Becca H.

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Another pound bites the dust! I'm down to 267!!

I'm having a hard time staying at 1200 calories every day.

Tonight I decided to have a few Jelly Bellies. We have a big jar of them here at work, and I haven't had any in the couple weeks they've been around the office. I found a few of my favorite flavors in there (buttered popcorn, pear, and toasted marshmallow) and set about eating them. To my surprise, they didn't hold the same power over me! They were not as good as I remember them tasting. I actually put some of them back in the jar! I haven't been getting in enough water lately and I need to start pushing myself to drink more. I also want to get back on the eliptical. The last time I worked out I got sick and had to get off the machine. I don't know if I just pushed myself too hard or what (I didn't think I did), but I have to get back on the horse. 

Today I'm skipping my first class in favor of sleeping. I've actually caught a fifth or sixth wind and I'm doing okay right now, but I really want to take a shower and get some clean clothes... I've been in these ones since Sunday night and I feel like a skank!

I've lost four more pounds!!!! That's a total of 35!! Only four more and I'll be 99 away from my goal! I worked out on the eliptical this morning, but I got kinda sick and had to get off... woozy, pukey stomach and a little light-headed. The very last thing on this earth I want to do is puke. No Sir! I had to talk my guts out of it this morning! 

School's going good so far. I have a lot of homework this weekend, but I'm almost half way done with it. It looks like I WILL be graduating in December 2007!!!!!!!!! I am estatic! I can't believe my journey is nearly over. I know that I'll continue to take classes throughout my life, but to have my (first) degree is going to be such a huge relief! I'll finally be able to get on with my life and hopefully get a normal job. 

Amy and I are heading out to Denver in March! My cousin lives there, and we're going to hang with him and his partner for a week or so!! That's my Spring break, and it's right before Amy's surgery, so it's a good time for both of us. We'll both need some r&r by then. Well, I need to get to my homework.

So, I had my fill. It went fine... Dr. Cudjoe was his usual friendly self. There's really not much to report, because the fill was no big deal. A little poke and a sting when they numbed it, and that's all. I think that he put in 1/2 cc. I feel like I can feel a difference... I don't know if it's just in my head or what, but it definately feels like stuff (carnation instant breakfast and water) is going down more slowly. I hope that feeling sticks around.

Well, my first fill is happening in the morning... six hours and counting. I am not happy with the way I've been eating the past two days.  I'm not sure what's changed, except that I have pms pretty bad, which causes me to get nerved up and eat a little more. It's actually not that I'm eating so much... I just have been eating in closer intervals than I'm used to. Also, I've been a little less strict with what I'm eating...I'm wondering if maybe I need the structure of the unrelenting, no-cheating "coach" in my head. I guess I got used to not having cravings there for quite a while, and now that I'm having them again, I've forgotten what it takes to fight them. I know I've been craving chocolate and sugar like crazy the past couple days, tho, and I'm attributing that to pms. I've done pretty good, though... tonight I was dying for some chocolate, so I went and bought orange juice and a Caramelo bar. I can happily report that I drank the o.j. but did not even open the candy bar. :) 

I haven't weighed myself in a few days, but Amy took my measurements for me yesterday and so far, I've lost a total of 16 1/4 inches off my body!! I am sooo happy! On Feb. 6th, I'm going to my mom's TOPS meeting and giving a little talk about the surgery.

Well, that's it for now. I gotta hit the bed... I have to get up in about four hours to go get my fill.

My weight is holding steady. I am really happy that I haven't gained anything back :) I need to start getting on the eliptical more, and then I'm sure I'll lose some weight because I'm staying under 1200 calories. 

Speaking of calories, I found this cool Website (thanks to someone on the forums) called calorie-count.com. It's really awesome! I've started logging my daily food intake and it's helping me watch what I eat. Granted, I've only done it one day plus this morning, but I really like it! 

School's okay so far. Still waiting for my books to arrive (I ordered everything online for $75, including shipping!), so just doing what I can in the mean time. I hope I don't have a hard time scheduling classes next Fall (or for Spring or Summer, for that matter). 

I think I'm going to post on here what I eat every day. 
Today, Jan. 19: 
1st meal: 1 cup tuna salad with 10 crackers
2nd meal: Arby's Turkey, bacon, ranch wrap @ 2:30pm
3rd meal: 5 oz pork,  3/4 cup asparagus, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, star fruit @ 8:30pm
4th meal: 5 oz pork, 3/4 cup 1/2 cup asparagus, 1/2 cup cottage chz.@ 1am

Well, I started class on Monday. This semester seems like it is going to be okay. I had a lot of anxiety about going back to school, but once I got into the classroom, I started to get a little bit excited. So far, I have a good impression of my profs and the course work I'll be doing. My books are on order and should be here soon. I got everything for $75, including shipping. I'm so happy! Gotta love internet shopping! Also, I stopped by the financial aid office and now I have a small flicker of hope about financing my last seven or eight classes. It feels so good to be down the end of my education. Scary, but good. I'm still worried about the fact that I don't know how to use software like Dreamweaver, Photoshop, InDesign, etc. I have to learn these programs and I need to do it quick so I can actually get a job after I graduate. I have a contact at CMU that I'm going to be intouch with. I met her at a softball tournament, and she told me to get ahold of her and she could help me out with a job/internship search. Maybe she can guide me toward some classes that will help me learn those programs. Maybe I should just buy the software and some Dummies books and see if I can teach myself. 

My first fill is going to happen next Thursday  (the 25th) at 6am. Well, I gotta be there at 6, but the fill isn't till 6:30a. I was going to have it done today, but I have class at the time it was scheduled. It's class with the old guy, and I don't want to miss it. I'm taking Eng. 355 with him... he's about eight days older than dirt, but he has this thick British accent and he's actually really funny. Also, he was kind enough to give me an override for his class, so I know I better be there! Anyhow, I'm really needing the fill. I've been pretty hungry, and my portions are getting bigger. I've been needing to eat every four or five hours. I'm worried that I'm getting back into that emotional eating, or the kind of eating where I get panicky if I don't have food around. That is such a scary place for me and I never want to go back there. 

The house feels like a disaster and Amy and I talked about working out some kind of chore schedule. I don't want to do it, because it kind of feels like what parents require of their kids. But the fact is, there's lots that needs to be done to keep this place nice, and often we don't do them. I get a little bit nutty when the house is messy and stays messy. Somehow, having the house in order makes me feel calm. I know, very weird. Then I get all resentful when I feel like I'm not getting help cleaning, so I quit and just let things stack up. Which makes me twitchy and more resentful. It's a vicious cycle, and so hopefully sorting out what needs to be done and when, and then holding eachother accountable for doing it, will make things a little nicer. For me, anyway. I hope for her, too. Probably it will make things better for her, because she won't have to listen to my bitching. I know I do that a lot. I don't want to be a bitching, nagging wife, but I can't seem to help myself!  :(

Well, I guess I better go for now. It's time to start thinking about getting ready for school and work. 

L8R

This weekend I kidnapped my wife and set out for Chicago. On the way, while we were driving through Grand Rapids, I called some friends of ours (Beth and Heather) to say hi. They live in GR, and they were like, "go to Chicago some other weekend... come party with us tonight!" So, that's what we did! I also talked to some of our other GR friends (Jo and Marquita) to see if we could swing in and say hi, and they were getting ready to have a dinner party that night. They told us to come over for it, so we did that, too! After dinner, we went to Beth and Heathers, had some pre-bar martinis (not me, tho... just water..how BOR-ING). Later, we went to the bar (Diversions) and played pool and sang karoke. I was so excited to sing, because it's been a few years since I went to karoke! I sang "Goodbye Earl" and "Lost in You". After the bar, we all went to Denny's and tore up some eats. When we finally got back to their house, we crashed and didn't get up til really late. Heather and Beth made breakfast, we sat around and shot the shit for a while, then went over and visited Marquita and JoJo for a little bit. After we were done there, we headed over to my favorite resturant, Pietro's, and I had my favorite pasta dish. I'd been wanting to go there before my first fill, and it just worked out that we were able to. I only ate a little bit, about a cup...and it was delicious!

Well, today marks the one month point for me. I can't believe it's only been that long... it seems like forever ago since I had surgery. I can see and feel tons of changes in my body...it's pretty awesome, I've gotta admit. I haven't gone down any pants sizes yet, which as been kind of tough to take. But in the past week or so I've noticed that my pants are starting to get looser, so maybe moving down a size is just around the corner. I've lost lots of weight on the top... the shirts I outgrew last Winter are fitting me now! I need to get out the iron and take care of the wrinkles. 

School starts on Monday, and I'm feeling kind of anxious about it. Last semester was such a flop... I'm scared to go back, I guess. I'm having trouble scheduling classes around work, but what's new. I sure hope I can still graduate on time....  Right now I just have to concentrate on finding classes I can take around my job commitments. One step at a time... gotta remind myself of that now and again.