sashabear

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I've finaly went over the 150lb mark this morning.  I weigh 179lbs and that would make a total of 151lbs lost.

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!!

I just read my last post and I am a bit discouraged with the weight loss.  It has been almost a month since the last post and I am basically at the same weight.  I know that since I am near my goal, it will be harder to loose the weight. 

I may not be loosing the pounds, but I can see my fat shifting to other parts of my body.   I can see in the last few weeks that my knee and lower thigh has gotten much smaller and I am about to need another wardrobe change soon.  If someone would have told me that one day I would be wearing a 14 I would have laughted right in their face.  But here I am wearing a size 14/16.  I cannot even remeber the last time I was in that size.  I am smaller now than when I was in high school.\

I've been getting some pictures together to share in my support groups and I am just astounded on how FAT I really was.  I was actually disgusted with one picture in particular.  I was really really fat and I looked just misreable.  Now I am more outgoing, active and not willing to just sit in the house every night and weekend.  I want to go out and explore what this life can offer.

I've even had a date!!  I haven't been on a real date in almost 6years.  The guy turned out to be a dud, but at least I gained a friend in the process (I think  hehe)

Well, it is really nice outside and I think I will get into my swim suit and get into the pool for a while.

 Until next time

Well, I haven't posted anything in a while so I guess I have a bunch of stuff to write about today.

I am now down to 183lbs for a total loss of 147lbs.  Sometimes I see that figure and don't belive it. It is such a high number and I cannot belive that I have lost that much.  I am almost down to my goal of 140lbs but would be happy if I could loose just another 30lbs or so.

I just came back from a week long road trip and I lost 4lbs during the trip.  I was frustrated a few times when I had to make choices that I would not have made if I were at home. Overall, I think I did pretty good with my eating. Both my hotels had gym facilities and the 2nd one had a pool so I was able to keep up my exercising rutine.

I joined the gym back in April and have been going pretty faithfully after work almost daily.  I had a personal trainer but had my last work out with him last week.  I don't have the money right now to continue with him, but he did give me some good resistance exerceises that I can do at home or work.  I now want to have someone show me how to use the weight machines so maybe I will need to pay for one more session for that.

I went shopping in Old Navy yesturday and was happy as a clam when everything I tried on fit.  That made me happy, but it is still somewhat frustrating buying cloths because I am inbetween the plus and normal sizes.  Sometimes the plus XL is too big and the normal size XL is just a bit too snug.  I am doing a lot of shoping and then returning the cloths I just bought.  Yesterday I went to a store and bought 3 normal XL's and got home and they are too tight.  I couldnt try them on at the store because I was with someone else.  I am still debating if I should return them or just leave them in the closet for the next few weeks.

Well, I want to get to the gym before it gets too crowded.

I will hopefully post some new pics in the next few days

I hit my 6month mark a few days ago and I made a personal wow just today.  I am now under 200lbs.

As I think back on the last 6months, I feel very fortunate that I haven't had any surgical complications, nor have I had any real issues with food. Except scrambled eggs, they still give me problems. But overall, everything is going just peachy and I cannot wait for the time that I reach my final goal.

My main goal now is to join a gym.  But to me that is really really scary and I've been putting it off for the last 2 months.  It is frustrating because I know that I would benefit in my weight loss and in reducing my loose flabby thighs, but I still cannot seem to get  over that fear of something new.  Hopefully I will concour that soon.

I am now 5 months out from surgery, sometimes it feels like just yesturday and others it feels like a lifetime ago.

I am now down 121lbs and in the respect I am ellated.  I am also hightly frustrated in other areas.  I am loosing but it such a frustrating way. I will loose 7-10lbs then stall for about 2 weeks!! This has been going on for a while now and I am getting tired of it.  I know that this is how it will be but when I have been soo large for soo long, I just want to see the weight go!!!!

I am also frustrated with my lack of determination to get my big fat butt into the gym.  I know I need the excercise and to start tightening up my muscles, but I cannot seem to get the strenghth to walk in and join.  Maybe this week will be my week.

I've started to see loose skin mostly in my lower belly and thighs, a trip to the gym would do wonders, but If I cannot do it, then it will be a shame.

I lost my cat Sasha on Monday.  He was only 8years old and took sick very suddenly and passed away early Monday morning.  I've had him since he was 8wks old and I still, after almost a week, cannot believe that he is gone.  My mind keeps seeing him in the house, but when I look again, of course he is not there.  My other cat Cleo has noticed that he is no longer here and has been crying a bit at night trying to find him.  Cleo gave me a scare this morning herself, she started vomiting just like Sasha did before he died.  But I know she cannot have gotten sick in less than 24hrs after her vet gave her a clean bill of health on Saturday.

 On a possitive note, I've finally made it past 100lbs lost.  I've lost a total of 101lbs and 53lbs of that was post surgery.  It feels great to be able to see body parts that have been hidden for so long, a feel of a bone here or there or being able to see a slight figure in the mirror.  Most of my cloths don't fit.  I've bought just a few things in the last 2wks and my sister in law gave me some nice cloths, but they are still one size away and too snug.  I am also expecting a bag of cloths from my cousin, and I am excited to see what she has sent me.

I have been off work a lot this month, taking my last holiday's off and my last vacation days of the year.  I have noticed that I have been snaking/grazing a bit while at home.  Nothing major, a nibble here, a nibble there.  But it makes you really think about the behaviors that must modified now or I will sabatoge myself before too long.  I know it stems from boredom, but there isn't much I can do when there is a shortage of money and really nowhere to go that doesn't require it.

I know, I know, I could drink water or go for a walk, but my mind isn't quire there yet.  Just like I know it is time to join the gym, but I put it off because I am afraid.  To tell the truth, I know I am afraid, but of what I really cannot say at this time.  I don't reall think it is embarasment of my body, but the fear of the unknown that gets me the most.  I've always been like that.  I guess that is something else that I will need to work on.

by for now

It has been quite a while since my last post.  I am now 21/2 months post op and feeling great in some aspects and frustrated in others.

To start out, I had my first WOW moment yesturday when I went bra shopping for the first time since surgery.  Before surgery, I was wearing a 
54 DDD-E.  I came out of the store yesturday with a size 46-C.  I could not belive it.  I haven't worn a C in well over 15 years.  It feels geat to see the weight comming off in such a concrete way by seeing it in the size tag of your cloths.  I've also dropped from a 4-5x to a 2x in blouse and probably could wear a size 18-20w in pants, though I have yet to by new pants in 6wks.  So that is my WOW  moment and I hope to have many more.

Well, so far I have lost 48lbs since surgery and a total of 96lbs from my highest weight.

Right now, I am feeling a bit frustrated in the feelings and sensations that I have been having lately.   I have sensations in my throat and chest that resemble hunger pains, but I know that is not possible since they occure all day and happen even right after I eat.  

This journey is deffinitly on a high learning curve.  Every new noise, sensation, feeling has to be digested mentally, and figured out.  Each food item has to be inspected for content and hope to god that it goes down smoothly.  I have been lucky in the respect that I don't vomit any food back up, I just get nausiated for a half hour or so, but the food miraculously stays down.  I have overeaten a few times and I now can recognize the full feeling.

I have caught myself several times going into the kitchen, opening the fridge and saying what do I want to eat.  On several occations, I've had a snack but most of the time, I am able to recognize what I am doing and say to myself, what are you doing, you are not hungry and you do not need any more food and I can walk out of the kichen.

I've had a few stalls along the way so far, but non have lasted as long as my first that I mentioned in an earlier post.  Now I will stay the same weight for a few days then drop a few pounds and stay there for a few more days, but the weight is coming off.

My next challange is getting the nerve up to go and join the gym. I know it is time to do so because I can now see areas that are starting to droop and I need to stave off the hanging skin for as long as possible.  Plastic surgery is not in the cards right now unless I win the lottery (hehe).

Well, I am off to do some errans, hope your sunday is good.  I will try to post more frequently

I've finally made it to one month post op.   It feels like just yesturday that I was being walked into the OR and starting my new life.

Today was my second day back to work.  I work in customer service and the phones can be a bit manic sometimes, but so far, not too bad.  This week at work is customer service week and we are having games and prizes and all that jazz.  I have been feeling a bit down at work because they are offering breakfast and lunch and munchies.  It's not that I want the food, I am just feeling a bit left out of the group because I cannot join in the food.

My weight has been a bit irratic.  One day I will loose a pound or two and the next day have gained a few ounces to a pound.  It is wierd.  I know about stalls and plataues but this is just wierd.  I am thinking that maybe my water is fluxuating due to it is getting close to that time of month.

I've upped my exercise now that I am able to swim again.  Today I walked on my morning break.  I did two rounds around the parking lot at work, that is 1/2 mile.  At lunch I did 10 minutes on the treadmill and after work, I spend 30 minutes in the pool doing laps and just exercising my legs.  It feels great to swim again.

had to take the cute ticker off.  everytime I update it, it changes all other copied tickers for all of my posts.