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As of now, it's been 3 years and 5 months since my "healing."  I am still maintaining, give or take a few pounds.  Right now I would like to drop about 20 pounds because I'd like to go lower than I was before. I can see that it is easy to gain weight if you are not vigilant about what and how much you consume. This is so worth it. I even wish I could get a touch up. I'd like to reshrink my stomach. At least now dieting is easier.

Well I am still happy that I have been blessed enough to embark on this journey.  When I fly without a seatbelt extender, when people never realize I was morbidly obese, when my kids can't even remember I was fat...I feel blessed. I am between a 12 and 14. I don't wear plus size clothing. Perhaps when and if I  get in the mood I may try to lose 20 more pounds. I do have cravings, but I feel more in control of the amount I eat. I was given a pretty small pouch, but I sure wish it were even smaller now.  I had my thighs done two years ago. My bdy is far from perfect, but I am happy in it. I have a relationship with a man who loves me as well as my daughters. I finished my master's degree in education/ guidance and counseling. I have been given a job as a school gudance counselor which will begin on August 27th.

Weightloss has helped to become even bolder and more confident. There are still times, though, that I get a little down about different issues...like normal people. Surgery is not a magic pill that solves life's problems. It's a tool to help you become a healthier, more energetic you.

So, today is August 26, 2009.  I had an inner thigh lift in Costa RIca last August 2008. I now fluctuate between 197 and 200 lbs.  Of course that's because I'm not as careful with exercise and diet as I should be. I do wear a size 12. Lately I feel the lbs creaping up,so before I go overboard I'm getting on Medifast.  I know it works because I've done it before. In my last post I wanted a relationship.  Well, I have one now.  This is the man I started seeing about 2 weeks after my last post. We've been together for over a year. He is a wonderful Christian man. My girls love him and he loves us. God has been good. I wish he weren't so slow with the marriage proposal, but I'm sure when the time is right God will prompt him.

I will try to lose about 20 lbs on Medifast and exercise, then try to keep it off. Considering I used to weigh 311 and wear a 22W, 200 and a size 12 or 12W is not bad. In 20 lbs i'll probably be a size 10. Can you imagine a size 10 and 6ft. tall? I've got to try. I wouldn't mind a tummy tuck afterwards, but I hate the whole anestesia business. I always wonder if I'll wake up. I don't mind pain, because there's medication and the pain let's me know I'm still alive.

I now weigh 215 pounds.  i'm down 96 pounds with 25 left to go.  Praise the Lord!  I am now examining plastic surgery options.  My belly button is no longer a hole, but a frown.  The skin on my inner thighs is wrinkly and soft.  I once has a hard butt; it's now butt-er.  I want abdominoplasty and thigh plasty.  A mini brachioplasty is in order as well.  I can temporarily hold off on the Brazilian butt lift and the breast lift because these things can be controlled in a bikini.  I can't belive that I actually have the obtainable goal of wearing a bikini.  When I  get to within 15 pounds of my goal, I will find a way to have the plastics.  I pray God will make a way for me.  I want to be a size 12 regular for the largest, not a 12W which is what I mostly wear now.  I was a 22W at the start.  Not even in high school did I wear this size.  Weight loss has slowed, but that's okay because I don't have that far to go.  Watching what I eat and exercise will eventually take care of the rest.  With my change in eating habits, the weight must go even if slowly.  I look forward to even more self confidence and a new love.  Yes, I want a relationship. I'm not desperate, but it would be nice to share the beauty of life, my children, and God with a man who loves me.  Regardless, I'll still feel HOT when I get to bikini size.  I've NEVER worn one before.

It's been a while since I have posted.  I am pleased to say that I have gone from 311 lbs to 217lbs so far.  I started at a size 22w now Im a 12w.  I can't believe how good it feels to be able to exercise.  People sometimes pass me straight because they don't recognize me.  I thank God for this opportunity.  My goal is 190.  If I feel like going  for 185, I'll do that when I get to 190.  My only fear is tat I keep the weight off.  I've been reading about rny'ers and so many of them gain back the weight then some.  Even my friend lost 160 and gained most of it back.  I pray I do well.  I don't want to over stretch my pouch.

I'm crying because reality just hit me last night.  I never realized how special food was to me.  I feel like going to the cemetary to mourn the loss of a good friend.  I had an argument with my ex-husband last night .  Honestly, I argued because I felt like it .  Anyway, after he left, I went into the kitchen for a happy snack.  It was then that I realized I can't hold a lot of food, I wasn't hungry, and I wasn't craving anything.  I broke into tears.  I'm so confused .  What amI supposed to do?  Food really makes me feel better.  I had to just rely on God, myself, and an episode of Monk.  I feel as though I've lost a friend.  Will things ever get better?

I'm feeling pretty good.  I still have to get used to sipping liquids more slowly.  When I gulp, it's tight going down.  As of yesterday I have lost 14 pounds, from 311 to 297.  That's not bad considering my surgery was 10 days ago.  Also, I realize I have to be careful to to take in high calorie liquids.  I drank some vitamin water, but it contains sugar.  I can't helpbut feelI could do even better with a sugar free one.  I had some yougurt in Venezuela that had sugar.  Okay, it's not like I could eat the whole container, but I feel better knowing I use the diet one.  I don't feel like going through the effort of making a soup to eat.  I won't eat that much of it and I'm so tired of the blender thing.  Still, I thank God for the opportunity to have this surgery.  It was deffinitely a financial sacrifice.  I want a house for my two daughters an me.  The money I used could have gone towards that, but I would be in a house I had no strength to enjoy.  We live with my mom now, ever since my husband chose to leave us and get his own apartment.
When I think of how easy it is for him to start over I get pissed.  Can you believe that two children later he told me he never loved me like a wife in the first place?  That stings when you have put your all into a relationship.  I pray that God would bring someone into my life who will love God, my children, and me.
The good thing about being manless is that the weightloss is for ME.

When I arrived in Venezuela on Monday, they checked me into the hotel they found for me.  Unfortunately I'm used to staying in better places, so after to nights in that hotel which makes econolodge look like a 3 star, I asked them to find me a better one for after the surgery.  I had the surgery on Wednesday mornig. I cried until they gave me the drugs in the OR. I then remember laughing. after that I only remember trying to wake up and Valentina, the nurse, tellingme everything is okay and it's over, I can wake up.  I felt like HELL! I even went so far as to repent of my decision to make my stomach smaller.  The pain and discomfort was great, especially due to the gas they used to check for leaks during the surgery.  After the first 24 hours things got better. I miss my kids desperately. I even miss my family, friends, andchurch.  I have been given morphine anytime I complained of pain, so that was great.  I had a crying spell from missing home this morning.  I had to be reminded of the reasons I had the surgery.  I really need the help to combat obesity.  My father just had a quadruple bypass. 4 arteries were severely cloggedand he suffers from diabetis and high blood pressure. He wasn't even overweight.  Suppose he were obese? I don't want my love of food to carry me on that route.  Day by day, hour by hour, I'm starting to feel better.  My new hotel is WOW! See through glass shower, DVD player, wireless internet, down comforter, feather bed, high thread count sheets.
The room is small, but the amenities make up for it.  I am wearing the little robe now.  I have 6 bandages covering up the 6 incisions on my stomach. I will receive a DVD of the surgery before I leave.
I haven't had anything to eat since Tuesday night at 9PM.  On thursday they started me on shot glasses of tea, no milk, no sugar.  They then elevated me to shot glasses of tea and salt water (broth) every half hour.  I couldn't even complete them. I had no desire to eat.  I will have my first caloric intake in a while. I will have some sugarfree yogurt or glucerna (vitamin shake). I can't have more than a half cup at a time...If I can even finish that.  I am about to go downstairs for a cab.

I know God was and is with me. I was supposed to leave on Wednesday, but my doctor said if I'm feeling well, he'll let me leave on Monday. Continue to pray that God will aid my recovery.

Today is Sunday. I'm on the worship team in my church so I usually have the routine of getting the girls ready and off to Sunday school, then getting myself ready for service which starts an hour later.  Today I have chosen to stay home and get some things done in preparation for my trip tomorrow.  I had a "last supper" with my friend at a really great restaurant last night.  I had the herb crusted rack of lamb with garlic mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables.  I know that I will never be able to completely finish a meal again.  Part of me thinks I'll miss the comfort and warmth of a good meal, but another part of me looks forward to the challenge of stepping out of my comfort zone.  Maybe I'll feel like exercising when some weight drops and I feel lighter.