scoobydea

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Well I'm back after a long absence.  It has been a whirlwind in my life.  I have suffered the loss of my dear grandmother, moved all the way across the country, and welcomed my newest niece into the family.  I've been busy.  I have had some regain.  I didn't do well with the loss of my grandmother.  I wish now that I would have done better diet wise.  I'm trying to find a way to work out better in my new environment.

I am getting close to my first anniversary.  I know I have lost a TON of weight, but I can't help but feel that I wanted to have lost more by now.  I guess maybe I am too hard on myself.  It will be interesting to see how much more I can take off before the day.

So I went to my appointment and it turns out I am not crazy, it's not unusual for a bari patient to have trouble with these pills.  I now have a new doc and a scrip for liquid meds.  Thank GOD!

Finally, I have an appointment tomorrow with a new Psychiatrist.  Hopefully this one won't tell me it's all in my head.  I don't know what else I can do if that happens.  I have been so low that my husband actually wanted to take me to the hospital a couple of times this week.  I was really resistant.  I live in a small town and if that got out, I hate to think abou what life would be like here.

I'm thinking I'm just not going to get there.  No matter what I do, I can't get the scale to move.  I am super depressed about it.  This scale just WILL NOT move.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  I have weighed every meal.  I have gone back to two protein shakes a day.  I'm taking all my vitamins and working out.  Apparently I am doomed to still be fat no matter what.

I saw the psychologist in the surgeons office today.  He told me that no, this is not in my head.  It is perfectly reasonable that the pill might be irritating my pouch.  I am going to a different psychiatrist that has some idea what to do with a bariatric patient next Wednesday.  Wish me luck.  If one more person asks me if I took the pill with enough water I swear . . . .

It's not like I'm on a complicated regiment.  I have one antidepressant and then just vitamins.  Well, I can't digest my antidepressant since surgery, so what does the shrink tell me?  It's all in my head, I need the therapist to address it and keep taking the pill.  Now I am having problems from too little meds and no help.  Trying a different doctor on monday through the bariatric clinic, hopefully they can find me something I can digest.

I am having a very down day today.  The stress is killing me.  Also, I am stuggling with feeling that I have not done well enough after surgery.  I am really afraid that I am screwing up my diet all the time.  I have been stuck pound wise for a while now.  I am just so sad and a little frustrated.  No conclusions for this post.  Just trying to find my way.

As my previous posts have stated, I have had a lot of stress lately.  I didn't realize until this happened, exactly how many times I ate out of stress.  I found myself feeling overwhelmed the other day, and all I wanted in life was a pan of brownies and a fork!  They don't tell you when they do the surgery that the hard part isn't losing the weight, it's changing your thinking.  I have had to work on my coping skills, I can't fall back on my old habits.  I have started going to support group once a week, that has been invaluable to me.

My stall finally broke, I weighed today and had lost seven pounds.  I have had to remove myself from the whole mother in law situation.  I hate to do that, but for my health and mental well being I just can't deal with her family anymore.  My poor husband is watching his mother today, so I am home trying to right the mess that is my house.  It's amazing how much laundry and chores can back up in a weeks time.  I am doing just protein shakes today because it's impossible to eat well when you're stuck at the hospital (who would think that!?!).  I'm off to the gym in just a few minutes.  I feel really bad that I am so relieved I didn't have to go with my husband today.

Thanks babycat35 for the great relaxation advice.  I have already used it today and it really helps.