iammelissa
When I think about myself I picture myself as always having been fat. I remember my parents used to make comments to me about being big boned or being a big girl, etc. I look at pictures of myself prior to the age of 17 and I wasn't fat!
Now that I'm all grown up, I am fat! I feel discusted with myself almost all the time. I shy away from applying for promotions at work and just feel like everyone is looking at me as the fat girl.
I have a wonderful husband who hates it when I put myself down, but I think he likes me this way because then he doesn't have to worry about me leaving him if no other men are attracted to me. That is painful for me because It's not about him, it's about me, my self esteem, my health, and so on!!!
I'm a caretaker. I have 4 biological kids and adoptd 3 kids from foster care. I work as a social worker in child protection and even when I think about doing something for me I feel guilty, like I should be home spending time witht the kids or husband.
I think I'm going to spend the money and do it, for me. But I'm freaked out! With food being my drug of choice I am going to go through so many changes, it's frightening!
