Telaine
Where to start....I have always been 'bigger' i wasn't unhealthy as a child, but i was solid. My adoptive mum was a compulsive over eater and as a young child i was home alone with her when she was going through a hard time and would just spend all day eating with her. I fell pregnant with my son at 16 and moved back to Australia from England where i had been studying and working three jobs, to doing nothing. I went from 90kilos to 145kilos in my pregnancy. I lost 30kilos after having Kaelem but have now had it all back on for a year and am only going up. I struggle with dieting, to be honest i need this operation for the tool it is to help me and my will power. But at the same time the thought of not having all that 'junk' i crave scares me, but so does death. I have no self esteem and being adopted where all my siblings were tiny, made it hard. I remember every comment made, the snide elephant walk my brother would hum when i walked past, and it breaks my heart. I'm sick of feeling guilty and shamed when people look at me, like i have no right to have a life. I am sick of being judged, It is turning me into a bitter and cynical person. I do not have anyone who understands me and hope through this site i can get the friendships and understanding i crave. Depression and anxiety have haunted me for the last two years, some days are great and others are not. I try to over compensate at work and in social situations so people like me, only to be walked all over, and i can not wait to control my life and emotion's the way everyone deserves too.
