Becca H.
Can't Sleep
Dec 11, 2006
I can't sleep. I have to be at the hospital in 3 hours, and my surgery is in 5 hours. I've been awake off and on throughout the night... I've been hungry and thirsty. I should have taken in more yesterday. All I had was three servings of veggies and 8 or 9 oz of meat (I cheated a little bit on that). But no protien shakes, and not very much in the way of water. I'd do that over, if I could. lol.
I have to admit I'm getting a little anxious. I'm getting anxious about what my parents will do hanging around in the waiting room, how my dad will not enjoy being there, how they might not get to see me until after surgery if we don't see each other right when I arrive, because they'll take me right back to holding when I get there today. But I can't worry about that stuff. I have to let them take care of them. I guess they know what it's like to wait for someone who's having surgery.
I'm having thoughts about whether or not I'm making the right decision in having this surgery in the very first place. But I know that deep down I am. I'm sure, like everyone who has this, I keep thinking that if I just tried a little harder that I could lose this weight on my own. After all, I've lost 11 lbs. on the pre-op diet. But then I think about the long term and I think, so what even if I could lose all this weight on my own. Could I keep it off??? The success rate for people who lose signinificant amounts of weight like this and keep it off is really, really low... like five percent or something. With the band, I would be able to keep it off. The band would keep me from being able to slip back into old habits from an unhealthy lifestyle. Besides that, I'm getting to the age when a woman's metabolism slows down and it starts getting harder to lose weight anyhow. I don't need any more strikes against me. I know this is the right decision for me, and I need to focus on being thankful for the opportunity to have this surgery, for the lightening speed with which it's all happened (just over three weeks from my consultation with Dr. Cudjoe to my surgery day!!!), and for the phenomenal support network I have.
Peace out, and see ya'll on the flip.
I'm APPROVED!!
Dec 11, 2006
So, we're off! I have a TON of stuff to do today... did I mention I'm in the middle of finals?! I need to pack for the hospital, make phone calls, go pay bills, buy some groceries for when I get home, work on my take-home finals....
I can't believe they really approved me! I didn't think it was really going to happen! I'm so excited! I really didn't think it was going to go through!!! I need to call Dr. Biggs and let her know!
Man, there's so much to get done!
Random Thoughts
Dec 09, 2006
It's early Sunday morning, and I just finished stringing the lights on our tree. I think it could use one or two more strands, but I'm tired of doing it. Maybe tomorrow I'll put the rest of the decorations on. Amy slept thru the lights, but I'll make her help with the bulbs and stuff.
So, let's see. What did I have to eat today? For breakfast, I had a Carnation Instant Breakfast shake, made with fat free milk and ice in the blender. Lunch was a 3oz turkey burger and two servings of steamed veggies (broccoli and cauliflower) and some iced tea. For dinner, I had the same thing, and then a couple hours after dinner I had a salad and some regular ranch dressing, about 1-2 T. When I got home at midnight, I had a small CIB shake and now at 3am I just had some s/f f/f pudding.
I guess that's it for now. Gonna go check out the boards.
Four More Days
Dec 08, 2006
The diet's going good. I've lost a few lbs.. I think about 7 or 8. I've been craving pizza tho. But it's not something I can't deal with. I have to say, you know, I'm kind of proud of myself. I couldn't do any of this without God's help, tho, because food has had a crazy hold over me for a long time. Oh, something else that's really cool is that no-sugar-added stuff has started tasting "real" to me. It ROCKS. Amy bought me some n.s.a. Nips, and they were really good! Also, I had some n.s.a. dark chocolate fudge today (okay, I didn't just have some... I bought a half pound) and it was to die for!
We bought our our tree, and I think we'll decorate it this weekend. We got a great deal on the thing. It's some kind of fir, I think. Maybe a Douglas fir. Whatever it is, it's about 6.5 or 7 feet tall, and very full- only one small bare spot. We got it for 20 bucks!
Waiting
Dec 05, 2006
The pre-op diet is going surprisingly well. It's weird.... like some other woman has taken over control of my cravings and urges to eat. I can't explain it. I thought for sure I'd be struggling every step of the way, but it's been tolerable. That's not to say it's been easy, because it hasn't. I've been hungry almost constantly, but it's not like, this all consuming, can't-get-it-off-my-mind-gotta-eat-or-i'll-die kind of hunger that I experience when I'm eating like I normally do. I'm also not craving pop, and I'm only occasionally craving chocolate. It's a miracle. I wish someone could explain it to me.
Today is mine and Amy's 2nd anniversary! I love her so much!
Busy Day
Nov 29, 2006
When did 2XL get tight?!
Nov 29, 2006
So, not to mention that I might not be able to have the surgery as scheduled now, but in order to schedule it, I had to give up a bunch of over time at work, which was going to be my Christmas money. So now Christmas is gonna look like sh*t for everyone.
I keep reminding myself that the worst case scenario is I have to wait six months for this surgery. But six months is about 60 lbs. You know?
And while I'm ranting, I'm sick of school. I ran out of steam about a month ago. I have these three, well, actually four, big projects staring me down, they're all due Dec. 7th, and only one of them is started. One of them I'm not even going to bother doing... I'm probably going to have to take that class over if I don't end up failing it... why? BECAUSE I HAD TO MISS KEY IN-CLASS PROJECT DAYS TO GO TO PRE-SURGERY APPOINTMENTS!!!!! Ahem. The other two.. I don't know... I'm really hoping I can rip them out in a week, plus finish up the one that's in progress.
I need a vacation. And a massage. And a margarita. Extra salt, on the rocks.
Hungry!!!
Nov 27, 2006
Anyway... I found these great treats... sugar-free choco-mint puddings by... um, I don't know... Kraft or Jello or someone. I highly recommend them. I think I might post my "before" pics tonight. Be brave, oh pudgy one. Be brave.
Beginning of Pre-Op Diet
Nov 26, 2006
I started journaling in a weight loss book, keeping track of when and what I eat. I write down daily goals, like going for walks, drinking more water, stuff like that. Today, Amy took all my measurments so that when/if I hit plateaus, I can check and see if I'm losing inches instead of lbs. Also, yesterday she took my "before" pictures, front, back, and side. I looked at them and.... geez... what can I say. When I get brave enough, I'll post them on here for ya'll to see.
Muchos Tacos
Nov 22, 2006
Tonight I put a hurtin' on a plate of tacos for the last time. Six of them, in all their sour cream and hard shell glory. It's strange, you know, the emotions tied up with food. Somehow it's like a loss, knowing I won't be able to just sit down and do that again. Is it a control thing? Is it pure gluttony? I'm not sure. Hopefully my counselor can help me get to the bottom of it, because I know it's a problem. I also had a big bowl of my favorite ice cream, chocolate peanut butter. Tonight was like closing a chapter in my life, somehow. It's weird, and I still haven't quite processed it.
I'm thinking about trying to pick up a cheap 13inch t.v. with a built-in vcr or dvd player to put in our spare room. I'm thinking maybe I could sweat it out with Richard or Jane or some yoga guru, and if I could go in there and close the door, I could be away from the dog and cats, and the wife, if she happened to be home. I'm scared to start trying to exercise, because I'm scared to fail at it. I'm trying to convince myself that I only fail if I don't try at all. That seems so "Stuart Smalley" to me, tho. Maybe in time it will make more sense.
I start the pre-op diet on Saturday. Most people lose about 1lb each day they're on it, so hopefully I'll shed about 15 lbs or so before I even go under the knife. I can't believe how soon my surgery is.. 20 days away.
Well, I guess that's all for now. Gotta hit the sack soon.
