Jaime Breckenridge

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Well, I was doing okay drinking enough water until last Thursday or Friday and since then I cannot keep down more than about 12-15 ounces of liquid a day.  I am afraid I am going to dehydrate.

Friday I had my doctors appointment, 11 days post-op, and they removed every other staple (out of 51).  I was "leaking" in one spot so I have to stuff part of a 4x4 gauze pad into a hole in my stomach and place gauze over it to soak up old blood and fluids that are pooling in there.  (GROSS, I know!)    Saturday morning I have 3 more spots in my incision "leaking" fluids.

I am full of phlegm so I am not hungry.  At night I wake up gaging every 15-30 minutes trying to get phlegm up.  I am having a terrible time and I have regretted getting this done every single day since I woke up in my room after surgery and recovery.  (Everyone keeps saying just wait a while you will be glad when this all passes.)  Yea but in the meantime I am miserable.  I am hot, then I am cold, then I have a low grade fever, then I feel fine.  This is getting old real fast.

I have lost weight but I am not happy inside.  I am very sad and miserable and I wished things were going better.  Maybe if this incision would heal and I could get my liquids to stay down I would be glad I did this but until then I'm just not convinced this was the right thing for me to do.  Maybe I should have waited until I had diabetes and was in a wheelchair and had no life outside of my home... I just don't know.

I am really regretting my decision.  I should have just remained the way I was and been happy with life.  My stomach muscles are very tight and painful and I gave it the weekend before calling the doctors office.

I called this morning and asked if I could have muscle relaxers and if I could change my zantac150 to pepsid chewable.  The doctors office called me back and said take beano or gasX for your stomach pains.  I said they aren't gas pains, I am passing gas and belching just fine for the most part.  I am having tightness in the muscles around my ribs and gut area.  The nurse, or whoever she was, simply and very rudely said, "Well the doctor won't prescribe you any muscle relaxers."

Then she said my insurance would not pay for any other medication besides zantac.  I told her I didn't care, I would buy the pepsid over the counter but I wanted to make sure it was Okay and what dosage to take.  She said the largest over the counter chewable dosage you can take.

I am very disappointed in my surgeons lack of bedside manner and lack of time spent with me personally as a patient.  I am going to mention it to him Friday because out of all the surgeons at Peoria Surgical Group Dr. Rossi is supposedly the nicest and most caring one with the best bedside manner.

I hope things start to turn the corner soon or my life is going to be a mess soon.

-Jaime

I found a better way to crush medicine.  A way that doesn't make me have to scrape remains of medicine from the teeth of the crusher.  It is called a mortar and pestle.  I got one that was made from stone (some type of slate I think) and it works great. 

Now to find a better way to take the medicine.

Mary Poppins had it right but not for a post surgical DS patient who cannot take it with a spoon full of sugar! LOL

-Jaime

Oh, I am feeling much better as each day progresses but I still cannot sleep in my bed for more than 3 hours or so because I cannot sleep on my back anymore or my side for long because one lung (the one on bottom) IS STARVING FOR OXYGEN AND NUMB. heh.  My rear end aches from all the sitting but I get so tired so easily now I cannot spend much time up and moving.

Crushed medicine is terrible.  I haven't found a good way to crush it or to take it.  I bought a crusher but a good portion of the medication remains in the crushers teeth and I have to sit and scrape it off.  As far as taking the crushed medicine, well this is the worst.  Trying to take crushed medicine in a way so as not to be horrible has eluded me thus far.

I tried just tossing back the powder... sticks to tongue.
I tried mixing with some water... I have to refill it several times to get all the medicine and it tastes terrible.

I did finally start crushing a chewable vitamin C tablet with the regular medication and that helps, but I still only know of mixing it with water.

The worse part so far is the incision.  My muscles around it are also healing and with the weight of my stomach pulling against it all the time It hurts for me to try and lift my stomach or lay on my side or do anything that moves my stomach.

If I I do anything too long in one position my stomach muscles get very tight and I have a hard time breathing due to the tightness.

I started, for lack of a better word, pooping again yesterday and it was a terrible experience.  My stomach felt like it was going to explode.  I went again this morning and I can still feel my tummy rumbling.  It hurts my stomach so much but getting the gas pressure out helps tremendously.

But all in all I would say this isn't too bad.  I mean I have come to the realization that this was a major, major gastrointestinal surgery and I am only 6 days out from it.  I am going to be real disappointed if I haven't lost weight by the 24th when I see the surgeon.  I hope my staple line will be all healed and the staples can be removed then.

I will share more when I get time.  I did post some new pictures.

-Jaime

OK, first of all thanks for your thoughts and prayers.  I was never really nervous or scared, not even when I was laying in on the surgery table and they had me breathing deep breaths of oxygen.

I was freaking miserable for about 24 hours after surgery.  Apparently they fill you up with co2 and I could not take a sip of water without my stomach feeling like it was going to explode.  I could not take a deep breath.  I am so glad that I already use a machine for sleep apnea because I wore it the entire time the first 24 hours after surgery during waking hours just so I could breath easier.

It was odd, I took a sip and 3-4 seconds later I felt it enter my stomach and the pressure was immediately a 9-10 on the pain scale.  After about 24-36 hours it got a bit better because my loving wife would rub me on either side of the incision while I sipped and it helped me transfer air for the water.

After about 2 days I could burp somewhat, I had to move to burp but it wasn't bad.  Then Wed. I was sitting in a chair next to the bed and felt gas working and finally I had gas on day 3 late at night.  Again, I have to move to burp or pass gas but I am moving air and all my insides are good.

I have 51 staples, I hated every minute of the first 24-36 hours but the hospital staff were sweet as pie and awesome.

I was very upset about my weight and mentioned it to the doctor.  I lost 20 lbs from Wed. to Monday morning on the clear liquid diet.  I was 556 and when I went in and weighed Monday morning right before surgery I was 536.  Thursday about noon I weighted 570.  I have never weighed more than 563.  They tell me its all from the iv bags and water gain.

So I started out great, 20 lbs down then put on nearly 40 laying there sipping on water for four days.  I started my water pills today so it better come off quick.

All in all I cannot tell you if I would do it again because it is just too soon but I can tell you I cannot get comfortable at home.Maybe when the staples are out and my incision line is healed.

I will post more later, I do have some pictures to post.  Day or surgery and the incision and whatnot.

-Jaime

Well, my surgery is tomorrow, Monday, October 13th at OSF in Peoria, Illinois.  I have to check in at 7:30 and the surgery is about an hour to an hour and a half later.  I pray that my doctors have steady hands and everything goes well and that the support staff are all on the ball tomorrow.

I have done everything they said to do to optimize the surgery and my recovery so I hope everything goes well.  I am concerned but not really scared.  I imagine tomorrow by this time I will be in surgery hopefully almost ready to head for recovery and get on with my new life.

I will continue posting as soon as I can.  I am going to have my wife take some pictures of me shortly then we will pack the car and head to the hotel.

You know I really am not all the hungry, I haven't been for about three days now so the clear liquid diet hasn't been all that bad.  I would like to snag a real meal but I can do without for now.  I am content.  I just hope I am not such an A-hole to my wife and son after this is done.  I have been so stressed lately.  They are too good to me.

-Jaime

Well I am starting day two and yesterday wasn't bad until late afternoon early evening when I got the shakes and felt pretty sickly.  I had a bad headache and jello and broth wasn't cutting it.  I am so glad yesterday is over, that is 20% of my pre-op diet out of the way.  I think today I will try twice the water that I had yesterday and see if that helps at all.

-Jaime

I am not even a day into the liquid diet and I want to chew something.  I know that is a learned response but for the last 35 years, minus a couple at the beginning there, I have chewed everything that went into my mouth.  I tried to chew the broth... it didn't work. heh.

I wished they would let you have something, plain tuna or cream soup or pudding or something with some texture and substance.

-Jaime

WOW!  This is so much more difficult than I thought.  I think it is because I have been sitting at home for the last couple of hours.  It is so much more mental than I had imagined it would be.  I am going to have to be very busy the next few days or I will go insane.  The very idea that I cannot have something is driving me to want that which I cannot have.

I know everyone has gone through the same thing so I can get through it without a problem.  I feel really sad that I cannot enjoy the texture and flavor of food right now... just a bite of peanut butter or a slice of bread to pid in my broth.

I think to myself, what would it hurt right now, one last little something the morning I am suppose to start the clear liquid diet won't hurt anything.  They didn't say start at midnight or anything, just 5 days before surgery... Maybe that can be at 1:30 or no supper. 

I know this is not the case and I will stick to the plan because I want the surgery to go as well as it can and if I can give myself an edge then I will do so.  I mean I have been taking Vitamin C bid for the last two week and just doubled up on it a couple days ago to qid because it helps you heal better and faster.

OK, enough... I had to vent a bit and share in case someone else is going through this and wants to make sure they aren't alone.

-Jaime

How odd that I have switched gears mentally and I am completely okay with changing my eating process and food thoughts?  I cannot believe that I am cool with it, I have been anxious for weeks now and I woke up this morning and there was a great calm over me.  I am not craving anything, just change.

-Jaime