nochoice
I have been "chubby" all my life. I am the only one between all my brothers and sisters that is BIG. At 12 I weighed 168. I'll never forget that. I have a kid pix to prove it. At 15 i was 225. At 18, when i got married i was 338 pounds. I have always been a happy person. Growing up, i actually felt more rejected from family than my friends or strangers. I never really cared what anyone thought of me except my family. Luckily, in school, i had a lot of friends so i never had anyone put me down. Many times i wished that i could just cut of my fat to be like my sisters but obviously you cant. When i was real young i even got a pencil and tried to erase my self which now that i think about it is so stupid. All i did was burn my self hahaha. Don't try it, it hurts.
In high school, even though i was like 1 of 3 fat girls, i was the only one that never got teased. I guess that's pretty lucky since i saw how the others were treated. 
Anyway, not till the last couple years when i tipped the scale at over 400 pounds did my life change. I feel like everything spiraled down fast. From being tired, and in pain, and not wanting to go out of my house. Even my job which was great, i can no longer do it to the fullest. No one normally knows from talking to me how I feel as everyone thinks i'm outgoing and happy however, i just found out i'm not so much. :)
Since Thursday however, that i decided to share all of this with my family, i do feel a lot of support. I am the youngest of 14 kids.
The oldest to youngest: Grace, Richard, Sonia, Betty, Alicia, Sam, Arturo, Daniel, Robert, Annie, Zulmy, Claudia, and one that we dont know. Anyway, all of them are petite and born in other countries, i'm the only big one and born here. So i guess the US really puts vitamins in everything hahahahahaha.
Anyway, the biggest part of me i miss, is the dreamer part of me that everytime it tries to come out now, i seem to push it back because at this weight. Flying, driving or walking are out of the question. I see the world in different eyes. I'm sick of people telling me i have a pretty face, you just need to lose weight. Like it was easy... In April of 2008, i decided i wanted more out of life. I like being with my family and i like music and i want to dance. I want to have fun and now i'm extremely self conscience about where i sit, i don't want to break a chair or sofa. hahaha. Even getting in my car is tough.
So, after a long thought, and convincing my husband, i figure that surgery is my only option and i have no choice. Hence my screen name. Now i can't wait. i'm sad my insurance company wont allow me go out of network. I'm going to have to put it on my credit cards. well thats enough about me...
