Almost Heaven?

Nov 08, 2009

Well, I am at 10 months out and feel as if the surgery is but a distant memory, weird huh?  Your brain and body are amazing machines and mine is really working well now that it had some alterations...lol...I am still losing, although much slower than in the beginning, but partly that is due to my exercise routine has been interrupted, so need to jump back on that horse...I am still thrilled to have had the suregery and am proud to report that I can shop a juniors 13/14 for the first time since 8th grade!!!!  It is amazing.  I have family members who used to tell me that it wouldn't hurt to lose a little to now saying, "Honey, I think you should be done, don't lose anymore..."  It is liberating to be in that spot BUT....and I still have a but (lol, but I like it most days)...but, I am having a serious issue seeing myself as thinner.  I relaize it is only 10 months out, but I still see the old me in the mirror and this scares me.  I have gone from a 26/28 to a 13/14 and I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin...does this go away? I hope so.  Will I ever feel like I am not grotesquely huge?  I pray to God I will.  That is my only conern right now that I need my brain to catch up with me.  It has seen me as "fat" for so long that it can't process me any other way.  Without the mirror there, I am consciously aware of my deisre to not lose any more weight, I feel satisfied, even if I am still a 27 BMI, so I will lose more just to be within a healthy weight range.  When I am not in front of a mirror I am THRILLED!  I feel awesome, I feel free, I feel sexy, I feel thin.  I love shopping (something I always dreaded as nothing ever fit right and it just was depressing to look at size tags) and I love activity, so I know I am better off, but I jsut don't want to move from overeating to an anorexic mindset...you know?  Has anyone else out there struggled with this?  I hope I am not the only one...lol...
Other than that life is going sooo great...I cannot begin to tell you how happy and blessed I am to have had the opportunity to change my life for the better through this surgery!  I will keep posting as the mood moves me to...God Bless!!! 

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