go2neck
Caterpillar feet
Nov 15, 2012
Over the years, i have found that my medical and weight related problems are likened to caterpillar feet. Although I am still able to move freely about my life, they are holding me down to this life I have lead and keep me from opening up my wings to fly. They have sprouted from the usual....child birth, depression and bad food choices along the way. I have hidden myself under these layers, keeping myself just out of view, out of the spotlight. I have made and kept friends who were heavy and had as much misery as I, and distanced myself from anyone who knew me as anything other then i am now. I have put on the fur of shame, doubt, sadness and misery. That existence is soon to be over.
My surgery is scheduled for monday the 19th. Only 3 days away. I have no illusions of this decision i have made. I am excited, anxious and nervous about the surgery. As most people, i have my concerns, but i also know that there are many people who have gone before me who will be there to help if i only but ask. I am so done with this chapter of my life. Done with the never ending pursuit of the right pill to take, diet to try or starvation to endure. I want to enjoy my days..every single one of them, eventually =) This is by far not the hardest thing i will have to endure. I'm a military wife with a handicapped son and a never ending need to make everyone around me happy while sacrificing myself. My daughter has had to sacrifice so much time with me because of my never ending mood swings and her brothers constant need for my attention. She is a teenager now and it is so hard for me to do things she enjoys. I want to get to a point where i can take my kids hiking, swimming, biking without quickly running out of breath or having to stop right away. To have a higher self esteem and to have a body that represents who i truly am inside. To stop hurting all the time and to be able to finally remember how it feels to walk without pain. I know that this surgery will leave me with loose skin, scars and possible complications, but i welcome them. A much needed path to walk down on my way to my wings. This cocoon that i am entering promises the things that i can now only dream about.
I hope that this blog will help me remember my feelings as i go along, as well as serve as a way to reach out when i feel alone on my path. I look forward to being a true success story in the end, regardless of where i end up in my journey and that when all is said and done, that i too can be an inspiration for someone else. As of right now, I'm excited and motivated. I am proud of the decision i have made and can't wait to start my new life.
