now.

Other than that, the appointment went well. Everybody said I don't even look like I had surgery, even Dr. Hares! I talked with Jackie about my food withdrawal issues. She says it's normal, and that I should find a hobby to do instead of eating. I'm thinking that it'll probably be needlepoint or jigsaw puzzles. (Gee, I'm boring!) :-)

I have to go back next week to have my staples removed. 

Also, I'm writing this from Lansing, because I needed a change of scenery. I decided to go home with Mom for the weekend.

I'm really, really struggling with head hunger. Last night I called my ex-fiance (we're still friends) just to talk about all of the good times we had eating gluttonous amounts of food together.

Honestly, I know this is just withdrawal, but I feel kind of cheated that I can only eat 1/2 cup of something that I love and be full.  I feel like I'm being deprived of the pleasure of finishing the food. I never thought I would feel this way!

The other aspect that is now coming to my attention is that I haven't made the connection in my brain between excess food and weight/fat. Food feels like a close and wonderful friend to me; fat and weight are enemies. Food makes me feel better when fat and weight are out to get me.

I realize that I'm having serious food addiction issues that I didn't know that I had before. Thank God I've already got a support group to go to; otherwise I'd definitely start looking for one.

I was craving guacamole so much that I finally went out and got some, along with some refried beans and cheese. I'm so bad, because in addition to that, I drove to go and get it! (I hadn't had a pain med today, so I figured I'd be fine, and I was.)

So anyway, I got it home, prepared my early-post-op-friendly mexican food, ate about 1/4 cup, and was absolutely stuffed! Maybe I didn't dilute the beans enough; I don't know. It was VERY filling. Mmm, guacamole craving satisfied.