Purple Lotus

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My nutrition consult is scheduled for December 18th at 1pm.  So as of the 21st I will have everything done and it can be submitted to the insurance co!  FINALLY!!!  I can't wait for this to all be done and I can get on with my NEW life! 

I got an email from Amelia from Dr. Ben-David's office just now.  She said my Psych Consult is on Thursday December 13th and I can get my ABG done the same day.    She didn't mention the nut consult, which I thought I needed before submitting for approval but maybe that just has to be done before the surgery?  Anyway, I did email her about that but she hasn't answered yet. 
Soooo........if I don't need the nut consult, I'll be all done with everything they need to submit to the insurance company as of NEXT FRIDAY!  YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!  If I could have this surgery in January or February that would be SOOO freaking awesome!  Preferably February because we may be moving in January but I'll take whatever I get. 
We're house-hunting and we found one we like last night.  We're going tonight to see the inside of it.  I'm sooo excited!  YAY!!!  It looks like 2008 could be a FANTASTIC year for me! 

My patience has been wearing thin.........but I finally got a letter in the mail saying I have an appointment on December 21st for my barium swallow.  Then a couple of days later I got an email from the surgeon's office asking what procedures I still needed to have done (shouldn't she know this??? anyway........).  So, finally we are moving forward again.  I hate just not knowing what the heck's going on and not hearing anything!
My dad just had surgery yesterday for an abdominal aortic aneurysm so it's been a very busy time for us, but he's doing very well.
Anyone wanna tell me how fun I can expect this barium swallow study to be?

The GatorWalk went very well.  By the time I was getting really tired, it was over.  It was a lot of fun, too, a local band performed afterwards, and the FL Gator mascots were there.   After we left, we took flowers, and a flyer & balloon from the Walk and put them on the baby's grave. 
I drank Crystal Light that morning, and water during the walk.  I did fine but by about 7pm, I was ready to go to sleep.  I also had a headache most of the day.  Finally around 8pm, I drank one glass of Diet Pepsi.  I haven't had ANY since then and I feel fine.  I don't have a headache at all and I'm not tired.  I thought I might need some to get me through this 12-hour shift but so far, I'm fine.  I did sleep all night last night and then about 4½ hours today.  But no headache or anything!  :::knock on wood:::  I think I'm kicking it!  Last night made me realize what a true addiction it really was.  I didn't want any Diet Pepsi, but I needed it.  Hopefully, no more! 
So I got some bills in the mail today........well actually statements from BCBS that say "this is not a bill", but it listed the FULL bills from the surgeon consult and the EKG under "Patient Responsibility".  I have to call them, but I'm thinking that at this point they're not wanting to pay them, maybe because the surgery hasn't been approved yet?  It's weird how it all works, because you have to see the surgeon before it gets approved!  The surgeon consult was over $700!  Yeah, I really do NOT want to pay that out of pocket! 
So I'm calling the surgeon's office tomorrow too.  Hopefully there will be some news!  It looks like I'll make it through the holidays without surgery....I guess that can be a good and a bad thing, LOL!

Well, I decided to go ahead and wean off of Diet Pepsi.  I don't really even know why I decided.  At first I was just going to taste some other things that were SF to see what I'm going to like as a substitute.  I found that tropical punch Crystal Light is delicious!  So I just made up my mind that I'm done with the soda.  I am not off of it yet, because I know I will get tremendous withdrawal if I just stop drinking it.  But I'm cutting way back.  I also figured now would be a good time, because I can still take Advil for my headaches.  I'm drinking a Diet Pepsi right now only for the caffeine, for one to ward off withdrawal and for another I'm at work and trying to make it through the night.  But I honestly didn't 'want' it.  I'm going to try the Crystal Light Energy stuff next.
I read a LOT about this surgery, mostly here on OH.  Sometimes I think I read too much because I stress myself out.  I worry way too much about post-op stuff like eating, protein, etc.  I forced myself to stop reading so much, then when I read tonight I didn't feel overwhelmed at all.  Instead of thinking, OMG can I do this???  I was thinking, oh yeah, I can do this.  
Now I just wish the surgeon's office would contact me.....YES I am working on my patience but it kinda annoys me when they don't answer my emails.  
So while it's always in the back of my mind, I am trying to not think about it SO much and just go on with life....they'll call when they call and I believe that in time it will all get taken care of. 
This weekend we'll be doing the GatorWalk for March of Dimes.  It's a 5K walk.  I'm heavier this year so I hope it's not too hard on me.  I did fine last year though, and that's when my back was hurting me very badly.  I will take a Tramadol or two before we walk, and we should be fine.
I told my 11 yo DD about the surgery today.  I wasn't sure if I was going to tell her, but she's old enough to understand and question things, and I felt weird keeping it from her.  I'm kind of glad I told her now. I just hope she keeps it quiet.    I won't tell my 6 year old though, she's too little to really understand it.  I'll explain it to her one day when she's older.  Not sure when/if I'll tell my son.  He lives with his dad and SM and I really don't want them to know, so I may keep it from him, at least for now.  We'll see.
Wellll those are my ramblings for the day.  I'm tired and ready for my night to end! 

Earlier tonight I was going to blog, just complaining about how I still haven't heard back from the doctor's office about my consults, and how IMpatient I am.  But I saw this quote on someone else's signature on one of the message boards, and it really spoke to me.  I really need to relax and just let things happen!!!   So my new motto is:
I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

I don't have any new updates to share, I wish I did.  
But I was doing a lot of thinking tonight about one of the many reasons I want to lose weight.
I married into a thin family.  DH is a little overweight, but his mother, aunts, uncle, stepdad, grandma, even his ex.....all thin.  When I met them I felt pretty self-concious; I had 3 kids, was 4 years older than DH, and fat.  Now granted I wasn't as heavy as I am now, I've gained probably 30 lbs. since then.  But anyway, they have honestly never given me any reason to think that they have an issue about my weight or think badly of me or anything.  But it's always been there in my mind.  They accepted me and are great to me and my children, I have a very good in-law family for the most part.  But around them I am MUCH more weight-concious.  Especially as I've gained weight, I feel like every time they see me they're thinking, "Good God, she's even FATTER than last time!!  What does Johnathon see in her??"  Etc.......
I do not want them to know about the WLS.  I can't really explain why, I just don't.  John is fine with that.  
But I'm really looking forward to losing weight because somehow I feel like they will see me as more 'worthy' of their son (grandson/nephew/etc).  I know that sounds crazy and it's probably all (or mostly) in my head, but that's how I feel.  I'm so nervous and self-concious around them and I can't wait for that to change.  I can't wait to have more energy to do things with them.  I can't wait to lose this feeling that I'm not quite good enough!!! 

TMI warning!
I read some of the stuff that people post, and I admire their openness, but think "I could never say that!".  But I just have to get this one thing off my chest!
One of the big things I HATE about being overweight is THIGH RASH!  And if you don't know what I'm talking about, don't ask me to explain.  LOL  I have the worst case of it right now that I've ever had, it will not go away!  The usual fixes aren't helping.  This crap hurts SO much, and limits what I can do.  I can't wait to get this surgery and eliminate this embarassing, painful problem!  

Today ended up feeling more like a big leap than a small step!  I met with the surgeon, Dr. Ben-David.  So far, I think he's awesome.  He just sat down and talked to me like we were old friends.  He's very down-to-earth and approachable.  He explained everything and answered questions, and spent a good bit of time with me.  I left feeling very good about everything.  I also went straight from there across the hall for my EKG, then down the hall for my lab work.  (the surgeon is located in the hospital where I work, as are all the other offices where I'll be going for my procedures/consults).  
They will be calling me with times for my psych consult, nutrition consult, barium swallow study and ABG.  Then they'll submit it to the insurance company and as soon as they approve it, they'll schedule it.  
FINALLY I really feel like the process has begun, instead of feeling like I'm just waiting and hoping! 
I just hope the insurance approval goes smoothly.  Then I'll be all set!  Maybe some magic fairy dust will help.  LOL 
My weight today was 252. 

I called the surgeon's office Friday and left a voicemail but didn't get a call back.  So this week, I emailed the person who gets people set up.  She finally emailed back and said she'd call by 5pm that day, but she didn't.  But then this morning, she called and said they want to see me TOMORROW!  I thought maybe they were just trying to fill a cancellation but then she asked what time was good for me.  I'm going as soon as I get off work!  Then she emailed me to confirm the appointment and said she's going to get all my consults scheduled.  YAY, finally some REAL progress!
I will update after the appointment.
 
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!