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Hi all! 

Today I am 2 pounds away from a total loss of 100 lbs - 50 in the process to get to surgery (which classified me as a "lightweight" IMAGINE!!), and 48 since my surgery on September 4th.  I am ever so thankful for this surgery, and for finding OH, which helps me immensely.  I continue to read almost daily, but am trying to be less obsessive in a wide variety of behaviours - and yes, the wait for surgery created huge obsessions for me, as it does for many.  I have seen so many "before" and "after" pictures on this site that just amaze me.  Reading the trials, tribulations and victories helps me to realize we are not alone in this fight and I CAN WIN THIS DAILY BATTLE!

My weight loss has really slowed recently, and I feel like I will never meet my 100 lb goal.  I thought posting on here might help me to make it seem more "real".  Throughout this process I am almost in an "out of body" state - YES! out of that old body and into the new!  People comment on how good I look, or what my goal is and I think - I have no IDEA!  I never really thought I looked that bad in the first place, until I saw a photo.  I haven't weighed under 200 lbs since grade 10.  I'm almost 50!  Being under 250 and then 200 was my goal - and now I have a new goal of a total 100 lb loss.  I seem to need to break it into little chunks.  The BMI scales say 160 for my height, but I have no understanding of what 160 looks or feels like.  I am lost on longer term goals and need to focus on my little "chunk".

When I started on OH I posted a list of promises to myself and I am very proud to say that I continue to work on them - with success.  One of my biggest achievements has been to banish Pepsi, and all other pop from my life.  Previously this was my favourite "go to" drink; I continue to hear it call my name on an almost daily basis.  If there were a "Pepsi Anon" group, I could be a leading spokesperson!  Anyone remember the Flintstones episode where Fred joins a fast food Anon group, and his sponsor follows him around as he tries to sneak hamburgers and fries?  It makes me smile every time I think of it!  The guy yelled "Gork, gork, gork" to identify himself.  I think of it often when fighting my desire to turn to my preferred drive thrus!! 

I began this surgery process with a hip injury that made me feel like I would soon be using a walker.  I am now so delighted to say that this chronic injury has finally healed and I am pain free.  It's easy to forget where we started in the process and take our gains for granted!  The "exercise" piece to the puzzle is a difficult one for me, especially this time of year, so I continue to work at it.  Treadmills and ellipticals make me feel dizzy, but I do like to walk my dog.  Yesterday I tried jogging with him for the first time!  I didn't love it, nor did it kill me.  I need to up my heart rate - I've lost enough that my walk no longer challenges me the way it once did.  I need to buy some of those wrist weights too - who could imagine adding weight!!

My surgery was free of complications. I've healed well.  I've had two episodes of "foamies" (one in my classroom after eating my lunch too quickly-oops!), and one full-on dumping session.  Never again will I order salad without having the dressing on the side!  I do not seem to be a sugar dumper - a double edged sword.  Interestingly I was never a "sweets" person before - salt and fat (aside from my Pepsi) - now I crave sweets.

Increasingly I realize that this journey will be with me throughout my life.  Food tastes really good!  I love it!  Working to find balance, health, and moderation is my goal - not the 100 lb loss - although it will be sweet as well!  It is a daily battle for me - one that I CAN win and AM winning.

Here's to a day of good decisions - balance, health and happiness!

Cheers and thanks again to my OH peeps!

Sandy

 

So, yesterday I had my first appointment after orientation.  I was so excited and nervous the night before I could hardly sleep.  I sat up and read over my 5 months of food logs and parts of The Real Skinny and I finally went to sleep after 3:30.  I was staying at my sister's house in Waterloo so we didn't have so far to drive in the morning.  My oldest daughter came with me but my husband and younger daughter couldn't make it.  Now that I've been, I see they only have one "extra" chair in each office so I'll know not to bring the whole clan next time.  The staff were really freaked out about being "on time".  One poor visitor lost his appointment because he was late.  They weren't at all sympathetic about heavy traffic (the nurse said "that highway is bumper to bumper traffic everyday" and he replied "Maybe, but I don't live here and I drove from London. This is the first time it has been a problem.") Unfortunately their discussion took place out in the waiting area and everyone heard it.  I felt badly for him ... mental note to self ... I'll plan to arrive an hour earlier next time 'cause I got there 5 minutes late when I had planned to arrive 1/2 hour early.  City traffic and detours on the hospital street certainly held things up. 
We saw the nurse first.  She seemed really irritated because we entered her office at 8:20 (after registration) and said "Well of course you have to come earlier for registration."  Who knew?  I felt like I was being lectured ... She said repeatedly, "You know this is major surgery?!"  Anyway, she'll have to do the "teaching" part of that appointment next visit.  I've watched so many videos and read so much that I could probably lead someone through her flip cards! (I know I still have lots to learn but seriously, less lecture and more info please! Maybe a "knowledge level" quiz before you begin?) The dietitian was also very serious, but that meeting went well.  I had all of my journals and a 41 pound loss since May 1st based on good eating and exercise.  I know about Canada's food guide, and reading labels so my answers seemed to please her.  She said you know I usually have to spend a large portion of this meeting teaching about Canada's food guide.   Interestingly she hates "muffins" and all my life my healthy-eating-mother would say "have a muffin".  The recipe I use is hers with bran, whole wheat flour, little sugar, fruit and sometimes nuts... seems great to me but the word muffin seemed to be an issue for the dietitian. I guess the Timmies and bakery muffins give all muffins a bad name.  Damn, and I just made a double batch and put them in the freezer for my lunches ... not going to write muffin down in my log again-or I guess I should say... not going to eat muffins again :)!  So next came the social worker and that meeting went well.  She is filling in for the maternity leaves of the two regular people but hopefully she will be back again as she was really positive.  My greatest fear through all of this was that they would tell me that I didn't get surgery because I was losing weight on my own... I've worked really hard at this and I want the surgery to help me KEEP the weight off!  I was so relieved to hear them say - keep up the good work!  So, next meeting is December!  Can't wait!  Best wishes in your journey and two things to remember 1) don't be late 2) don't make muffins 

I am so pleased with myself today!  I'm pre-op with Guelph (forever it seems!).  I finally made the 40 lb loss this morning on my weekly visit to the official scale at work!!  "Woot woot" ... as I've seen written here.  I'm getting better at decision making too.  The nachos at the movie on Friday weren't the smartest, but I didn't follow them up by going out for pizza afterwards, even though I wanted to.  I made "good" choices at Thanksgiving re: portion control AND said "no thanks" to the cola I was offered (Mmmm - black pop - I'm cola free since May 1st and dare not start again)  AND I went for a walk when dessert appeared (very casual large family gathering in my Aunt's backyard) so by the time I got back I didn't have to worry about pumpkin pie and whipped cream or butter tarts because they were all gone!  (No problems saying "no" to apple or berry because they aren't my favs.)  AND family/friends have started to comment that I look good AND I've thought about how I can make my jello/pineapple/cottagecheese/whipped cream concoction GB friendly and much healthier for next gathering AND I went for a bike ride - the first time in years - (boy did my butt hurt-and my knees were sore)but I did it!  AND I went to the Attack hockey game and watched hockey with no trip to the concession stand.  AND I ordered a kid's meal with salad when we went out for my parent's anniversary AND I sorted clothes and gave away all of my 4X and 3X tops AND I bought 3 new shirts on sale for $7each that are 2X and I'm wearing one now!  Life is good!  Can you tell I'm excited!? My problem has always been sustaining any positive momentum.  Here's working towards it!  Thanks for all your inspiration everyone!  Good luck in our journey.

I've been reading posts and discussions for a while now and decided I needed to get in on the action! ... Just as soon as I can figure out how to navigate my way through this site.  Cheers!