Jen W.
It's working
Sep 17, 2007
I am trying to re-condition my pouch....
See, I got out of hand with not watching my food intake, what I was eating, and how much I was snacking at work (especially carbs). As much as I hate the term because it makes me sound like a cow, I was grazing - horrendously.
See previous post - I added the exercise. Still, the pounds would not go away. Even when I thought I was watching my carb intake, etc I was not doing enough. I'd gained about 10 pounds total from my "usual hangout" on the scale since surgery and for 2-3 months could NOT get it off. I was determined since I was not doing anything differently than what I had been doing since about 10 months out that my behaviour didn't have much to do with it. I didn't want to examine my eating because that meant I had to do some hard thinking and hard work about what I was eating. The pouch (otherwise known around my house as pouchy) did most of the work for me. It gave me a great tool to rock - it controlled how much I ate and a lot of the time WHAT I ate (I dump on sugar, some carbs, and items high in fat). Well, as time went by I learned that anything in moderation over the course of a day I could do and even though I wouldn't MEAN to eat a whole muffin or 3 oz of chunk cheese somehow at the end of the day at my desk none was left.
That been said now.....I got off the horse I'd been riding of self-pity and decided I was NOT ok with the weight gain and in fact I wondered why I just stopped losing at my BMI when I thought I should lose at least 10-20 more like others had. I didn't want to be 10 pounds over because 10 can easily become 20 or more.
So, I joined WW online. Yes, some of us WLS people think that WW is evil and people there are not really fat and maybe even judgemental of WLS patients. Ahhhh, the beauty of online! :) Fitday was just not working because even though it tracked the calories it did not give me a base to work from and since the program I went through doesn't count calories...well, go figure the rest. WW online gives me a base I can go from and surprisingly I was eating MORE than my points before I started tracking. I didn't realize how much my cheese intake especially was adding up. Plus, I can still eat my fave foods and even feel like I am pigging out (tho I am not) on 1/2 a cheeseburger and a few fries once in a while.
Yes, I was skeptical it would work. It has actually given me back control over myself and taken away a lot of the anxiety I was feeling and not being able to attribute to something. I felt like pouchy was in control of me, not the other way. Since we're supposedly not supposed to feel physical hunger again after surgery I was concerned why I could and what I could do about it. Even last week, with aunt flo visiting and not tracking anything I ate from Wednesday on I STILL dropped another pound.
I'm proud to say that 7 of those damn pounds that leapt back on recently have fallen off! :) I have 3 more to go and would like to keep on losing if I can. I'm in a size 12 (occasionally a 10) pants and a large (sometimes - usually only in junior sizes - XL) which I realize is great, but my BMI is still higher than what I would like. It is still too close, for me, to "borderline" for everything I sought to rid myself of health wise PLUS STILL CONSIDERED OBESE....healthwise.
I am still snacking somewhat at work - but I am proud to say I am not grazing. I am eating healthy snacks when I do (apples, pears, peaches, cottage cheese) and have cut pretty much all carbs out from my snacking. IN my meals I have added back in healthy carbs high in fiber instead. In fact, I seriously think that either 1) pouchy has shrunk or 2) it was always this size, but I was too busy casually eating without thinking of whether I was hungry to notice
I know I am rambling, but I'm happy I am back on track and happy that I am working at this and yet not depriving myself. Just these past 2 weeks I have more sense of accomplishment in terms of weight loss than I did in the previous year. WLS is not easy, but I never stopped to actually think of what I was contributing to it...
See, I got out of hand with not watching my food intake, what I was eating, and how much I was snacking at work (especially carbs). As much as I hate the term because it makes me sound like a cow, I was grazing - horrendously.
See previous post - I added the exercise. Still, the pounds would not go away. Even when I thought I was watching my carb intake, etc I was not doing enough. I'd gained about 10 pounds total from my "usual hangout" on the scale since surgery and for 2-3 months could NOT get it off. I was determined since I was not doing anything differently than what I had been doing since about 10 months out that my behaviour didn't have much to do with it. I didn't want to examine my eating because that meant I had to do some hard thinking and hard work about what I was eating. The pouch (otherwise known around my house as pouchy) did most of the work for me. It gave me a great tool to rock - it controlled how much I ate and a lot of the time WHAT I ate (I dump on sugar, some carbs, and items high in fat). Well, as time went by I learned that anything in moderation over the course of a day I could do and even though I wouldn't MEAN to eat a whole muffin or 3 oz of chunk cheese somehow at the end of the day at my desk none was left.
That been said now.....I got off the horse I'd been riding of self-pity and decided I was NOT ok with the weight gain and in fact I wondered why I just stopped losing at my BMI when I thought I should lose at least 10-20 more like others had. I didn't want to be 10 pounds over because 10 can easily become 20 or more.
So, I joined WW online. Yes, some of us WLS people think that WW is evil and people there are not really fat and maybe even judgemental of WLS patients. Ahhhh, the beauty of online! :) Fitday was just not working because even though it tracked the calories it did not give me a base to work from and since the program I went through doesn't count calories...well, go figure the rest. WW online gives me a base I can go from and surprisingly I was eating MORE than my points before I started tracking. I didn't realize how much my cheese intake especially was adding up. Plus, I can still eat my fave foods and even feel like I am pigging out (tho I am not) on 1/2 a cheeseburger and a few fries once in a while.
Yes, I was skeptical it would work. It has actually given me back control over myself and taken away a lot of the anxiety I was feeling and not being able to attribute to something. I felt like pouchy was in control of me, not the other way. Since we're supposedly not supposed to feel physical hunger again after surgery I was concerned why I could and what I could do about it. Even last week, with aunt flo visiting and not tracking anything I ate from Wednesday on I STILL dropped another pound.
I'm proud to say that 7 of those damn pounds that leapt back on recently have fallen off! :) I have 3 more to go and would like to keep on losing if I can. I'm in a size 12 (occasionally a 10) pants and a large (sometimes - usually only in junior sizes - XL) which I realize is great, but my BMI is still higher than what I would like. It is still too close, for me, to "borderline" for everything I sought to rid myself of health wise PLUS STILL CONSIDERED OBESE....healthwise.
I am still snacking somewhat at work - but I am proud to say I am not grazing. I am eating healthy snacks when I do (apples, pears, peaches, cottage cheese) and have cut pretty much all carbs out from my snacking. IN my meals I have added back in healthy carbs high in fiber instead. In fact, I seriously think that either 1) pouchy has shrunk or 2) it was always this size, but I was too busy casually eating without thinking of whether I was hungry to notice
I know I am rambling, but I'm happy I am back on track and happy that I am working at this and yet not depriving myself. Just these past 2 weeks I have more sense of accomplishment in terms of weight loss than I did in the previous year. WLS is not easy, but I never stopped to actually think of what I was contributing to it...
Why didn't anyone tell me exercise FEELS GOOD?
Aug 14, 2007
Don't anyone faint just yet -- I joined a gym over the weekend. I know -- SHOCK SHOCK.
I'm 17 months out and realized in order to keep off the weight and possibly lose weight I need to move this body more. I can just eat too much and choose the wrong types of food more than I should.
Anyways, joined a snapfitness and so far I love it. I think in the mornings getting there is the only battle. I work later in the morning and am usually up by 6 or 7, but I am used to lazing around with my coffee, watching the news and then meandering into work. Working out in the morning requires effort - lunch packed the night before, clothes picked out, stay on a schedule, etc. But, I proved to myself this morning it can be done.
Once I get there and start I feel great. I've been doing a few different things - the elliptical, bike, and treadmill (remind me again never to do a "program" on the treadmill -- the damn thing makes you RUN and I almost went flying off!!) and then doing weight cicuit training. I feel it everywhere -- butt, arms, chest, shoulders, legs, but that burn and that soreness actually feels wonderful to me. I LIKE working out. I zone out and go for the gold (lots of resistance/incline and at a quick pace), and kind of get into a zone where I don't think of anything.
Oh! And get this -- I SWEAT! I always prided myself on the fact that I was a fat person who never sweated. It would kind of gross me out to see other fat people sweating just by walking in heat or whatever. Well, seems my problem was just that I was not moving!!! Imagine that!? I even have to bring a little towel with me so I don't drip anywhere.
I joined on Saturday and have only made 3 trips so far (3 out of 4 days isn't too bad), but I already notice a difference in some areas -- especially hunger and food intake. I am already not craving some of the foods I was and I am not eating nearly as much or snacking nearly as much as I was. I know this will help.
Unfortunately I am a scale whore. I've stepped on the scale every morning and have not seen it decrease, but I know it will given time. Right now my body is building something it really lost in the last 17 months -- muscle. I'm so bony in places other than my stomach and calves it's kind of gross. So, I'm trying to stay away from the scale, albeit a hard task.
So, I am hoping that this feeling great and motivation pay off and keep up. Now, I just need to kick the nic habit!
I'm 17 months out and realized in order to keep off the weight and possibly lose weight I need to move this body more. I can just eat too much and choose the wrong types of food more than I should.
Anyways, joined a snapfitness and so far I love it. I think in the mornings getting there is the only battle. I work later in the morning and am usually up by 6 or 7, but I am used to lazing around with my coffee, watching the news and then meandering into work. Working out in the morning requires effort - lunch packed the night before, clothes picked out, stay on a schedule, etc. But, I proved to myself this morning it can be done.
Once I get there and start I feel great. I've been doing a few different things - the elliptical, bike, and treadmill (remind me again never to do a "program" on the treadmill -- the damn thing makes you RUN and I almost went flying off!!) and then doing weight cicuit training. I feel it everywhere -- butt, arms, chest, shoulders, legs, but that burn and that soreness actually feels wonderful to me. I LIKE working out. I zone out and go for the gold (lots of resistance/incline and at a quick pace), and kind of get into a zone where I don't think of anything.
Oh! And get this -- I SWEAT! I always prided myself on the fact that I was a fat person who never sweated. It would kind of gross me out to see other fat people sweating just by walking in heat or whatever. Well, seems my problem was just that I was not moving!!! Imagine that!? I even have to bring a little towel with me so I don't drip anywhere.
I joined on Saturday and have only made 3 trips so far (3 out of 4 days isn't too bad), but I already notice a difference in some areas -- especially hunger and food intake. I am already not craving some of the foods I was and I am not eating nearly as much or snacking nearly as much as I was. I know this will help.
Unfortunately I am a scale whore. I've stepped on the scale every morning and have not seen it decrease, but I know it will given time. Right now my body is building something it really lost in the last 17 months -- muscle. I'm so bony in places other than my stomach and calves it's kind of gross. So, I'm trying to stay away from the scale, albeit a hard task.
So, I am hoping that this feeling great and motivation pay off and keep up. Now, I just need to kick the nic habit!
Yes, I still exist!
Jul 25, 2007
I'm still around.
I'm still frustrated with my eating/exercising.
I guess I'm lazy and that's not necessarily something surgery will change. I work strange hours and find every reason NOT to
1) exercise in the morning before work
and
2) it's too late and too hot to do it after work
and
3) during lunch? Yeah, right.
Plus -- I've found how much I can "push" my limits, what I can eat and how much. I find I snack TOO much at work. I never do at home, but at work is a different story. I have tried drinking more water, doing other things with my hands, etc. Now I have moved on to snacking on GOOD for me stuff - carrots, etc. Truth is, I am never really "hungry" when I'm snacking (well, occassionally I am). I'm just out in never-never land and not being the social butterfly I should be. It's stifling and I'm probably doing what I used to do with food -- using it.
See, I know exactly how much I can eat before I will step on the scale the next morning and show it going upwards. Once it has crawled a little up (I have a 3-4 pound "safe" zone I can be in on a daily basis) I can always get it back down. It's almost like a detox -- lay way off the carbs, add the protein back in for breakfast, and snack on good stuff. Within 2 days it is back down to my comfort zone.
But, while bored tonight at work I was reading some of the ladies I used to keep up with on this board who had their surgery around the same time I did and I realized how friggin JEALOUS I was of some of them! There are some who's BMI is a 25!! I just recalced mine and it is 30.2 -- 30.2!!! Arrgh! I am still obese. It made me mad, mostly at myself.
See, I don't "look" like I weigh what I do to everyone else. I wear usually a woman's size 12. I'm 5'7. I probably wear the same size as someone who is about the same height (give or take) and 20 pounds less than I am. It's just in the way I carry my weight and the way I have lost it. I have no lower stomach, I do have an upper one (but I wear lo-rise pants so it doesn't get in the way), I have no chest and my legs are pretty paltry these days. When I told my mom recently how much I still weigh (between 193 and 197) she was shocked. I'm sure most people would be.
But, I'm really not satisfied....with ME. It has nothing to do with what I look like. I'm ashamed of my progress because
1) I don't watch what I eat and even though I weigh daily I'm afraid of getting into old habits and gaining weight
2) I'm afraid that compared to others (yes, yes I know - I was heavier than most of them and I shouldn't compare myself) I have not lost NEAR as much. I don't even want to go to my PCP because of it. I don't want anyone to be ashamed of me.
I know this is ridiculous, that I have done ok, but I feel like I'm in a complete rut. I have not lost anything for months. Yeah, my body has kind of changed shapes, but even that isn't making a difference.
The funny thing is I was ok with it until I started reading profiles and saw what others had gotten down to, etc. I thought I'd done well and I was happy to be a size 12. Yes, I was not happy with some of my current habits (snacking and no exercise)......but...grrrr! Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself!!
Anyone have any suggestions on how to get back on track ??
I'm still frustrated with my eating/exercising.
I guess I'm lazy and that's not necessarily something surgery will change. I work strange hours and find every reason NOT to
1) exercise in the morning before work
and
2) it's too late and too hot to do it after work
and
3) during lunch? Yeah, right.
Plus -- I've found how much I can "push" my limits, what I can eat and how much. I find I snack TOO much at work. I never do at home, but at work is a different story. I have tried drinking more water, doing other things with my hands, etc. Now I have moved on to snacking on GOOD for me stuff - carrots, etc. Truth is, I am never really "hungry" when I'm snacking (well, occassionally I am). I'm just out in never-never land and not being the social butterfly I should be. It's stifling and I'm probably doing what I used to do with food -- using it.
See, I know exactly how much I can eat before I will step on the scale the next morning and show it going upwards. Once it has crawled a little up (I have a 3-4 pound "safe" zone I can be in on a daily basis) I can always get it back down. It's almost like a detox -- lay way off the carbs, add the protein back in for breakfast, and snack on good stuff. Within 2 days it is back down to my comfort zone.
But, while bored tonight at work I was reading some of the ladies I used to keep up with on this board who had their surgery around the same time I did and I realized how friggin JEALOUS I was of some of them! There are some who's BMI is a 25!! I just recalced mine and it is 30.2 -- 30.2!!! Arrgh! I am still obese. It made me mad, mostly at myself.
See, I don't "look" like I weigh what I do to everyone else. I wear usually a woman's size 12. I'm 5'7. I probably wear the same size as someone who is about the same height (give or take) and 20 pounds less than I am. It's just in the way I carry my weight and the way I have lost it. I have no lower stomach, I do have an upper one (but I wear lo-rise pants so it doesn't get in the way), I have no chest and my legs are pretty paltry these days. When I told my mom recently how much I still weigh (between 193 and 197) she was shocked. I'm sure most people would be.
But, I'm really not satisfied....with ME. It has nothing to do with what I look like. I'm ashamed of my progress because
1) I don't watch what I eat and even though I weigh daily I'm afraid of getting into old habits and gaining weight
2) I'm afraid that compared to others (yes, yes I know - I was heavier than most of them and I shouldn't compare myself) I have not lost NEAR as much. I don't even want to go to my PCP because of it. I don't want anyone to be ashamed of me.
I know this is ridiculous, that I have done ok, but I feel like I'm in a complete rut. I have not lost anything for months. Yeah, my body has kind of changed shapes, but even that isn't making a difference.
The funny thing is I was ok with it until I started reading profiles and saw what others had gotten down to, etc. I thought I'd done well and I was happy to be a size 12. Yes, I was not happy with some of my current habits (snacking and no exercise)......but...grrrr! Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself!!
Anyone have any suggestions on how to get back on track ??
Weight Watchers?
Feb 21, 2007
I wonder what others do when their weight loss slows to a dull ache? It's so easy to be so excited in the first months when the weight is flying off. Now, I'm struggling and I'm scared. I don't want to be stuck at 199 or whatever the scale is saying this week. I want to one day see my goal of 160 appear on the scale.
I don't know what to do. I know it's my fault completely. I'm not motivated and I didn't have to work at it in months prior so I'm wondering why I have to work at it now. I'm pissed and grateful that I at least realize this and want to do something about it.
I'm wondering if weight watchers will motivate me. I know I probably can't eat all their "points" if I do that program, but will the structure be good for me? I wonder about doing their core program -- seems loaded with very good for me things that are high in protein and low in fat. I feel like I need something.
I'm still horrible at getting my water in. I'm drinking coffee instead and I know that can't be good for me. Our elliptical broke (the monitor) and we're waiting on a replacement one so I've not used that. I'm actually wondering if joining the gym is a better option for me because I'd be paying and forcing myself to go. I just feel like I am struggling and I don't know where to turn. I am grateful for where I've gotten, but I want to get further. I'm still considered overweight and that's not ok with me.
So, I need to evaluate what I am doing and make some choices and go from there. I NEED TO WORK AT THIS!!!
I don't know what to do. I know it's my fault completely. I'm not motivated and I didn't have to work at it in months prior so I'm wondering why I have to work at it now. I'm pissed and grateful that I at least realize this and want to do something about it.
I'm wondering if weight watchers will motivate me. I know I probably can't eat all their "points" if I do that program, but will the structure be good for me? I wonder about doing their core program -- seems loaded with very good for me things that are high in protein and low in fat. I feel like I need something.
I'm still horrible at getting my water in. I'm drinking coffee instead and I know that can't be good for me. Our elliptical broke (the monitor) and we're waiting on a replacement one so I've not used that. I'm actually wondering if joining the gym is a better option for me because I'd be paying and forcing myself to go. I just feel like I am struggling and I don't know where to turn. I am grateful for where I've gotten, but I want to get further. I'm still considered overweight and that's not ok with me.
So, I need to evaluate what I am doing and make some choices and go from there. I NEED TO WORK AT THIS!!!
11 months out!
Feb 07, 2007
2 days ago I had my 11 month out surgiversary .... I am just 26 days away from my year (damn short month of February). While I am very proud of where I am in terms of how I feel and how much I have lost, I can't help but feel a bit disappointed in myself in terms of how I have done in the past few months. I've stopped taking progress pics (in like November) because I would just not see a difference and losing weight the past 3 months has seemed like an arduous process. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with how and how much I've eaten -- since I can eat more sometimes I have and paid the price by feeling quite sick - it can be hard to adjust to how much the pouch can hold and everything sits differently. Plus, I've not been wonderful about my fluids, etc. The biggest part? Exercise. No matter how hard I try I hate it! I am slowly trying to find things I like to do and trying to work up my stamina but it is so not my thing.
About a week or so ago I posted that I made it into "onderland." I feel guilty for doing so because the next day the scale went up. It's been hovering around 201 since then. I think its mainly because of my period, but it could be for other reasons. My body has a way of doing this - it will say it dropped a bunch of pounds and then the next day be back up and it takes another week or so to get back to the weight it said I was at. I'm frustrated I let myself believe I was in "onederland." I just want the scale to get there and stay there.
So, what's my "goal" for my 1 year surgiversary? Well, I am trying to be realistic about it so I am going to say 195. We'll see if I can do that -- it would be 173 pounds lost if I do. I've been really concentrating on how much I eat and what I put into my body this week -- lots more fruits and veggies to replace whatever carbs I was eating more of before. I do ok if I am just at home, but I have to have very strict eating options at work since I will usually eat what is in my bag ..... my hours are so weird that I find myself being hungry at strange times -- not hungry for breakfast until like 11 (when I get there) and then hungry constantly until lunch. Hmmm.
I should really be proud of where I am, even if I can't see much of a difference in the past few months. I am in a size 14, occasionally a 12 and I have my life back - that's what is important, right?
About a week or so ago I posted that I made it into "onderland." I feel guilty for doing so because the next day the scale went up. It's been hovering around 201 since then. I think its mainly because of my period, but it could be for other reasons. My body has a way of doing this - it will say it dropped a bunch of pounds and then the next day be back up and it takes another week or so to get back to the weight it said I was at. I'm frustrated I let myself believe I was in "onederland." I just want the scale to get there and stay there.
So, what's my "goal" for my 1 year surgiversary? Well, I am trying to be realistic about it so I am going to say 195. We'll see if I can do that -- it would be 173 pounds lost if I do. I've been really concentrating on how much I eat and what I put into my body this week -- lots more fruits and veggies to replace whatever carbs I was eating more of before. I do ok if I am just at home, but I have to have very strict eating options at work since I will usually eat what is in my bag ..... my hours are so weird that I find myself being hungry at strange times -- not hungry for breakfast until like 11 (when I get there) and then hungry constantly until lunch. Hmmm.
I should really be proud of where I am, even if I can't see much of a difference in the past few months. I am in a size 14, occasionally a 12 and I have my life back - that's what is important, right?
