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Soooooo....yesterday I received an email from my surgeons office, giving me my PreOp instructions. It said I must start the pre op diet ten days before the surgery. Whew! I started counting to see when I need to start and hot damn! It's tomorrow! I knew the date was coming but had not counted down the days......
So here I am, ready to do this, and a bit in shock that after so much waiting I am right at the doorway to my new life.

There is a stirring inside of me... an excitement....anticipation.....scared? No. Ready? YESSSSS!

I have read so many entries where WLS folks said that the only regret they have is that they did not do this sooner. I am looking forward to agreeing with that sentiment. I rebuke all of the bad experiences I have read about and know that mine will be exceptionally successful and smooth.

I am ready to morph into the girl who I know well, but nobody has ever seen more than a glimpse of her in the flesh because she's been hiding under layers of what she thought was protection from the meaness of the world. Well look out world! She is busting out and armored. Ain't scared a y'all no mo!

Surgery is scheduled for July 8th.

Sparkling
Glittering
Clean and spanky new
Can I have a minute of your time
to drop a dime on you?
I'm on my way
to a new day
and I'm feeling pretty spiffy
It seems like it's taken forever
but the time has come in a jiffy
Think I'm feeling fearful?
Think I want to run?
Oh no my dear deluded one - I can't wait to start the fun
I can't wait to begin the melting
from this me to the confident one
I can't wait to see what happens
when the cutting and slicing are done
I'm ready
I'm so ready
Not a fearful bone in my bod'
So ready I can hardly sleep
Not even to take a lil nod.

And so I shed
my skin
The coat that I have worn for more than half a century
It has kept me warm and safe,
weighted me down and held me back
and I now shed
I shrug it off
with no regrets about why
and who
I just shrug it off
I won't give it to anyone or put it in the closet for another winter in life when it's cold....

I just shrug it off and let it drop into the over stuffed trunk
in my attic
soon to be cleaned out
by my therapist
and me.....

Well woo hoo! Tonight I went to see the gastroenterologist and he gave me copies of all tests: colonoscopy, endoscopy, blood tests, stress test etc etc etc.....everything is clear and is a go. I will send the copies to the surgeon this week and then at the end of the month is my last PMD appointment. Once I get his letter, I can submit papers to the insurance company. My surgeons office seems to think that I should get approved and be able to have surgery by July 7th!

When I left the doctor's office this evening I felt so relieved and so.....so.....ready!
One step closer...I remember when I started this testing process, it seemed like it would never end..and here I am today, done! I do still have to see the surgeon's NUT. Already made that appointment for the end of the month as well.

I feel like a pregnant lady waiting to birth this baby....me....reborn in a slim body that is going to stay slim for life because we don't need the fat suit anymore. The world is a safe place to live in.

An Old Cherokee Teaches His Grandson About Life.
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego....   The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather which wolf would win.

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Today at my job, the 6th grade teachers had a cultural food festival. All students had written cook books and brought foods representing their cultural heritage. I helped to serve the beverages before I ate. There was lots and lots of food; at least five different pans full of chicken made different ways, four pans of fish dishes (one of them stewed shrimps), four different varieties of pork recipes, collard greens, three different salads, five types of rice and peas, lo mein, six flavors of soda as well as 2 gallons of home made pina colada (no alcohol). Then there was the dessert table; some kind of strawberry cream pie, pound cake, coconut cake, and on and on and on.....

Now I am not a greedy person, but I do love to eat. I ate sensibly, even put some salad on my plate. But I found myself wishing that I had not eaten so that I could eat again. Then I started thinking about hanging around so that I could be there when they offer to give away the left overs. This was all unconcious, until I caught myself and pulled my own coat tail (wasn't wearing a coat but you know what I mean).

I asked myself, "didn't you go food shopping last night?" "Does anybody at your house want this food? Or are you making an excuse to take it home for you?" "Are you homeless and/or food less?" Suddenly I realized that  I was setting myself up to take home food that I don't need, and to actually behave in a greedy manner even if I am the only one who knew so.

SO I picked myself up after I finished eating, and walked away from the area where the food was being served, and came to my classroom to write this blog. Would you say that I am making progress? I sure would!

Sooooo....today was my endoscopy. Never had one before. I was a little scared until I learned that I would be put to sleep, then I relaxed....pretty much. Next week is the colonoscopy. I scanned and emailed all documents (psychological, blood tests, and endoscopy pictures) to the surgeons office today, and spoke with his assistant as well. Looks like I might be able to get a surgery date for around July 7th! I have two more PMD appointments. One at the beginning of June and one at the end. Also made the appointment with the surgeon's NUT for June 29th. Found out that my Health Insurance does not pay for that session, so that will be $250.00 out of pocket. Also on June 29th, I will be signing the papers for surgery. Yippee!

I am feeling anxious. So ready to be reborn in a new sized body. So looking forward to feeling light on my feet, and having more energy, and buying some new clothes in new sizes. Then getting myself into a dance class so I can shake my little butt until I am tired...I love belly dance. It has always been my choice because it works with big hips. Maybe now I can try some other forms like African or Hip Hop!

Well this evening I will attend my first WLS support meeting. This is a group that I joined through membership with Obesityhelp.com. Will write later to share how it went.

I did not write this letter. It was written by an OH friend named Juice, from Mn. When I read it, I thought to myself, others need to see this too.....so if you read it already great. If not, enjoy! Thanks Juice.




Post Date: 4/8/09 10:23 am
I wrote this letter a couple months ago and posted it on my Blog. Someone from OH suggested I also post it on this forum.  I hope it helps someone that reads it as it help me when writing it.

-Juice

Dear Obesity,

 You've been by my side for the better side of 30 years and for the most part I've had no problem keeping you around.  You were (well I thought) you were a friend, a wing to eat when times were rough, a cone to lick when the heat rose a degree.  I want to tell you why I can no longer use your friendship or support.

7 Pounds 7 Ounces. First Child, Grandchild, Great Grandchild of the family.  Born a mere 6 days after a young girls Sweet Sixteenth.  By that age, some girls get their own phone. Some get cars, but this one got me.  Smooth Brown Skin, Jet Black Curly Hair.  Big Brown Eyes.  Tall Slender Puerto Rican Dad, Short Thick Black Mom.  Who knew the make up of my genes could lead this way.  You knew all along huh?  Sure you did.

Growing up through the years, I was just like most 6-7 year olds. A ball of energy with his whole vibrant life ahead of him.  We've been together for so long, I bet you don't remember where we met. Actually I'm positive you do, but do you know when you let me know that you were with me?  Don't know?  Here I'll tell you.

My Grandfather signed me up to play Little League football in the Logan section of Philly. I was 10 years old. Because of my age, I had to play for the 110 lb team.  I never missed a practice as this serves as the beginning of a passion I still feed to this day.  Before we could get our uniforms before our first game, we had to get weighed in.

There I stand, 10 years old.  I never looked down, but Coach Jeff formally introduced me to you.

"160 Pound's!!!???"

Obesity - George

George - Obesity

Nice to meet you.  Not Really

After meeting you, I took all 160 pounds and walked home. I sat at the top of the stairs at home as my grandfather walked in the door and wanted to know why I didn't have a uniform. I had a 50 pound excuse for him.

With you by my side, I looked to you for comfort. You fed me well, but I still practiced with the team, but I could not play.  At 12 I got my act together and played on the 135 pound team. Yes I lost the weight, but it wasn't easy. You made sure of it.  I shedded your grip until I entered High School, but by then you pumped more food into me. Actually, I ALLOWED you to.  I ballooned to over 200 lbs, and I used it to my advantage in the sports realm.  I was overweight, but not Obese.  I guess Overweight is a cousin of yours. He's bad news as well.

I actually used you a little bit, will you and your cousin. It helped me get into a class university and a free education.

After College, you showed up at my door with open arms.  We've been buddies ever since.  Even when I continued my sports career, I pushed around Linebackers, Defensive Lineman, and you.  You really made sure you were by my side.  You were the Fat Ass Devil sitting on my shoulder.  When I thought to myself "Should I get that Bacon on it" you answered for me.  We were doing the dayum thing together.  The burned holes in my pants from my thighs rubbing together. You was loving that. The Countless fresh pair of sneakers I bought that quickly ended up on it's side because of my weight.

You and I quickly climbed up the obesity chart together. Hand in Chubby Hand.  I had no problem hanging out with you. We went to parties and watched other people dance while you and I posted up and held up the wall. We sat up and watched TV, eating boneless wings and Cream Soda.  Best Friends Forever. I was so happy with you. I hid behind nice clothes and and  great self esteem.  Just when we were exclusively together, you invited some friends.

George, let me introduce you to Diabetes, High Blood Pressure and my homie High Cholesterol.

Hey, how you guys doing?

Two's Company, 3's a Crowd..4's a dayum shame.  So here we are, the 4 of us living together...all needing something.

High Blood Pressure craved Salt and Pills.  M.C. Cholesterol demanded all types of food that I didn't need, oh and more medication.  Diabetes...man..he wanted my sight, my Foot, 6 shots a day and my circulation.

But you, Obesity...you wanted all of the above along with my will power.  I've done all the things that I was not suppose to do.  It was all my fault for letting you get the best of me.  I've worked out, dieted, and stop short of starving myself to shake myself of you. I've shed 75 pounds worth of you a few years ago, but like an abused spouse, I let you right back in.

Well guess what?  I got something for your azz.  I have a tool on the horizon that with hard work and discipline, will have you packing your bags.  It isn't a cure for you, but it will partner with my mind and latch on (just like you did).  Well your time is up potnah.  You got to go. Get the steppin' and don't let the door hitcha where the good lord splitcha.

Once I'm officially lifted the Obese label, I'm going to bury you.  Oh, and your cohorts will go with you.  Every Pill, Syringe and every drop of synthetic insulin is going with you.

There's also a group of people who is reading this that has also kicked you to the curb.  They are helping me learn more about you and how to deal with you. I'm sure you remember them all.  I found them and they are my new friends.  One more added to an Army of warriors that's causing you a slow death.

Well it's been fun. You don't have to go home....well...yes you do. Go Home Obesity and take all this deadly fat with you.

Sorry to see you go.  Yeah, I'm kidding.

Scared? Say you're scared.

Sugar and Fat Free Juice

I have had blood tests, chest x-ray, electrocadiogram, psychological exam and two PMD visits. This morning is my stress test and Monday is my thrid PMD visit. I have two more tests with the gastroenteroligist, and three more PMD visits....Gosh, this is like having a baby.....the waiting is the thing. I guess it is the same thing. I am preparing to give re-birth to myself. Can't wait to see the baby!