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Just stopping by really quick, I am officially half the girl I used to be from 351 to 175 - what a wild ride!  I went from a size 26 pants to a size 10 - currently wearing them right now.  A 3x-4x shirt to comfortably wearing a large - the skin shows on small but I often steal my daughter's sweat shirts (which are smalls). Promise I'll check in more later but I wanted to share this with the world, now I'm off to celebrate.

Hello Bog,

So....Weightloss is so slow.  I'm so bummed that the scale has not moved in a few weeks.  I know I need to be patient and I know the last 50 lbs is supposed to be the hardest but I can see that 142 looming in the distance and I really want to get to it.  It's like when your walking on the beach in the summer and the sand is burning your feet.  To keep yourself walking you look towards the water and you imagine the ice cold feel of the ocean but you still have to walk there... I guess I'm just a little stressed by the fact that I'm not getting there and I was so wishing that I would be at goal by one year out.  I totally get that we shouldn't compare our weight loss to others but how can you help it?  I troll the boards and I see people reaching their goal by 6 or 8 months out and I am so completely jealous.

Zumba has been out for the past few weeks.  My Nana passed away.  My brother and his family flew up to stay with me.  They were there for a little over a week so Zumba was gone for that week.  Then I threw out my back because I was not paying attention while I was walking and fell off a curb so the doctor put me out of Zumba for that week.  Then this past week I have umpteen million social workers coming to my house (we have a foster child - soon to be adopted) to update our foster care license so this week was out.  I think Monday starts a new week on myfitnesspal so my goal is three times a week! Maybe that will kick start the weightloss. 

My husband and I are doing better financially and emotionally.  His job is working out well and we are finally caught up on alot of our bills.  We are working towards bankruptcy and I know that will curb alot of stress and he is FINALLY getting his child support taken care of so the little hussy in Kentucky will leave me alone.  She's not a hussy for wanting child support she is a hussy for other reasons but I won't get into them since this is a family show :-) Anyhow, the stress relief is making life with my kids better so here is an update on the family.

Nicole has her last cheer competition on April 20th and then on May 5th she has tryout for full year competitive cheer.  She has done really well with her tumbling and I know she'll make a team, the nail biter is which team will she be on?  We are still waiting on her report card but it looks like straight A's except for in Math.  Her teacher has been out since the end of February and due to a bad test grade her current average is a 53.  There is still six weeks of work to be entered so hopefully she won't fail this quarter.  She has started to babysit for my cousin Sarah.  Sarah, bless her soul, knows how much cheer is going to cost and is paying her handsomely.  Nicole has also stepped up with the chores in the house so she is really showing some support.

Caroline's 1st (and looks like only) dance recital is on June 8th.  Her costume's have been purchased and the tickets bought.  Her dance teacher has recommended 4 dance classes next year.  Level 2's in everything (even though she's only taken level 1 in 2 classes).  The instructor feels that Cara has some raw talent and wants to see her more.  Cara, however, feels a little removed from Nicole and I because she doesn't cheer.  I feel bad because I am just not that into dance.  She said that she wants to cheerlead next year instead of dance.  I feel bad because I don't want her to give up dance but I don't want her to be miserable either.  Although having them both in cheer actually works out better for me, except for competition fees for the both of them would be 1300.00.  She did receive honor roll again this semester and she had no quiet rooms this week!  (Caroline is our foster-to-adopt child, due to trauma she goes to a special school).  On Friday I am checking out a new day school closer to where we live.

I guess thats all, I'll keep you posted the next time I write.

Today I put on a size 10 pair of jeans.  For a moment I felt amazing.  My goal is a 5/6 thats only 2 more sizes!  Why do I still feel huge?

4/4/12 Update

Dear Me,
Chinese food is not a good idea, this is the second time you've tried it and the second time you've thrown up.  My advice to you is to not try to eat it anymore.  It is not an easy food to digest and it is a horrid food to throw up.  STOP THINKING YOU CAN EAT IT! Love- Me

As you can see by the above memo, I tried to eat Chinese food and it made me really sick.  I spent an hour in my bathroom praying to the porcelain gods for relief .  It's the hardest food to throw up,  I gagged for so long I threw out my back.    My chiropractor put me back together and I feel much better.  It's been two weeks since I last worked out and I really want to get back on track but my grandmother dies so my brother and his family stayed with me then I tripped and fell throwing my hip out.  It's hopeless.  Next week I have appointments every night of the week.  This is not going to help my weight loss but sometimes we need to focus on other things. The week of the 15th looks like a good week for new beginnings.  Plus the weather is getting nicer so I am going to ask Hubby to get the bikes in working order so that me and the Girls can ride.  I have a few things to look forward to,

Hi Blog,

So my Nana died yesterday and I am so sad.  I'm kicking myself for every time I said I was going to go visit and then decided that I had something to do.  I hope she knew how much I loved her, even if I did only get down to see her a handful of times during the year. 

So my weight loss has slowed down so much . I just wanted to keep progressing even if it was only 10 lbs per month.  I was honestly hoping to be at goal weight by one year out.  It's not going to happen.  I just need to suck it up and move on. 

Financially things are a bit better but every time we come up with a budget, something happens and it falls apart. 

I guess I'm just not having a good day.  Once I reach 155, I will have a normal BMI...

I know I just wrote, but I wanted to say that I am officially "overweight"  I weigh 187 and I couldn't be happier.  I went to the gym on Saturday and it felt amazing! I can't wait to go again.  I tanned and tanning always makes me feel beautiful.  I also posted a picture that truly shows my body, which I've been hiding since my surgery. 

In all that is good there are some people out there who are telling me that I am "too" skinny.  I have 45 more lbs to loose.  I will be happy when I loose those 45 lbs.  I hate when I make that statement that there is someone who wants to tell me that I'm going to be a skeleton and "gross", I just want to feel beautiful.  I want to look in the mirror and know that I've accomplished the one thing that has brought me down my whole life,  I want to be average, I want to be normal and above all I want to look at that girl in the mirror and say "hey pretty lady, welcome to the new world."  I don't understand why people are so judgmental, especially the ones that wanted me to have the surgery.

ergggg just a little venting to start the week off.

Good Morning,

It's been a while since I wrote.  Here is an update:

• I've wandered into onderland - great achievement
• I'm currently (and I mean this second) wearing a pair of 12 jeans - a goal that I've had since I was 12 and a size 16
• My financial troubles are not getting any better but I was able to get a beater for a second vehicle until I am back on my feet
• My husband has a part time job with potential for full time - we'll find out tomorrow.  The job isn't much but any income is better than none
• The kids are good, Nicole had her first speaking role in a play and did well.  She is working on her round off double back handspring in cheer and will hopefully have it this weekend.  We are hoping to allow her to join the full year squad but it will all depend on the money situation.  Her first cheer comp is in just three weeks and three days.
• Caroline is almost finished learning both her tap and jazz routines for dance, then they will just clean them up.  Her recital isn't until June so I think they are in good shape.  Cara has expressed her interest in doing 4 dance classes next season, we will again have to check the finances at that point.
• My husband and I are atleast sleeping in the same bed again.  I believe our relationship can be repaired.
• Now that I have another vehicle I'm planning on the gym and therapy again.

So in a nutshell thats where I am physically and mentally, I hope all you readers are doing well  Good Luck!
 

I am almost to the beginning of my month 7 and I have 66 lbs to go.  I don't know if I thought I would be farther along or if I thought that I'd be less far, I guess I really didn't think about it.  I'm happy with my progress, 107 lbs lost from June 5, 2012 puts me at an average of 3.5 lbs per week.  I love my pouch so much but I fear that I will slip back into old habits.

For instance, I have learned that if I eat until I'm full and wait like 12-15 minutes then I can eat more.  Do I need more?  Probably not.  Do I want more?  Absolutely.  At this point in my recovery I am sure that my intestines will suck out all that extra but what about the future?  I one heard someone say, the habits we learn today will predict our success in our future.  I can't fail.

My car got repossessed so my husband had to quit his job.  Now we can't get my car back because we don't have the income to pay for it.  I'm so stressed, hence the extra eating.

Because I have a foster child DCYF is always climbing up my back which is adding extra stress on me and my marriage.  I just want them to leave me alone.

I'm on two anti anxiety meds, one for everyday and one for when I have a panic attack.  The one for everyday works pretty well.  The problem with the panic attack med is that it makes me feel like I'm drunk and I really can't function when I take it.  That means, I can't take it if I have to drive, work, or take care of the kids.

I guess that's really all there is, a bunch of complaints.  Atleast with the Mirena there will be no surprises of pregnancy, thats a plus!

Happy New year

Today I hate my job.  I made a mistake but it's not why I hate it.  It's because people are being unreasonable about collecting money from a person who is disabled.  I don't think it's fair, I think it's down right mean.  Unfortunately I am just a lemming of the powers at be and I will need to bleed water from a rock in the desert.  I've been in this person's shoes which is why I am claiming bankruptcy.  Have heart! seriously, it's almost Christmas.  How do I disconnect myself from my bleeding heart for this person?  I really need to disengage.  I guess when the person comes in I will try to disconnect and think of something else. 

My weight has been the same for a little while, I was expecting a stall.  I think there is usually a stall around the 6 month mark.  I thought I only had 66 pounds to go but it turns out I have 74 because I'm supposed to weigh 142 not 150.  I really want to climb under a rock today.  Tomorrow will be worst but hopefully the weekend will bring me back to my cheery self.  I'm sure I''ll write next week but if I don't Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this.

Well How do you do?  I was supposed to see my surgeon today for my 6 month check up but he had to cancel.  I will see him on Monday.  I was so hoping to be one hundred pounds down from the surgery but it's not going to happen.  I weigh myself nude and I'm at 218.  Fully clothed I am probably more like 220.  I'm proud of my accomplishments this far though.  I feel so much better than ever before.  I started circuit training at planet fitness.  It's the 30 minute workout.  I didn't die, which is amazing.  I didn't realize how week my abdomen was until I tried to do the sit ups with a 40lb weight.  I struggled through it but I think that perhaps I should start lower.  The best part is, I feel beautiful.  Not everyday but alot of days.  I can look at myself in the mirror and not want to cry.  I really do hope that these last 60lbs come off.  I know it's hard work but I think I've made a pretty good start for myself.

On another note, I needed to go on some depression medication.  I was angry all the time and that wasn't' the life that I wanted for my girls.  My husband and I have decided to go to marriage counseling and he has agreed to see my therapist.  Both of my girls are excelling in school and in out of school activities,  Once we get our finances straight I think that things will be better.

I think that is all I really have to say.  I'm happy to report that the scale is still moving and I am still looking forward to a healthy future both physically and mentally. 

Peace to everyone in this holiday season!

So nothing new.  I've been going to the gym and I feel great.  It's a little tough juggling the girls, work, house stuff, and the gym but what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger.  I'm down 127 lbs total, 90 lbs lost since surgery.  That means that I am averaging 3.5lbs a week so that is not too shabby.  I definitely do not want to turn this into a "woe is me session" so I am going to go.  My back has been killing me recently, I wonder if it has to do with the weight loss.