Lucky13
GREETINGS EVERYONE! Welcome to my journey... Please note, while I had surgery on May 11, 2004, I started this journal months ago. However, in mid January, a good portion of my notes disappeared, so this jumps around a bit unfortunately. I hope you enjoy reading and I hope that this inspires someone... Best of luck to you!
DECEMBER 2003___________________________________________________
12/7/03 [5'7", 314 pounds]
I've been meaning to begin journaling my progress, but haven't had the time yet. I have taken the first few steps in the progress: I met with Dr. Denning (Nutritional M.D.) at Albany Clinical Nutritionists as well as the dietician I'll be followed by before and after surgery. I have to say that even this step was very exciting and empowering- although I've struggled with weight, eating issues and obesity for ALL of my adult life and a good portion of my early years, I've NEVER gone to any medical "professional" to address it!!- and relieving as well. I feel as though I have been dealing with (ha!) this issue all on my own. Being overweight and obese can be a very lonely and overwhelming experience. Needless to say- it was great to go. In the least, I want to continue with Dr. Denning's office and staff on the nutritional-counsleing side of things. In my consult with Dr. Dennings she prescribed Zoloft (1/2 pill per day), as well as a calcium supplement, since I don't like milk and drink very little, and a multivitamin. She also wants me to have a number of blood tests done and to rule out sleep apnea at a sleep center. I thought it was very interesting how appalled she was that no one I had previously seen (PCP's, etc) had addressed my weight in any way OR addressed the possible emotional/psychological issues related to the problem. She said that although I have not been diagnosed, I probably have some level of depression and was happy to hear I would not only be having the required psych eval, but would make therapy an integral part of this journey. Since behavior is such a big part of how I approach eating and exercise, I feel I would be cheating myself not to have as much help as possible in that area. And, on that note...
I also went to Dr. Morris' office for my psych evaluation on the same day! I was soooo happy to get in, since I was already taking time out of the work day to go to the nutritionist (and they're both on Rt.7 headed towards & in Schenectady!). I did not meet with Dr. Morris, but a P.A. Paul Carter. He was warm and comfortable to talk to and during our meeting he let me know he used to assist on gastric bypass surgeries! (***This is a total aside, but I've felt for the past- um- year at least that I was being guided to having the surgery done... meaning, I've had other "coincidences" happen along the way, showing me that the surgery is something I should do. DON'T WORRY- I'm also talking to a lot of people, doing LOTS of research and major soul searching!***) Back to the evaluation... I passed with flying colors, but after bursting out crying when asked to talk about how I feel about myself, he also encouraged me to work with a therapist during this process. I am scheduled to see Paul again in February (just to check in) and another therapist in early January. I am also scheduled to see Dr. Denning again on January 6th.
I forgot to mention that Dr. Denning wants me to try to exercise more and eat a little less (pay attention to the kinds of foods I'm eating + how much) and that, combined with the Zoloft prescription, see if by 1/6/04 I can lose 10 pounds. If I can do that she will (I guess) be approving me to being preparing nutritionally for the surgery. These 10 pounds will count toward an overall goal weight loss prior to surgery of 31 lbs.
I've been attending a support group since late October, which my surgeon recommended. This has been extremely helpful in continuing to learn all about what having the surgery means/will mean for me. I've also met some really great people.
I've gotta run! More later...
12/15/03 311.5- Up 1/2 lb!!! ARRRGGHH!
:) Hello! Just wanted to check in and update you on my progress. I haven't been doing too much and kind of had a weekend backslide- I celebrated my 29th birthday by getting thoroughly intoxicated (since this may be the last year I'm able to really drink alot) and then danced the night away. I'm hoping the hours of dancing helped to counteract all the drinks. Aside from the weekend, though, I'm doing really well. I FEEL better, more hopeful and like this year is MY year! I haven't felt this good since- I don't know- I was 18??!! I'm doing a lot less talking about what I'm going through and planning with friends and family. Trying to still decide on the right time and place and approach to bring them into my plan for surgery. Megna who I met at my support group has helped me begin to figure this part out. I feel like people everywhere are already responding to me more positively just with a changed outlook alone- family, especially. I just want them to understand how this surgery would help me to feel even better about myself- feel I have been able to achieve something very personal and important for myself. I e-mailed my mother some articles and I told her I have been considering the surgery AND invited her to attend the support group with me. She hasn't said another word to me and knowing her, probably thinks that by not talking about it, it will somehow just go away. I try not to think about this part too much because its very easy for me to feel down when I start to think of my mom/family's lack of support as the thing that would deter me from my goal of a life change and surgery. I know my sister understands where I'm coming from, and although she wouldn't do this, she supports my decision and will be there for me. She's awesome! I also have some friends who know, but are kind of in their own place with it. I've been doing more reading (through profiles on this website) and other sources on the change in relationship dynamics for those who have the surgery. I worry a little about that and will work on it in therapy, but I wonder if that's partof what others around me are "unconsiously" worried about (in part, at least).
Jeez- I keep forgetting to add things: I scheduled an appointment with Seton Health Center Sleep Clinic here in Troy for Saturday afternoon. I think I go in to have a routine screening and then they schedule the actual sleep session, if necessary. I'm actually excited about having this done- just another key to knowing more about what I can do to improve my way of life.
I guess I will leave off here... until next time... peace! :)
Jumping around: I was able to weigh myself at the last support group since its held in the nutrionist's office at Albany Med- I have OFFICIALLY gained (!) a 1/2 pound! Damn! I'm back on track, though and I am going out walking tonight (even though there is a foot of snow on the ground!) to the bookstore to do some work. In other news, I signed up for 2 grad classes starting in January and I'm excited about being in the classroom again, getting FREE tuition through work and keeping busy and off the couch. LIke I said- I am feeling hopeful again that with work and this surgery as a tool, I can change my life for the better. My goal this week besides weight loss, walking, taking supplements, getting good amounts of sleep, etc, is to write down the specific goals I have for weight loss. We talked about this in the support group as a way to help you see/feel progress and to keep motivated. For example, one woman said she wants to be able to see her knees, another wants to cross her legs at the knee, run a 5k, etc, etc. Some of my goals are a bit silly, but goals nonetheless. As soon as I have them on paper I will get them on here so that you can all see what I'm going for! LOL :) Be warned: I've always said that if I lost a good amount of my weight, you couldn't KEEP clothes on me! LOL
12/16/03 I can't believe there are only 9 days left until Christmas. This whole Christmas thing hadn't really dawned on me until I noticed that reminder today on Hallmark's website. For the first year, my immediate family is trying the "no gift giving", just "be together" thing. I think it's good in theory because we could all stand to not spend so much around the holidays, but I am worried about what I will then feel the need to substitute for gift giving/opening? Food? God, I hope not. We're doing Secret Santa at work and today one of my gifts was a nice big ol' bag of Dove choclates. Now, I've been trying to stay away from sugar- and doing pretty well at it (aside from my birthday backslide)- so as much as I could've taken the whole bag home and munched on it watching tv tonight, I bit the bullet and instead walked around the office and up and down stairs giving it away. I did have about 3 pieces, though, otherwise I'm not sure I could've followed through with giving it away. I am hoping that not wolfing bags of treats + walking stairs are subtle changes to my lifestyle that will begin making a difference and help my story with WLS be a success story!
About this time very week I begin looking forward to attending the support group (on Thursdays every week) not only because I can weigh myself, but so that I can see how everyone is doing with their weight loss, life changes and overall health. Also, after leaving I feel so inspired to continue to make changes and stick with them. If I haven't said it before: make it a point to find a support group you like and that is helpful- it has made all the difference for me.
I just realized that for the first time, in a LONG time, I am actually looking forward to the New Year and all the changes it will bring! I'm looking forward to a healthier, happier me!
12/23/03 Wow! Time has flown- the last time I think I wrote I was concerned about Christmas being 9 days away- now its just 2! There's so much to update. Ok , to start with...drum roll please... I lost 6 pounds (actually 7-8 pounds technically, but I'll call it 6 for now)so I'm down to 306! I weighed in at the last support group and was just beaming the rest of the night. Not eating sugar, very few carbs, more water, no caffeine + exercise really made a BIG difference for me over the last week. Of course, then the last 2 nights I went a little hog wild. One night I had A LOT of lime tostitos ( my favorite) and a jar of salsa (I figure it COULD have been dip) and then last night I had 2 grilled cheese sandwiches out of the sandwich maker, a bowl of low-fat soup (that was ok) and then a PB & J sandwich dripping with grape jelly. And once I had the sugary jelly, I HAD to open my king size bag of twizzlers and eat about 10 of those! I think I ate mainly due to my nerves with the sleep test I took last night in the hospital. I've never been in the hospital for anything and while this was a bit nervewracking, it has been a nice baby step before the surgery. Anyways, I was nervous and just didn't know what to expect. I realize that I have this habit of eating WAY more than necessary just because I don't know when my next meal will come and what it will be. Sound familiar? I do this A LOT and it needs to stop! The test went well, although it was quite an ordeal getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. And, ladies- I have A LOT of hair, so the gunk they use to stick the electrodes on with was so caught in my head- yuck! The guy who administered the test was really nice, though, and surprisingly, I think I slept better there than I usually do at home???? What's up with that? My appointment with the PCP got moved from this am to next Monday morning, which is GREAT- I'm off for the holiday anyways, so no need to take extra time off- I need all I can get to have recovery time after the surgery! I have yet to exercise this week and I think I'll try tonight after work and possibly over lunch today. I'll leave you with this today: an email I sent to Miss Chantel, who has a profile on here... just to get an idea of where my head was at today with the surgery:
"Thanks for getting back to me... I do have a question: how did you handle or deal with the whole risk of death thing? I mean, obviously you're through a major hurdle, but I guess you still keep that thought in the back of your mind. Honestly, I feel very confident about the surgery, the period of maintenance afterward and my surgeon's abilities... it's still, however, a very REAL piece to this. I guess I've really been weighing out the advantages vs. the risks and that's the toughest part for me right now- thinking that this has the possibility of ending my life. Without getting too deep, I had a very, very close friend take his own life so that makes it especially hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea of doing something willing that may put your life on the line. Does any of this make sense? I go to a great support group but feel "silly" raising this question/fear- I feel like people will then assume I'm not ready- and its' just the opposite- I'm so very ready! I guess for the first time in the 2 years that I've been lookign into and now taking real steps towards the surgery that I've stared this risk right in the face. If you can shed any light on this from your perspective, that would be very helpful. My sleep test went well and I go back into to review the results with THAT doctor on 1/10/04. I can't believe it's 04 already!!! And you and I think alike on one thing: 2004 is our year! :) Thanks Chantel- hugs, Jess"
H A P P Y H O L I D A Y S , E V E R Y O N E ! ! !
12/26/03 I don't dare weigh myself today. Yesterday was not pretty and actually I started to let my diet stray the night before Christmas Eve. I stopped into my favorite pizza place down the street and got 2 slices. The next day I had some scrambled eggs and a grilled cheese sandwich- I have GOT to throw out/give away my sandwich maker!!!!- and on the way home to my mom's after rushing through the psychotic crowd of last-minute shoppers at Walmart, I stopped and had 2 MORE (horrible) slices of pizza from ExtraMart. Need I go on.... and THAT wasn't even Christmas Day + Dinner + Dessert. I have had lots and lots of water (hoping that it will counteract all the FAT & calories- LOL) and fresh fruit whenever possible. And I'm still taking my multivit, calcium supplement and zoloft.
The holidays are always an interesting time for me- or family gatherings in general- and a mixture of emotions. I LOVE everyone so much and have a wonderful family, but I get so anxious about being overweight, as most are not. Correction, NONE are. My sister and I have been the token fatties in the family, but I am by far the biggest and she's even had a baby! Everyone in the family is super active- runners, bikers, walkers, sailboaters, skiiers, etc... and then there's me. I used to be much more active, but was always heavier than normal. So, as if my super healthy and thin parents aren't reminder enough of my failings in those areas, these gatherings always are. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had to just smile politely and nod along when someone is talking about their last workout or race or outback expedition! All the while I'm hurting inside. Not because I wish I was anyone else, but because I wish I was a more enhanced, energetic, stronger, healthier ME, with an active and exciting lifestyle to regale people with! I have OF COURSE just slowly over time developed into the "comedienne" of the family, adding humor and sarcasm whenever I can, just so I can feel and look like I'm contributing to a family I sometimes otherwise feel I have little in common with. And, not to mention that every year brings with it the possiblity of one more cousin getting engaged or bringing their latest significant other to the party. Me... never. At 29 does this frustrate the HELL out of me? Yes. Does anyone even ask anymore whether or not I even DATE? No, not really. And to be honest- having not felt very good about myself especially in the last 3-4 years, I have not "dated" anyone or had a serious relationship- shoot, I've barely been intimate with anyone. Does that frustrate the hell out of me? Hell yeah! I know I'm beautiful, funny, interesting, have a great personality, smart, witty, charismatic, etc... but add fat to that list, which I've had to for years now and my dating esteeem has all but whithered away. Men really don't even look anymore and that hurts. I used to get so far on my smile alone- now I can't even get anyone to look long enough to see it- most men just see a B I G woman and look away.
It was funny today, though... my mom asked me if I had gotten an invitation to a family friend's baby shower and wanted to know if I was going. I told her I hadn't received anything yet, but I know its on Jan 10th, so I'm not going to be able to make it. She said why? Personal? Work? Other? I said, no, health-related. She just stared back at me and I walked by her to change my neice. She followed (and we were right outside my dad's door because I'm sure she wanted him in earshot, too). She asked with her eyes all big: are you having some sort of operation then? I said: No, but I am going to have a meeting with my pulmonary doctor to review the results from my sleep test which I did on Monday night at the hospital. She just stared back at me- I think in shock that I didn't tell her I was even doiong that. I added that IF i was having an operation I'd tell you that. When I walked away she floowoed me again saying: Your pulomnary doctor wanted you to have a sleep test? I said: No, my nutritional M.D. did, thinking I may have a form of sleep apnea, but I won't know that unless I meet with this doctor. All she could say was: Your nutritional doctor? I said YUP and went about my business. I had a GOOD laugh inside.
I love my mom, BOTH my parents actually, but it is PRECIOUS to see the realization hit her that I CAN and WILL do what I feel is best for ME, with or without her support, encouragement and knowledge. I want her to be with me- I want everyone I love to support me- but I understand that it is everyone's right to do what THEY choose and I won't hold it against them. I just expect the same in return. And love is unconditional!! I do talk to my mom a lot aboutt hings my brothers and sister don't and maybe I'm beginning to take a cue from them- not EVERYTHING has to be shared with or run by mom. I do really care about her opinion and thoughts, though and WILL EVEN ADMIT to AGREEING with her on most things. On this, though, we differ. To her its too extreme. To me its radical, yet maintainable and possibly substantial weight loss for once and for all, freeing me up to enjoy more of my life in more ways. Freedom I think is my theme.
My birth mother died at 39 (!) from colon cancer, as did 4 of her 10 aunts and uncles. That, to me, is extreme and I don't intend on following in their footsteps if I can help it. I can help myself to be healthier,a nd this surgery is the tool. That is what I want my parents and family to understand. I told my brother when we stayed up on Christmas Eve and while he sisn't have much to say, he did say OF COURSE he would come see me in the hospital and support me however he can. He's very sweet and I love the hell out of him! He's Korean-American, very thin and has a BMI that is NORMAL (we checked on this site!) however, he never goes to the doctor, smokes and eats a lot of processed food and soft drinks. I know- trust me I KNOW- we all have our vices, but he seriously needs to take charge of his health. But I'm going to stop buggin him to do it, because that's exactly what I want others to do with me when it comes to my weight. Bottomline- we're all adults and we each are responsible for our own immediate health. And I'll just keep praying...
One other note that I want to get off my chest: my sister, the sweetheart she is, bought me a pretty poet-style top for Christmas. It is a 3X and THE BIGGEST 3X I have ever seen in my life! It trapezes out like a damn circus tent and makes me look about 28 months- yes MONTHS pregnant (with elephant triplets!). Ok, I exaggerate a bit, but truly, it looks BAD and is super super big for me. While I like the print and wish I ccould wear it, I wonder WHY she thought I needed a shirt that big. I'm sure I think I'm smaller than I am, but do others see me even LARGER than I am? Grrrreat!
I'm going for a long walk later today and then get back into the swing of losing. As I said, I have some appointments coming up that keep me going and my eyes on the prize: PCP on Monday for blood work, complete physical exam, etc; 1/6- appt with dietician for healthy eating pre- and post-surgery; 1/10 with sleep dr to get results. I think I will also be meeting my new therapist in January for an appointment. I feel like I'm taking a lot of time off for appointments and any day my supervisor is going to ask why. I'm prepared to say: I'm preparing for a medically-necessary surgery. I'm not comfortable going into any more than that at this time. It sounds so cold, but I'm not ready to share. I've only been at this job since Sept! I don't know these people like that yet! Anyways, I'm hoping ot be int o see the surgeon in early Feb vs. mid-June!!!! :) Wish me luck and here's wishing you all a happy, healthy and peaceful New Year! Just keeping repeating this mantra: 2004 is our year! Chao!
12-29-03 OK. My weight is now back to 311.
Last night around 1 (AM) I bolted up from the couch remembering that I had a first appointment with Kathy Busch, NP in Albany at 8:15 am. Needless to say I was late, but that gave the MALE NURSE/RECEPTIONIST no excuse to treat me as rudely as he did. I really wanted to just smack him in his mouth. No compassion whatsoever and no idea WHO referred me, who I am or that I work for the NP's college alma mater! He made me so bitter- arrrgghhh!!! Anyways, oving on....SO, I met with Kathy- I love her already! I've been going to a lot of doctors lately related to my soon-to-be surgery and she is the FIRST one I've felt any kind of connection with. Going to her you do not feel like a number or "work" for her. She completely took all the time we had to just talk to me, tell me everything she knows and tell me what she would tell HER sister/mother/friends if they were considering the surgery- at NO CHARGE! I REALLY liked her and her approach- I have to call Megan from my support group and give her a big THANKS for the referral- she is awesome! The interesting piece to this is... her office does not work with or follow patients electing to do the bypass laprascopically. She basically said if that's what I'm dead set on then we would not even need to continue. She is all about education and said to me OVER and OVER, if she were me, she would not do the procedure any other way than open. She also dispelled some of my own personal "myths" about the invasiveness issue with the two options. Megan has been slowly working me on the surgeon angle and now Kathy with the type of surgery! I feel a bit discouraged because I feel like, for me to be able to fully understand what I'd be choosing by choosing OPEN, I need to go back to square one with reading and researching. I cannot really even tell you WHY I ended up heading towards laprascopic surgery- just that the scar(s) seemed less "noticeable" to the eye and I THOUGHT it was less invasive. Now I see it has a lot to do with how you define invasive. Perhaps its not as invasive in the original surgery, but if anything goes wrong, the likelihood is high that you will need to have an open surgery done to correct the problem. She also said she worked personally with over 30 patients in this past year alone (including Megan) and all were out of the hospital in 4 days and if sedentary jobs- back to work in 3 weeks. so, I have some thinking to do, but I already feel myself reconsidering mainly because I no longer feel my initial reasons for looking only at the laprascopic procedure are valid, thanks to my frank and upfront conversation with Kathy. The other reason truly is that I felt connected to Kathy, I feel I CAN "trust" her with my life (because, essentially, that is what I'll be doing).... and it doesn't hurt that her office will be able to manage my nutrition side of things as well- so I'll have my PCP nad Nutrition in one office- talk about convenient! The only aggravating part is that I will not be back in to see Kathy until early February, but I have a feeling that FEB will be here any second! I have some eating history forms to complete for our next visit (which she is scheduling around my work! I LOVE HER!) and I'm going to take these next couple weeks to round up any/all old medical records and contact members of my birth family for self-reported medical histories. Also, Kathy asked me to attend THEIR patient support group on 1/5/03, which I'm excited to do. The other INCREDIBLY EXCITING NEWS in our meeting was that she actually said she thinks I would do very well and probably get down to 160-166 in a year with hard work and discipline. I am ALL over it!!!! I can't wait. I can see clearly now, the rain is goooonnneeee....... Woo hoo! I'm calling her office tomorrow to let her know I am having all my records/histories sent to her office.
Oh- can I just say how much I HATE my new NY Drivers License Photo? I can't believe the difference in the size of my face (with weight gained in the last 3 years)! THANK GOD New York doesn't ask for your weight on the license. I've had 200 on my other licenses since I don't know when and I've never weighed that amount for as long as I've been driving (13 years!)!!!
JANUARY 2004___________________________________________________
January 4, 2003 Happy 2004! Ok, I've been slacking a little- avoiding everything I can that resembles "work" (INCLUDING updating here!) since I'm not looking forward to going back tomorrow. Unfortunately, that has meant some slipping up in eating, exercise and supplements. I went wild on New Years and haven't been back on track since then. There are a few really important things I need to do this week: (1). I'm going to cancel my appointment with the dietician I saw back in early December- that appt was on Tuesday of this coming week. I am going with Kathy Busch at Dr. Panza's practice. I've meditated on the decision, done some more reading on open vs. lap and I feel comfortable moving forward under the direction on Kathy and that office. You know, from even just a first hour-long meeting I've felt more concern from and guidance from that office, vs. the THREE HOURS I had to take off work to see the other nutritionist/dietician. The other beauty is that Kathy, the nurse practicioner is an alum of the college I work for AND their office is closer to my job then the other. Also, I can have my primary care and WLS/nutirion consults under the same roof.
(2). I'm going to make ALL THE CALLS (joy, joy!) to any health care providers I've had and have them sent to Kathy's office. I also need to mail her forms back toher.
(3). I'm going to attend a support group for patients of Kathy/Dr. Panza and Dr. Rosati (surgeon she works with) which I think is this week or next. She also wanted me to contact some of her patients to get an idea of their experiences.
(4). Attend the Thursday support group I have been going to at Albany Med. Ctr.
(5). On Saturday I have to meet with the dr. who will give me the results of my sleep test.
(6). Contact members of my birth family for more details about our "family" health history for Kathy's records.
(7). Call Dr. Rosati's office to schedule a consult.
So, busy week- you can see why I've been avoiding it!
I also start graduate classes this month! I'll be checking in and updating again in a few days. Until then...
1-6-04 Ok, I'm back. Well, I've been doing alot of what I PROMISED to do which always feels good! I went to the support group at Dr. Panza's office and, believe it or not, I liked this group much better, too. Some people have had problems or difficulties, but everyone is upbeat. Sitting in the room, unless someone still looks overweight/obese I find myself being a bit withdrawn around all the "skinnies" :) ! Isn't that crazy? But seriously, its like I think to myself: "how can I possibly talk about my weight/eating issues in front of all these thin people- they won't understand!" Like I said- CRAZY! I got to ask some more questions about addressing family and friends' reactions (mainly negative) to my decision. Many of those that have gone through the experience make it a point to support others by visiting them in the hospital. Also, one woman tipped me off to the effectiveness of acupuncture in pain management (before and after surgery). That reminds me- I need to e-mail her today! I dropped my paperwork off for Kathy at group last night and called today to confirm it had been received (and not thrown out!)- it's on her desk! I also tried to squeeze into a much sooner appointment slot to no avail. I'll still be going on feb 5th.
Ok, I also called Rosati's office and was told I could possibly be scheduled to see him for a first consult/educational session in early feb!!! That would be PERFECT! The woman said she'd contact kathy's office to be sure she feels I am a good candidate and then work on scheduling me. Well, she called and since kathy's office has next to nothing on me and I didn't get to do the physical when I was in last, she has to wait until i go. Makes sense but I REALLY want to get this think moving!! This is why I was trying to push my re-scheduled meeting up with her!! Anyways, the bottomline is he will see me MUCH sooner than Singh can AND if I hear one more praise about the man, I'm going to have to start calling him GOD! (kidding) I'm getting more and more anxious and I'm still not sure how/when to bring it to my employer's attention. I know once I see him, he usually schedules out about 4 weeks for surgery. I feel like that would be pretty short notice to not be in the office for 2-6 weeks! We'll see!!!!
I asked a good friend of mine- Kim- today if she'd stay with me for a couple days post-surgery and she said yes!!!! She is sooo fun and I'm psyched to have her support. Hopefully the surgery date works out to not conflict with her Florida vacation! I was asking her today for some funny messages to write in lipstick on my belly when I go in for the surgery and she and her husband made up a hilarious and DIRTY top 10! I want to make my surgeon laugh before he starts- to get rid of any possible nervous energy and to get in him a good mood. My favorite (feel free to use): Is that a scalpel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Well, I'm off to call some relatives for health info tonight. Will update again soon!
1-9-04 Just a quick update: First of all, I'm worried that I should be working on getting insurance approval- I'll discuss this with Megan tonight (friend from support group 1 & 2)- we're hanging out. She's doing much better- dr's were able to dilate her intestine and now she's actually EATING- I'm so happy for her. She's been through some unbelieveable complications!!
I spoke with my (birth) aunt Jodi the other night and got some preliminary info on that side of my family (health history). I guess there is/has been alot of obesity, surgeries for different conditions, heart problems, etc. And they seem to have passed down addictive behavior to me- only I'm an addict of food. I still need to call my birth father. We've probably only talked one good time after I met him for the first time in 2001. can't believe it's been that long since! anyways, I will try to update again next week- oh I have to see the sleep dr tomorrow am to get results on that test. Apparently, I'm going to have to go back in for the cpap test or something like that?? Well- have a good weekend!
1-13-03 Well, its been one month since my 29th birthday and I am one more month closer to my goals- yes, surgery- but even moreso: a lifestyle change to better health, more mobility and physical comfort. I fell down my porch steps on Sunday on some ice and really hurt myself. It pissed me off because I KNOW if I weighed less I would have not have been hurt so badly. I fell really hard and just started crying like a big baby on the cold, wet steps. Being heavy is not fun, not "jolly"- there is no joy in being overweight and I need to snap out of that thinking. There's a lot to be said about loving yourself HOWEVER and WHOEVER you are, but its truly another thing to glorify dis-ease and an unhealthy lifestyle.
I don't know about anyone else but about the time I started really feeling hopeless about my weight- maybe freshman year of college(1994)when I put on 90 pounds- yup in less than a school year (not even CALENDAR year)... I also started up with this assinine thinking of "BIG is beautiful" and "I look better big." Or "men like THICKER women". While some of this I know to be true (men + the thicker the better), I also used it all as excuses to keep myself shackled in pounds and pounds of excess weight. It didn't help that most of my closest friends also had/have weight problems and like me, considered eating out and indulging on food to be a fun past time. Here's how it typically went down -
"Ooh, its Friday, we all got money... what do you wanna do?"
"Weeellll, let's take hours to get all cute and dressed up, drive out to _________ and gorge ourselves on_____________."
I can even remember my live-in boyfriend that year helping me to change my mindset about my eating capabilities. The memory is as clear as DAY! We were in the Arby's drive-thru on what was Stewart Ave in SW Atlanta, GA (its now Metropolitan Ave or some crap) on our way to Stone Mountain for the 4th of July fireworks celebration/light show. We ordered our favorite: turkey and cheese subs with extra tomatoes, cheese and mayo with fries. He always ordered 2 which were the equivalent of a foot-long sub at other places and I always got one. On this day he said, "you know what, you can probably eat 2 sweetie... why don't you order another one." So, with the love of my life (at the time!) encouraging me to eat and LOVING me for it, I did just that- threw another sub + another order of fries into our bag and off I went... down a long, long road of further stretching the limits of my stomach, appetite and mind when it came to food.
I look forward to a time when I can share that story with other "recovered" food addicts. Can anyone say co-dependency and/or enabling? LOL :) Warren, Warren, Warren- he knows who he is - lol! I won't call him out anymore than that (other than to say that he is also now struggling with being overweight, even for his large 6'5" frame). If it weren't for him and others and MAH DAYUM SELF, I wouldn't be at this point, making the decision to live differently. :) What's that saying: If you don't learn the lesson, you're bound to keep repeating things until you do. Well, I'd like to think I have finally learned.
FAST FORWARD TO:
JUNE 2004_______________________________________________________
JUNE 15, 2004
Greetings everyone! Ok, its been too long and for some reason, my profile got cut off and I lost MONTHS of my notes (see above). My surgery date was 5/11/04 and I was out of the hospital Saturday morning. My surgeon was/is great, I had a lot of support from family and friends & the CUTEST nurses' assistant who would wake me up every 4 hours to take my vitals, but pretend he was a waiter on a beach in Cancun. I really need to take him a personal thank you- lol! Everything went very smoothly (except the epidural was HELLIFIED HELL X 100), I must say and even the first 2 weeks fo all liquid weren't that tough. The toughest part was getting the liquids in, not being unable to eat. I had no desire at all.
Ever since the surgery, I have not really had any kind of "hunger" per se... not even head hunger yet, which I guess makes me very lucky! I started at 314, lost 25-30 lbs on my own pre-surgery and since surgery I have lost another 40-50 lbs. I'm sorry I can't be more specific, but I haven't weighed in on the same scle in about 2 weeks... but that'll ALL change today when I go to my Dr's. I'll let you know how that goes.
My biggest struggles right now are chewing the TUMS I take twice a day, getting in my liquids and spitting out the food that I KNOW is not going to sit well in my stomach! For some reason, I just KNOW when something is gonna have to be thrown up! Its happened about 5 times since surgery and its not the throwing up that's bad (cuz you feel so much better afterwards) its rather the feeling of food being STUCK in your chest. This is not to be confused with dumping. Dumping I have not experienced yet and hopefully never will. I'm being VERY careful with my sugar intake- everything is like 1-2 grams at the most and most food contain none- as much as I can control it, I do.
Alot of my clothes are WAY too big now too, which is very cool- except for the fact that I go back to work soon and have no idea what I'm going to wear and how I'm going to afford it! As much as this is a problem, I'd rather have clothes that are baggy on me then suck tight and roll- revealing. :)
Everytime I see my mom now- yes MY mom, the QUEEN OF ANTI-SURGERY- she says I get skinnier and skinnier and she's calling me "Slim" now, which is so funny. Never would I have thought that I would be able to own that kind of name! We went through some shyt with this whole thing- very differing opinions, but she has been nothing but supportive, encouraging and helpful- and I think VERY HAPPY to see it working for me! My father and the rest of my family has also all been wonderful! I had friends visit for the first week I was back at my place (I stayed with my parents for the first 1-2 weeks) and that was also helpful. They kept my mind off things, made me laugh and feel normal, not like an invalid. And believe it or not, by Memorial Day Weekend, a friend and I sailed a catamarran (? sailboat) all by ourselves. It felt so good to be out on the water and doing something physical, but not too physical.
I do need to write down some concrete goals for my weight loss, which I've never done. I will work on that tonight and then report back.
For all those who are pre-surgery + pre-surgery DATE... hang in there! It will happen for you and once you get to the losing side- TRUST ME- it is all worth it (and then some!). Have a great day!
June 17, 2004
First things first: I went and weighed in. I am at a dissapointing 258 (thought it would be less- damn!) which is only a few pounds from what I weighed a couple weeks ago. I really need to get my ass in gear and get this scale moving again. So I started this all in Feb at 314, had surgery at about 295 in May and now at 5 weeks out I weigh 258. At surgery I was wearing a very tight 24(bottom) and 22/24 (top) from the LB.
These goals are off the top of my head because my lazy behind didn't even work on this- lol! I may change/modify these in the near future:
At my 2 month anniversary (7/11/04)- less than a month away!!!!- I want to be at 225 and/or wearing a size 18/20 on the bottom. My gift to me this month will be a personal trainer/training plan + new sneakers and work-out wear.
By Sept 11, 2004 (4 month anniversary) I want to be at 200, wearing a solid 18 (no 20) on the bottom.
By November 11, 2004 (6 month anniversary) I want to be at 190, wearing a 16 bottom- i.e. be shopping somewhere OTHER THAN Lane Giant, ok?
This would make my 30th (eek!) birthday on 12/13 and Christmas really nice cuz I would be able to buy/wear so many cute things from a range of stores/designers. And OMG would I feel FABULOUS!!
My overall goal is to weigh 180 (<--- that is what my DR thinks I can do and maintain healthfully).
My IDEAL WEIGHT should apparently be 160. SO, as of today I am making my own personal weight loss goal 170. If I end up lower great, but I want to add a little extra challenge to the mix. I hope my Doc's reading this- lol! :)
Wow! Amazing how each and every day is different! I first want to say to all newcomers and those who are pre-surgery: start getting connected with the "sister angels" through the BAF board + others NOW! I just started this week and I can't tell you how helpful it has been to be able to just log in and reach out and have people respond who understand what you're going through. Its been a blessing these past two days cuz I have been in a kind of funk. My head hurts, my eating's off, water is always an issue and worst of all... I have NOT exercised. I'm being very lazy and I know damn well what the consequences are. Tomorrow I have to shop for a protein shake cuz I need to be getting more in. I tried today to get on that plan and when I ate some chicken I baked last night I thought I was gonna DIE from the lodged-in-my-chest pain it caused! It took about 2 hours for me to be able to puke up literally 2 teeny tiny bites that I had thoroughly chewed before swallowing. I went to the message boards while I was struggling with the pain and read someone else's revelation: eating leftover meat causes her to feel this same way. Her DR thinks its the way in which the cold meat and fat has congealed or something that makes her sick. So, for now, I will no longer eat leftover meat cuz this is not a feeling I care to repeat!
I'm also going through what I thought would be FUN TIMES of not fitting into any of my clothes. Its NOT though! I do work FT but I am also in school and I'm trying to live with what my brother calls my "wine taste" on a beer budget, so doing a lot of shopping everytime I lose is not really an option right now. It would just be a waste of money, but in the meantime, here I am all depressed because while I should be looking better and better I look sloppier and sloppier in my old clothes. And I go back to work in a week or so!!! I need to just let it go, stop pressuring myself unnecessarily- who cares what people at the job think or how I look! I'm losing a lot of weight and you all know how much I get paid- its barely enough to live on let alone finance a shopping spree every week! And who am I doing this for? ME, dammit- so screw everyone else. Like I said, its been an interesting couple of days.
Well, I just wanted to update here and yeah, vent my ass off... I'm happy to say its worked- I feel so much better y'all! I've really gotta update my photos- I can't stand looking at these now- lol! I did get back the BEFORE photos my dad took the morning of surgery, so I will post those as soon as I have a sec to scan them.
jUNE 19, 2004 314/258/170
Hi All~ Just thought I would give a quick update. Drum roll please........... I finally got my butt in gear yesteday and did some real exercise!! I walked a good pace doing the fat burning workout on the treadmill for just over 2 miles (45 minutes) and burned over 300 calories!! I also did 15 on the elliptical to burn 75 calories. That machine basically simulates running which is basically the world's greatest torture (watch me be running by fall! lol!) so I can only hold it together on there for a short time! I also found I could eat a little better than I did yesterday, so I handled that as well. I've been keeping a very religious FOOD JOURNAL for the past week or so and looking back on it reallyhelps me see certain patterns, etc. But I will say, this is a very weird process because something that works for you one day in one way WILL NOT the next day- and of course, I always find out too late- when my chest feels like its gonna explode! You have been warned! :)
Underwear: I remember reading people's profiles last fall once I found this site and man, did I pour over profile after profile, trying to glean as much info as I could. One thing that stuck with me was how people would outgrow their underwear and it would LITERALLY fall off them. OK, I'm in this to win this, but really, I would never have imagined my underwear going anywhere, BUT yesterday, a pair I bought just over a month ago as a congrats gift to myself is seriously loose. They aren't threatening to fall off, but they definitely DON'T FIT any longer! I almost fell over from laughing at myself in the mirror trying to position them in some normal way on my body. Let's just say- NOT CUTE! I'm going to start keeping a BABY STEPS JOURNAL, similar to my food journal, where I jot down things like this that demonstrate the progress I'm making and the changes in my body, cuz if that scale doesn't move again THIS week, I want to maintain my sanity. Plus its these "little" things that I think I will cherish most in the long run.
June 20, 2004 314/254 (I think, according to my dad's scale)/170
Hi Y'all! Just checking in real quick since its Father's Day. Holidays/family gatherings are really interesting now since they ALWAYS revolve around food. Today I really wanted to be eating some of what other people were going to be, since its summer and there are few times of the year when potato salad,e tc taste THIS good. I made four bean salad but since it has so much sugar in it, I made some for myself with splenda and it was great! I also concocted my own potato salad, which was good too- I MADE SURE i left out the egg whites- they KILL ME! I also tried some hamburger off the grill today for the first time. It went down ok, but its not something I love, so you probably won't hear of me eating it too often. I'm not a big red meat girl- never have been. This morning I actually OUTWALKED my sister for the first time in, uh, YEARS! We walked probably a mile 1/2 to 2 miles through town, ME pushing her 30+ pound daughter in her jogger stroller. I was practically running I was walking so fast, but it felt SO good. Its strange now actually sensing what feeling healthy is all about. I also was wearing a jean mini-skirt cuz my other clothes were in the wash. I NEVER would have been able to walk that fast or far in a skirt before cuz my thighs woulda rubbed and burned the whole way. I KNOW you know what I'm talking about! Anyways, my adrenaline musta been through the roof cuz I just kept going and going and going... She actually had to ask HOW MUCH FURTHER- and that's forever been MY line!!! Woo hoo! I still think she's in great shape- and better shape than me, but BOY DID THAT FEEL GOOD TODAY! I also felt this tingling "muscle" (hark, do I have muscle?) sensation in my backside which I KNOW has to be doing something for all the junk in my trunk! We just got done playing volleyball as a family so there was a little more exercise for me. I need to eat another meal since I've been mostly drinking today and then I'm gonna do some sit ups and push ups. Tomorrow morning I'm gonna go to the golfing range with my brother for the first time. Should be hilarious! Ooh OOh OOH, one more thing: last night my sister took me to the theater since she gets free tickets through her job and so we had a great excuse to dress up. Since I'm staying at my mom's I really didn't have anything to wear except a top (that I'm outgrowing, unfortunately). I wore a pair of her 18/20 pants and they fit me like a glove. They were VERY slimming since I've been swimming a bit in the same clothes I had pre-surgery (22/24...). I must admit, with my sexy Enzo sandals, painted toes and new make up I FINALLY purchased for myself from M.A.C., I was looking pretty good! I could not beleive how "flat" (almost) I looked in the stomach & (sigh) butt shelf area when I looked at my reflection. I was so tickled! Have a good night everybody and Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!
June 22, 2003 314/257/170
Hello! Just got back from my six-week appt and I've lost another 9 pounds. Hear that? That's me trying to stay positive about the measely 9 pounds I've lost in- YEP, YOU GUESSED IT- 6 weeks! OK, enuf with the cynicism. ANY loss is good loss, right? I forgot to have the nurse do my measurements because probably there I would notice a good amount of change. I don't see my doc again for another 6 weeks and then we move to appts every 3 mos. Its so strange to feel like I've already come this far. Wait until you have your surgery- time will fly when you are in recovery. Monday is my first day back to work and in some ways I'm glad but in most I wish I could stay my black ass home, ya know? :).
Well, both today and yesterday I walked about 2.5 miles in the morning, pushing my neice 1/2 of the way and dropping her off at daycare. I felt so bad leaving today to come back home- she was really enjoying the morning walks. (she may get her wish, though and see me again tonight since I CANNOT FIND MY HOUSE KEYS ANYWHERE!!!) The exercise is really starting to FEEL good and I wake up needing to do it. Its very strange, but true. According to my dr's notes I have lost a total of 55 pounds, but I think we need to compare notes because I feel its been a few pounds more. Either way, I feel probably as proud of myself as ever with anything I've set out to accomplish in life. Maybe even moreso with this, since time and again I would try only to fail. For the first time ever in my life I really feel like I am going to WIN at this! Peace! the nine-lb wonder, jess
June 23, 2004 314/257/170
FYI: I will not be changing my weight on here each day- only when I weigh myself in my doctor's office, which hopefully will be weekly.
I am SO pleased to report that I did not couch-potato back down now that I'm back at home with no one to be accountable to but myself. Nope, this morning I woke up, had 1/4 cup part-skim ricotta with a sprinkle of Splenda, a serving of salted peanuts (about 30 pieces- whew!) and 2-1 oz pieces of cheese... then I waited about 30 mins and had a few sips of water with my pills. Next I drove to a nearby bike trail and POWER walked a little over 2 miles, did some stretches and then went in search of tomorrow's walking spot. I find another trail nearby that connects to a park, tennis courts and golf course! I've gotta remember to borrow one of my sister's rackets because there's a wall where you can hit tennis balls back and forth with yourself (I hope that makes sense!) I will be hitting that ASAP cuz I love tennis! I haven't played it at all in YEARS, but I still love it. For lunch today I had the same thing I had for dinner last night: 1 cup of turkey chili (99% fat free) with hot chili sauce, some shredded cheddar melted on top + 2 tbsp of roasted red pepper hummus with 8 Girlfriends Booty snack chips. You HAVE to check these out. 16 chips = 16 grams of protein and they are low in sodium (no water retention), carbs, cholesterol and virtually no fat. They are a God send for crunchy/salty lovers like me- plus they're great for dipping! I was eating these pre-surgery just cuz I loved them but I think they are a great find for GBS peeps. You can find them in the health food section of your grocery store. Tonight I am going to be trying scallops for the first time with cocktail sauce vs. butter and I'll be cooking them in Pam butter-flavor spray with fresh garlic. Later on, after Last Comic Standing (hi, I'm a reality show addict!) I will be attempting Jazzercise. If I have any kind of snack tonight it'll be a SF, FF fudge pop.
Oh- happy happy joy joy- today I am wearing a pair of 22 khakis- NO STRETCH and they are kinda loose! Life is GOOD. You really should learn to ignore my mood swings- or take note of them- I hear they're pretty normal for folks in this process! LOL :) Peace!
June 28, 2004 314/257/170 (If you notice that my weight is not changing, its because I am only going to seek out scale-validation once/week from now on.)
On that note, tomorrow will be a week since my last weigh in, so I will be updating later that evening. And, for the first time in this whole journey, I am not stressing about the "numbers", rather I am trying to give myself time, stick to the post op success rules and relish experiences like yesterday at Good Ole Lane Bryant...
My sister and I went to hit the big sale that the LB's been having and I felt like crying, laughing and striking a pose all at the same time. I now not only can SQUEEZE in, but really, truly FIT into a solid 18. O H M Y G O D. Thank you thank you thank you Creator! I spent WAY to much but times like these have come around so infrequently over the past 15+ years that I HAD to splurge. Everything looked good on me... white linen capris (what?), bright colors, and SKIRTS- yes, you heard me- SKIRTS are hanging right. That right there is a first for me and my "shelf". The shelf's still with me, but something has moved around or slimmed down cuz I will be wearing a BEAUTIFUL long, flowy skirt to work tomorrow. I know I'm gonna just feel even better as time goes on and I can reap the rewards of all my hard work, dedication and exercise, but, man, I have not felt this good about myself maybe EVER. I mean, I've always been a relatively happy and positive person, but I must have been faking the funk all these years, cuz I am only just now starting to understand what people mean when they say you can actually be happy in your skin.
I met the wife of someone I went to h.s. with this weekend at a party and she is going to be my personal trainer. She is awesome, I've seen how many classes she teaches a day and she is FIERCE. I am ready to work, to kick it up a notch and make this work for me! Its worth the money, dammit. Its money I woulda spent on Ruby's ribs or something of that nature.
This weekend my sister and I went out and I got some pretty intense attention from a guy I've KNOWN but who just now has taken an interest. I mean, if I understood him right, he was saying he wants to now be with me, taking "things" to another level. (We've already hooked up, so THAT level has LONG SINCE been fully explored). I was blown away and, yes, loving every minute of it. But, as much as that makes you feel good, it also kind of pisses you off. I mean, have I CHANGED that much? And maybe its not even that.... who knows. I'll update if we tackle any new levels... lol!
Well, today was my first day back to work and the day flew by! Its nice for people to be noticing the weight loss and changes in me and the 3 flights of hell-stairs up to my office were much easier and left me only partly out of breath and not sweating through my work clothes. I woke up very early this morning to get in about 1/2 of a Jazzercise tape and some Body Electric Ab work. Right after work I went and walked the bike trail for 2.5 miles. I gotta say also, when I walk now I feel really "light" and have all kinds of endurance. Once I get going I don't feel like stopping but I'm trying to pace myself and not go too overboard into burned-out mode. Tonight I may do more Jazzercise and tomorrow I'll be up again early to walk, since I will be going to the dr's afterward and then to meet my sister. Well, more later... have a great night! :)
June 30, 2004 WEIGHT CHANGE!! :) ---> 314/254/170 !!!!
Well, life is pretty exciting now... I have now officially lost 60 pounds since I began this journey. I am veryhappy with myself, my progress and the surgery. It really has done for me what I feel and believe I have been unable to. Its really given me the help I've needed to DO THIS! I am ready to take this ALL THE WAY! When I was weighing in, I did take a picture of the scale set at 250. I want to be out of the 250 range and be weighed using the 200-lb block (on the scale- hope that makes sense). I am very close and look forward to the day that happens, because, I'm telling myself, once I am in the "below 250 200's" I can work on acheiving my below 200 goals. No, I'm not back to worshipping the scale because truly every day I live with this surgery, I feel is a better day and an even greater opportunity for me to maximize the benefits of all I've done. But, along with the positive attitude, hard work with eating and exercise, I need to give myself something to work TOWARDS. So, I am going to post that "250" block picture on my fridge and near my laptop at work and also tape it to my rearview mirror. Hopefully be the time I develop the pics Iw ill have already made it past, but even still, it can work as great motivation AND reinforcement on the days I am not so gung ho.
Here are some other goals I am working towards:
1. Buying an outfit from Banana Republic, Bebe or anywhere else I've never been able to shop!
2. Going down a shoe size/feet getting narrower
3. Posting MY Before/After radical-change photos (since I look at everyone else's everyday)
4. Standing up in support group and fitting both legs into one leg of the pants I wore to the hospital
5. Not being recognized by old friends
6. Sitting i my driver's seat without my hips spilling over the sides!!!!
7. Running a race- even just a 3-miler :)
8. Wearing my Brazilian bikini on the beaches of Salvador da Bahia next February for Carnaval!!
9. Sitting in any seat on the plane just because I can
10. Having the self-confidence and spontaneity back to take risks, live where I want, work where I want, shop where I want and DATE WHO I WANT. I know that makes me sound like I'm an idiot, but it really points to the fact that living as a morbidly obese person has really changed me- and not for the better, personality-wise. Being overweight I have learned to sit back and accept what life brings me. I want to feel STRONG, BEAUTIFUL and SUCCESSFUL and go out in the world and do my thang!
JULY 2004________________________________________________________
July 2, 2004 314/254/170
Today was great- had a great walk around my 'hood today, got a lot of shyt done at work today and got out early due tot he holiday! I'm home now at my mom's preparing for a tag sale with my sis (annual event) and then will spend the rest of the weekend at the lake (where I will learn to kayak if it KILLS me, knock on wood) with family + friends. My sister and I are going out again on Saturday night and I just have to say, I now look SO FORWARD to going out, getting attention and just having a good time being so much more comfortable with who I am.
I am selling ALL of my 28, 26, 24 and some 22's in the tag sale tomorrow- my closet looks SO barren, but I need the motivation to keep losing and to stick to my plan. Plus, a sistah is BROKE and I need some cash! LOL
I need to post a new pic (updated from the day of surgery) and I will try this weekend. I wish everyone a happy, healthy and safe holiday weekend! xo, jess
P.S. If its not obvious, I changed my name on here- I wanted something that would evoke peace, etc... I think I've accomplished that. I now sound like an incense- lol!
July 5, 2004 314/254/170 <--- Tomorrow is weigh-in day again!
Just wanted to check in quickly, let you all know that I SURVIVED yet another family gathering and over a holiday, no less. I had a beautiful day at my aunt & uncles camp on the lake. It was REALLY hot so we went out in the party boat and jumped off into the middle of the lake. I LOVE to swim and was so less humiliated about being in a bathing suit in front of everyone. I even have a very plain, un-stylish suit I bought for $10 from WalMart since I saw no reason in really investing in one this summer. I had my sister took some FULL BODY (can't believe I let it happen- talk about changes in me...)photos right before I jumped overboard, so I will suck it up and post some of those pics ASAP. Also, I'm going to take another round of front, side and back-view photos today in the same clothes I wore to the hospital. I'm hoping I see some change from then until now. I felt like I could enjoy being outdoors and surrounded by the views of the mountains and the lake (and later the spectacular fireworks from the boat in the middle of the lake) more this year than ever before. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I am feeling more and more alive everyday, thanks to my weight loss. Well, here's wishing everyone a stress-less week back to work! Take care, Jess :)
July 7, 2004 314/255/170
Well, as you can see, I am not realy thrilled with my weigh-in yesterday. I think I am deciding not to weigh in at ALL now! Knowing what I've been doing adn how hard I've been working (compared to where I was at a year ago!) its very depressing and I find my efforts to be very easily undermined by the DAMN SCALE! Yes, I am going to give up on weighing myself until I have an actual doctor's appointment. I can't go through this every week- its torture, for real!
Today I slept in since it was my late day at work and I was so so tired from the day before. I did not exercise this morning but just finished a quick weight training work out at the gym with a friend. THANK GOD I had her as a reason to motivate nad go, otherwise, I may have slumped onto the couch again tonight. We only got to work out about 20 minutes since the gym was clsoing so I will try to bust out a tape at home and tomorrow morning it's ON!!! I am going to be back to my walking regimen. Thus far, I've only had about 1/2 my water today. With exercising, I really need to stay on top of my liquids and nutrition- it makes a difference! Have to keep reminding myself that I didn't go through all this just to slack. Thanks for reading about lil ol' me! G'Night!
July 28, 2004 314/237/170
Hiiii!!!!!!! Its been so long it feels like! Life is moving so fast lately- between work, meeting new people, trying to squeeze the last few weeks out of the summer, etc... I have slacked off and so I am here to update you all on my progress...
Oh My GOD!!! I am now in the 230's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to say that again- I AM NOW IN THE 230'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO you hear me???? I was probably 20 yrs old the last time I weighed anywhere near this! I almost peed my pants when the scale read 2 3 7 at my last support group meeting! Life is so so so good, people! Thank you GOd for this surgery and for my strength to make it work!! If nayone is debating doing this, let me be the first to say: You deserve to live the life you were meant to live. Stop living half and life being unhappy and worn down. Do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I'll get down off my soapbox now. You all know what you need to do!
Ok, so what's been new with me? Well, I am kickboxing my way to more weight loss and muscle definition and I swim 2-3 times/wk- at least 30 laps or more! I wore a dress to work today and was told I looked BEAUTIFUL by 3 random people. I have met my 2 mo anniversary goal- I completely fit into an 18, be it stretch or otherwise, I have taken up a new exercise regiment (kickboxing + swimming) and as a reward I bought myself some cute red pumas! :) My next goal is for Sept 11th- my 4 month anniversary. I want to be 200 pounds and without a doubt I will be!!!!!! I get heart palpatations just thinking about the scale saying 2 0 0 when I step on. Even now, I still wait for the numbers to keep rolling by, but they stop on 237, not 314. Can you feel me here, people- can you even understand the joy I am experiencing??? Hey, I get so overwhelmed by it that I cry, scream, laugh and jump up and down. Its like the spirit hitting me over and over!
This past weekend I went to my cousin's
About Me
upstate, NY
Location
35.0
BMI
Nov 29, 2003
Member Since