Clirishu

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I am amazing myself on a daily basis.  Yesterday evening - after support group - a few of us went out to supper.  I got there a little later and when I arrived the group was sitting in a booth!  OH yikes - am I gonna fit?  Sure did!  Slide right on in and was comfortable throughout the evening.  YEA!!!!

 Admittedly I have had difficulty fitting behind the wheel of many a vehicles.  Because of this, I have done my best not to have to drive other cars.  When my vehicle was only a few months old, I was ran into in a parking lot and did I get it fixed - no!  Why not - I was concerned I wouldn't fit in the rental car they'd give me.  So - for almost five years I have had a dented car.  Well, this week I was in an automobile accident and I had no choice but to get the vehicle fixed which means I am in a rental. 

So Enterprise comes to bring me my rental car.  What is it?  A 2 door Pontiac G5.  A little sports coup!  What is my big tail gonna do in that car?  I don't let the girl leave until I see if I fit in it.  I do my standard, push the seat all the way back.  What happens?  I can't reach the steering wheel or pedals!  I have to push the seat forward AND the seatbelt fits!!!  

Another small victory for me as I continue on this journey!  I am too cool sporting my G-Ride (as I like to call it) hehehehe

I binge ate last night.  I ate popcorn by the fistfuls and a great big ol' hamburger with lots of mayo and grilled onions and piles of lettuce.  I ate and ate and ate and was amazed that it did not get me sick and that my pouch allowed in all that food.  You amazed too?  Don't be - it was a dream! 

This is what I figure.  I am a pretty headstrong individual and I believe I am able to talk myself off the ledge of eating with not much effort during my waking hours but it seems to sometimes get the best of me while I slumber!  I'll take it though - binge eating with zero calories and no sickness - I am all about that!

 Before I started this journey I made myself a bucket list.  Things I wanted to do as a result of WLS that I wouldn't/couldn't do before because of the weight.  I have been checking things off that list since the day of surgery - having the surgery being one of the things on my bucket list.  And this week, more to check off.  1. I sat, during my niece's soccer practice, in one of those collapsable chairs that you zip into their own carrying case.  I sat in that chair confident it wouldn't collapse under me!  I've wanted to be able to sit in one of those chairs for years, but because I have a fear of falling I wouldn't try.  Now, I sit confidently.  2. I sat in a chair in a shoe store, bent down and put socks on, then put on the shoes and THEN bent down and tied the shoes.  No acrobatic tricks needed - I could just bend forward and tie my shoes!!! Adding to my wows this week was seeing former coworkers who had not seen me since the surgery.  I got the usual "who is this person" but then I also got comments such as - you look so young.  Now, that is a compliment since I used to be the one who would get mistaken for my friends (who were sometimes older than me) mother.  

Finally, I made a commitment to myself this week that I would purchase walking shoes.  It just seemed like it was never going to happen as each evening was filled with things to do.  However, I made time this afternoon and went get those shoes.  No more finding reasons not to get to walking. I have the shoes and now I need to use them!

 I often read that people quit blogging because they start enjoying their lives in thinner bodies and don't have time to blog.  That is not the reason I have not blogged as often as I would like.  The reason is because if I typed a blog each time I experienced a change, I would be online typing here almost hourly.

I am down about 123 lbs.  I initially expected to feel the difference in weight loss but I have to admit that it wasn't until past the 100 lbs lost mark that I did start feeling lighter.  I am told I walk faster and I guess at times I do notice, but for me - my gait remains the same.  I am constantly evolving where my facial appearance is concerned.  I am in awe each month after I have my monthly pics taken with the changes in my face.  A true familiar stranger in the mirror. I can now reach places on my body with ease where before it was always a struggle - an itch on the lower leg - np, I can bend down and scratch ... even while driving!

The journey is not without frustration though.  Despite losing over 120 lbs, I still have a massive belly and I still do not have a functional lap.  This is my hearts desire - to be rid of the belly.  I am told it is the last to go and I am trying to prepare myself for the fact, but it doesn't stop me from being frustrated about it.

I also took a big leap in my weight loss recovery.  I packed away and donated all the clothes that was ridiculously large on me.  For some reason I was unable to get rid of the clothes.  I knew logically that it would never fit me again and even though I had quit wearing most pieces for quite some time now - I was unable to rid my closet of the clothes.  I do believe part of the problem was/is that by ridding myself of the clothes it limited my wardrobe because I am hesitant about replacing my clothes with clothes I am not going to get to wear for a long period of time.  However, I wasn't wearing the clothes anyway - so all it was doing was taking up space.  Now I have an empty closet which means I need to do some serious bargain SHOPPING!

For the past few weeks I have noticed a bit more hair on my hands than usual after running the mousse through my hair, but this morning took the cake!  I knew this was going to happen and I thought I was prepared, but when you already have thin hair - it is a tough pill to swallow!  I guess I will just have to keep reminding myself that it does grow back.  Another test in patience.  Patience is something that all surgeons should address when talking over the logistics of this surgery given what a large component it plays in the journey. 

 Before anyone gets offended by the title of my post, please allow me to explain.  Three years ago my family started a traditional of heading to the only inhabited barrier island in the continental US....Grand Isle, LA.  (For those of you who are locals, allow me the opportunity to explain to my friends away from Louisiana about Grand Isle).  Grand Isle is basically a fishing community that has catered to tourists, but most tourists who are coming to fish.  They have worked hard on the beaches, but it is just not Destin or Fort Lauderdale.  

So back to why it is my White Trash Vacation....as I said earlier, three years ago we decided to head down to Grand Isle for the day so my niece, who was three at the time, could experience a beach.  As I was planning my trip to Grand Isle everyone else I knew was heading to great beach destinations.  So me being me, named my vacation the white trash beach vacation and has stuck ever since, but it has also evolved.  

Instead of staying one day and driving home as tired as an olympic marathon runner, we rent a camp and stay the weekend.  It is great.  It is not often you can put 15 to 20 family members together for three days and say a great time was had by all but it happens on this vacation and I'll take that!  

I did have some food issues.  In addition to playing on the beach, crabbing for crabs, fishing for fish and swinging on the porch swing - they eat and eat and eat!  Despite my belly being full as a tick on acceptable foods, I did mourn not being able to eat the junk spread out on the counter.  I didn't eat it because I had no real desire to eat the food that was there, I just was sad that if I wanted to eat it, I couldn't without it getting me sick.  

I know, I know - that's the whole point of the surgery.  But I guess I had a why me? Why did I have to get my guts rewired?  Why do all of my family members eat this trash food and none have weight problems.  You never know when those thoughts are going to come crashing through your head, but they definitely did this weekend.  I was able to cowboy up and enjoy the weekend, but it was yet another lesson in working on your head as much as your eating habits!

I did exercise my heinie off this weekend.  Walking the beach, climbing the steps to camp and spending the entire day in the water on Saturday really took a toll on my body.  However, after my nap when I got home, I was able to get up, unpack, peel the leftover seafood, shower my niece, shower myself and make my bed.  Last year, I would have not gotten out of the bed after the nap!

 15 years ago I might have been mortified if my clothes came from WalMart.  Yep, I was a vain teenager.  I am still a bit vain in the sense that I care if my outfits are cute, etc.  Just has been a bit of a challenge for many years to find cute clothes.  Well, what I bought tonight from WALMART! is by no means cute - but it is from Wal-Mart all the same.  I fit in clothes at Wal-Mart.  No shipping and handling cost.  No having to wait 6 to 10 days to wear it.  No inflated price for a simple t-shirt.  Did I mention I fit in clothes from Wal-Mart.  I couldn't be prouder of my plain sky blue V-neck t-shirt.  It was a necessary purchase.  All my lay around the house clothes is soooo extremely big on me and I feel sure it grows as the day goes on.  I am in dire need of leisure clothes but have been holding off on ordering any because I know in a matter of months I won't fit in it anymore.  I just couldn't stomach paying those inflated prices for something that didn't really matter and would not really last. Well, no more my friend, because did I mention I can get t-shirts from Wal-Mart now?  I suspect by the end of next week I will have every color they have - good thing they are only $6 a piece!

 I had supper tonight with my family for my SIL's bday.  Well, I drank water and they ate.  However, I was at a Mexican restuarant so I thought there might be something I could eat.  I know better than to try to get my own meal, there is no way I could eat a plate of food and I don't do leftovers.  So, I figured I would share a meal with a family member.  NOPE - did they order anything I could eat? - NOPE!  Now normally this would have been ok with me.  In fact, one offerred to look over the menu with me and we could order something together.  I declined because I've known her all my life and I know she is a picky eater but also a pleaser and would have ordered what I wanted and then not have eaten a thing.  So, back to why I was sad.  As I have stated before, I am from a normal sized family.  As I look around at the table people are eating what they want and then waiting for a piece of cake. I have a bit of a "why me?" moment and tear up.  Why did I have to go against God's will and get my intestines rerouted?  Why can people out eat me by 2000 calories on a daily basis, but it is me who has a wait problem?  Why am I going to have to live a life of deprived eating to be at a socially acceptable weight?  Thankfully I was able to look around and say - hey, you did that because this is the family you love - the family who cherishes you and vice versa.  Obesity may have been your lot in life, but it is your life and you are living it because you had the surgery and you make your decisions about eating based on that decision.  With that little pep talk - I drank my water and laughed and loved with my family!!!!  They are what matters.

I spent the past three days with two of the best friends a girl could ask for!  The trips purpose was to celebrate my weightloss in hopes that by the time of the trip I would have lost 100 lbs.  Well, on the day we left I had lost 96 lbs and I was calling that success.  Happily when I weighed this morning - I am up to having lost 101 lbs...33.5 before surgery and 67.5 since surgery 11 weeks ago!

I am doing cartwheels in my head over my weight loss...YIPPEE!!!!