Lori D.
Friday, March 16
May 12, 2007
Took Bill out for dinner to celebrate his birthday before Joan leaves for school tomorrow. Saw Gary Daily. As he was passing by our table I teased him saying that he was just walking by without saying hello to me. There was a surprised stare for a moment, one without recognition. Lori Dickerson! “Oh Lori, I didn't recognize you!” Translation: oh Lori, you have gotten so fat I didn't recognize you. Normally I would have been struggling to deal with the depression that tends to follow statements such as that. But instead my first thought was that I am in the process of doing something about it so I won't let that bother me.
Monday, March 12
May 12, 2007
Got ready for work 30 minutes early this morning. Bill was reading the paper in the den and as I walked through on my way out I sat on the couch and announced with conviction that I am going to have the surgery. “Did I just say that?” Yes, I did and Bill passed it off and changed the subject. I told him again that I was serious and explained about the intervention that the kids did with me at Christmas, similar to one done with drug addicts. They sat me down and told me about how concerned they were and wanted me to loose the weight. I told them I had been trying all of my life and that the only option I saw was surgery. They wanted me to look into it even when I explained that folks die from it, 1 in 200 to be exact. That really got to me. It hurt me to think I was stressing my children so much. That was hard. His remark, “Did they really?” Silence for a moment and then, “Well, whatever you feel you have to do.” “Did he just say that?” Yes, he did! “Well, insurance will not pay for it and it costs $14,000.” Silence. “Thats a lot of money. But again, whatever you feel you have to do.” “You told me at one time you wouldn't support me if I had the surgery. Do you still feel that way because there is no way I can go through that without your support.” “Honey, I will support you. You do whatever you feel you have to do.” WOW! I took that as a sign from God that it is meant to be!
Sunday, March 11
May 12, 2007
Saw a lady in Smokey's office while waiting to have my teeth cleaned last week. She was massive! My heart hurt for her. And then I realized that I am headed in the very same direction and she could be me in three years. Reality struck. I had to go on steroids for the asthma again last week and feel like a hippo. It is time to do something drastic. Got the packet that I sent for in December back out and looked it over. Prayed prayed and prayed some more. Thought about it all day. The cost. The fact that Bill wouldn't support me. The liquid diet for such a long period of time.
