pedlsanCAN
Obesity has been a long, difficult struggle for me. I remember reading my own chart when in hospital to give birth to my daughter in 1993. It said, "morbidly obese, at least since age 13". I was horrified! That morbid rootword has a tendency to "hit" you! However, that was a long time ago, and still I was not prepared to make the necessary changes to improve my life. Finally I am ready, emotionally and physically, to tackle this illness.
Diets have been a part of my life from before I can remember. As an infant, the doctor was concerned that I was gaining too much weight from my mother's breast milk, and put me on a skim milk diet. My mom had to track my weight and amounts of what I ate. I grew up in a stable, loving home environment. My parents are supportive people, and I have two younger sibilings. None of my family had serious weight problems, but I notice with aging, all of them have had to manage their weight more closely to avoid obesity. I continued to be a "chubby" child throughout my early years. I was not inclined towards physical activities, but my mother insisted on weekly swimming lessons and encouraged me to ride my bike, ride my horse, or play outside. She is a good cook and a great baker and living on a farm, our food was plentiful. Clothes were ordered out of the Sears catalogue, or sewn by my talented mom and aunt as the regular sizes would never fit. Aunt Polly, a home economist, also tried to help me with my weight issues with incentives and support. It didn't work. As I got older, my problems worsened and I gained more weight. I was teased, regularly mortified in p.e. classes, and had to visit the school nurse to talk about "nutrition".
In my adolescent years my doctor referred me to a dietician and I went to the hospital for nutritional counselling. In 1988 I went voluntarily to my first "diet" club, TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) and this began many years of trying to lose weight. I know the date because they gave us a small bank booklet to chart our progress and I still carry this in my wallet. Each time I started a new diet club or program, I would register my weight in that booklet. (It makes for interesting analysis.) I've tried Weight Watchers many times, the Weight Control Centre, Curves, and doctor monitoring. I do not blame any of these programs for my failures. I always seemed to have initial success, I simply was not ready to do all of the things necessary to change my behaviours for lasting success.
In university I met a handsome young farmer and we fell in love. Immediately I taught him all of my bad eating habits, and he was a quick learner. We spent the next years "happily" eating our way through life. In the seven years after we met, to the time I became pregnant with our first child, I gained 87 lbs. Ouch! I was devastated and depressed by this, but he always told me he loved me no matter how much I weighed. I also discovered that I had a thyroid problem (hypo), and went on daily medication for life.
We now have two beautiful teenage daughters, but I had two awful pregnancies. I felt ill much of the time, and actually lost weight when pregnant. Both girls were born naturally weighing about 7 lbs and have healthy weights today. Right after my second daughter's birth, I had to have my gall bladder removed. I had lost a total of 50 lbs. from my pre-pregnancy weight three years previously, but I went on to gain 61 lbs in the following 8 years. That brought my weight to 293 lbs ... the day I joined Curves in 2004. I did well on that program and lost over 20 pounds until my heels gave out with the exercise and I had to get orthotics to be able to walk. We had a "biggest loser" contest at work and again I lost weight, but whenever I quit a program, the weight returned ++.
I know two women who travelled to the US together and had bariatric surgery a few years ago. I was amazed to watch them "shrink" and despite some health concerns, a seed was planted in my mind. Around the same time I spoke to my doctor about anxiety. My heart was racing in the evenings when I sat to read or watch television. He prescribed an anti-anxiety medication (read depression) and we talked for a long time about my weight and my personal life (which is good, but somehow I didn't always feel that). Then, about a year ago I injured my hip. With a year of "rest" it seemed to be getting worse. I continued to gain weight and became less and less able to get around. Friends would walk, but I would drive one block to go out for lunch! The time was ripe for action.
The timing of these events made me realize that something was available to help me. Susan and Pam were changed women. I think the medication helped me to feel more positive mentally and my "what's the use" approach changed. I spoke with one of the women who had the surgery, and she said that she wished she had done it 15 years earlier! She put me onto the word "bariatric" and from there my internet fingers went to work. I found the Ontario website and many more! I made an appointment with my doctor, and was told walking could not hurt my hip (it's actually better when I walk). I had several visits with my doctor and he referred me to surgery. I have a plan and focus like never before.
So I've made 10 commitments to myself:
1) I will no longer drink any pop what-so-ever. I started this on May 1st and I'm doing well. I can't even allow myself diet pop because I love this killer so much, that I'll be back to my regular Pepsi in no time. I feel like someone who has quit a drug or cigarettes. I still crave it regularly!
2) I will walk as often as I possibly can and work towards 10 000 steps - that's a lot of steps for someone who would drive around the block several times looking for a closer parking spot! I got a new dog and he is really helping me - he needs to be walked almost as much as I need to walk him! We usually go 5 km daily but I'm on summer holidays (teacher) so we'll see how that goes in Sept.
3) I will faithfully write down everything that I eat. - I've been keeping a daily journal since May and have missed a few days when I was feeling bummed out - but I got back at it!
4) I will try to stay out of the fast food lines. This is another of my biggest problems. Not planning lunches leads me to head for the drive thrus where I guiltily shove fries and Big Macs into my mouth. I will take my lunch to school daily and a snack for 4:00.
5) I will take the time to plan food and make postive choices.
6) I will drink water - more water than I could imagine! Surprisingly this is going really well for me. I'm finding that I want the water.
7) I will eat a healthy breakfast. I continue to work on this as sometimes it's only a coffee and muffin.
8) I will only drink decaf coffee and I've switched from 2 cream to one milk - I still need to switch from sugar to splenda.
9) I will weigh myself once a week on "official" doctor's scales (in the health room at work) and keep track.
10) I will tell everyone who I care about that I am trying to lose weight and ask for their support.
I am proud of my accomplishments. I am now feeling much better and more positive than I have in ages! I have lost 30 pounds and plan to never regain it again! I am a little frustrated with the wait for surgery, but I will continue to do my best to keep these 10 commitments to myself. The time has come and here I am!
