Amy C.

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When they say do not drink, they mean it. I drank way to much blacked out, don't remember anything and acted a fool (or so I have heard). So lesson learned!

I have been doing good other than that big slip up. I work out 4-5 days a week for about an hour and a half to two hours, at Lifestyles (my first gym membership ever). I joined a coed softball team we play two game son Monday's night. I ride roller coasters, I dance when I like the song, I run in the yard with my dogs, I like to actually clothes shop especially when I have to ask for a smaller size. I am doing all the things I never got to do as a super morbidly obese women and I love it. This is the best thing I ever did for myself.

I have had bumps along the way and I am learning a new me, one who does not squash everyhting with food. I say things more to people now, things I truly feel. I have had a few people in my life who have had problems with this but I am working on not being to blunt and hurting peoples feelings.

I have met some wonderful girls in town who have had WLS surgery and they are a super support for me. I am getting more attention from the opposite sex that's for sure. My husband is having a hard time with that one. I re assure him I love him all the time.  My son seems real proud of me, and spends more time with me, I think it is the fact that he is so healthy and active and now I can get out there and be the same way, plus he is 15 and was probably embarrassed to have such a fat mom, kids go through a lot.

So I know I am rambling just doing a little update , I guess I gotta spruce up the profile a little.

Things have been going great. I am feeling great and I have tons of energy which I love. I like working out and getting out and moving and being and active person for a change. I am down now to a 14 pant and misses large shirt. I am really seeing the physical changes now, I think my mind is catching up with my wieght loss. I have a very hard time shopping, I don;t know how to shop in regular stores and I still find myself going into Lane Bryant and looking for stuuf and it is all too big, even thier 14's. When I am in a regular store like old navy, I just do not know what would look good on me and I have to try everything on, and I always get clothse that are too big at first and work my way down, so I am hoping that gets better cause I am running out of stuff to wear.

I go to the surgeon for a follow up today, I am sure he will be happy, I have lost about another 40 pounds since last apointment. I am actually thinking I could get below 200 by the first of the year if I really kick it into gear and amp it up with the work outs.

I am so happy I had this surgery, for the first time in my adult life I feel healthy and happy all at once.

I went to a follow up appointment with Dr. Murr last week and had offically lost 100 pounds since surgery. I was thrilled, he was thrilled, he seemed very pleased with my success. I have been feeling a lot better mentally, I take my vitamins and Welbutrin XL everyday. I have just come to the decision that I need to stay on Welbutrin for awhile.

I am down to size large top and size 18 misses pant. I kept my size 28 jeans I was wearing before surgery to put on every now and then and remind myself how much I have lost. I am amazed at times. This weekend is my DH's birthday and we are going dancing (yes dancing and clubing) at City Walk in Orlando. I have not gone clubing in years, I can not wait to be able to dance a little and not feel like everyone is making fun of me. They may not have been making fun of me, but in my head I thought they were. So needless to say I am excited. I promise to take pictures and post, I know I am bad at that. I will update after the weekend.

Well, I am over my depression and panic issues. Things are leveling off, I take my welbutrin everyday though. I am going to weigh today and I am hoping to have lost 100 pounds by now, but I am not sure 3 weeks ago I was at 86 pounds lost. I only weigh about every two to three weeks. I just do not want it to rule me ya know? I am down from a size 28 to a loose 18 tight 16. I have not wore a 18 or 16 since I was 18 years old. It feels great. I rode roller coasters at Universal City Walk, I was so happy that day that I knew I would fit in every ride with no problems, it was such a WOW moment. My hair is falling out a little but I have  alot of hair and my hair dresser who has a lot of clients who have had the surgery says, I have plenty and it will stop real soon. we went ot the beach on vacation and I wore a swimsuit without a coverup. I could not believe I did that, I know I did not look perfect, but the confidence I had that I could even do it amazed me. I have never in my adult life been much thinner than I am now, so I am a little worried what it will be like if I loose more weight. I am only 4 months out, and I know I will be loosing more weight. I just do not know what I will look like or how to shop in regular clothes. I can already wear a regular Xtra large shirt. It takes me forever to figure out what to try on and how to shop in smaller size sections. There are so many more choices. I know I should sound extatic to shop lower sizes, I am, but I am also a little overwhelmed.  Anyhow, that is where I am right now I will be better at posting updates now that my brain is happier........ 

I feel like crap. I am so down today I can hardley stand it. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, my stomach is in knotts, I am crying at the drop of a hat, I am freaking out more and more with anxiety with every flipping economic downward spiral artical I read. I am ready for this all to STOP. I don't want to wait six months for it to stop, I need it to stop now so I can continue to function in every day life. Depression just SUCKS. I should be happy I am down 56 pounds, but no, I stay sad, I feel like I am driving everyone around me nuts, even though I know they love me very much, how much can they take, I mean really? God please, I hope I feel better real soon.

Well now that I do not have food as my feel good buddy anymore, I have been looking for ways to reduce these feelings of anxiety and sadness. One has been writing it out on OH and spilling my guts, that has always helped me. But yesterday evening I decided to work out. I have been walking a few times a week, but not like I should and not with gusto. So last night I did 15 minutes of weight lifting on my husbands weight bench and I walked for about an hour around the neighborhood, at a real good pace. IT FELT GREAT!!!!! I can not believe I said it, but it did. I was walking and thinking and my head cleared and then I realized, I am walking super fast and it does not hurt, WOW. My feet did not hurt, my hips were not popping, this is why I did WLS. I wanted to be able to be active and not in pain any longer. I have lost close to 50 pounds and my body has said THANK YOU. It was great. 

 I am going to the OBGYN today to talk about birth control options. I think I am leaning towards an IUD with no hormones, I do not think I need extra hormones right now. My anxiety has been lower today. I wrote out all by bills with out panicking, and even read an article about the recession and gas prices with out freaking out.

These have been my issues as of late. People say don't read the stuff avoid the news ect. But I am the kind of person that the more I educate myself and the more understanding I obtain, the better I feel. Ignorance is not bliss for me.  I fear ignorance...lol Anyhow enough for now off to the OBGYN.......Have  good weekend everyone. Keep me in your prayers.

I am so sick of feeling like a total nut job. It is like I know, what I am feeling is totally not normal, but I can not shut it off, the adivan helps a little, but soon as it wears of it comes right back, I am waking up not feeling rested and I also feel nauseous every morning. I wish the Dr.'s would ahve mentioned this so maybe I could have had a better understanding before hand. I mean at least mentioning that a lot of WLS patients go through anxiety and depression issues for 3-6 months after surgery would have been nice to know. I guess I should have done more research. 

I know one of my biggest worries right now is the economy and I know I can not control it, and that it goes up and down through out history and that we all have to cut back a little and not spend so much and that I am doing better than most . I mean at least I still have a job and can pay my bills. I seriously got to quit watching the news, it totally freaks me out. I get very irrational about the state of the economy, like we are going through armegedon or something, and I know it is not that, but I can not shut my mind off from obsessing about it. URGGGHHHHH...... I hope writting all this out helps a little. 

 I know it has to be from WLS, I have never felt this before on this level and for this long, so I guess if you are reading this, say a little prayer for me, I need it.       

Well I am taking my anxiety meds my PCP gave me. He wants to make sure and wait to see if this is a short term thing (the anxiety stuff I am feeling), he did blood work on me that I am going to call about today. I have had a couple good days since my visit with him. I am just really tired with feeling this panic feeling. It just is not me??? Or maybe it is me when I do not have food to self medicate. What a journey this is going to be. Today I am very tired, but that is because I tossed and turned all night last night, I could not shut my mind off, Today is Administrative Professionals Day (that would be me) I got flowers and gift cards and gourmet treats for my dogs, I work at a construction Company and all the guys have been real sweet, So that has boosted my mood a little. I keep praying that God help me through this sad anxiety time I am having. God knows I have been through a whole lot worse, and he gave me the peace that passes all understanding then, and I know he will do it for me again, I just have to have faith.

On a lighter note, I have had a few wow moments. I was able to wear only a 1x I was in a 4x, I fit into a concert seat with out ripping gouges into my hips, I can wear flip flops and my feet do not feel like they are breaking in two, so I can finally see the weight loss and I know there is more to come, getting under 300 pounds will be big for me, I have been over 300 since my daughter was born and that has been 8 years. 

I really should quit rambling. More later.........  

well I went for my 3 meek check up on april 7th everything is good except the depression and anxiety I am having. The surgeon suggested I see my PCP or my counsler. I have an appointment on Thursday morning. I hope my Dr. can do something, I can no take this overwhelming anxiety any longer, it is ruining my thought processes and I do not want it to ruin my success on my wieght loss journey. Depression SUCKS.......

I weighed this past Friday again and I have lost another 11 pounds. I am really working hard on following all the Nut's dietary recomendations. Of course I am trying to get in as much protien as possible and taking all my vitamines. 
I have not had too many problems keeping food down. I did have a problem with some egg salad last week, but I have come to the conclusion that it was because I ate way too fast. I tried egg the other morning and did fine, I have also made sure to use a low fat mayo in everything. 
I go for my 3 week check up on April 7th to Tampa, for the first time in a long time I am excitied to go and get on the scale for the doctors. I can already notice a difference in my clothes and how they fit, my rings are fitting loose. This journey is going ot be amazing.