JennA
5th yr anniversary of my RNY
Well, its been along time for me to visit OH and this is my first posting in the new format.......i just passed my 5th year post op and I havent exactly been WLS poster girl, but Im doing better AND WILL ...due to BTC closing a couple years back i havent exactly been informed as to what my nutrition intake should consist of at this point. I also, unfortunately was not informed properly preop to the real life of being long term post op!
i WANT TO ADD HERE THAT i HAVE NOT HAD INTERNET ACCESS FOR QUITE AWHILE !!
That being said, Id like to add that this is sorta a long posting...this is my profile ..my opinions..my health..and my own views, opinions, etc....take them as you wish, but if one person learns from me just one thing to do or not to do it was all worth it.
I stopped visiting the message board simply cus it seems more about drama BS than wls issues and being five years post I feel I do have somthing someone can learn from....
the day after Labor day I had 2 grand mal seizures in a row. my husband rushed me to the ER and due to my health issues, etc he was fired from his job cus he had used all the alloted points allowed. No matter what points are given and being late to work, caused him to point out, thus leaving me with no health insurance...he is at another good job, almost the same pay but again as in the past with pointed out job, btw he had been at for 16 years, he works every day ...12hr shift !
Until the exact cause of the seizures is determined and written medical clearance from a dr. i cannot even drive a car now!
I finally gained some weight which feels better than being all boney. unfortunately this late post op the gain has come from a drinking binge...dont worry ..i recognize it and am getting it under control gradually. Im never hungry and have neglected my nutrients, vits, etc, and MUST MUST MUST keep kicking myself to do better!
There are tons of issues that caused my MO and at times i honestly think its the worst thing I could have done but then again my best friend food would prolly have me weighing a ton and thats not good either.
I have lost alot along the way but I have gained alot of knowledge about people in general...'IT DOESNT MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH CUZ UNTIL YOU LEARN TO LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF, LOOSING THE WEIGHT WONT CHANGE A THING! Actually WLS complicates things in my opinion! I will say I am still married , although not thrilled about the aftermath wls had on me, he has remained by my side throughout! Happy? well, I have also learned we are responsible for our own happiness!
On a possitive note, I have regained a relationship with my oldest daughter nearly 19 now and have spoken to the 17 and 14 yr old......those who know me know of what I am referring too!
Due to my own fault of not enough research and knowledge of long term post op life i have had the following complications ...starting with kidney stones on my first wls anniversary and in no particular order.....
clostridium difficile--due to taking clindamyacin,an antibiotic for abcesses
chronic panic attack disorder
MRSA
cellulitis
abcess
anemia
surgery for a breast abcess--there goes my dream of bigger boobs, but hey they are gettin alot firmer now with my much needed weight gain.
i cannot stand red meat, but i try best I can
i also have neuropathy in three of my fingers...ie, some part of my brain has caused them to be numb..can be fixed with surgery but ive had enough surgery for now so i deal with it. My tummy tuck is by far the worst surgery and painful one ive ever had! went home outpatient and promptly fainted upon gettin out of the car...been about three years ago..i did get my new little belly button peirced about 3 months after TT.anyways what i never knew was that......
The seizure disorder IS or CAN be associated with gastric bypass amoung alot of other things I have been informed by Yvonne, from OH, with a website full of info regaurding this issue by her. Low blood sugar....STRESS!! it sucks cus I will now have a restriction on my DL that I cannot drive! Now, at the hospital they did an EKG, and a cat scan of my brain and basically just sent me home. Had my husband not seen this happen I would NOT have known anything cept i passed out. I bit off a peice of my tongue and my lower lip was bloody and bruised...weird thing is i KNEW somthing was wrong with me...i was seeing colors, patterns, even when trying to sleep, at 4 am i woke hubby and told him i couldnt take it anymore and sat on the side of my bed looking for my shoes and awoke under his arm carrying me to the car ..i could not walk due to what i would describe as 'charley horses' from the knees down on both legs and i have no memory of anything cept asking what happened . i had knots on my head and on my back and knees ..i guess i slide off side of my bed and convulsed on the concrete floor. there was NO pain during this but it was freaky before it happened and after i felt the pain of what had happened.
My adopted step son used to have them so hus knew what was going on. IT scares me to death i could have another one. Im also on a medication that can cause it..and had been off it cold turkey going on day 6, so Im not really sure why this has happened... but ive been asked what it felt like. I have only seen one in my life in HS and it freaked me out. My daughter walked in as I started again, and she said i had slide into our closet, which is next to bed and has those thick plastic panels that met with a magnet in middle.
anyways, I had no clue so many things can cause it and God knows Ive had my share of things happen....some my fault for letting myself forget that RNY is a FOREVER relationship and inside I am different!!!
The low food intake (sometimes none in my own stupidity of forgetting to eat) can cause low blood sugar which can also cause them.
I try to update my profile at least on or around my wls anniversary, for me mainly. I truly hope my future postings here will be on a more positive nutritional note and better health. Thankfully this year, entire 2008 ive managed to not be hospitalized. 2007 i was admitted eleven times for a week at a time...just gotta get on board and FAST with my nutrition.
Living in a rural area, the closing of BTC, and no support group here, unfortunately ive waited way too long ...BUT i didnt know and if just one person learns one thing from me NOT to do..lol...this long 5th anniv post was worth the time it toook to type it!
Best wishes to all the newbies and all the oldies i lost touch with for whatever reasons...i wish you the best always, jennifer
i WANT TO ADD HERE THAT i HAVE NOT HAD INTERNET ACCESS FOR QUITE AWHILE !!
That being said, Id like to add that this is sorta a long posting...this is my profile ..my opinions..my health..and my own views, opinions, etc....take them as you wish, but if one person learns from me just one thing to do or not to do it was all worth it.
I stopped visiting the message board simply cus it seems more about drama BS than wls issues and being five years post I feel I do have somthing someone can learn from....
the day after Labor day I had 2 grand mal seizures in a row. my husband rushed me to the ER and due to my health issues, etc he was fired from his job cus he had used all the alloted points allowed. No matter what points are given and being late to work, caused him to point out, thus leaving me with no health insurance...he is at another good job, almost the same pay but again as in the past with pointed out job, btw he had been at for 16 years, he works every day ...12hr shift !
Until the exact cause of the seizures is determined and written medical clearance from a dr. i cannot even drive a car now!
I finally gained some weight which feels better than being all boney. unfortunately this late post op the gain has come from a drinking binge...dont worry ..i recognize it and am getting it under control gradually. Im never hungry and have neglected my nutrients, vits, etc, and MUST MUST MUST keep kicking myself to do better!
There are tons of issues that caused my MO and at times i honestly think its the worst thing I could have done but then again my best friend food would prolly have me weighing a ton and thats not good either.
I have lost alot along the way but I have gained alot of knowledge about people in general...'IT DOESNT MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH CUZ UNTIL YOU LEARN TO LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF, LOOSING THE WEIGHT WONT CHANGE A THING! Actually WLS complicates things in my opinion! I will say I am still married , although not thrilled about the aftermath wls had on me, he has remained by my side throughout! Happy? well, I have also learned we are responsible for our own happiness!
On a possitive note, I have regained a relationship with my oldest daughter nearly 19 now and have spoken to the 17 and 14 yr old......those who know me know of what I am referring too!
Due to my own fault of not enough research and knowledge of long term post op life i have had the following complications ...starting with kidney stones on my first wls anniversary and in no particular order.....
clostridium difficile--due to taking clindamyacin,an antibiotic for abcesses
chronic panic attack disorder
MRSA
cellulitis
abcess
anemia
surgery for a breast abcess--there goes my dream of bigger boobs, but hey they are gettin alot firmer now with my much needed weight gain.
i cannot stand red meat, but i try best I can
i also have neuropathy in three of my fingers...ie, some part of my brain has caused them to be numb..can be fixed with surgery but ive had enough surgery for now so i deal with it. My tummy tuck is by far the worst surgery and painful one ive ever had! went home outpatient and promptly fainted upon gettin out of the car...been about three years ago..i did get my new little belly button peirced about 3 months after TT.anyways what i never knew was that......
The seizure disorder IS or CAN be associated with gastric bypass amoung alot of other things I have been informed by Yvonne, from OH, with a website full of info regaurding this issue by her. Low blood sugar....STRESS!! it sucks cus I will now have a restriction on my DL that I cannot drive! Now, at the hospital they did an EKG, and a cat scan of my brain and basically just sent me home. Had my husband not seen this happen I would NOT have known anything cept i passed out. I bit off a peice of my tongue and my lower lip was bloody and bruised...weird thing is i KNEW somthing was wrong with me...i was seeing colors, patterns, even when trying to sleep, at 4 am i woke hubby and told him i couldnt take it anymore and sat on the side of my bed looking for my shoes and awoke under his arm carrying me to the car ..i could not walk due to what i would describe as 'charley horses' from the knees down on both legs and i have no memory of anything cept asking what happened . i had knots on my head and on my back and knees ..i guess i slide off side of my bed and convulsed on the concrete floor. there was NO pain during this but it was freaky before it happened and after i felt the pain of what had happened.
My adopted step son used to have them so hus knew what was going on. IT scares me to death i could have another one. Im also on a medication that can cause it..and had been off it cold turkey going on day 6, so Im not really sure why this has happened... but ive been asked what it felt like. I have only seen one in my life in HS and it freaked me out. My daughter walked in as I started again, and she said i had slide into our closet, which is next to bed and has those thick plastic panels that met with a magnet in middle.
anyways, I had no clue so many things can cause it and God knows Ive had my share of things happen....some my fault for letting myself forget that RNY is a FOREVER relationship and inside I am different!!!
The low food intake (sometimes none in my own stupidity of forgetting to eat) can cause low blood sugar which can also cause them.
I try to update my profile at least on or around my wls anniversary, for me mainly. I truly hope my future postings here will be on a more positive nutritional note and better health. Thankfully this year, entire 2008 ive managed to not be hospitalized. 2007 i was admitted eleven times for a week at a time...just gotta get on board and FAST with my nutrition.
Living in a rural area, the closing of BTC, and no support group here, unfortunately ive waited way too long ...BUT i didnt know and if just one person learns one thing from me NOT to do..lol...this long 5th anniv post was worth the time it toook to type it!
Best wishes to all the newbies and all the oldies i lost touch with for whatever reasons...i wish you the best always, jennifer
Woman In The Mirror
The Woman in the Mirror
Walking past the mirrored glass
I take a timid peek
I see a woman staring back
I'm too choked up to speak
The puffiness, at last, is gone
The skin is pink and glowing
The many pounds that melted off
Finally, is showing
Hard to believe, till recently
This same woman was dying
Stuffing food to ease the pain
Heartbroken and crying
Life revolved around each snack
She lived for every meal
Anything to numb the hurt
She didn't want to feel
When did she get so pretty?
When did God remove the grief?
How did this miracle happen?
Who provided the relief ?
What a gift!
A second chance!
I thank God every day
For His grace in showing me
There IS a better way
I walk
I dance
I make love too
My heart is filled with gladness
I'm out of bondage, out of pain
There is no room for sadness
This woman in the mirror
Smiles softly back at me
Walking past the mirrored glass
I take a timid peek
I see a woman staring back
I'm too choked up to speak
The puffiness, at last, is gone
The skin is pink and glowing
The many pounds that melted off
Finally, is showing
Hard to believe, till recently
This same woman was dying
Stuffing food to ease the pain
Heartbroken and crying
Life revolved around each snack
She lived for every meal
Anything to numb the hurt
She didn't want to feel
When did she get so pretty?
When did God remove the grief?
How did this miracle happen?
Who provided the relief ?
What a gift!
A second chance!
I thank God every day
For His grace in showing me
There IS a better way
I walk
I dance
I make love too
My heart is filled with gladness
I'm out of bondage, out of pain
There is no room for sadness
This woman in the mirror
Smiles softly back at me
June 2007
Well, quick monthly update....still not feeling well, in fact the worst month of my life...gastric bypass complications, along with children who take up a good amount of my time making them realize what respect means. A husband I love that works like ummmm 8 days a week, 25 hours a day....im a single parent...sighhhh..my depression, inablity to eat an adequate amount to nurish my body has made me realize I need a change. I love my spouse still but am looking to love MYSELF so that I can find happiness....
I hope I can defeat wls statistics of being in the percentage that do not get a divorce over this surgery, but people cant change who they are, no matter what they say, how bad they try....IT IS WHAT IT IS !!! Ive realized I am responsible for my own happiness, and I must start working on obtaining my own happiness ....My life needs to be about ME for once....ive put everyone and everything else in front of myself and health, happiness.
I have had a terribly scary wake up call making me realize its now or never, im not geting any younger...turned 36 this month and just woke up and decided to strive for health and happiness. To do the same thing over and over and getting the same results expecting a different outcome infact is the definition of insanity !! Im not giving up....YES, i wish i had NOT had wls and had the abitly to have self control to have not been MO as I hadnt had a weight problem until my adult life. But, too late...lap banding would have been a better choice for me....ive been thinkin about the people that are SMO and such or atleast bmi upwards in 40's and nutritional counseling should be mandatory.......I Had no idea, live in a small town and you really dont hear to much about the things that can and do become reality for a long term post op..I traded one BP pill in for a a plateful of vitamins, protein shakes, calcium pills, and i need even more cuz having other problems....prolly due to lack of B vitamins. Depresion, stress ! DAMN..lol...Give me a hamburger..lol...
I've had constant nausea from day one of my wls..It seems to me that this surgery is glamourized way too much..Im not bashing it but definately there are things that people need to be forewarned about ....i guess time has changed...i couldnt get the band for my insurance co didnt cover it at the time...and you know when your legs rub together and you KNOW how thin feels from the past, youd do ANYTHING to be thin...so, stil i wouldnt change it just wish id have done more homework on life as a postop....
I miss food !!! plain and simple !!! Me and kids going to church, and making more postive changes, and learning that I need to love MYSELF .....If my spouse cant make some postive changes, then I love him and myself to move on....harddddddd to let go...dont want to...still trying but facing reality....damn im stubborn...hate to become a statistic ...been close, but by a thread avoided it...time will tell I guess...I dont come on this site much but wish everyone reading this well...hope your healthy and happy or like me, realizing that life is too short and finding your own self love to learn to be happy and seeing the sun shine again :)
To those I used to be friends with on here...hope all is well with everyone, id love an email from any of you, let by gones be bygones, we are all the same...friendship and love we all desire, we are ALL only human and make mistakes...FORGIVENESS and love can bring about alot of healing for all involved...the more I do for others, makes me feel good inside ....I love you guys !
JENNA
I hope I can defeat wls statistics of being in the percentage that do not get a divorce over this surgery, but people cant change who they are, no matter what they say, how bad they try....IT IS WHAT IT IS !!! Ive realized I am responsible for my own happiness, and I must start working on obtaining my own happiness ....My life needs to be about ME for once....ive put everyone and everything else in front of myself and health, happiness.
I have had a terribly scary wake up call making me realize its now or never, im not geting any younger...turned 36 this month and just woke up and decided to strive for health and happiness. To do the same thing over and over and getting the same results expecting a different outcome infact is the definition of insanity !! Im not giving up....YES, i wish i had NOT had wls and had the abitly to have self control to have not been MO as I hadnt had a weight problem until my adult life. But, too late...lap banding would have been a better choice for me....ive been thinkin about the people that are SMO and such or atleast bmi upwards in 40's and nutritional counseling should be mandatory.......I Had no idea, live in a small town and you really dont hear to much about the things that can and do become reality for a long term post op..I traded one BP pill in for a a plateful of vitamins, protein shakes, calcium pills, and i need even more cuz having other problems....prolly due to lack of B vitamins. Depresion, stress ! DAMN..lol...Give me a hamburger..lol...
I've had constant nausea from day one of my wls..It seems to me that this surgery is glamourized way too much..Im not bashing it but definately there are things that people need to be forewarned about ....i guess time has changed...i couldnt get the band for my insurance co didnt cover it at the time...and you know when your legs rub together and you KNOW how thin feels from the past, youd do ANYTHING to be thin...so, stil i wouldnt change it just wish id have done more homework on life as a postop....
I miss food !!! plain and simple !!! Me and kids going to church, and making more postive changes, and learning that I need to love MYSELF .....If my spouse cant make some postive changes, then I love him and myself to move on....harddddddd to let go...dont want to...still trying but facing reality....damn im stubborn...hate to become a statistic ...been close, but by a thread avoided it...time will tell I guess...I dont come on this site much but wish everyone reading this well...hope your healthy and happy or like me, realizing that life is too short and finding your own self love to learn to be happy and seeing the sun shine again :)
To those I used to be friends with on here...hope all is well with everyone, id love an email from any of you, let by gones be bygones, we are all the same...friendship and love we all desire, we are ALL only human and make mistakes...FORGIVENESS and love can bring about alot of healing for all involved...the more I do for others, makes me feel good inside ....I love you guys !
JENNA
May 2007
Well, looks like I am going to be needing to spend some time converting this profile to the new OH look..UGH..
Quick update, been awhile....well, I for some reason cant stop loosing weight...lowest has been 117, but by the time I had apt with my internist last month I had it back up rt at 120...He asked me why I have lost about 25 pounds in under three months....well, I think ive had to get in touch with some folks here that I might have some problems..my bmi still says Im ok..i feel like shit and im being honest....
Ok, here goes, going on four years out and seriously regret having had RNY surgery....lapband would have been more suited for me, but, this is kinda besides the point now ! I had no nutritional counseling before surgery and honestly did not really think it would play such a role...im nauseated alot again...which was for a while a constant after surgery, then kinda went away, but now I have to every single moment think, vits, food, water....over and over or I FORGET !!
I have a few issues that are starting to scare me ....I know that loosing the weight makes one a success regardless of other factors, but I have never claimed to be wls poster girl, nor did I have the information crutial, I didnt know how crutial preop, im not really sure about vitamins, calcium, which to take, protein shakes...ive thought about some weight gainer shakes but fear the sugar dump from them...sighhhh....somwhere someone forgot to tell me how important this would be...to an almost three hundred pound woman, you absolutely think not wanting to eat is absurd !!
I'm just being honest here cuz Im seeing some longer term post ops feeling awful too so I know its not just me! I fear blood work right now...last one I had wasnt all too long ago and all was normal...on the low side of normal for red blood cell (anemia) but hell, i hate meat now, it feels so heavy in my pouch, so Im not surprised....some other little things are concerning as well....
In Jan, I was hospitalized with yet another dang mrsa skin infection...this one turned to NOT be mrsa positive but within this past year I have had two serious illnesses....clostridium difficile (and got this caused by taking antibiotics for an infected abcess under my arm) then the mrsa, which every member of my family has gotten...not sure where this nasty thing came from...cept maybe people who lived in our house before us....really not sure..hubby even had it in his lungs and that was the most scary thing ive ever been through !
The newest thing, well one of two, I seem to have peripherial neuropathy in my middle finger on my left hand !!!!!! It is caused by not having adequate B vitamins....my internist seems to agree and said only surgery will fix it !! To say I'm bummed and depressed is an understatment!! I freakin cannot feel my entire middle finger nor half the other two on the other side...god, thinkin about this , makes me want to cry ! On good days, i try to eat as much protein as i can...im down to peanut butter sandwiches and halves at that...thinkin i have to eat an entire sandwich makes me sick to my stomach !!! half works better..lol...sometimes i can make it to that other half or some of it at least...im so confussed on vits etc....damn, i took only a high bp pill before now, I feel overwhelmed at the amount of nutrient pills i need to consume...
Oh, heres the other thing.....and I was told while last admitted to hospital, one of the nurses here that just had RNY, is less than six weeks and lost two teeth already!!! I personally had someone else sitting in my living room on the couch and reach in her mouth and pull out a damn tooth...she's three years further out than me...this is leading me to say my teeth are sensitive and at first two of my front ones alone inner gum line, look, strange at the bottom,,my internist said looks like cavities....strange place for a cavity....looks painful..i try not to look cuz honestly its not hurting now...i pray to God the day it does...nothing besides kidney stones brings me to my knees in pain quicker than my teeth...
Sooooo, I'm worried....I wish this was the jolly wonderful post of a further out post op but im serously concerned ! I just feel tired, worn out most of the time for no reason !
My greatest fear with this surgery not being so old and all ...that one day the lawsuits are gonna flash across the tv screen...beleive me im cashing in if that happens...lol...honestly, looking back, lap band woudlnt have been covered by my insurance nearly four years ago, but i think nutritional counseling should be a MUST also maybe upping the BMI.....my children and I can wear the same clothes and they are all nine years old.
I hope my weight is up more in another week or so when i go back to my dr.....i cant even gag down food some days and will throw up yellow bile....i did this when pregnant, just an empty tummy but its a daily chore maintaining a healthy weight....bmi says healthy but going from MO to being so small is kinda not comfy on the bones ya know....also, even after tummy tuck, a ten pound weight loss will make that sag more than youd ever think !
Ok well, thts it for now....not an uppidy post I know but its TRUE...and its not talked about , the unpleasant things that can and do go wrong post op....granted Im pretty sure I could make a different outcome, but as I said I was kinda shorted out on the nutritional 101 info....just chocking down vits IS way more meds i took preop and i never do it daily...still have the same bottle of citracal from the beginning of this journey with about 15 pills of calcium in it....horrible of me !! i should no better than this...just wanted to be honest and let everyone know that things can and do go amiss.....i need to gain at least ten pounds cuz i feel plain awful being this skinny ! normal bmi or not.
Quick update, been awhile....well, I for some reason cant stop loosing weight...lowest has been 117, but by the time I had apt with my internist last month I had it back up rt at 120...He asked me why I have lost about 25 pounds in under three months....well, I think ive had to get in touch with some folks here that I might have some problems..my bmi still says Im ok..i feel like shit and im being honest....
Ok, here goes, going on four years out and seriously regret having had RNY surgery....lapband would have been more suited for me, but, this is kinda besides the point now ! I had no nutritional counseling before surgery and honestly did not really think it would play such a role...im nauseated alot again...which was for a while a constant after surgery, then kinda went away, but now I have to every single moment think, vits, food, water....over and over or I FORGET !!
I have a few issues that are starting to scare me ....I know that loosing the weight makes one a success regardless of other factors, but I have never claimed to be wls poster girl, nor did I have the information crutial, I didnt know how crutial preop, im not really sure about vitamins, calcium, which to take, protein shakes...ive thought about some weight gainer shakes but fear the sugar dump from them...sighhhh....somwhere someone forgot to tell me how important this would be...to an almost three hundred pound woman, you absolutely think not wanting to eat is absurd !!
I'm just being honest here cuz Im seeing some longer term post ops feeling awful too so I know its not just me! I fear blood work right now...last one I had wasnt all too long ago and all was normal...on the low side of normal for red blood cell (anemia) but hell, i hate meat now, it feels so heavy in my pouch, so Im not surprised....some other little things are concerning as well....
In Jan, I was hospitalized with yet another dang mrsa skin infection...this one turned to NOT be mrsa positive but within this past year I have had two serious illnesses....clostridium difficile (and got this caused by taking antibiotics for an infected abcess under my arm) then the mrsa, which every member of my family has gotten...not sure where this nasty thing came from...cept maybe people who lived in our house before us....really not sure..hubby even had it in his lungs and that was the most scary thing ive ever been through !
The newest thing, well one of two, I seem to have peripherial neuropathy in my middle finger on my left hand !!!!!! It is caused by not having adequate B vitamins....my internist seems to agree and said only surgery will fix it !! To say I'm bummed and depressed is an understatment!! I freakin cannot feel my entire middle finger nor half the other two on the other side...god, thinkin about this , makes me want to cry ! On good days, i try to eat as much protein as i can...im down to peanut butter sandwiches and halves at that...thinkin i have to eat an entire sandwich makes me sick to my stomach !!! half works better..lol...sometimes i can make it to that other half or some of it at least...im so confussed on vits etc....damn, i took only a high bp pill before now, I feel overwhelmed at the amount of nutrient pills i need to consume...
Oh, heres the other thing.....and I was told while last admitted to hospital, one of the nurses here that just had RNY, is less than six weeks and lost two teeth already!!! I personally had someone else sitting in my living room on the couch and reach in her mouth and pull out a damn tooth...she's three years further out than me...this is leading me to say my teeth are sensitive and at first two of my front ones alone inner gum line, look, strange at the bottom,,my internist said looks like cavities....strange place for a cavity....looks painful..i try not to look cuz honestly its not hurting now...i pray to God the day it does...nothing besides kidney stones brings me to my knees in pain quicker than my teeth...
Sooooo, I'm worried....I wish this was the jolly wonderful post of a further out post op but im serously concerned ! I just feel tired, worn out most of the time for no reason !
My greatest fear with this surgery not being so old and all ...that one day the lawsuits are gonna flash across the tv screen...beleive me im cashing in if that happens...lol...honestly, looking back, lap band woudlnt have been covered by my insurance nearly four years ago, but i think nutritional counseling should be a MUST also maybe upping the BMI.....my children and I can wear the same clothes and they are all nine years old.
I hope my weight is up more in another week or so when i go back to my dr.....i cant even gag down food some days and will throw up yellow bile....i did this when pregnant, just an empty tummy but its a daily chore maintaining a healthy weight....bmi says healthy but going from MO to being so small is kinda not comfy on the bones ya know....also, even after tummy tuck, a ten pound weight loss will make that sag more than youd ever think !
Ok well, thts it for now....not an uppidy post I know but its TRUE...and its not talked about , the unpleasant things that can and do go wrong post op....granted Im pretty sure I could make a different outcome, but as I said I was kinda shorted out on the nutritional 101 info....just chocking down vits IS way more meds i took preop and i never do it daily...still have the same bottle of citracal from the beginning of this journey with about 15 pills of calcium in it....horrible of me !! i should no better than this...just wanted to be honest and let everyone know that things can and do go amiss.....i need to gain at least ten pounds cuz i feel plain awful being this skinny ! normal bmi or not.
January 2007
Just a quick first post for the year 2007 !! Wow, SO MUCH has happened in three years that at times I have to stop and remember the woman I once was !! i bear no resemblence of her now and wowowowow does it do so mind screwing to you....thats why i love looking at pics and in the mirror cuz the instant i step away I dont feel any different.....I am at my lowest weight ever and continue to loose..im even trying to gain...lol..tummy tuck not as tight with about another 10 pound weight loss...how and why is this weight coming off still....i guess im just lucky...thank you God cuz i have no will power....I was AMAZED to be able to buy matching outfits with my 9 year old daughter in the LITTLE GIRL SECTION....NEVER !!!! in my life...now it is a size large but dang i got my girl a Med. and SHE CAN PUT MY SLEEP PANTS ON and they fit...is she overweight ?? not one little bit !! im just thinkin im a little underweight but have always been told to enjoy this cuz as time goes on it will get hard to keep off....so far not for me...
i feel no hunger and have to actually remmeber to eat....i have never since high school weighed 120 pounds !!!!! hubby says too damn skinny but i just laugh and remember weighing about 130 my senior year in HS and thinkin i needed to constantly loose 5 lbs or so and going without just cuz i wasnt as thin as the next girl..i was on the drill team so they were really strict about weight and weight gain but damn how many times have i thought id have given my right arm to weight what i THOUGHT was a little over weight growing up !!! my goal weight that BTC gave me was 130...
i just passed my 3 year surgiversary and have well exceded that goal...yeahhhhh go me!!!! nothing feels like flying through air more than your husband picking you up and carrying you arouond or throwing you up on his shoulder....i used to have dreams of doing things like this while i was waiting to get my wls on the go....i NEVER really thought it would happen and it has far exceeded anything physically than i ever expected...i havent been this tiny since high school ...oh no, before..lol....i am trying to put on about 10 pounds but im not in any hurry cuz i still keep in the back of my mind where i came from and damn i never want to have to feel my thighs rub together or unbutton my too tight 22 (cuz i REFUSED to buy 24's, which is what i needed, lol) ....EMOTIONALLY this surgery is another issue!!!
One thing i hope to see happen among more insurances recognizing the necesity for every covered person who needs it to get it is for their to be required counseling as well as nutritional counseling !!! see, i didnt have to do anything but have a bmi over 40....now i let alot of time go buy and then realize how long its been since i havent been taking my vits or had enough to eat just cuz i SIMPLY am NOT hungry !!! On one of my not wanting to eat binges 'cuz i wasnt hungry' i had someone simple put it this way "Jenn, you have to eat or you will DIE...make a choice, make it a prioirty then do it!!!" i keep thinkin of that and that i must never forget my insides are different than everyone elses ! This is a mantra i have implanted in my brain and cuz of no counseling on nutrition its so easy to just forget Im different!!
Emotionally, hubby has been my rock THROUGH IT ALL....even when i wasnt sure I wanted to be married cuz i lost 141 pounds and felt ignored....i realize now, even with my tummy tuck, cute ass belly button that is so easy to forget now after ps how much it bothered me before..i must NEVER forget what ive been through!! my arms and legs show NO SIGN of ever being overweight !!! now how lucky can a girl be? :) still the scars of obesity will always be there to remind me where i came from !!! My next phase (and final...OMG that tummy tuck and muscle tightening was enough to stay away from the OR for ALONGGGGGG time..lol) i am a surgical tech, assisted in MANY of these surgeries and i have had MANY myself but NOTHING was as painful as my tummy tuck and ps...nothing !!!! so as you know, time goes by and we forget our pain and see the prize and now, well, my boobies have GOT TO BE ENHANCED !!! I BE THA BOMB when that happens..hehehe...just want these babies filled up ....and my journey will be complete...emotionally i dont think i will ever be complete...
I have recently found a few long lost girlfriends who knew me big and called me a liar and full of shit when i showed them pics online...lol....i love it !!! i know we wls patients come across as conceited sometimes but damn we deserve it!!! we were the ones to sit and hide for so long...i have had kids make my kids cry cuz they called their mommy fat...and when i stop to think about it....at my highest weight, (i lost more than i weigh now !!) to think i stood for hours assisting my docs on my feet with literally another me on my back...good Lord no wonder my feet hurt...when im asked WHY i did it.....well never in a million years did i expect the physical beauty....when i feel down i go look at myself cuz when i am not looking i still dont feel it...lol...i barely go 3 days without a comment by SOMEONE that i am freakin drop dead gorgeous...do i feel i am? sometimes, but mostly i feel freaked out being in this skinny body i do not recognize !! my goals in life have changed..my attitude is still being worked on...lol....i never in a million thought id be so little...but yet here I am...do i have regrets somedays YES!! im being honest here cuz as healthy as i was NOT then I am sometimes not healthy now but its my own fault...this was a lifetime commitment that i think i took too lightly now...can never change it...NEVER !!
I miss food ALOT. but i dont want it..im just jealous that other people can still enjoy it..i can too but 2 bites is like a big tease...lol....i know i will never have to worry about the fat girl i once was and im trying to readjust my brain into the new body but the brain is still behind....since i live in a small town i didnt have alot of support except this website...im so glad i found OH cuz not one question i ever had did i ever have a problem finding out the answer somewhere here with you guys !! i have met some friends here, lost some frieinds here (regretfully) but hey we are all human but i have not a mean bone in my body and wish the best for us alll batteling obesity !! people come and people go but i learned something possitive from THEM ALL and i can look at the cup half full...i have a heart of gold and honestly, had i not walked the route of MO, i would not....im the skinny girl with the fat heart and brain but I am thankful for it cuz its what makes me different and i choose to think it is what makes me special....no, us wls patients arent conceited we have earned every bit of self confidence and complement we recieve..god knows we went so long on the side lines !!
I still read the TMB pretty much daily and see so many new faces...but i guess theres only so much newbieness until one feels just a regular part of society again ! despite the fact in not completely healthy i would have this surgery again ....in a heartbeat...i was not healthy MO either and my comorbs are all gone...my issues now are different and mainly involve staying on top of my eatting and EATTING !!! lol....
I have made alot of friendships here and lost alot here as i said but I carry in my heart some happy memories that far out shadow the bad and I can think of at least three great things that came from even every single loss of a relationship since my wls...i used to feel i owed the world an ass kicking but now im thankful that im the strong woman that I am when need be JENN CAN DO ANYTHING!!! proven over and over...hehe...jenns lazy and dont want to do it but she sure can conquer the world if she has too !! my marriage is stronger than ever...
YEP it has had a few trying hurdles where i didnt know honestly where it might end up but all in all even hubby learned not too take his wife for granted and has grown up soooo very much from the big kid i married (he could get away with his shit when i was fat but NOT NOW...hehe and he knows it) so he is a better man from what we have conquered and endured even ! Im still so thankful he was patient with me and gave me freedom to try to rediscover my new self and wait patiently...most importantly I would like to end this update with FORGIVENESS......hell the reason i think i was so fat is from all the abuse and CRAP that made me this way, lost relationships and friendships, but I forgive in my heart cuz not too only hurts ME...forgive, forget and let go !!
Thanks for reading this update just realized i hadnt done any new updates on my profile in the new year so thought i would do it now !! Good luck too all and may we all learn the true gift of accepting and loveing ourselves regaurdless of our weight cuz that is where true happiness and acceptance starts...im still working on it and to tell you the truth the pics of the fat woman on here are just vague memories..i dont remember her at all to tell you the truth....I liked her though, then and now :) i must work on self love for isnt the greatest thing in life to rememember is to be true to ourselves first?
Good luck to everyone in reaching for your dreams whether you hit goal or not...and also, in talkin to one very close person that started way bigger than me, shes also 2 years further out than me and is still fat, I remind her constantly that her perseverence to get to goal WILL take more effort and energy than mine or any other light weight !! its simple.....if you are super MO or on the higher end you MUST work harder and more diligently....she tries to compare herself to me, I try to tell her not to do this cuz i HAVE to give wls ALL the credit of exceeding my expectations and being even smaller than goal ....i had no doing in it BUT i was not as big and didnt have as much to loose and I certainly didnt exercise and diet to do it.....so i try to reinforce to her that actually SHE has exceeded my weightloss...is she still MO? YES, but being bigger requires more discipline plain and simple and it depends HOW BAD you want this !! cuz you can do it..you have the tool...yeah i guess i was one of the lucky lightweighters (i lost MOST my weight in 6 months and another 41 pounds since) but i put NO EFFORT into it....i tell her this to make her feel proud although she will prolly never reach goal she is far better from where she started and maybe its time to learn to love her FOR HER !!! cuz hell, im skinnny and i still find stuff about me physically (even WITH ps) that i DO NOT like...self acceptance...over 3 years out and im still struggling with it....Am i drop dead gorgeous as im told constantly? at the risk of sounding conceited, id like to think i am.....i have EARNED it many times over and it feels good and i DESERVE it !!
:) jenn below goal 265/118 and loving my skinny short self and proud to feel like a prize in my husbands eyes !!
i feel no hunger and have to actually remmeber to eat....i have never since high school weighed 120 pounds !!!!! hubby says too damn skinny but i just laugh and remember weighing about 130 my senior year in HS and thinkin i needed to constantly loose 5 lbs or so and going without just cuz i wasnt as thin as the next girl..i was on the drill team so they were really strict about weight and weight gain but damn how many times have i thought id have given my right arm to weight what i THOUGHT was a little over weight growing up !!! my goal weight that BTC gave me was 130...
i just passed my 3 year surgiversary and have well exceded that goal...yeahhhhh go me!!!! nothing feels like flying through air more than your husband picking you up and carrying you arouond or throwing you up on his shoulder....i used to have dreams of doing things like this while i was waiting to get my wls on the go....i NEVER really thought it would happen and it has far exceeded anything physically than i ever expected...i havent been this tiny since high school ...oh no, before..lol....i am trying to put on about 10 pounds but im not in any hurry cuz i still keep in the back of my mind where i came from and damn i never want to have to feel my thighs rub together or unbutton my too tight 22 (cuz i REFUSED to buy 24's, which is what i needed, lol) ....EMOTIONALLY this surgery is another issue!!!
One thing i hope to see happen among more insurances recognizing the necesity for every covered person who needs it to get it is for their to be required counseling as well as nutritional counseling !!! see, i didnt have to do anything but have a bmi over 40....now i let alot of time go buy and then realize how long its been since i havent been taking my vits or had enough to eat just cuz i SIMPLY am NOT hungry !!! On one of my not wanting to eat binges 'cuz i wasnt hungry' i had someone simple put it this way "Jenn, you have to eat or you will DIE...make a choice, make it a prioirty then do it!!!" i keep thinkin of that and that i must never forget my insides are different than everyone elses ! This is a mantra i have implanted in my brain and cuz of no counseling on nutrition its so easy to just forget Im different!!
Emotionally, hubby has been my rock THROUGH IT ALL....even when i wasnt sure I wanted to be married cuz i lost 141 pounds and felt ignored....i realize now, even with my tummy tuck, cute ass belly button that is so easy to forget now after ps how much it bothered me before..i must NEVER forget what ive been through!! my arms and legs show NO SIGN of ever being overweight !!! now how lucky can a girl be? :) still the scars of obesity will always be there to remind me where i came from !!! My next phase (and final...OMG that tummy tuck and muscle tightening was enough to stay away from the OR for ALONGGGGGG time..lol) i am a surgical tech, assisted in MANY of these surgeries and i have had MANY myself but NOTHING was as painful as my tummy tuck and ps...nothing !!!! so as you know, time goes by and we forget our pain and see the prize and now, well, my boobies have GOT TO BE ENHANCED !!! I BE THA BOMB when that happens..hehehe...just want these babies filled up ....and my journey will be complete...emotionally i dont think i will ever be complete...
I have recently found a few long lost girlfriends who knew me big and called me a liar and full of shit when i showed them pics online...lol....i love it !!! i know we wls patients come across as conceited sometimes but damn we deserve it!!! we were the ones to sit and hide for so long...i have had kids make my kids cry cuz they called their mommy fat...and when i stop to think about it....at my highest weight, (i lost more than i weigh now !!) to think i stood for hours assisting my docs on my feet with literally another me on my back...good Lord no wonder my feet hurt...when im asked WHY i did it.....well never in a million years did i expect the physical beauty....when i feel down i go look at myself cuz when i am not looking i still dont feel it...lol...i barely go 3 days without a comment by SOMEONE that i am freakin drop dead gorgeous...do i feel i am? sometimes, but mostly i feel freaked out being in this skinny body i do not recognize !! my goals in life have changed..my attitude is still being worked on...lol....i never in a million thought id be so little...but yet here I am...do i have regrets somedays YES!! im being honest here cuz as healthy as i was NOT then I am sometimes not healthy now but its my own fault...this was a lifetime commitment that i think i took too lightly now...can never change it...NEVER !!
I miss food ALOT. but i dont want it..im just jealous that other people can still enjoy it..i can too but 2 bites is like a big tease...lol....i know i will never have to worry about the fat girl i once was and im trying to readjust my brain into the new body but the brain is still behind....since i live in a small town i didnt have alot of support except this website...im so glad i found OH cuz not one question i ever had did i ever have a problem finding out the answer somewhere here with you guys !! i have met some friends here, lost some frieinds here (regretfully) but hey we are all human but i have not a mean bone in my body and wish the best for us alll batteling obesity !! people come and people go but i learned something possitive from THEM ALL and i can look at the cup half full...i have a heart of gold and honestly, had i not walked the route of MO, i would not....im the skinny girl with the fat heart and brain but I am thankful for it cuz its what makes me different and i choose to think it is what makes me special....no, us wls patients arent conceited we have earned every bit of self confidence and complement we recieve..god knows we went so long on the side lines !!
I still read the TMB pretty much daily and see so many new faces...but i guess theres only so much newbieness until one feels just a regular part of society again ! despite the fact in not completely healthy i would have this surgery again ....in a heartbeat...i was not healthy MO either and my comorbs are all gone...my issues now are different and mainly involve staying on top of my eatting and EATTING !!! lol....
I have made alot of friendships here and lost alot here as i said but I carry in my heart some happy memories that far out shadow the bad and I can think of at least three great things that came from even every single loss of a relationship since my wls...i used to feel i owed the world an ass kicking but now im thankful that im the strong woman that I am when need be JENN CAN DO ANYTHING!!! proven over and over...hehe...jenns lazy and dont want to do it but she sure can conquer the world if she has too !! my marriage is stronger than ever...
YEP it has had a few trying hurdles where i didnt know honestly where it might end up but all in all even hubby learned not too take his wife for granted and has grown up soooo very much from the big kid i married (he could get away with his shit when i was fat but NOT NOW...hehe and he knows it) so he is a better man from what we have conquered and endured even ! Im still so thankful he was patient with me and gave me freedom to try to rediscover my new self and wait patiently...most importantly I would like to end this update with FORGIVENESS......hell the reason i think i was so fat is from all the abuse and CRAP that made me this way, lost relationships and friendships, but I forgive in my heart cuz not too only hurts ME...forgive, forget and let go !!
Thanks for reading this update just realized i hadnt done any new updates on my profile in the new year so thought i would do it now !! Good luck too all and may we all learn the true gift of accepting and loveing ourselves regaurdless of our weight cuz that is where true happiness and acceptance starts...im still working on it and to tell you the truth the pics of the fat woman on here are just vague memories..i dont remember her at all to tell you the truth....I liked her though, then and now :) i must work on self love for isnt the greatest thing in life to rememember is to be true to ourselves first?
Good luck to everyone in reaching for your dreams whether you hit goal or not...and also, in talkin to one very close person that started way bigger than me, shes also 2 years further out than me and is still fat, I remind her constantly that her perseverence to get to goal WILL take more effort and energy than mine or any other light weight !! its simple.....if you are super MO or on the higher end you MUST work harder and more diligently....she tries to compare herself to me, I try to tell her not to do this cuz i HAVE to give wls ALL the credit of exceeding my expectations and being even smaller than goal ....i had no doing in it BUT i was not as big and didnt have as much to loose and I certainly didnt exercise and diet to do it.....so i try to reinforce to her that actually SHE has exceeded my weightloss...is she still MO? YES, but being bigger requires more discipline plain and simple and it depends HOW BAD you want this !! cuz you can do it..you have the tool...yeah i guess i was one of the lucky lightweighters (i lost MOST my weight in 6 months and another 41 pounds since) but i put NO EFFORT into it....i tell her this to make her feel proud although she will prolly never reach goal she is far better from where she started and maybe its time to learn to love her FOR HER !!! cuz hell, im skinnny and i still find stuff about me physically (even WITH ps) that i DO NOT like...self acceptance...over 3 years out and im still struggling with it....Am i drop dead gorgeous as im told constantly? at the risk of sounding conceited, id like to think i am.....i have EARNED it many times over and it feels good and i DESERVE it !!
:) jenn below goal 265/118 and loving my skinny short self and proud to feel like a prize in my husbands eyes !!
December 2006
My 3 year wls anniversary has come and gone and no i didnt forget about it...lol..just kinda lost in thought as to a good update and what to say as I know thousands will read these words throughout the years as well as I will look back to what I was thinking and feeling at the time this was written..several enteries (last year) were deleted ...now I regret doing that so I try to put more thought into what is said..anyways, first and formost I am glad to see more people be able to get approval for this surgery however, there needs to be counseling required for anyone who decides to follow through !! Nothing said by anyone , including a counselor would have made me do it any different, however I was not prepared for the mental or physical effects of this surgery!! YES i did loose the weight far beyond my expectations...the only goal i ever set for myself as to not be dissapointed was to be a size 12 and my 4's are too big for me right now !! I constantly have eatting problems caused by stress...mostly stress i bring upon myself but thinking back its always been that way!! was just a plus before wls to be able to say 'yeah such and such happened but gosh darnit, i lost a couple o' pant sizes' now i cant do that !! stilll have trouble eatting when anything in my world is disrupted, but ive decided its all checks and balances and will be fine when things get under control..
I have learned to be really careful who you trust and love in this world... people are not always who they seem to be!!! not too trust and love too easily or freely.... for their is a price for everything..best to always keep a little reserve and guard on your heart....my eyes are opened to some things i never even thought about being obese!! thats ok though, all apart of life, i guess! people come and people go.....and throught it all, each one taught me something positive about myself, even though they didnt know it or certainly didnt mean too..lol...so thats a good thing, right!!
I can hardly remember the days of being fat now....i have no scars from obesity, with clothes on ...lol...besides about a 15 inch scar from my tummy tuck and boobs that will be replaced someday in the near future :), I got really lucky that my arms and legs are really small and do not show that i was ever fat...thank goodness for that !! but i guess i was always just fat in the belly area !!
I dont want to go back to the days where it was a chore to just walk to the car and feeling my legs rub together but being in a skinny body is so weird sometimes...its kinda like im all naked and vulnerable to the world now...no one cared before...the world judges by what they see on the outside so being fat kinda weeds alot of the loosers out immediately, but now its harder for sure...the woman i once knew is no where near me, i dont recognize who i am when i look in the mirror, i miss the girl i used to be in alot of ways !! she was so much secure within herself...it feels like looking in one of those mirrors in the fun house at the carnival in a way !! i bear no resemblence of her..i do miss her...wish i had her mind set back at times but i dont mis the predjudice the world puts on what they see on the outside of a person....
Well, this entry and reflection on the past is not a bad one, just realizations i guess of the woman i once was and the woman i am today...i am still learning to love the new me...and i do, most days, but sometimes i dont understand alot of things..things that were ok when i was big do not make sense now and i struggle to figure it all out...maybe some things arent to be figured out...there are several people (you know who you are!!) that have contributed to me finding my self worth and that will never be forgotten no matter where i go in this journey or with whom...thank you!!!
Until next time, good luck and much happiness on this strange wls journey :)
I have learned to be really careful who you trust and love in this world... people are not always who they seem to be!!! not too trust and love too easily or freely.... for their is a price for everything..best to always keep a little reserve and guard on your heart....my eyes are opened to some things i never even thought about being obese!! thats ok though, all apart of life, i guess! people come and people go.....and throught it all, each one taught me something positive about myself, even though they didnt know it or certainly didnt mean too..lol...so thats a good thing, right!!
I can hardly remember the days of being fat now....i have no scars from obesity, with clothes on ...lol...besides about a 15 inch scar from my tummy tuck and boobs that will be replaced someday in the near future :), I got really lucky that my arms and legs are really small and do not show that i was ever fat...thank goodness for that !! but i guess i was always just fat in the belly area !!
I dont want to go back to the days where it was a chore to just walk to the car and feeling my legs rub together but being in a skinny body is so weird sometimes...its kinda like im all naked and vulnerable to the world now...no one cared before...the world judges by what they see on the outside so being fat kinda weeds alot of the loosers out immediately, but now its harder for sure...the woman i once knew is no where near me, i dont recognize who i am when i look in the mirror, i miss the girl i used to be in alot of ways !! she was so much secure within herself...it feels like looking in one of those mirrors in the fun house at the carnival in a way !! i bear no resemblence of her..i do miss her...wish i had her mind set back at times but i dont mis the predjudice the world puts on what they see on the outside of a person....
Well, this entry and reflection on the past is not a bad one, just realizations i guess of the woman i once was and the woman i am today...i am still learning to love the new me...and i do, most days, but sometimes i dont understand alot of things..things that were ok when i was big do not make sense now and i struggle to figure it all out...maybe some things arent to be figured out...there are several people (you know who you are!!) that have contributed to me finding my self worth and that will never be forgotten no matter where i go in this journey or with whom...thank you!!!
Until next time, good luck and much happiness on this strange wls journey :)
December 2006
Dec 24, 2006
My 3 year wls anniversary has come and gone and no i didnt forget about it...lol..just kinda lost in thought as to a good update and what to say as I know thousands will read these words throughout the years as well as I will look back to what I was thinking and feeling at the time this was written..several enteries (last year) were deleted ...now I regret doing that so I try to put more thought into what is said..anyways, first and formost I am glad to see more people be able to get approval for this surgery however, there needs to be counseling required for anyone who decides to follow through !! Nothing said by anyone , including a counselor would have made me do it any different, however I was not prepared for the mental or physical effects of this surgery!! YES i did lose the weight far beyond my expectations...the only goal i ever set for myself as to not be dissapointed was to be a size 12 and my 4's are too big for me right now !!
I constantly have eatting problems caused by stress...mostly stress i bring upon myself but thinking back its always been that way!! was just a plus before wls to be able to say 'yeah such and such happened but gosh darnit, i lost a couple o' pant sizes' now i cant do that !! stilll have trouble eatting when anything in my world is disrupted, but ive decided its all checks and balances and will be fine when things get under control..i have learned to be really careful who you trust and love in this world...people are not always who they seem to be!!! not too trust and love too easily or freely....for their is a price for everything..best to always keep a little reserve and guard on your heart....my eyes are opened to some things i never even thought about being obese!! thats ok though, all apart of life, i guess! people come and people go.....and throught it all, each one taught me something positive about myself, even though they didnt know it or certainly didnt mean too..lol...so thats a good thing, right!!
I can hardly remember the days of being fat now....i have no scars from obesity, with clothes on ...lol...besides about a 15 inch scar from my tummy tuck and boobs that will be replaced someday in the near future :), I got really lucky that my arms and legs are really small and do not show that i was ever fat...thank goodness for that !! but i guess i was always just fat in the belly area !!
i dont want to go back to the days where it was a chore to just walk to the car and feeling my legs rub together but being in a skinny body is so weird sometimes...its kinda like im all naked and vulnerable to the world now...no one cared before...the world judges by what they see on the outside so being fat kinda weeds alot of the loosers out immediately, but now its harder for sure...the woman i once knew is no where near me, i dont recognize who i am when i look in the mirror, i miss the girl i used to be in alot of ways !! she was so much secure within herself...it feels like looking in one of those mirrors in the fun house at the carnival in a way !! i bear no resemblence of her..i do miss her...wish i had her mind set back at times but i dont mis the predjudice the world puts on what they see on the outside of a person....
well, this entry and reflection on the past is not a bad one, just realizations i guess of the woman i once was and the woman i am today...i am still learning to love the new me...and i do, most days, but sometimes i dont understand alot of things..things that were ok when i was big do not make sense now and i struggle to figure it all out...maybe some things arent to be figured out...there are several people (you know who you are!!) that have contributed to me finding my self worth and that will never be forgotten no matter where i go in this journey or with whom...thank you!!!
Until next time, good luck and much happiness on this strange wls journey :)
I constantly have eatting problems caused by stress...mostly stress i bring upon myself but thinking back its always been that way!! was just a plus before wls to be able to say 'yeah such and such happened but gosh darnit, i lost a couple o' pant sizes' now i cant do that !! stilll have trouble eatting when anything in my world is disrupted, but ive decided its all checks and balances and will be fine when things get under control..i have learned to be really careful who you trust and love in this world...people are not always who they seem to be!!! not too trust and love too easily or freely....for their is a price for everything..best to always keep a little reserve and guard on your heart....my eyes are opened to some things i never even thought about being obese!! thats ok though, all apart of life, i guess! people come and people go.....and throught it all, each one taught me something positive about myself, even though they didnt know it or certainly didnt mean too..lol...so thats a good thing, right!!
I can hardly remember the days of being fat now....i have no scars from obesity, with clothes on ...lol...besides about a 15 inch scar from my tummy tuck and boobs that will be replaced someday in the near future :), I got really lucky that my arms and legs are really small and do not show that i was ever fat...thank goodness for that !! but i guess i was always just fat in the belly area !!
i dont want to go back to the days where it was a chore to just walk to the car and feeling my legs rub together but being in a skinny body is so weird sometimes...its kinda like im all naked and vulnerable to the world now...no one cared before...the world judges by what they see on the outside so being fat kinda weeds alot of the loosers out immediately, but now its harder for sure...the woman i once knew is no where near me, i dont recognize who i am when i look in the mirror, i miss the girl i used to be in alot of ways !! she was so much secure within herself...it feels like looking in one of those mirrors in the fun house at the carnival in a way !! i bear no resemblence of her..i do miss her...wish i had her mind set back at times but i dont mis the predjudice the world puts on what they see on the outside of a person....
well, this entry and reflection on the past is not a bad one, just realizations i guess of the woman i once was and the woman i am today...i am still learning to love the new me...and i do, most days, but sometimes i dont understand alot of things..things that were ok when i was big do not make sense now and i struggle to figure it all out...maybe some things arent to be figured out...there are several people (you know who you are!!) that have contributed to me finding my self worth and that will never be forgotten no matter where i go in this journey or with whom...thank you!!!
Until next time, good luck and much happiness on this strange wls journey :)
August 2006
Well, its been a rough month. Recently hospitalized with c-diff (caused by the antibiotic clindamyacin !) basically the antibiotic killed the good bacteria in my gi tract (similar to getting a yeast infection for us females only this affects the gut) c-dif causes very painful stomach spasms, diareaha every 15 minutes, weight loss, no appetite, I could go on and on...
Anyways, treatement is flagyl..which is a very nasty drug...frist round not cured yet but on second round now and feeling a little better. C-dif was something i had never heard of until I tested positive for it ...and antibiotic usage is what the usual culprit is...its a very serious conditon and is particularly hard on a gastric bypass patient as we have gi issues to start with usually. Im reading lots of info on it and learning alot about it. Consistant diarrhea is something not to be taken lightly so if this happens to you seek medical attention and find out why esp if recently taken antibiotics...clostridium difficile (c-diff) can be serious/fatal if not taken care of. This is esp true for those with compromised immune systems and elderly. Being gastric bypass I beleive us to have lower immune systems anyways cuz of nutrition is just not the same as those whom havent had wls...ok tata for now...just wanted to update profile a bit :)
Anyways, treatement is flagyl..which is a very nasty drug...frist round not cured yet but on second round now and feeling a little better. C-dif was something i had never heard of until I tested positive for it ...and antibiotic usage is what the usual culprit is...its a very serious conditon and is particularly hard on a gastric bypass patient as we have gi issues to start with usually. Im reading lots of info on it and learning alot about it. Consistant diarrhea is something not to be taken lightly so if this happens to you seek medical attention and find out why esp if recently taken antibiotics...clostridium difficile (c-diff) can be serious/fatal if not taken care of. This is esp true for those with compromised immune systems and elderly. Being gastric bypass I beleive us to have lower immune systems anyways cuz of nutrition is just not the same as those whom havent had wls...ok tata for now...just wanted to update profile a bit :)
July 2006
Ok well, it is July now. So I figured it was time for an update of sorts just to remind me of what all was going on in my life at this time when I look back upon it later !
Well, seems of late I have been having eatting issues..i plain and simply and NOT hungry. I continue to maintain my weight and size 4/6 ..I do not worry about what I eat. I barely eat enough for a bird to survive on so I am in no need to worry about that. It still amazes me on a daily basis that the body that I am in is truely mine. I get comments ALL the time about how 'tiny' I am...now me and the word tiny were never anything I ever thought would be in the same sentence.
While I would consider that a nice pro of this RNY that I had now I have thought many many times why I had not researched the lap band more. I guess I just wanted somthing with pretty much proven success but at this point I am to where if I had the lap band I could stand to have it loosened a bit or whatever they do to allow a person to intake more food. I just have no desire at ALL to eat most days and when I do its mainly junk. which I go ahead and eat cuz if it werent for the junk i wouldnt most likely eat...I however try to remember vits and protein shakes (nectar is all I can stomach on those...anything else YUCK !!)
I have considered going to the doctor to ask them to do a scope to make sure all is well with me but just dont want to go through another procedure right now..tummy tuck has finally for the most part flattened out and laying down I look so damn skinny that it actually concerns hubby..I just laugh of course. at one time in my life i would have given life or limb to be so little so Im damn sure not complaining.
I do however, miss the 'entertainment' value that food used to provide. I miss it dearly !!! seems The nausea demon has crept up on me alot here lately but as always i know this too will pass eventually.
Until I can think of anything else worthwhile to say I guess Im outta here for now. Good luck at whereever you happen to be on this exciting life changing journey and just remember never give up !
xoxo
Well, seems of late I have been having eatting issues..i plain and simply and NOT hungry. I continue to maintain my weight and size 4/6 ..I do not worry about what I eat. I barely eat enough for a bird to survive on so I am in no need to worry about that. It still amazes me on a daily basis that the body that I am in is truely mine. I get comments ALL the time about how 'tiny' I am...now me and the word tiny were never anything I ever thought would be in the same sentence.
While I would consider that a nice pro of this RNY that I had now I have thought many many times why I had not researched the lap band more. I guess I just wanted somthing with pretty much proven success but at this point I am to where if I had the lap band I could stand to have it loosened a bit or whatever they do to allow a person to intake more food. I just have no desire at ALL to eat most days and when I do its mainly junk. which I go ahead and eat cuz if it werent for the junk i wouldnt most likely eat...I however try to remember vits and protein shakes (nectar is all I can stomach on those...anything else YUCK !!)
I have considered going to the doctor to ask them to do a scope to make sure all is well with me but just dont want to go through another procedure right now..tummy tuck has finally for the most part flattened out and laying down I look so damn skinny that it actually concerns hubby..I just laugh of course. at one time in my life i would have given life or limb to be so little so Im damn sure not complaining.
I do however, miss the 'entertainment' value that food used to provide. I miss it dearly !!! seems The nausea demon has crept up on me alot here lately but as always i know this too will pass eventually.
Until I can think of anything else worthwhile to say I guess Im outta here for now. Good luck at whereever you happen to be on this exciting life changing journey and just remember never give up !
xoxo
July 2006
Ok well, it is July now. So I figured it was time for an update of sorts just to remind me of what all was going on in my life at this time when I look back upon it later !
Well, seems of late I have been having eatting issues..i plain and simply and NOT hungry. I continue to maintain my weight and size 4/6 ..I do not worry about what I eat. I barely eat enough for a bird to survive on so I am in no need to worry about that. It still amazes me on a daily basis that the body that I am in is truely mine. I get comments ALL the time about how 'tiny' I am...now me and the word tiny were never anything I ever thought would be in the same sentence.
While I would consider that a nice pro of this RNY that I had now I have thought many many times why I had not researched the lap band more. I guess I just wanted somthing with pretty much proven success but at this point I am to where if I had the lap band I could stand to have it loosened a bit or whatever they do to allow a person to intake more food. I just have no desire at ALL to eat most days and when I do its mainly junk. which I go ahead and eat cuz if it werent for the junk i wouldnt most likely eat...I however try to remember vits and protein shakes (nectar is all I can stomach on those...anything else YUCK !!)
I have considered going to the doctor to ask them to do a scope to make sure all is well with me but just dont want to go through another procedure right now..tummy tuck has finally for the most part flattened out and laying down I look so damn skinny that it actually concerns hubby..I just laugh of course. at one time in my life i would have given life or limb to be so little so Im damn sure not complaining.
I do however, miss the 'entertainment' value that food used to provide. I miss it dearly !!! seems The nausea demon has crept up on me alot here lately but as always i know this too will pass eventually.
Until I can think of anything else worthwhile to say I guess Im outta here for now. Good luck at whereever you happen to be on this exciting life changing journey and just remember never give up !
xoxo
Well, seems of late I have been having eatting issues..i plain and simply and NOT hungry. I continue to maintain my weight and size 4/6 ..I do not worry about what I eat. I barely eat enough for a bird to survive on so I am in no need to worry about that. It still amazes me on a daily basis that the body that I am in is truely mine. I get comments ALL the time about how 'tiny' I am...now me and the word tiny were never anything I ever thought would be in the same sentence.
While I would consider that a nice pro of this RNY that I had now I have thought many many times why I had not researched the lap band more. I guess I just wanted somthing with pretty much proven success but at this point I am to where if I had the lap band I could stand to have it loosened a bit or whatever they do to allow a person to intake more food. I just have no desire at ALL to eat most days and when I do its mainly junk. which I go ahead and eat cuz if it werent for the junk i wouldnt most likely eat...I however try to remember vits and protein shakes (nectar is all I can stomach on those...anything else YUCK !!)
I have considered going to the doctor to ask them to do a scope to make sure all is well with me but just dont want to go through another procedure right now..tummy tuck has finally for the most part flattened out and laying down I look so damn skinny that it actually concerns hubby..I just laugh of course. at one time in my life i would have given life or limb to be so little so Im damn sure not complaining.
I do however, miss the 'entertainment' value that food used to provide. I miss it dearly !!! seems The nausea demon has crept up on me alot here lately but as always i know this too will pass eventually.
Until I can think of anything else worthwhile to say I guess Im outta here for now. Good luck at whereever you happen to be on this exciting life changing journey and just remember never give up !
xoxo
About Me
TX
Location
21.1
BMI
Surgery
11/25/2003
Surgery Date
Oct 07, 2003
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
Before surgery
250 lbslbs
nearly 5 years post op
minus 150#lbs
