jlko
My name is Jeanette and I am 39 years old. I come from a large family by todays standards, and I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Im the only one with no kids, and Im the Director of Production for a video game company. Ive been married since March of 2006 but I have been with my husband for 7 years in February.
I wasnt always overweight. As a young person I was really thin. I didnt start gaining weight until I got divorced when I was 26. I was really really devastated about the ending of my marriage, and food became the only thing I found comfort in. Over time, I gained over 100 pounds. And sort of zipped up the fat parka and peeked out at the world from underneath it. Like Kenny from Southpark.
When you get to a certain point in obesity you become sexually irrevelant. People stop seeing you. I mean, they SEE you but they dont see you as a person. Your seen as a nameless faceless blob. And to some extent you get used to being sort of invisble. Youre limited in your career advancement, because the mindset is, well, if she cant control her weight how can she control XY or Z? And so begins the shame. Shame for eating, for being overweight, for taking up too much space.
My surgery was April 26th, 2007. The thing I found to be the most difficult I think, was coming to terms with the fact that I couldnt lose all that weight alone. So I spent the day I was evaluated in tears because I realized that I was finally admitting I couldnt lose the weight anytime I wanted to. I needed help.
As an adult you know we dont get too many do overs in life. There are no mulligans for the mistakes you make in your relationships or your career or with your family for that matter. We face the consequences of our actions. Its part of what defines us as grown ups. I viewed my surgery as an opportunity for a do over. I was scared as hell, but excited too, that yes it would be hard but I could DO this! And for a while I did, but the honeymoon ended when my real life came barging in to the cozy little insulated bubble I lived in for a few months after my surgery.
At that point the hard work really began. And its work I am still very much struggling with. Stress eating, emotional eating. And how to cope with all those feelings and fears. How to channel a lifetime of bad habits into something that is positive, constructive, long term and doesnt harm me, or my long term goals. If anyone has figured this out please enlighten me! 
