Penny J.
As a child I was a "stick." I was always very tall for my age, but never over weight. Weight hasn't always been an issue for me. I first remember tracking my weight when I was in grade 11. I think I weighed about 158 lbs then and thinking it was time to diet because I was too big. If I knew then what my weight is now, I'm sure I would have been thrilled at 158 lbs. So I'm on my way to college a couple of years later, and it's time for me to take control of my own life. No more Mum to make me meals and choose healthy choices for our household dinners. And with a pocket full of OSAP money to pay my tuition. Of course there's always money allotted to buy food and rather buying groceries and making my own healthy meals (what teenager wants to do that?) I would visit the local Harvey's restaurant in the college or buy a box of crackers and p.b.& j to make cracker sandwiches for dinner. My weight gain was slow and steady from that point on. The second year of college was worse. My roommate was an obese girl who was under 20 years old and her cooking and eating habits rubbed off on me even more. So college was definitely the beginning of my poor food choices in life. A few years later I met the man that became my husband. At that time we both lived at home with our parents and so for us to be able to spend private time together we chose to rent hotel rooms on the weekends and spend our time out of town and eating out. My husband went through the death of his mother and we moved in together. Enjoying the newness of living together and getting into a serious relationship all got too comfortable for us and we began to grow together. My husband, of course, had an easier time managing his weight than me. I would say that from the time of being 17 in grade 11 until 27 and getting married I gained about 100 lbs. So now I'm up to 258 lbs and getting pregnant with my first son. I gained 30 lbs with my first pregnancy which wasn't too bad and I was able to lose most of that immediately afterward. But with our still continued poor eating habits, not only were we getting further into debt by eating out, but I was continuing to gain weight. When I became pregnant with my second son I was 270 lbs and with this pregnancy I reached over the 300 lb mark for sure, even though I wasn't keeping track (too depressing), I just knew. My body was really starting to struggle. My breathing was heavy, my knees were sore and weak, not to mention the bottom of my feet. The foot pain was terrible. But it still didn't encourage me to do anything about it. Instead of being "comfortable" with my husband, I became down on myself and depressed with my life. My weight is an enormous burden in my life now. I'm 328 lbs and I feel lost.... confused... and stressed out with the thought of losing 10 lbs yet alone 170 lbs just to make me at a healthy size. I have tried different options with weight loss, and have I given it my all?... probably not because it's just so damn hard. I love food! My family loves food! And you need food to live, so yes, it's the absolute hardest thing for me to do and succeed. This is now where I'm at. In the middle of having appointments with my Bariatric team and "weighing" out the pros and con's of having the surgery.
