alice H.
10/26/06 I know I should have started this journal sooner, I think it would have helped a lot. In 5 days, it'll be 3 months since my first band. I had to have the band replaced because of a leak 3 weeks ago today. 7/31/06, date of 1st surgery I weighed 238, today I'm at 205. I have only lost 5 lbs. since the 2nd surgery. Physically I've healed quicker the 2nd time, but for some reason I just can't stick to eating the right things, following the liquids, mushie timeline. I think a part of me is just upset that I had to go through it again. I'm impatient I know, but I want to move on already. So if I want to move forward why am I sabotaging myself by not eating the proper foods? Well, that's the question of the day! What is stopping me? I can't seem to figure it out. Am I depressed? I don't think so. I was really depressed after the 1st surgery, kind of postpardum. This time I wasn't. I got back into the swing of things within a few days. Do I feel that this just won't happen for me. It can happen for everybody else, just not me. Why do I not have the confidence in myself to do it? There are times when I'm so tired, but I push through and do what needs to be done, no matter what. But for this, for me, I just can't seem to really push through this. It seems that when it comes to me, I can push, but up to a certain point. I don't complete it. I pushed to have this surgery, fought my way through the tests, and retests, insurance, scheduling, really pushed it through the system. But now that it's the most important step, following through to the goal I can't. I keep praying the strength. I know it's in me, I've seen it. Come out, come out, whereever you are!
