Dear Estela, Oh God my heart aches right now after reading your post.It's taking all I have not to cry.But please do not blame yourself sweetie.You were wonderful to have gotten the other child.I have a very soft weakness for children{I took my grandaughter in to raise 11 yrs ago} She's 12 now. I can't understand why some parents take and abuse their children,who are a gift from God.But I truly believe God has a place for people like that,unless they repent,I wouldn't want to be in their shoes.I wonder if the mother realizes what part she played in her sons suicide?That's a guilt I would not want to live with.But Estela know that you are special,not everyone would of done what you did.May God wrap his arms around you and comfort you.I know what it is to lose a child,I lost my youngest son{18}ten yrs ago.I've never been the same.It's a loss you can't describe.My heart goes out to you.God bless you, Love in Christ, lora Lee