wondermom316
To Eat or Not To Eat is NOT The Question!
Jun 30, 2010
So here I am somewhere on the road to losing "me"...or should I say parts of me. Never in a million years did I think I'd be on this journey...yet here I am 25 years old and headed straight for the surgeon's table for WLS. Getting to the decision of WLS was not easy. I was ashamed. I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't want to face facts. I didn't want to accept the fact that I hadn't seen a reasonable weight since I was 19 years old. I thought to myself "I will go with Lap Band"...it seemed like the less serious choice. It seemed like the easier of the surgeries...RNY?
Not me said I! SO...after! an excruciatingly embarrassing visit with my PCP to tell her all of my physical ailments that were not getting better...even after Slim Fast....excercising DAILY at the gym...murdering myself on the elipitcal....eating things I hate...I had to admit that I was simply FAILING at being a loser except really I was excelling at being a loser...just not the good kind
My doctor said to me in her sweet voice; it's time to consider WLS. And there was no shock there...I expected this. I had even discussed it with my husband weeks before who by the way was totally opposed to the idea of any WLS. So there I was at a seminar that very evening in a room full of folks who looked just like me. Rolly Polly and dazed and confused 
....Some folks were gung ho about WLS...some even seemed exhilerated at the thought of being poked...prodded....inserted with plastic rings....nipped...stapled...etc. I was more on the fence...was I prepared to deal with possibly dumping?
After listening to the Dietcian go on and on about the various surgeries my mind was swirling with talk of erosions, leaking wounds, displacement, dumping, pain, starving, protein, over eating,small portions etc. I thought my brain was going to exlode!
In what seemed like the longest hour and a half I discovered that the Lap Band would be virtually useless for me. I was simply put too overweight. Go figure....a surgery for the overweight and I was TOO overweight....so the next thing was VSG...seemed reasonable...there was no re-plumbing...no malabsorption....seemed like the right choice....so I said "We have a winner!"
Except after doing all my research on VSG...joining the forums on VSG...talking to the doctors about VSG....just to find out today that my insurance will NOT cover this "experimental" surgery...and my only other option was the dreaded RNY....
So here I was on a downhill ride...signing papers...asking the Nurse and Dietician a gazillion questions...my husband looking on stupified and finally I was face to face with this blue eyed English accented surgeon who was witty, precise, and telling me just exactly how he was going to operate on me. Before I knew it I was shaking hands with the hands that were going to change my life...I walked out of Bariatric Surgery with a folder full of referrals..a 4 lb weight loss...and a head swirling with "what if's". After a pretty scattered brain rest of the day at work I made a decision. In fact I made the decision somewhere between filing papers and sending emails to my clients...I was going to document this journey in my OWN voice. No faking...no fronting..just honesty. The good the bad and the ugly...I realized that there are MILLIONS of others who feel JUST like me...some just don't have the voice...some are too scared...shy...ashamed...so I decided I will be the voice for all the silent...shy and embarrassed bigums just like me. I wlll share my journey with anyone who is willing to listen. Someone somewhere will be touched...I'm just sure of it! There is a small woman hiding somewhere inside me...I know she's there...she's been crying for years to get out...but I've just been shutting her up with cookies and cakes
Not anymore...I amfinally on my way to letting her out....I have no idea how that will change me...I don't know who I will be after this...or even during this journey...but I am determined to find "me" who ever she might be...will you join me?
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Not me said I! SO...after! an excruciatingly embarrassing visit with my PCP to tell her all of my physical ailments that were not getting better...even after Slim Fast....excercising DAILY at the gym...murdering myself on the elipitcal....eating things I hate...I had to admit that I was simply FAILING at being a loser except really I was excelling at being a loser...just not the good kind My doctor said to me in her sweet voice; it's time to consider WLS. And there was no shock there...I expected this. I had even discussed it with my husband weeks before who by the way was totally opposed to the idea of any WLS. So there I was at a seminar that very evening in a room full of folks who looked just like me. Rolly Polly and dazed and confused ....Some folks were gung ho about WLS...some even seemed exhilerated at the thought of being poked...prodded....inserted with plastic rings....nipped...stapled...etc. I was more on the fence...was I prepared to deal with possibly dumping? After listening to the Dietcian go on and on about the various surgeries my mind was swirling with talk of erosions, leaking wounds, displacement, dumping, pain, starving, protein, over eating,small portions etc. I thought my brain was going to exlode! In what seemed like the longest hour and a half I discovered that the Lap Band would be virtually useless for me. I was simply put too overweight. Go figure....a surgery for the overweight and I was TOO overweight....so the next thing was VSG...seemed reasonable...there was no re-plumbing...no malabsorption....seemed like the right choice....so I said "We have a winner!" Except after doing all my research on VSG...joining the forums on VSG...talking to the doctors about VSG....just to find out today that my insurance will NOT cover this "experimental" surgery...and my only other option was the dreaded RNY....So here I was on a downhill ride...signing papers...asking the Nurse and Dietician a gazillion questions...my husband looking on stupified and finally I was face to face with this blue eyed English accented surgeon who was witty, precise, and telling me just exactly how he was going to operate on me. Before I knew it I was shaking hands with the hands that were going to change my life...I walked out of Bariatric Surgery with a folder full of referrals..a 4 lb weight loss...and a head swirling with "what if's". After a pretty scattered brain rest of the day at work I made a decision. In fact I made the decision somewhere between filing papers and sending emails to my clients...I was going to document this journey in my OWN voice. No faking...no fronting..just honesty. The good the bad and the ugly...I realized that there are MILLIONS of others who feel JUST like me...some just don't have the voice...some are too scared...shy...ashamed...so I decided I will be the voice for all the silent...shy and embarrassed bigums just like me. I wlll share my journey with anyone who is willing to listen. Someone somewhere will be touched...I'm just sure of it! There is a small woman hiding somewhere inside me...I know she's there...she's been crying for years to get out...but I've just been shutting her up with cookies and cakes Not anymore...I amfinally on my way to letting her out....I have no idea how that will change me...I don't know who I will be after this...or even during this journey...but I am determined to find "me" who ever she might be...will you join me?So Here's How I'm Prepping So Far
Jun 27, 2010
As the days pass and I get closer and closer to getting a date I get more NERVOUS! Last night I had my sleep study. The bed was amazingly comfortable...kinda makes me want to go back just for that! Lol. I have my appointment with the surgeon, the dietician, nutrionist and psychologist on Wednesday so that's a BIG day. I am told my surgery will be scheduled then because unlike alot of peoples insurance company mine does not require you to jump through too many hoops. The follow up to my sleep study is Thursday. After reading alot of peoples experiences on the boards, I'm now chewing my food more thoroughly, smaller bites, and still trying to eat healthier food choices so that I'm not going into shock after surgery. Lol Emotionally it's a whole different story. I have ups and downs....more downs then ups. I have a great support system though; my mom, my husband, some close friends and much prayer. I guess I'm just tired of my body...and I think my body is tired of me. I am 25 years old but my body feels MUCH older than that. Hoping that this surgery really helps turn things around. We shall see...............
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Lol Emotionally it's a whole different story. I have ups and downs....more downs then ups. I have a great support system though; my mom, my husband, some close friends and much prayer. I guess I'm just tired of my body...and I think my body is tired of me. I am 25 years old but my body feels MUCH older than that. Hoping that this surgery really helps turn things around. We shall see...............
Anxiety Ain't No Joke!
Jun 25, 2010
I can't even begin to explain all that has been running through my mind once I finally realized that surgery was where I was headed. As appointments approach and I keep hitting milestones that are bringing me closer and closer to a date I begin to panic...it keeps me up at night...just wondering and thinking and worrying.... I guess I just wish I knew more people who have experienced this...sometimes I do feel like I am going this alone despite the support of those closest to me. I think this is the first time in a long time that I have just been honest with myself about my weight...and others...and although I feel relieved I most certainly feel vulnerable. Right now my personal mantra is 'One step at a time'....
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I guess I just wish I knew more people who have experienced this...sometimes I do feel like I am going this alone despite the support of those closest to me. I think this is the first time in a long time that I have just been honest with myself about my weight...and others...and although I feel relieved I most certainly feel vulnerable. Right now my personal mantra is 'One step at a time'....Here I Am....
Jun 24, 2010
....on the journey of a lifetime! Making the choice to have WLS was not easy. I guess I've been in denial a long time. Not wanting to take pictures...worried about my angles...not wanting to shop because I don't want to have to look in the full view mirror...I can't say that I'm not glad I've made the decision and my PCP agrees...Just so nervous and anxious about the things to come....I don't know what to expect...I can't even envision myself being smaller than what I am now...Am I fooling myself into believing that this is going to help me? I've read so many horror stories online that I am terrified I will have one of my own! So many thoughts running through my head...i try to put it into words that make it easier to convey to my husband what I am feeling but no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to fit him or anyone else into my large skin and feel what I feel 
. I'm trying to take it one step at a time...prepare for the worst and hope for the best...looking forward to a new me.......
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. I'm trying to take it one step at a time...prepare for the worst and hope for the best...looking forward to a new me.......About Me
Philadelphia, PA
Location
59.3
BMI
Surgery
01/24/2011
Surgery Date
Jun 23, 2010
Member Since
