Nancy_V
My Story
A tall order for a short girl. I really do not remember days of being thin. I have seen pictures at about age 5 where I looked like I was at a healthy weight. I recall a period of time in my teens when I was using illlegal drugs, they made me thin. I loved it but my conscience took over and I stopped using. Other than that I have been overweight all of my life. Some years were better than others but basically I have always felt "less than" other people because of my love/hate relationship with food. The love part is when I am in the midst of being comforted by the latest craving. The hate part is when the "high" is finished and the guilt takes over. Sounds like a drug addict huh! Well I am an addict. Boy that sounds harsh, but it is true. Food, my version of crack, or alcohol. Only in recent years has the research proven that the brain of an addict is different than that of people who exibit "self control". I am not saying that I have no control, I do, I admit that, however I know I am wired differently that other people when it comes to addictions. I can't go to a casino, a racetrack, a bar, or any other place that may pose a challenge to my pleasure seeking mind. I have been very fortunate that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has helped me to know that about myself. So there is some real truth about Nancy, the good, the bad, and the ugly truth.
Moving forward........I guess I do not want to drone on about the last fifty years, instead I would like to talk about what lead me to being two days away from gastric bypass surgery. I was praying and confessing what feels like an ongoing sin to God, weeping and telling Him about my shortcomings. As with many of my encounters with God He answered in a way that did not make much sense at the time but I consider my self to being "a mostly" obedient Christian so when God said to stop drinking coffee I did. I have not had caffienated coffee since May 06. I was of course confused by this response from God but that is not the first time He has responded to my prayer with something other than what I expected. So life went on, I still was overeating and medicating myself with food, but no coffee, weird huh!
It was in the midst of these days that I began thinking about gastric bypass, I knew one person who had done it several years back and he was reasonably thin, normal acting, healthy and able to enjoy lunches out with the after church crowd. I never brought it up to him, just observed his behaviors and watched for signs of unhealthyness. At that point I began to notice that I knew quite a few people who had the surgery, even relatives. I started talking, first to my friend Carol, she has a sister (Pat Blaney, on this site) who had the surgery and is doing great. Carol is a trusted Christian friend who would have the guts to tell me if she thought this was a bad move. Carol always tells me the best advice, talk to God about it. So I began my conversations with God on gastric bypass surgery. God told me that I must follow my doctors advice, so I made an appointment. My doctor is awesome and he is also brilliante, I almost hated to go to him because he knows so much about my life and how hard it has been at times and I hate to cry in front of him because he really cares and I can't stop. However, to proceed I had to get his blessing or I knew the surgery was not going to be blessed by God. So off to see my Dr. Phil (Phillip Kaplan MD). Well he was not oppossed to me exploring the possibilty, he gave me the name of a very conservitive surgeon, Dr Jeffery DeSimone. I later found out that Dr. Phil though he would reject me as a candidate because my BMI is only 41 and I have no other signifigant health risks. Dr D thought I may be a good candidate and because he sees the health problems that are caused by obesity that is left untreated he said that we could begin the testing needed to explore the possibility of becoming a gastric bypass candidate.
After months of testing I got the go ahead, only then did I remember that Dr. Phil had not given me the absolute go ahead and I needed his ok on this or I could not proceed. I emailed him, I did not want to discuss with his staff why I was there, so much judgement is involved in addictions, I just did not want to hear it. When he replyed, it was not absolutley favorable so I knew I would have to make an appointment. It went fine getting through the front lines because Dr. Phil had left a note on my chart, schedule a 20 minute appointment, no questions asked. I told you he is great! So we proceeded to discuss bypass and other options that he would like me to consider. I explained to him that the only other option that makes any sense to me is a year away from home at a fat farm rehab and insurance does not cover that and my husband would not be able to sustain our expenses without my salary. We exchanged our thoughts and stories on the positives and negitives of this surgery and we came to the conclusion that if I was to strictly adhere to the nutritional guidelines and allow him to check my blood levels regularly he would give me his blessing. Whew!
So here I am 40 hours away from surgery, most of the waiting period I have felt like this huge weight (no pun intended) has been lifted off of my shoulders, Thank God. I have a few moments of fear but they are few and far between. I have 3 weeks off from work, a fully stocked cupboard of bariatric nutritional supplies, great friends and family and Im ready for change! So that my friends is the condensed version of my story. This surgery is not for everyone, only you, your doctor and your Maker can know if it is right for you. God Bless all who read this, my prayer is that if you are suffering with obesity that you find solace without addiction, whatever path you choose.
Nancy
PS Bariatric patients are not supposed to drink coffee, tee hee, I love God!
