Nikko
JULY 29, 2006 posted by SHELLEY FROM KANSAS I am 5'7", 260 pounds, BMI is 39.9, co-morbidities include high blood pressure, triglycerides, and cholestoral, sleep apnea, arthiritis in my spine and kness, tendonitis in my hip, and depression.
I am scheduled to have lap RNY on September 8th, 2006 in Topeka, Kansas......
I have never felt such HOPE and FEAR all at once. I have been moving pretty smoothly and quickly through the process. (the first time I mentioned my desire for WLS to my pcp was May 2006) I can't imagine having to wait for 2 years like I have read about some doing on OH. I've got WLS on the brain 24/7 and it is exhausting! I have researched so much (read medical journals, interviewed people, search online high and low etc.). I rarely give emotions room to interfere, that is, until I got on OH!! Since I found this place I have cried, smiled, laughed out loud, been hopeful, felt scared. You guys are amazing!! I am so thankful to have found you.
I get mixed up. Somedays I am ready to do it right NOW! Other days I feel so scared that I want to call it all off. I worry about complications and regret....for a lifetime.
I have been trying to stay positive, and let hope rule over the fear. I truly do sense that people are mostly happy that they had WLS, but some how the "horror" stories stick in my head. I am 36, married and I have two young children, I want to be able to LIVE WELL. My fear is for them, in case something goes wrong. I have strong faith in God, and I know that He has a perfect plan, and that He is in control of everything. I am trying to focus on that.
Another thing that I have started doing is keeping a "LIST OF WHY". I understand that on the hard days people must ask that question, so I am going to have a list of answers.
For Example.........
WHY DID I DO IT? ( the surgery)
because I am tired of being tired.
because my back hurts.
because I have to sleep with a huge, ugly mask on my face.
because people ask me when my baby is due, and well....
because I have to take meds every single day.
because I hate tight pants.
because I hate to see my stomach spill out of the top of my pants.
because it hurts to play in the floor with my kids.
size 10 underwear....please
because I am embarrassed
because I want to shop somewhere besides Lane Bryant
because I want my husband to be proud
because I want to be who I was created to be
because I felt sorry for the huge person I saw trying to exercise at the YMCA, and then I realized that it was my reflection in the mirror.
because I have to roll out of bed
because I am wounded from trying and failing so many times....in front of everyone.
Those thoughts are quickly followed by "what if something goes wrong?" So I try to think about the "what ifs" from the other perspective. WHAT IF I DON'T get the surgery???? Answer: See the list above......
September 8, 2006 Surgery went well! Feeling better that expected!
November 8, 2006 TWO MONTHES POST-OP....I HAVE LOST 50 POUNDS! OFF MEDS FOR BP AND CHOLESTORAL SINCE SURGERY.
