ViveArdenter

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Well, I am at 10 months out and feel as if the surgery is but a distant memory, weird huh?  Your brain and body are amazing machines and mine is really working well now that it had some alterations...lol...I am still losing, although much slower than in the beginning, but partly that is due to my exercise routine has been interrupted, so need to jump back on that horse...I am still thrilled to have had the suregery and am proud to report that I can shop a juniors 13/14 for the first time since 8th grade!!!!  It is amazing.  I have family members who used to tell me that it wouldn't hurt to lose a little to now saying, "Honey, I think you should be done, don't lose anymore..."  It is liberating to be in that spot BUT....and I still have a but (lol, but I like it most days)...but, I am having a serious issue seeing myself as thinner.  I relaize it is only 10 months out, but I still see the old me in the mirror and this scares me.  I have gone from a 26/28 to a 13/14 and I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin...does this go away? I hope so.  Will I ever feel like I am not grotesquely huge?  I pray to God I will.  That is my only conern right now that I need my brain to catch up with me.  It has seen me as "fat" for so long that it can't process me any other way.  Without the mirror there, I am consciously aware of my deisre to not lose any more weight, I feel satisfied, even if I am still a 27 BMI, so I will lose more just to be within a healthy weight range.  When I am not in front of a mirror I am THRILLED!  I feel awesome, I feel free, I feel sexy, I feel thin.  I love shopping (something I always dreaded as nothing ever fit right and it just was depressing to look at size tags) and I love activity, so I know I am better off, but I jsut don't want to move from overeating to an anorexic mindset...you know?  Has anyone else out there struggled with this?  I hope I am not the only one...lol...
Other than that life is going sooo great...I cannot begin to tell you how happy and blessed I am to have had the opportunity to change my life for the better through this surgery!  I will keep posting as the mood moves me to...God Bless!!! 

Ok, next weekend is my 31st birthday...This may come as a shock, I AM THRILLED!  I am so excited to see what this next year brings that I can hardly contain myself.  God has done soo much in my life to this point that I feel overwhelmingly blessed.  My surgery was such a big step for me, but I find no regret.  I do find the occasionally longing for the days of binging and high calorie food fests...BUT, that is mental and temporary.  What I have now instead is a renewwed sense of me.  I am finally getting to see who I was supposed to be al along and I never cease to be amazed!  I am down over 100 lbs (alsmost in the 180's) and am in a sze 16, which I haven't been in for over 13 YEARS!!!!  So that is amazing.  On top of the scale showing a decreased number, my confidence is booming, my life is more active, my outlook and prognosis for a future is soooo much BRIGHTER!  I praise God for these changes.  I prayed for a new me and I got the me that was suppposed to be, better than I could imagine.  I enter my "over thrity" years with passion, permission to play, and PRAISE!  So thanks God and thanks for guiding Dr. Foote's hands to restore me to me...That's all I have to say at this point, but I am sure I will say more as time goes on...

So it has been six months since my surgery and I cannot believe it is so...part of me is thrilled and part of me is bummed...I wanted to be 100 pounds down at 6 months out and, well, I didn't make it by like 5-7 lbs...meh...BUT, I am thrilled at the changes that have taken place in my body and attitude and mind and spirit.  I feel renewed, like the old me is finally on its way to being vanquished!!!  I am praising God, my Papa, the Heavenly Host of all mercy, for seeing me through the tough times, cause man has there been some tough times...I cannot imagine what a drug addict goes through if its anything like my food addiciton "detox" then I pray for all addcits!!!  It has been a LONG six months meaning I never knew so much change could happen in such a short time.  I am getting renewed view of myself.  Oddly enough I feel like I have to be more modest now that I am losing weight...funny huh. But, I am totally okay with swimsuit season this year...Its the first time in about 15 years since I could honestly say that I felt fine in a suit...so that is a big step for me...I am more active, I opt for better choices...and I use opt very strongly...I have no sugar problems, but choose to avoid sugar and carbs to the best of my abilities, so its by choice, not force, which is a HUGE step for me...My pouch is still smallish, but I am feeling the fullness now, when I wasn't before.  I still get cravings, but have found that cocoa roasted almonds (100 calorie pack with 1g sugar only!!!) can get me through in a pinch.  I have found I am beginning to detest unjury, but still eat it, by choice to ensure nutritionally I am sound...I am finding new foods to love, that I never would have eaten before b/c I was a fast food, junk food, bad food addict...now, I love finding new ways to cook my meat and what things can go along with it...I even found I like brussel sprouts...lol...I do have an issue with the "crack" of my liking...I fell off the wagon once and ate some animal crackers....STAY AWAY FROM THESE EVIL CUTIE PIES!!!!  They seriously are like crack...I have a hard time not eating too many...They are mush upon entering your mouth and take forever to fill you up....BUT, I know that, so I don't buy them...I am almost under 200 (203 to be precise) and in a tight 16 comfy 18...some 18s are too loose and other 16s fit fine...so its a brand/stretch thing...lol...I am just sooooo looking forward to feeling comfortable in my own skin.  I haven't been for so long that its hard to adjust inside as quickly as my outside changes...you know?  I lost a job recently and normally that would mean days of eating in front of my favorite re-runs and eating bag upon bag of unhealthy vein blocking munchies, but now, I just stay busy and so I don't eat.  In fact, I don't even feel hungry most days...that is nice!  I have posted some new pics, so check them out...It will amaze you what a hundred pounds will do...I am off to unpack some more boxes and downsize more than my waist measurement...Thank God for all of you fellow WLS'ers...your words inspire me...And God speed to all with recent surgeries and God Bless to those pre-op WLS "babies"...can't wait to see you shrink while you grow...

Cody

I am at the 4 month mark here...Well, as of April 23rd, I was...My son turned 10 (the double digits) on the 22nd, which was bittersweet...I am the mom of a 10 year old.  Part of me wished I had made the decision to have WLS much earlier, but God has His hand in the timing of everything and I realize His hand is in this as well...So, I am enjoying my new found freedom of movement, struggling with not seeing myself with old eyes (I have a hard time not seeing a "FAT" person still)...anyway, I was thrilled to be able to run around with my 10 year old to celbrate his birth.  I was just as thrilled when this weekend I went thrift shopping (something that is harder the bigger you are) and for the first time in 10 years and at least 9 months (my pre-child me) I was able to put on, COMFORTABLY, a size 18!!!!!!!!!!  This is such an naswer to prayers for me...God has been so amazingly good through this journey and I cannot wait to see where I am lead with this experience.   And I realize 18 may not be model material for the runway, but I am so excited to hit this milestone.  I was 18 or 19, did you hear that, 18 or 19 the last time I put on a size 18.  So, this is huge for me...I am content with my decision to do what I did...I am thankful for this tool being available to me.  As I reflect on my 30 year life, I remember my grandma, who at her death in her 54th year, was close to 400 lbs, after a 100lbs weight loss, and realize what a blessing it is to have been able to utilize this tool.  So, it is with great appreciation for my doctors and all the people who have supported me on this journey (and even some who haven't) that I come into my 4th month satisfied and seeing a future filled with so much more...

To God be the Glory!!!

Wow!  I cannot believe I have made it this far already!!!  It is almost 3 months...well, a little early, but this is why...I got a new job!!!!  Yep, I got enought courage to branch out and I am moving to Maryland for a 13-week assignment there.  So much FUN!  But the other reason I am writing is that I am SO THRILLED it is unreal.  I had to go to the doctor's earlier today for some wls unrelated things and I weighed in and almost cried...WITH JOY!  I have lost FIFTY POUNDS!!! 50! 50! 50!  Before the "fat" days some ten years ago, I became pregnant and gained about 65 lbs...that put me at my highest weight (at that time) I had been.  I was sure after the baby it would melt off...WRONG!  Well, today, I am happy to report, I am under my pregnancy highest weight...That hasn't happened in 10 YEARS!!!!  This is so incredible.  It makes the pain, the withdrawals, the heartburn, the OMG what did I dos, the mourning the loss of my best friend Food, everything WORTH IT!!!!!  I feel so much better, I am handling things well, I am ready for the new me to emerge.  I cannot wait to see what happens these next few months.  I will be away from everybody who knows me and I will come home even more improved...This journey, although difficult and challenging, is the most rewarding thing (other than motherhood, of course).  I just can't wait to see what is in store for me...Man, I just had to let this out...I am happier than I have been in so long....Thanks for being there, my precious family, and I am so glad we are going to have more time with each other....

I am going into my sixth week post-op and I must say...I am pumped.  The reason, youak?  Well, I went shopping this past weekend for some new pants...all mine are loose and silly looking (reason number one).  The second reason...I can wear a whole two sizes smaller!!!!!  That is so amazing to me.  I didn't think such a small change could impact my psyche so much.

The reality of what I have done is coming into my brain now and I am glad it was not in vain.  I am trying despreately to stick to a rigid diet regime and I keep a daily food log to ensure I am drinking 64 oz. (hard to do) and eating 60+ grams of protien (much easier and have only "missed" 4 of 42 days).  As for my meds, I am doing good on those too, a big shocker to myself.  I am a little disgruntled that I haven't lost more, but the reality is aI do not have a regualr exercise routine and so that will make a HUGE difference.  I do move and make a conscious effort to not stay immobile, but I am not where I want to be physcially.  I am also a bit tired, but I think that is due more to winter blah than anything.  If I compare it to before surgery I am stoked, energy wise.  

I am looking forward to my appointment with Dr.and the Dietician on Thursday.  This will be my weight confirmation.  I am glad to know that numbers go down, but I certainly don't want to be obsessive about it.  I am trying to more look at how I feel, how my clothes fit, and how I view myself when I do that full-length mirror check...lol.  I have a goal in mind, but  I will not be dismayed if it takes a bit longer than I wanted to meet it.

I guess that's all for now, just remember, I know I will win this battle.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!!!  

Today is my two week anniversary and I am thrilled with my progress.  I feel so much better, I have energy and I am losing like mad.  I am trying not to weigh myself often, just at milestones.  I don't want it to be a numbers game, but a total package game.  My clothes are looser, but I have yet to go down a size.  I am starving mentally.  I have come to terms with the fact that I am a food addict and this is my intervention.  Oddly enough my biggest craving is a piece of cold steak (cooked, of course), cold baked potatoe and piping hot, peppered brocolli...So, at least my addicition is headed in the right direction...lol.  I am also SICK OF LIQUIDS!  I cannot wait for my appointment on the 8th to get clearance for more substantial foods.  I can hardly stomach the protein drinks anymore.  I dream of eggs and tuna!  Because I was supposed to have he ROuen-y, but ended up having the sleeve, I am lost as to what happens next.  So, that sums up the journey thus far...probably report back in two more weeks...WooHoo!  Here we go.

This has been such a journey and I am only one week out!  My journey began before I even knew it.  I was scheduled for the R-en-Y and ended up having a gastric sleeve, so that was one major change to my plan.  I am also totally "starving" mentally.  And that has been really hard.  The only console is that I can see my jawline and have ankles...already my butterly transformation is beginning.  I consider this healing time my chryssillis...I look forward to posting more...