Nikko
February 1, 2008
Feb 01, 2008
I haven't written in so long. Life has been busy - many unexpected surprises. I had my surgery September 06...16 months have passed. I have lost 127 pounds. The journey has not been what I expected. I had imagined that I would be on OH recording my journey each day - writing an autobiography of my life as WLS patient. But I became pregnant 12 weeks after surgery. I suddenly felt like I didn't belong on OH. I went to the post-op pregnancy forum, but never really got involved there. I kinda withdrew from OH and life. I was very sick for the first 4 months and then I had went into pre-term labor at 22 weeks and I was on bedrest for the remaining 4 months. Finally, on August 24, 07 -two weeks before my one year surgery anniversary- I gave birth to a healthy baby boy! I love him so much that it is nauseating!! I have two other children 11 and 5 and it is joyful to watch then all together.
I remember when I started my journey. WLS is all I thought about for months. I was on OH everyday. I read books, watched surgeries on-line, talked to anyone who would listen. But somewhere along the way, maybe in the chaos of my life that first year, somehow the weight, the surgery, OH topics moved to the back of my mind. I wonder, is it just the natural progression of things? People ask their questions, share their fears, tell their wow moments, and then move on and live their new lives. I don't recognize names and faces on OH. I hardly recognize my own face on OH!! Is that really me? I hate to remember, but I don't want to forget.
I'm back.....
Jan 17, 2007
Well it has been a long time since I have written. We have been in the process of moving and this is the first time I have been on-line in 6 weeks.
It has been 4 months since my surgery and I have LOST 80 POUNDS!!! I am able to eat a bit more variety, but I still can only eat small amounts. It is definitely a chore, just as I have heard so many people say.
Since my surgery 4 months ago. I have had a lot of changes in my life. My husband retired from the Air Force and got a new job, we moved from KS to GA, we bought our first home, my son started a new school, and my daughter started school for the very first time. That is alot of change to take. I have been trying to adapt. It has been hard to leave friends and familiarity and food all at once.
And, as if all that isn't stressful enough....I just found out that I AM PREGNANT. It is so shocking and scary ... I just cannot even describe what I feel. Lost in a whirlwind, I guess.
I see "wonderland"
Nov 26, 2006
Two and a half months have past since my surgery. I have lost 60 pounds! One more and I will be in 'one'derland. Haven't seen that place for a while! I am feeling well, and the journey, so far, has been surprisingly easier than I had anticipated!
To my friends who may be wondering...my family is in the middle of a big transition. We are retiring from the Air Force and moving from Wichita, KS to Atlanta, GA. I may be out of touch for a while, but I will be back!
Response to a friends question about my journey
Nov 18, 2006
Okay where to start...I have always stuggled with my weight or perhaps the perception of my weight. As a child I was plagued with a terrible pain that originated in my belly button and ran down "south". In first grade, the Dr. said it was because I was overweight! In first grade! My first diet. The pain continued, but I stopped telling my mom, because of the "you need to cut down" discussion that followed. I felt like I had no right to complain, because it was essentially my fault. "If I could just lose weight then I wouldn't hurt" right? Wrong!! Nonetheless, it is what I believed to be true. My journey of guilt and helplessness and hiding started early. At age26, during pregnancy with my first child, I found out that I have a ligament connected to the back of my belly botton that is too short - that is what had caused my pain all those years. By then, the damage had been done. I had been on diet after diet and failed over and over. My relationship with food was distorted, and I thought of myself as fat and undesirable and it was no one's fault but my own = guilt = overeating = you know the cycle.
You probably didn't want me to go THAT far back, but in the year and a half before I ever considered surgery. I started seeing a counselor to try and understand why I was self destructing with food. I had, at that point, lost and regained 50 pounds for the 5TH time in my adult life. I just could not bear the thought of even trying again. I felt such shame for not being able to get it under control. I was embarassed - I was young and I had old, fat people diseases...high BP, triglcerides, chols.,arthiritis in my spine and kness and terrible pain in my hips. Of course, I was angry that I had no right to be angry because "If I could just lose weight I would be well" = the same thoughts I had as a young child with pain. I say all that because I don't think that I would have ever gone through surgery had I not identified those things and many others that are all tied together. Sounds like psycho babble, but God knew that I had to have answers and His timing is perfect.
The timing.....my counselor stopped taking my ins. in April '06. We ended our relationship, but I felt like I had learned much and I had changed so much in my life. Seriously, it was the most healthy thing I have ever done. My thoughts , attitudes and expectations changed so much during that time. In May, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and had to start using a cpap machine. It was a low point for me. The shame and embarassment were back. That is when the first discussion about WLS came up with my Dr. I was terrified to even ask. I expected the "Eat less, exercise more" discussion and I wanted to cry when I thought about having to hear that again. I knew that I was responsible for being over weight, but I also knew that there was an aspect of it all that I could NOT control.
In June, I went to my first informational meeting. I started researching and reading. Learning about obesity as a disease. Suddenly I started feeling hopeful. I realized that I could be helped in a place where I could not help myself. I kinda felt like I was giving up, and it was a great feeling. At some point, I accepted that I have to do what I have to do. I did feel scared at times. Scared that I might die, but mostly scared that I would live and be very sick - knowing that I had chosen it. I am gald that the process went quickly for me. I may have changed my mind as I tend (as you can tell) to over think things.
Anyway, to make a long story LONG. I did it. I started at 5'7" 260 pounds. Today, 10 weeks later, I have lost 55 pounds, and I am off my meds for BP, Chols., arthitis pain. My CPAP will be the next to go! I have no regrets at this point. I still have a lot to learn about what I can and cannot eat. I have some minor bathroom issues. I have only thrown up 1 time. Overall I feel good. I do think of the future and I wonder if I will be a long term success aka I still fear failure. But I will do it a day at a time.
Hopefully I didn't get too personal and bore you to death with the emotional side of my journey. The truth is it is a very emotional issue. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in the technicalities (vitamins, scars, protein, food, RNY,etc.), but it comes down to your heart when it is time to decide. Everything else will come in time. Shelley
2 MONTHS POST-OP
Nov 07, 2006
I had RNY on September 8, 2006. Today, two months later, I have lost 50 pounds!!
