life_lessons

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   Wow!  Two Years!  Seems like ten years.  I have such a flood of emotions that it is hard to write it all down fast enough.  I have lost 131 pounds and weigh 130 pounds so I have lost one half of myself.  For the last whole year I have fluctuated between 126 pounds and 132 pounds.  And actually got down to 123 pounds when I was moving and not taking care of myself and I looked sick and people were getting worried.  But once I added a little wine to my diet I also added 3-5 pounds.  Yet, I have to look in the mirror to see the loss, because I still think of myself as heavy.  I'm still buying clothes that are too big so I have to try them on.  I just can't bring myself to buy a size small even if it fits!

This second year was sooooo much easier than the first.  I am used to eating without drinking and I know my body will tell, (at exactly 40 minutes after!) that it's almost time to drink again.  I just have to hang in there 20 more minutes!  I tried a stop watch the first year, which worked well enough until I got used to watching the clock.  I also have a trick of setting the tv sleep timer for an hour if I'm home, or the microwave timer if I'm cleaning, so I get the go ahead on my drink.  I love my Crystal Light Peach Tea but I try not to get bored with it and drink regular tea and morning coffee.  I don't miss Diet Coke at all now, in fact, I will almost go without if that's all there is, (meaning I've tried a sip or two just to quench thirst).

Things I do miss:  a good bowl of cereal, celery, pineapple, chicken breasts, hot dogs, and   drinking a beer with my friends.

Red wine is fine, but I have had to learn my limit, which is two glasses drank slowly or mixed with my Crystal Light.  Three and I'm wasted, four glasses and I'm out cold.  I won't drive anywhere even with a taste.  White wine is too sweet and makes me as giddery as sugar.  Speaking of sugar!  You don't got near anything that makes you that sick!    I don't want any part of it and I can feel it even in my peanut butter.  The most I will eat is in my few animal crackers treat.

As for treats, Cheez-its rule!  And popcorn, pretzels, and granola bars, (especially the fiber ones).  And the trick is to eat one at a time so you fill up faster.  I don't stop my fluids for my snacks or I would dehydrate.

Dehydration has been a problem earlier since I spent Christmas Eve and Day in the hospital with a severe kidney infection due to dehydration, (my urine looked like coffee).  And it was due to traveling and not watching my fluid intake.  So I know the signals now, and when my back starts aching I up my fluids, add cranberry juice, and the next day it's gone.  And I pay close attention for the next few days.  Of course, I learned that alcohol consumption is NOT fluid intake.

The vitamin issue is not a problem since I take heart meds anyway.  Keeping the iron and calcium apart can be tricky, especially since I also take a potassium 2x daily.  It's hard to get them all in, but I usually manage them all.  And I give myself a B12 shot on the 19th of each month because that's my birthday date so I never get mixed up on that. 

Since my surgery, so much as happened in my personal life, too.  I went on through with my divorce, (my insurance was tied up in the divorce degree), I went back to college and finished my Bachelor's degree,   studied abroad in Scotland, and toured Europe in cowboy boots!    My hair came back, finally.  (I had to get all the thin stuff cut off but I like my shorter hair).  And I still have my same fella that I met during the divorce and I'm looking for a good job in size 8 business suits!

Life is good....................now.

  Well, I feel like I'm on 'cruise' now.  Aside from my hair blanketing my path,   everything has kind of evened out.  I guess I've learned how to eat and what to eat.  I don't try many new things and I mostly eat what can be chewed to a liquid in my mouth.  So, not a lot of meat, unless it's ground beef and still no chicken or turkey, no rice, and no pasta.  I love watermelon and it seems to go down endlessly!  So, I'm feeling better without throwing up all the time. I've slacked up on my exercise, but that's because I have been physically working like a fiend.  And it's just too hot right now.

My weight loss has slowed to about 2 pounds a week.  In May I didn't seem to lose much, then BAM, it fell off in June.  Same here in July... slowed a bit, now it's picking back up.  I do pretty good with the vitamins.  The only ones I get screwed up are the iron and calcium, since you can't take them together.  Plus, no tea with iron, so it's usually the one that I skip here and there.  The gel tab vitamins are great because they dissolve so quickly.  And I take the gummy vitamins and gummy fibers every night.  That's my treat for the day!

My honey took me shopping for new clothes!    I told him I was trying to wait, but my pants literally fell down.  I went from size 24 jeans to 16s.  The 24s haven't fit for awhile but I had 22s left from when I was gaining.  I am the saggy baggy elephant, though.  My arms are hanging down and my thighs jiggle when I walk.  But even that seems to be getting better.

During the hot weather, I am tending to be a little dehydrated.    It is Florida, after all, so I am trying to be very conscious of my fluid intake.  I do fine waiting the hour after I eat, now.  And I try not to get things too salty so I'm not so thirsty.  I also learned to drink a lot about a hour before I eat.  That really helps.

Everyone is commenting and asks what happened!  It's good to hear positive stuff for a change.   I did decide to go back to school and finish my degree.   I walked all over campus this last week and was surprised to see that I didn't have much trouble.  I actually think I can do it this time.  But... I learned that I can't carry a backpack.  I'll have to get one on wheels.  My back just won't handle it anymore.  It's going to be interesting to go back to school as a baby boomer.  I've already been called "a special case" and they made me take an MMR shot.  I told them I had measles and mumps in the 1960s but I have no proof!  Oh, well, I finally got the nerve up for that B12 shot in the belly.  It wasn't bad once I found a numb spot.  It's about time for another one. 

  AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!   MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT BY THE HANDFULS!    WHERE'S THE FISH OIL PILLS???  AND OH YEAH, I FORGOT TO GIVE MYSELF MY JUNE B-12 SHOT IN MY STOMACH!!  Down 83 pounds!  I need to take some new pictures!  

  I can't believe I haven't written anything since April 10, but I was in NYC most of May and New Orleans most of June. NYC was great! Stairs everywhere! No need to exercise when you go up 3 flights every time you walk in the door, (my daughters live in a third floor walk up). But I continued my blood-clot prevention exercises until the 4th month passed. I must say that it was way easier to walk around NYC with 60 pounds gone! I still got tired but not as quickly. I did surprise myself at how long I could walk. 

New Orleans was interesting on a lot of levels. Had a lot more fun with my honey!      Wow! Sex alone is enough reason to lose weight. Everything is easier. And by the way, I can reach every spot on my person, no more next to impossible places that can't be reached! 

My weight loss has slowed to about 2-3 pounds per week instead of 5 pounds, but all is relative. In New Orleans, I would cook for my sweetie and did fine with it.  I found that if I nibbled while cooking and didn't eat the meal, I tolerated the food a lot better.    I have had a real problem with tolerating most things. Cheese and crackers are a staple for me, mostly for dinner. Chicken is out and I was a big chicken eater. No shellfish, no steak, very little pork, and no chicken, those are my no's.  I can tolerate ground beef cooked any way and beans but no rice and no pasta. Some fish works but not tuna.  And, if I don't have those little burps after my first couple of tiny bites, it will all come up. And it might be 1 to 2 hours after I eat!  My first meal of the day is always my best.  I don't like eggs, but I try to eat them. I can't eat a baked potato, but mashed potatoes go down really easy. So it seems that the mushier, the better, and little bites still 5 minutes apart. That's why the nibbling works.

Here's a horror story from a week or two ago.    My honey came home for lunch. I had shells and cheese with tuna sandwiches for him.  I ate 1/2 tsp of tuna and a little more than 1 tsp of shells and cheese.  An hour later I felt queasy, so I decided to go out to the store to walk and see if that helped.  I stopped at McDonald's for a tea to see if that would help, but I didn't have any because I wanted to walk first.  So I went in the dollar store for a few items and I didn't even make it to the back before I had to rush out.  So I threw up by my car which is embarrassing but what do you do?  I went to Wal-Mart and only made it to the rest room where I spent the next 15 minutes throwing up... foam mostly, by the way.  Then, I thought nothing was left, and I'll go home and lay down, but no!  In the middle of traffic, I have to throw my tea out the window, (which I never even tasted), and use my cup to throw up for 2 miles!  Later, big burbs!  Huge burbs!  So it was the air in my intestines that wouldn't let anything leave my pouch the usual way.  It was horrible.  I didn't eat too fast nor too much, but I got very sick.  And I can't even think about sugar.  Even a little makes me dump. 

I do miss some things, but they are not the ones I thought I would miss.  I don't miss beer or even my diet coke anymore.  I do miss cereal with milk and my milk and corn bread mixed together.  I miss pasta a little and rice, too.  But the way I look at it, it is like a heart patient who can't eat a lot of things she used to could.  Thank God, I can still eat bacon!

All my blood tests came back normal.  No high cholesterol anymore, no high blood pressure, and no vitamin deficiencies.  I still have PVCs but that's from my childhood heart surgery.  I feel great and am sleeping better.     My girls' said I don't snore anymore so I may not need my CPap machine soon, (I didn't take it to NYC).  I am becoming the Saggy Baggy Elephant so my exercising needs to change.  I hope I can afford the gym after summer.  I still do the walk in place stuff but I think I'm ready to go dancing! 

Almost 80 pounds gone.. and probably is gone by now because I don't weigh everyday.  I'm sure I have 20 more pounds of excess skin!  I'm so glad I went through with the surgery.  The benefits so outweigh the side effects it's not even funny.  It's been a journey alright and I'm still in the beginning.  Guess I'll go take my vitamins. 

Well, it's been 7 and 1/2 weeks and all is not well!    I am so tired of everything making me sick to my stomach... or what's left of it.  I'm sick of protein shakes, yogurt, and even eating anything.  The only way I can really eat is to take one bite every 5 minutes for 30 minutes.  Then you have to take iron with the meal and no tea or calcium 2 hours before or after.  Well... that's really not that bad and I can handle that; it's the knot in my chest that I hate.  A lot of my frustration comes from the whole family from up north coming down to see the new grandbaby, (and yes, the paternity test was positive).  Trying to go out to eat with everyone was one frustration after the other.  One shrimp, 1 bite of pasta, 2 spoons of refried beans made me sick as a dog... and that was 3 different meals!  One shrimp and I was hacking up foam, not food.  And everyone eats so fast!  I'm sitting there watching the clock on the phone for my next bite, and they are done!  But by the second week everyone was more tolerant and we went to soup and salad places.

Also, by the end of their visit, I started my exercises back up.  I had to lay off for a couple of weeks until the hemorrhoids healed, then the family showed up and everything was thrown off - exercise, meals, vitamins, the works, all shot to hell.  No wonder I didn't take care of myself when the kids were growing up.  But luckily, by the end of their 2 week stay, I had them doing my power walks with me - even their dad!

So everyone left Thursday and I've had a couple of days to recoop.  My sleeping is still screwed up a little but everything else is falling into place.  I need to pay more attention to my protein intake.  I have looked all over town for the BeneProtein and no one has it, so I guess I'll have to order it on the internet. 

I did manage to go to the doctor for my 6 week checkup.  He told me to be careful with the stressers. He said he knows a lady that kept her weight down for 15 years then a major stresser came along and she gained half of her weight back in 5 years.  I don't have trouble eating too much, I have trouble eating at all.  And I don't like sounding so negative about everything but I did just eat!

Anyway, I forgot to make my appointment with the exercise physiologist at the 6 week checkup, so I still have that to do. And my medicines and vitamins are waiting at the pharmacy.  I guess I'll go get them since Walgreens is next to my McDonald's unsweetened tea.  And it has been almost an hour.  I do miss my Diet Coke, though.  Actually, I miss any kind of soda. 

Ahhhh, I never thought Decaf Coffee could taste so good!   My 4 weeks are up so it's decaf for me in the morning!  I've never been a coffee drinker before, (I was a diehard Diet Coke fiend), but coffee sure tastes good now.  If fact, everything tastes really good, but I just don't have an appetite.  I love to smell food, but eating it doesn't interest me.  Besides that, I have a hard time eating really slow.  Twenty minutes for 1/4 cup of food is ridiculous, but if I don't take time, I get that lump in my chest telling me I can't swallow that last bite.    I can handle no drinks during mealtime, but the slow pace turns it into work and it's no longer enjoyable to eat, especially alone.  BUT, I did go to a buffet with my honey and my son and I had lots of soup, a bite of sugar free dessert, and topped it off with some fruit.  I felt great!  (Not only that I had my first normal BM since surgery because of it.)

And speaking of my honey... he did come to visit and what a visit!  I had so much energy and was very limber in the bedroom and I'm not talking power walking, either!    What fun we had!  He had lost 15 pounds himself, (he needs to drop 70-80 more), and he had more stamina than usual, too.  Sex is much easier already!

And to think, that was before I became a grandmother!  My 18-year old son had a St. Patty's Day boy, 8 lbs 1/4 oz.  I was sure glad to see all the pictures of me 40 pounds lighter!   I'm beginning to look like my old self again.  I'm gonna need energy with all the turmoil this one has given us already... at least the mother has.  But that's a story I'm not getting into.

My exercise has been limited by this pesky hemorrhoid but that will be removed on Monday.. hindering me even longer.  So tomorrow I have to do the Magnesium Citrate, laxative, enema stuff again!  That's what started it in the first place!  I had a colonoscopy right before my RNY and this hemorrhoid flared and never went away.  All the digestive changes made it even worse.  I've had this same one for years but it never gave me much trouble until now.

My incisions are in great shape and beginning to fade already.  My bluejeans now fall off as I'm walking so I had to hunt up my next size down.  Yes, I kept the different sizes always thinking I would lose the weight but I never did.  Don't we all?  I did wear my big pair of jeans to my gastroenterologist.  He had helped me on my RNY journey.  He said I made his day!  That I had set about to do this and I did it!  He was very happy and said he would see me in 40 more pounds!

A lot has happened this last couple of weeks.  I'm getting a lot of work done around the house and being careful about lifting.  Of course, my honey and the new baby have kept me running all over the place.  Next week, the whole family comes to visit so the new grandson can meet his grandpa and two aunts.  And my son can visit with his dad and sisters!  I will be cooking all my girls' favorite dishes.  I wonder how that will be... to cook and not eat!  It will be hard to taste and then once again not drink afterward.   

Ugh!  We'll see how that goes!

  Well, I must say that I am not feeling back to my old self again but better than my old self.  I'm down 36 pounds and just beginning to tell it.  My ring went from my ring finger on my left hand to my right hand and is so loose it will soon be on my index finger!  I can take my jeans off without unbuttoning them and can fit into my old jeans.  My belly no longer rubs the steering wheel and the exercising has made me more limber and flexible.  And I CAN TOUCH MY TOES!   But, (and I must be honest here)... all these digestion changes the last month have caused me to have the worst hemorrhoids of my life!!!!  I guess I will have to call my gastro doc because nothing seems to help.

Aside from the weight loss, I can now sleep on my left side. I couldn't lay on my left side for 10 days and then I needed a small pillow under my belly.  You get awfully tired of laying on just one side and I don't like laying on my back.  But about day 15 or so I woke up on my left side.  Now there's no pain at all.  And speaking of sleeping, I'm surprised to find that I'm looking forward to my honey visiting this weekend!  He's a big guy and I really couldn't crawl over him to get out of bed until now, (and he's too big to crawl over me)!  I needed my whole bed with all these incisions, cpap machine, pain killers and crazy sleep patterns.  But things are getting back to normal and I'm ready for action!  More on that later!

Drinking all my fluids is getting easier, but I still can't tolerate eating much meat.  If I do manage to get some down, I fall right to sleep!  My friend scolded me for eating some canned ravioli, but I could only eat 2 a day so it took the whole week to finish one can!  I'm not getting enough calories to worry about the carbs in 2 raviolis and I tolerated them extremely well.  I did have some thinly sliced tuna sashimi (2 pieces) while out with my friends. It was very tolerable and all the flavor of the wasabi and ginger was great and the meso soup was to die for!  Of course, I had to eat the soup first and leave to tofu bits and greens to make room for the sashimi. It gave me good energy and I was not sleepy.  More fish for me!  It is still hard not to drink with meals. I have to remove my glass or I will forget.

Now I'm off to 7/11 for a Sugar Free Crystal Lite Slushy and my Grape flavored chewable Iron tablet.  Later...

Looks like I'm eating too much meat already!  I am so worried about my hair falling out that I'm trying to get all this protein in with meat.  I tried a quarter cup pureed ground beef and it sat in my stomach, (or what's left of it ), all day.  When I tried a little supper hours later it came right up!  And it is wierd throwing up without help from your old stomach!  Dr. Kim told me to eat only a pill cup, (2 oz) until I can tolerate it better.  He also said EVERYONE loses a lot of their hair after 4 months but it only lasts 3 months then your hair comes back.  More vitamins were added.  I chose the Vitamin B12 shot once a month because I had C-Sections and my belly is still numb in the scar area so I can 'shoot' myself there.  No fish oil pills to start yet... just as they are coming under scrutiny by health officials!  All else was fine.  I was glad to see some friends at the doctor's office that had FAT TUESDAY surgery with me.  Of course, I didn't like the afternoon appointment with the pulmonologist who  asked was I using my CPAP machine, took my money and said "I'll see you in one year."

I told the nurse that all my medicine fills my pouch.  She said take one here and there.  With all the vitamins, that's going to take all day.  Of course, I weighed 5 pounds more than at home.  Well, I'll take that. I'm still down 30 pounds since February 1.  I feel so much better already as far as the weight being gone.  I do the Leslie Sansone Walk at Home - one mile.  You don't just march in place, you do a few kicks, knee lifts, side steps, etc.    At first I could only march in place but now I'm back up to the whole routine and may start the 2 mile next week.  It comes on cable tv on the Exercise on Demand channel.  I love it because I can do it in my pajamas and crocs and don't have to go anywhere.  Anybody that's mobile can do these exercises and they are easy.

Time to go take another pill... 

AHHHH! I cannot get all this protein in!  I have been struggling since I got out of the hospital.  At first I couldn't even drink one protein shake.  Now, I can get one in and a little food for supper, (we have 'supper' here).  Last Monday was my first pureed food, (due to internal swelling).  I had 3 baby spoons of beef baby food, 2 bites of sweet peas baby food, and 3 bites of pureed babanas.  Then I dumped right off the bat!  I don't know why I dumped so soon but I thought I was going to die!  No vomiting but all the other symptoms, nausea, cramping, heart racing, light headedness, gas, the whole bit!  Not knowing what was happening, I tried to walk it off holding on to my teenage son's arm, but finally laid down until it passed.  It took me 2 days before I would try anything else and that was a couple of crackers with a little butter.  I fed the baby food to the dogs!

My liquid bandaids have fallen off and my tummy itches sometimes, but all is well there.  The gas pangs are gone and not much pain after eating now.  It is really hard to not drink with food.  I have to move my glass out of reach to remind myself.  I did learn one thing already... I can't eat out with my friends!  I start talking and next think I know I've taken a drink, or too big a bite, then another drink, or drink too soon.  I'm eating before I go out now.  It does help me to meet with them, though, because it helps me get more liquid in.  I used to love beer, but now I can't stand to even smell it!  They can drink 3 or 4 beers while I try to get one whole glass of water down.  I put Special K Protein Mix in my water and the girls tease me that it looks just like Long Island Iced Tea!

I hope this stays on my page.  It is just my little diary of my experience... of course I don't care who reads it as long as it stays here!