T. Young

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So I've just spent the past hour surfing this Web site, looking at the successful and the not-so-successful.

I want to be a success story. I'm determined to be a success story. I want to be thin. I've never been thin in my life. I want to know what it feels like to feel my rib cage, my hip bones.

I want abs. I want cheekbones. I want to see me stripped of fat.

My journey into the world of soft solids hasn't been so bad. I was a little afraid to eat. My appetite is growing.

Today I had an Isopure shake about 7 a.m. At 10:30 a.m. I had a piece of cheese wrapped in some sliced oven roasted chicken breast.

At 2:30 I had some soup, Campbell's Butternut Squash.

At 4:30, I had a small skinless drumstick with some squash I cooked yesterday.

I'm thirsty. Fifteen minutes to go before I can drink some water.

With all this eating, I decided to rejoin my gym today. I'm excited. I haven't been to a gym in more than a year. Many faces had changed but some were still the same.

On Saturday, I'm going to attend some beginning exercise classes to refresh my memory and my muscle memory.

I plan on taking it slow. But I want to burn as many calories as I possibly can. I don't want to waste this chance I've been given to lose weight.

I'm excited about starting work again on Monday.  I'm a little worried about my stamina. But I sit at a desk and won't have to be too mobile.

I was pretty successful yesterday with eating soft solids. I was also very cautious.

I ate a small piece of cheese wrapped in lunch meat for lunch. I cooked for dinner. I baked skinless drumsticks and made a separate dish of baked yellow and zucchini squash.

I could eat half of the drumstick, but I ate all of my squash. I used a saucer as a dinner plate. It was cute.

Today I had an Isopure shake. I dropped a few strawberries and half a banana in for good measure. It was OK.

I'm going to rejoin a gym today. I'm a little apprehensive about that, but I know it's for the best.

Today has been a good day. I weigh 255 pounds. I weighed 275 before surgery. That was just two weeks ago.

I ate something "solid" for the time this afternoon. I wrapped some roasted chicken breast around a small piece of cheese. Yummy. And guess what?
I'm full!

I'm waiting to have something to drink, water. Another 10 minutes to go.

So I was up before sunrise today. I'm a little excited. I'm going to meet with my surgeon today for my two-week check up.

I believe that I have lost about 20 pounds. The scale will tell the tale this morning.

Even if I haven't  lost 20 pounds, that's fine . Because I know that I have lost a dress size! Even my shoes are fitting better! It's awesome.

I had a long talk yesterday with a woman who had gastric bypass surgery five years ago. She really calmed me down and gave me GREAT advice.

She warned me to take my vitamins and to keep an eye on my iron intake.

She's planning on sending me some recipes, too.

She suggests that I continue eating soups.

I told her the first solid food I wanted to eat today was a scrambled egg. She said eggs didn't agree with her at first. I sure hope that they agree with me! I've been craving one for about two weeks now!

I was nervous about eating, but she told me that I will never be able to eat as much as I did before the surgery. And that was encouraging. Because this chick could throw down. I could eat, and eat and eat.

I will update my blog with my progress after I meet with my surgeon.

Tomorrow I go back to the doctor for my official two-week check up.  I'm wound up with emotions.

On one hand, I'm happy because this means I'll be able to make the transition to soft solids. On the other hand, I'm nervous because I'll be making the transition to soft solids!

It's been 19 days since solid food has passed my lips. And I've got to say that it's worked wonders on my self esteem. I'm now worried about what will happen when I start to EAT again.

I'm afraid to eat. Part of me never wants to eat again. Eating has been my enemy for so long.

I don't want to fail. I want to reach my goal of 130 pounds and I want to stay there forever. I don't ever want to gain all my weight back.

Yes, I'm freaking. I'm freaked out.  I don't want to sabotage myself. I've done that before on other diets.

I know this is not a diet. But still, I just got to wrap my head around all of this.

I got dressed and went to the grocery store. I needed some cat food for my cats, Winnie and Sam.

Since I was out I found another Smoothie King and got another Gladiator. I sipped on about a quarter of it. The rest is in the freezer. Since it's a meal replacement shake, I'll try to finish it throughout the night. It's really tasty. I think the base of the shake is Isopure.

I wore my favorite dress today and I didn't even need a girdle. I ALWAYS wear a girdle. I didn't need one today.

I think I may have lost  20 pounds since the surgery. I'm not sure, but I can see a difference in my neck and face.

I will know just how much I have lost on June 18. That's when I go back to see my surgeon for a two-week check up. I  feel fine. I hope everything is OK.

Hopefully, I'll be able to go to soft solids on Wednesday. I already know what my first little meal is going to be: one scrambled egg and a slice of canadian bacon! I can't wait!

So today, I'm sticking close to home. I think I may have over exerted myself Friday and Saturday.

Don't get me wrong, I had fun. But because I'm on liquids only, I felt a little weak. By the time I got home in the afternoon, I was exhausted.

I had a really good conversation with my friends at Starbucks yesterday. I was telling them about how some people had responded negatively about my surgery.

Many people told me that I didn't need it! Two women that I used to hang out with once a month haven't really reached out to me since I told them about the surgery.

It's not that I want everyone to jump up and clap for me, but I would appreciate it if those that I counted as friends would be more supportive.

The Starbucks group explained that it wasn't about me, it was about them. I think that's true.

So, I went to Starbucks and reconnected with some colleagues.

It felt good to get out of the house.  I drank water---two 23 oz bottles over four hours. I surprised myself. The key is to sip. I learned how to do that today. In the past, when I went to Starbucks I had to have a slice of lemon pound cake. I would gobble down in about two minutes, then I would suck on a green tea frap. I had no desire for those things on Saturday.

It's strangely wonderful to have such self control.

After I left Starbucks I went to Smoothie King and bought a small "Gladiator." The beverage lasted six hours. It was mixed with mango and passion fruit. Yummy. It was a reeallll treat. I was a little nervous that my stomach wouldn't digest it. But my tummy absorbed it with flying colors.

I truly believe that my surgery on June 2 was a second chance, a sweet kiss from God. As a teen I prayed to him to make me thin, to make want to stop eating to take the emptiness away.

He has answered my prayers.