ElleBW
Making progress???
Apr 03, 2012
So, like many others, when things are going well I haven't been writing. Now that I've hit a plateau, here I am. I have been having a terrible time with this surge of hormonal activity. I'm slated to see the gyno, therapist and pcp within the next week. The release of extra estrogen from the weight loss has triggered an upset in my condition and my moods have been out of control. I can saw, without drama, that I could easily suicide during one of these times, hense pulling out the big guns. With this last cycle I had to induce sleep for many days medically just to get through them. There is no cure, but hopefully I'll be able to manage the next one. Additionally my eating has gone off the charts. I found carbs again and for some reason thought that eating potato chips was suddenly okay. Practically the minute I went back to shakes and more firm protein I began to drop weight again. Now, to stick with that! My goals right now are to walk each day, stick with mostly shakes and only protein and drink more water. Can't we all drink more water?! I'm still coming to OH for support and have learned that most all of my questions have been posed before, so I search and see what others have said (hence my discovery of eating the more dense protein). I just hope I have the strength to keep going and do the work I am clearly not doing. I'm thrilled to be under 200, if just barely, but still have a ways to go. I also have a seven year old in my head stomping her feet saying she wants her food back! I guess I did eat for comfort and still try. I won't say I'm doing my best, because I am not, but I will say that I am trying and doing what I can. We shall see!
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Regrets and self pity
Nov 20, 2011
I'm sure it's common from what my research said, but here I am in regret mode. I am having a hard time with lactose and getting all my protien and vitamins in. At the same time I am in physical therapy for my car accident, and dealing with trying to buy a new used car and I think my stress level piqued. I'm not depressed, just really having to get the car thing done and step up my nutrients. I'm doing the best I can. I'm not hungry and never had to force myself to eat or drink and it's plain wierd. Then an old boyfriend from my past sent me an email wanting to get back together. Basically, without malice, he's a loser and I deserve better. I couldn't explain, well, didn't want to explain why I wouldn't go to have dinner with him. I'm sure I could have faked it, but I'm over him and frankly don't want to waste the time. It's ME time right now, trying to feel better from the surgery and accident and I want to be kinda self absorbed right now. I've had a lifetime of just going along with things and people pleasing and now I don't care if I make people mad. I thought I would be this outspoken into my senior years, but maybe I'm lucky to grow a backbone now. If I can get through this ruff spot and figure out my powder and vitamins I think I'll be okay. Funny thing is that even though I have lost weight, that doesn't seem to matter much anymore. I am working at being a whole person who expresses her feelings and doesn't eat them away. I guess that's the part that is bugging me tonight. I don't have the option of using food for comfort anymore. I've been meditating and reading and doing my pt exercises, but not eating for fun or sport. It's very different and I kinda feel afraid having to deal with everything rather than eat over the emotions. Thank God for therapy! This has not been an easy trip. I will never again say I took the easy way out by having RNY. This has NOT been easy. I just have to keep the faith that I will be strong enough to get through it in one piece. Whew!
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I ate an egg!
Nov 06, 2011
I haven't been drinking my protein shakes yesterday or today to give my system a rest, which has worked with the help of some medicine. I am drinking LOTS of water and figure I'm okay to skip a few days in the beginning. I went to my mother's and asked her to make me a soft boiled egg like she used to when I was sick. She didn't want to because she was afraid it might harm me, but my body really craved it. I ate nice and slow and chewed when there wasn't much to be chewed and it was heaven! If anything it lifted my spirits and I think I'll be able to get through one more week until I can eat pureed/soft foods. I really do miss chewing and eating and I hate to admit it but I miss eating lots of food, which is of course why I chose this surgery. I don't need to eat the whole bowl of popcorn anymore; been there, did that, gained the weight. Today I am happy for one, well digested egg. Hurray!
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Feeling better!
Oct 27, 2011
One week and two days post-op and I finally feel halfway human! This is the first day I haven't felt like poo. I am getting pretty cranky with the liquid diet, but I'm also afraid of eating and hurting my pouch, so slow works right now. However, I'm not able to get all of my supplements in. I can drink all my protiene shakes and water and most all medication. I called my best friend on her not showing up to keep me company. It's obvious I'm not her priority, and it feels crummy to be on my own trapped at home like this. So, I let her know I wasn't happy and have not wanted to say or do more. Most everyone else has been very helpful and I'm not totally alone, but that's on my part for reaching out to others. I'll make an appointment to see my therapist next week once I can drive. Basically I'm just happy to not feel like total crap. I even took a walk down the block today but it's so damn cold! Still feeling positive and in a good frame of mind and that's important. It keeps getting better.
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Oophs!
Oct 22, 2011
Am home from the hospital and feeling very sore. The surgeon kept me another night after thinking the radiologist saw a tear. Finally passing gas and able to drink water. I wish I could drink something un-sweet. Very tired of the sweet! I will sleep tonight for sure! It feels really good to be back at home. I did it!
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Worn out!
Oct 05, 2011
So much has been going on to prepare for surgery. I've completed all my preop work and am now on day two of my liquid diet. The weight it sure coming off quickly, which means it will be slower after surgery, which is fine with me. I just wish I could sleep and make the time go by more quickly. I am SO hungry and miss chewing my food. I know it won't be forever, so I think I can tolerate it. My mom brought by a bag full of packages, little gifts from the dollar store, for me to open one a day. She rocks! I have a friend coming by later to watch movies to help keep my mind diverted. I intended to excercise, but have no energy, can barely stay awake. It will get better. I am now excited and feel really ready for surgery. It's been a long road, but I'm good.
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Hurray! I uploaded a photo that works
Sep 16, 2011
Now I feel like more of a person. I have been fighting with that feature since day one! I don't have many photos of myself because (gasp) I never let anyone take any!
No date yet. My internist cleared me for surgery but they still have to take forever to do the paperwork to give me a date. At least around the week of the 17th of October. I just want something concrete to work to to help me work off those extra ten pounds! I've been walking and working with weights lately, but my back is killing me and that makes it hard with being off the Ibuprofen! Hopefully today will bring good news, but I am not holding my breath this time. It will all work out okay. I am back in the fight and holding strong. :-)
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No date yet. My internist cleared me for surgery but they still have to take forever to do the paperwork to give me a date. At least around the week of the 17th of October. I just want something concrete to work to to help me work off those extra ten pounds! I've been walking and working with weights lately, but my back is killing me and that makes it hard with being off the Ibuprofen! Hopefully today will bring good news, but I am not holding my breath this time. It will all work out okay. I am back in the fight and holding strong. :-)
Hurray for PMS!!!
Sep 12, 2011
I was SO worried that I was having doubts that might cancel my surgery but I went to the doctor's office today and everyone was great and supportive and I met the surgeon and he was fabulous and then came home and started my period... early! That means that it was PMS, unexpected this early, but I'm okay and everything is on track again! Whew! I'm still having trouble finding my supplements, but I'm getting there. I feel much better today!
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UNhappy camper
Sep 11, 2011
I am having a rough day. I feel starved for real food and don't know if I can manage to eat as many supplements as I have to. The B12 was easy, pills are easy but chewing those thick dry tablets are horrible and I really don't know if I can do it. I am able to knock back 11 pills in one swallow now and thought that I was preparing myself. I wasn't prepared for chewing. I can't find a multivitamin or calcium that I like and am getting cranky trying them all. I've been forcing myself to drink the protien shakes mixed with water, not milk and have found some that aren't terrible. Everything is so sweet and I've worked so hard to get rid of my sweet tooth! I am moody and irritable and it may be my PMS, but if I can't do this PRE surgery how will I make it through post? Plus I don't feel like I can keep up with the weight loss for a whole nother month. Waaaaa. Is it worth it? Will this really help me or do I resign myself to quitting now and being fat with no chance of change? Fuck!
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Right on schedule!
Sep 08, 2011
Everything is going well, aside from a small cold. My psych evaluation went well (I think!) and I only have the internist to see next week. I talked to the surgeon's office and they said I might be able to get an October 13th date for surgery. That would just make it beautiful. I've noticed that my interest in food has gone way down. My friend from Columbia brought me back a sweet treat. I took a bite then threw it away. It was way too sweet for me now. I NEVER thought I would say that. I've been experimenting with the different protien shakes and am disappointed that they too are so sweet. I've got samples coming in from all of the major bariatric people and can't wait to find something I like. A month never seemed so long, except when I began this I didn't think I could endure how much time it took for all the prep and education. I am now excited about having this done, no longer afraid. I'm even amazed that I've managed to drop 20 pounds! Although it sure wasn't exactly easy!
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About Me
WA
Location
30.4
BMI
Surgery
10/18/2011
Surgery Date
Jul 15, 2011
Member Since
