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My fears came true! I hit my first gain! 8lbs in a month! Boy am I upset...that can't describe how I feel, more like terrified and disappointed in myself. The last few days, I've been logging food on My Fitness Pal. That's the program that helped me loose the pre surgery weight and it's helping take off the 8lbs I gained. I'm back to 145 but I'll be happier at 140. I just have to take control and do what I have to do. It'll be okay. I can do this!

Do you know how high in calories almonds are? Total surprise, 10 calories per almond. Blows my mind!

Amazing, thats all I have to say.  The last two years have been life changing.  I have lost 211lbs.  I am a size 4/6 from a 24/26.  I feel better than I have in my entire life.  I got rid of my husband and was strong enough to move on.  I had plastic surgery.  I'm doing great at my job.  Enough with the happy.  All of you know that I am very honest on my blog.

I'm afraid I'm going to get fat, I mean honestly, at what point did I go from eating a cup of food to eating a whole sandwich?  It's the only complaint I have...Hopefully I am smart enough to use my tool and to keep the weight off.

So, here we are again.  I am almost completely healed from my plastic surgery.  Thanks to my best friend for caring for me and teaching me to care for myself, my scar looks amazing! I can't wait until I wear a bikini this summer.

Divorce papers are signed, I get custody of the kids, he doen't have to pay child support, we are moving about 90 min away from one another.

Both girls are changing schools with only 6 weeks to go so they both have given up on doing school work at their current schools.  This does not make for a happy mommy.

I reached my goal weight but it is slowly creaping up as I make muscle, can't wait to get back to the gym.

I guess thats all, I just wanted to give my blog followers a quick update.

Love you ALL

Hello Again!

I am updating you from the comfort of my bed because I am recovering from abdominoplasty 👍. I'm excited to report that on March 12, 2014 I had a Paniculectomy as well as liposuction and the reattaching of my abdominal muscles. My surgery was only partially covered by insurance. I was worried about coming up with the remaining 4500.00 that wasn't covered, but the doctors office offered special financing through a lender that accepted anyone with a checking account soooo here I am. 😁

The past few days I have been camped out on a friends couch and today is my first day home alone. Chris, my soon to be ex husband, stocked my pantry with easy to heat food. Chris and I still live together so we can still co-parent. My youngest daughter is not getting any better and I'm not sure what our next steps will be but we are working very closely with a specialist team and we will take it one step at a time. 

Long story short, there really isn't anything new. I'm just living each day as it comes. I think that this will be my last surgery for a while. I would like to get breast implants but it's nothing I'm going to seriously consider until this surgery is paid off. 

Wow Blog! 19 amazing, crazy months.  I am down 204 lbs with 5 lbs to go.

Divorce is still processing.  It's a slow but steady process.  We are toxic for each other and we need to go our separate ways.  Having a special needs child just adds time to the process.  Truth be told, I don't hate Christopher. I actually love him but I love him like a cousin.  What I mean is, I have to love him because he's family but I wouldn't choose him as a friend.  I can't just leave him out in the cold homeless.  I also can't leave my step daughter without insurance.  So, my life remains complicated and we remain married on paper.

I was in a car accident that was not my fault in December 20th.  I ended up with a concussion and alot of back and neck pain.  I managed to basically ruin Christmas for my children.  My insurance company is a pain in the rear and they are not working with me nor are the cooperating with my lawyer. 

After the accident I passed out in a parking lot on January 5th.  The MRI was inconclusive, all my blood work all came back normal. Uggh is all I can say.

Due to all this chaos, my skin surgery was canceled.  The surgeon's office staff was less than helpful so I changed surgeons.  My new surgery date with my new surgeon is on March 12th.  Less than 2 months away.

The kids are out of control with attitudes.  My youngest (special needs child) was horrible over the past few weeks to the point where I was considering putting her into a residential facility.  I'm sure it was the holiday stress and the stress with my car accident and I'm glad that things are getting better. My oldest has hit the "dreaded teen years".  It was like an overnight change.  One day she was my little baby all happy and innocent and the next day she was this evil, manipulative, lying, swearing, thieving, rude specimen from Hades. Both of them are going to get a real lesson on earning priviliges and giving adults proper respect.

I've noticed with all this stress that my eating habits have sort of slid to poor choices.  I'm hoping as some of the stress leaves my life then I can focus on getting back on track.  At this point I can't handle anymore! I can't exercize because of my extra skin so I'm just hanging out and getting lazy trying not to gain weight.

8 weeks from yesterday until surgery.  I have some upcoming events to keep me busy.  On the February 13th I leave for Atlanta, Georgia and come back on February 17th, this is for my daughters cheerleading.  Then I leave on March 5th and come back March 9th from San Antonio, Texas, this is for work but it should be fun.

Thats all for now! Good Luck on your Journey!

I'm so sorry that I've been away.  My weight loss has all but stopped and I am okay with where I am.  I am 9lbs away from goal and those 9lbs will have to be worked off.  I'm actually hoping that they will come off when I get my skin removed. 

Oh, I'm getting my skin removed from my abdomen on January 16th.  I am very excited.  The extra skin has caused me numerous problems.  Just as we speak, I have a yeast infection around my belly button.  It smells horrid and it hurts like a son of a gun.  I also have intense back and neck pain.

My husband and I are still working towards divorce.  I'm seeing someone new and he is wonderful, aren't they all in the beginning?  It's nothing too serious right now but we'll see where it goes.

My girls are great and they are both doing fairly well in school.  Nicole is cheerleading and Caroline has joined her.  We'll see if Cara sticks with it.  She is a very indecisive girl.

My boobs are gone and my skin hangs but I'd keep the loose skin and all the infections in place of the 200lbs that I've lost.  To all of you who have followed me on my journey, I hope that you all are enjoying success.  Do not ever hesitate to reach out to me.

Peace, Love, and Pouches!

I just wanted to say that I have a normal BMI - first time in my life! 14lbs to go!

I made my year mark! Yay for me. 

I still feel like crap, not physically but mentally.  I just want to feel beautiful.  I told my friend that I was going to start paying boys to tell me I’m pretty since that seems to be the only way that I feel that way.

My husband and I are divorcing; we are just waiting for the adoption of our youngest to go through before we file the paperwork.  It’s just not working for so many reasons.  He deserves more and I deserve more.

I’m 17lbs away from goal, although yesterday I was up 3lbs.  I’m okay with the bouncing, it seems to happen but I always end on the low number.  I really don’t care, the lowest weight is my weight and I learned along time ago not to stress.  I want to be 142 so bouncing between 142 and 145 is fine with me.

I think I need to schedule an appointment with the plastic surgeon.  My skin feels like it’s pulling and it hurts, it also hurts my back.  Maybe I’ll call them today.

Okay so weight loss picked up but for not the right reasons.  I've been so depressed lately it's not even remotely funny.  I look in the mirror and I see this ugly fat person.  I thought that getting skinny was going to help my self esteem and all it seems to have done was draw to the fact that I'm not that pretty.  I've started looking into plastic surgery for skin, then boobs, now a nose job, perhaps a cheek injection.  I just want to feel pretty and I would do anything to feel that way.

I'm pretty sure that my husband and I have decided on Divorce.  We are trying a month separation where I kinda do my thing and he kinda does his.  One boy paid attention to me and I was like in 7th heaven.  It felt amazing but this boy kinda dropped me like a bad habit and I am more depressed then ever.  I now cry every day.

I'm left with thinking why wasn't I good enough?  What could I do to be good enough?  Was it my personality, maybe my personality isn't as great as I thought it was...What if my hair was different?  What if I had already had the plastic surgery?

Why do I feel this way and how do I make it stop? 

I need to find more people to tell me I'm pretty, I'm so pathetic

So here I am just 26 days from my year out mark!  Can you believe it blog?  Gosh so much has happened and I feel so blessed to be here at this weight.  I worked through the longest stall in my weight loss journey.  It turns out that I was eating too many carbs.  I was eating over 115 grams a day which for the normal person isn’t THAT bad but when you are only consuming 700-900 calories a day it is THAT bad.  I cut the carbs, well let’s correct that statement.  I took the time to learn the difference between good carbs and bad carbs.  So I’ve cut the carbs way down and the majorities are natural carbs from fruit.  I still eat right around 900-1000 calories a day but I had a bad day last week and ate 1400.

This leads to me a really funny story… Last weekend we went to a church dinner.  It was wonderful and after dinner there was pie.  I ordered Strawberry Rhubarb not giving it a second a thought.  I took a tiny bite to test and I knew immediately that there was WAY too much sugar.  My stomach started cramping right away but after a few moments it was gone.  Fast forward to the next day and I almost died.  My stomach was not happy and neither were my intestines.  My guess is that I dumped and that guess is enough to keep me away from sugar for a long long time.

So as I said before, I’ve gone from a size 26/28 to a size 10/12, a size 3x/4x shirt to a large, a size 44D bra to a 36B, a size 12 underware to a size 7, a size 10 shoe to a size 8 ½ - 9.  I don’t remember my measurements off the top of my head but I know I’ve lost A LOT of inches.  I no longer have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, or diabetes.  They are checking my PCOS and fatty liver soon. I now walk 2 miles 3-4 times a week and bike 2 miles 2-3 times per week sometimes doing both in the same day.  I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression since the surgery and a bit of body dismorphic syndrome (a mild case).

Girls are doing great, Caroline and Nicole both got honor roll last semester.  Nicole made the senior team in Cheerleading.  Caroline’s dance recital is on June 8^th.  Nicole’s band concert is on June 10^th.  They both get out of school for the summer soon.  Cara has decided against cheer and dance at this point but she would like to have swimming lessons this summer so we will see how that goes.  She has mentioned the possibility of doing half year.  I think she gets bored with things too quickly and a year is too long of a commitment for her.

Things with Hubby are steadily improving and things financially are also improving.  Let’s see what next month brings us!!!

Anyone who reads this who wants to reach out, please do, I’m here for support J