rockysmom

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Well, it will probably be 125 tomorrow, but today it WAS 123.8.  My new strategy is to record the low weight -- it if bobs up tomorrow - ignore it, and don't put any weights in until it drops again!  Yesterday I went shopping for a dressy dress and got very frustrated.  I'm going to a dance party on Friday; I will be doing ballroom dance, which means I HAVE to lift up my arms.  They are pretty bad.  I could not find a single dressy dress that had sleeves.  Every dress I tried on looked really nice on me, until I lift my arms.  I look like a FREAK!  I think it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so short and small framed.  I see this tiny little person in the mirror, but when I lift my arms they are humonguous (spelling?).  I was finally able to find a black dress that I can wear with a sweater type thingy to cover my arms.  If it was just an evening out, it wouldn't be so bad.  They don't look bad when they are down, but how could I dance?  I had thought that I was not going to get the arms done, because I didn't want the scar, but after seeing what I saw yesterday -- a scar would be MUCH better.  I could probably even cover a scar with makeup, but there's no covering 5 inches of hanging flab off my tiny little arms!

I'm going through some kind of adjustment period, I think.  It's starting to hit me now -- this is me, I'm small.  What's really strange is having some ambivalent emotions.  Saturday night, I was out watching BF play at a club (he plays Blues).  There were several attractive but also very overweight women there that were very curvy.  They were dancing and having a great time.  I used to look like them; and somehow, I felt sort of sad to be so small.  I still have curves, but my butt has flattened out quite a bit, and I just feel a bit like a little girl.  You would think I would be looking around and thinking how hot I am; instead, I'm feeling inferior!  I sure don't want to get fat again, but I'm sort of in mourning for the body I used to have.  I never really hated myself, or my body -- just wanted to be healthy and look better.  And I am -- so why do I miss the maxi-me?

Oh Well, It's actually not bothering me so much anymore.  After all, if I stay this weight for the rest of my life, I will be in eternal bliss!  I have been weighing every day, but my "official" weigh day is supposed to be on Tuesday.  I don't update my weight unless it's on Tuesday.  Every morning this week, my weight has been going down -  125.6, 125.4, 125.0 etc. - but today -- 126!! -- which is the same as it was last Tuesday!  I bought some Isopure last week, and was convinced that the increased protein intake was helping me to drop steady instead of bouncing - but - so much for that theory!  I know that I was just barely making my minimum protein intake of 60 grams, but with the 40 grams in the Isopure, I can hit 70 to 80 pretty easily.  It's kind of expensive, though.  I am going to try to buy it more regularly -- I want to be sure I'm doing everything right and staying healthy.  So, no stressing over the scale.  I do have to get back to the gym - but I REALLY just don't feel like it.  My BF and I are planning to go back to our dancing lessons next week -- so that will be some good excercise.  If the d*** snow would ease up, I could start walking poor Rocky again, too.  I hate toddling around on the icy snow, or having to walk him in the street at night!  So, I haven't been very good about excercise for the past month.  I'm not worried, though -- I know my daughter will drag me back to the gym again somehow!

     It was so good to be able to dress up and look GREAT!  I had a wonderful Christmas.  Went to my sister's house on Christmas Eve.  She makes the best food!  It was so nice to be able to sample and eat guilt free.  In past years, I would try so hard not to overeat my favorite foods --  potato salad, Vavoa's Portuguese Hawaian Beans, Cheese & crackers, dip chips, ham, scallops wrapped in bacon, cookies, cheesecake, etc... --  and end up failing miserably and hating myself, just vowing that "I'll get it out of my system and start fresh on New Years"  It was so great this year, because I actually ate a little bit of most of what was there, and was full and satisfied with it!  If anyone is interested (besides me - I'm thrilled) - I had a small spoonful of beans, a small spoonful of potato salad. 4 pieces of cheese, 1 scallop wrapped in bacon, 2 crackers with spinach dip, two cookies and 1 glass of wine.  I ate this over a period of 4 hours.  I know we're not supposed to get into the habit of grazing, and I usually don't, - but for this night, that's what I knew would work best for me.
      Everyone seemed to be happy with the gifts I got for them, and I got a beautiful gold bracelet from my boyfriend that I LOVE, LOVE LOVE!!  It's perfect, - exactly what I wanted, dainty and casual enough to wear everyday.  We had surf & turf for Christmas dinner --  I will definately do that again; It was so fast & easy!  We had boiled lobster and beef tenderloins with baked potatos (the type that are wrapped and you do in the microwave), steamed asparagus and spinach salad.  Everything came out terrific, and it took less than 1/2 hour to prepare and cook everything!  I was able to eat a healthy high protein dinner!
     To top off this wonderful holiday, I got on the scale this morning and was 126.0!!!  Now, of course, I KNOW by now, that I might be 128 again tomorrow -- this weight bobbling thing seems to be the new normal for me!  But, now I will be be bobbling between 126 and 128, instead of 128 - 130!  So, I'm VERY HAPPY.  The only downside to this holiday -- I really overspent.  I'll be paying for my extravagance for the next 6 months at least.

I haven't put my weight in for a few weeks because it's been driving me crazy!  It's been bobbing around for no apparent reason; one day it's 130, the next 128 (woohoo) then 130 again, 132 , back to 130 - blah, blah etc.  This morning it's 128, and I'm putting it in and NOT going to weigh again until next week.  
I'm doing well with the exercise.  Yesterday I went to the gym and did two new classes (one after the other!).  A  step class at 9:00 and Strike-It at 10:00.  The step class was tough; I haven't done one in about 5 years, so I kept getting confused.  And it was strenuous, and hard to keep up with.  It's a different type of workout than what we get with the boot camp classes.  Next was the Strike-It class.  It's punching and kicking.  That's a good one for beginners - I really liked it a lot.  The pace is not too crazy, so I could mostly keep up - and I love punching!  (Maybe I have some inner aggression!)  As the last class was ending, my daughter showed up, so I hung around and did some weight lifting with her.  I wish I was doing as well with food.  I can eat more now, and sweets don't bother me, so I've eaten a few things that I shouldn't.  Yesterday I ate a whole slice (small) of cheesecake.  I suppose I should keep it in perspective -- last year I would never have eaten just one slice of cheesecake.  On a good day, I would have had two slices, on a bad day, I'd have eaten the whole cheesecake over the course of the day!  But it makes me really nervous that I ate it.  I do get hungry now, so I have to be extremely cautious to eat the right food.  I am determined to get to my goal weight - 110 -- and then maintain it forever with exercise and proper nutrition!

Yeah!!  I am officially normal!! (At least by my scale at home). 

I think it's time to take some more pictures!!

     I dropped THREE pounds!  WooHoo!!  I am now only 1 (.8) pounds away from having a normal B.M.I.  That will be a great milestone for me. 
     My trip to Canada was awesome -- we had a fantastic time.  After a few days, I got real brave about using my French, and did pretty well with it.  It was so much fun. 
    This morning I went back to my "boot camp" class -- 5:00AM!!  I sort of enjoyed it though, it felt good to be exercising.  I get stronger all the time.  My daughter is doing it with me for four weeks, so that makes it even more fun.  I am glad to be home and getting back into my routine.          Yesterday I started dog training classes with Rocky -- he did really well.  I think we're going to make a lot of progress in these classes.

Stepped on the scale this morning, and finally - down a pound.  It seems like I'm only losing about 2 1\2 to 3 pounds a month.  It's so hard to be patient!  I'm doing really well with exercising  - I feel so much stronger!  Tomorrow I go on vacation (again) - I'll be in Montreal for a week.  That will keep me away from scales and from obsessing over weight loss!  (I hope!)

  I'm getting frustrated with the slow weight loss.  I barely lost 2 pounds in the last month.  I am exercising a LOT - doing the boot camp class 3 times a week, and eating right.  I hope this slow down doesn't mean I'm done losing.  I want to get down to AT LEAST 130 -  actually, I won't be happy unless I get into the 120s.  I know I should be happy and be patient, but I'm not!  I've gone too far to settle.  If I have to, I'll starve myself!  But for now, I'll just keep trying - eat right - exercise - and try to stay off the scale so I don't get too worked up!

I got back from Florida on Sunday.  It was a busy week with getting mom & dad settled, but fun.  Boy, was it GREAT to wear a bathing suit.  I'm going to put the picture up because it is probably the first time in my LIFE that I looked good in a bathing suit picture.  My weight loss has been steady 1/2 a pound a week.  I guess that's OK  --  I wish it was ? were ? more, but I certainly shouldn't complain.  Tomorrow morning - 5:00am, I'm back to my boot camp class.  I'm dreading that a bit, after being away from it for a week.  It seems real cold to me here after spending a week in 80 degree temps - so I'm also dreading running outside. I am SO glad I had the WLS, and I feel so happy, healthy, energetic and strong!!!

PS... I am 5.4 pounds away from being in the normal bmi range -- I need to get to 132!!