Jenny Girl
April 3,2005
I sure wish I would have started this profile sooner. Oh-well I guess better late than never. My mother had WLS about 3 years ago I thought that I would never even consider it for myself. Well, I was wrong here I am trying to get approved by my insurance company. I am not quite sure of the exact moment that I thought WLS was for me but I do know that it was over a year ago.
In October of 2004 my husbands work changed their health insurance company which I was kind of glad to hear because his old one did not cover WLS. I called our new insurance company to find out if they covered it or not and I was told only with a referral from my PCP. Our past insurance company didn't require us to have a PCP so this was all new to me. So I went through the directory and chose a PCP. I then made an appointment with her to talk about WLS. Boy, did I pick the wrong PCP she was rude and totally against WLS she told me that I just needed to stop eating so much.( I was crushed) I guess it is no surprise that I got ride of her and found another PCP but I had to wait to make an appointment with her because with my insurance your new PCP doesn't take effect until the beginning of a new month.I finally got to go to my appointment with my new PCP and that too was a big disappointment she was more interested in me haveing a baby than anything. She told me to do the South Beach Diet. Once again I changed PCP. On Jan. 10,2005 I had my appointment with a thired PCP. I asked him if he ever referred anyone for WLS and he said that he had. I told him that I was interested in having it done. He told me he was going to try putting me on Meridia first before we decided wether WLS was for me or not. I started taking Meridia on Jan. 15, 2005 I had to get weighed in every 2 weeks. To make a long story short Meridia wasn't for me. I was on it 2 months, I did lose about 12 pounds but it made me constipated and raised blood pressure even higher than what it was. After 2 months my PCP took me off Meridia because of my blood pressure. I then made antoher appointment with him to talk about having WLS. On March 23,2005 I had my appointment and he sent in a referral to my insurance company. I then had to wait to hear if I was approved or not. On March 24,2005 I got the call from my insurance, I was DENIED all I could do was cry. They told me that I have to have 6 months of doccumented dieting with my PCP as well as 1 co-morbity. I have always had high blood pressure so I don't know why that wasn't in the referral.She told me that I needed to contact my PCP and find out why my high blood pressure wasn't in the referral. I then made another appointment with my PCP for March 29,2005. He told me that he thought that it was the Meridia raising my blood pressure so he only has me down as pre-hypertention. I went to one of my old doctors and sighned a release form so they can fax over my medical records to my new PCP so he can see that my blood pressure does run high. He told me to start Ackins Diet again and take my blood pressure atleast twice a week and write it down so when I go to get weighed in in 2 weeks they can have a record of it.
Well, that is where I am at this point in time. I pray that come July I will be approved by my insurace company. That would be the best birthday pressent I could ever wish for.
The insurance stuff isn't the only crap I am having to deal with through this journey of WLS. My husband is dead set against it. When ever he sees me on the computer researching or reading the message boards on WLS there is a fight. He doen't know what it is like to be over weight. He has never had to diet in his life. He is one of those people that can eat anything they want and never gain an once. Infact, he wishes he could gain. He tells me that I just need to stop eatting so much. He told me today that I don't ever stay on a diet long enough. I told him that I have been dieting for 16 years. Needless to say ther was another fight about me having WLS. After a while he did say that he was sorry for saying everthing he said but he still couldn't support me wanting to have WLS. I told him that I understood and asked him if he was going to stop me. He told me that it wasn't his place. I know that that could change anytime because he is a very HARD-HEADED man. I just plan on NOT bringing it up to him and NOT letting him see me on the computer researching WLS. I understand that he is worried that something may happen to me and I would feel the same way if it was the other way around but I also know that WLS is my last hope to ever taking off the weight and KEEPING it off.
Well, I quess thats it for now.
August 8, 2005
Wow, where has the time gone? I stated in my first entry that I wished I would have started this profile sooner well I sure haven't done a good job on up dating it. I know there has been several times that I haven't even wanted to get on the board because I have been so depressed about not being approved for WLS. Well, on July 29,2005 I found out that my insurance company finally approved me. I have to go to Detroit to Henry Ford Hospital. At this point in time I am waitting to hear from them to set up my first set of appointments to see if they consider me a canidate or not. I pray the they do and everything goes through. I can't believe how nerve racking this all is. I want this to happen for me so bad. I sure hope they call me soon because I really need to see if they can have it all done by October because my new year with my insurance starts and if it isn't all done I will have to pay $1500.00 for this insurance year and $1500.00 in October because it will be a new year. I have a $1500.00 out of pocket expence each year. I sure hope things move a long quickly because I sure can't afford an extra $1500.00. Well that is about it for now hopefully I will up- date a little sooner next time.
August 11, 2005
Well, I have a date for my FIRST consultation, August 30th. My aunt Barb is going to go with me because it is a 3 hour drive and they ask for you to bring a support person with you and she is wonderful support. My husband, Danny is still not to happy about the whole thing, atleast he is not trying to stop me from having it done. (Yet!) He is actually being okay right now. I just don't talk about it to often. He did tell me the other day that he would go with me for the actual surgery. I was really happy to hear that. He means the world to me and I know that I will need him there. Wow listen to me, I am talking as if I already have been acepted as a canidate! Well, that is it for now.
*******I HAVE TO GUESS AT THE NEXT FEW DATES BECAUSE SOME HOW SEVERAL ENTRIES OF MY PROFILE ARE MISSING******
*******IT REALLY SUCKS BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY THAT I CAN REMEMBER WHAT I SAID AND HOW I WAS FEELING AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME!********
August 30, 2005
I had my first consultation which was 4.5 hours long. My aunt Barb went with me. I owe her big time for spending her day taking me all the way to Detroit which is a 3 hour drive one way. Then she sat with me for the whole 4.5 hour consult. She is one heck of an aunt. The consultation went good, it was pretty long but full of information. I have my first appoinment with the surgeon and the phsyc. on September 14, 2005. Well that is all I can seem to remember for this entry. Now I have to try and remember the others. I am so not happy about this --what a pain in the ass.
September 14, 2005
I had three appointments today. My first appoinment was with my surgeon, Dr. Carlin. I have to say that I really like him, he seems so sweet. My second appointment was my phsyc. exam. I didn't like that at all. I didn't like answering all those weird personal questions. My thired and last appointment was my exercise consutation.
My aunt Barb has been so WONDERFUL. She took me back down to Detroit for all those appointments which like I think I may have metioned a 3 hour drive one way. We had to meet at 5:45 a.m. we spent the whole day there. My first appointment was at 9:00 a.m. my second appointment was at 1:00 p.m. and my thired appointment was at 2:15 p.m. She sat there the whole day! I owe her big time. She is also going to take me back down there on October 10, 2005 for my medical clerance. She is awesome!
I have to have a few test done before I go back down to Detroit. I have to have a chest x-ray done, blood work done, and also Dr. Carlin wants me to have a scope done. He also wants me to lose 5 pounds. Well, thats it for now. I am still trying to remember what I can about the entries that I lost. It is really hard. I am still pissed off about it. Now I know that I need to save this on my own computer.
September 15, 2005
I went to my PCP today to give him my papers on the test that I need to have done. The ladies in the office are so sweet. They seem so happy for me. Anyways I was able to have my chest x-ray done right then and I am going to get my blood work done on Friday. My PCP will call me and let me know when my appointment for my scope is. Well, thats it for now.
September 16, 2005
I went and got my blood drawn today. I am so glad it only took her 3 times to get it. I have very small veins and it really sucks when I have to have blood work done. The last time I had to have blood work done it took the same women 9 times to get it, I was about to pass out. This time it only took her 3 times, I was so happy. well thats it for now.
Setember 17, 2005
OK-- Last night I noticed that my profile was messed up. I was missing several entries along with the music I had on here and my BMI. Well, I have filled in the entry that was cut off in the middle (August 11, 2005 entry) and I have rewritten the entries from then until now. This entry is going to be a bunch of different things that I remember from what is missing.
Things that I look forward to after the weight is gone:
1. I can't wait until I can put my shoes on or paint my toe nails with out holding my breath.
2. I can't wait to have a bath towel wrap all the way around me.
3. I can't wait till I fit comfortably in a lawn chair with out worrying if it is going to give out.
4. I can't wait till I can say GOOD-BYE to the plus side of the store.
5. I can't wait to have the energy to enjoy life again.
6. I can't wait for my husband to give me a piggy-back ride.
7. I can't wait till I can sit on my husband lap again without squishing him.
8. I can't wait to be able to shop in those little store in the mall that you know don't have a plus size section.
9. I can't wait to look in the mirror and like what I see.
10. I can't wait to put my socks on without having to grab the end of my pant leg to pull my leg up.
Well, that is it for now I will finish this entry at a later time.......
September 19, 2005
Man- I got some crappy news today. I have been waitting the last couple days to fine out from my PCP when my scope appoinment is. Well, I talked to them today and I guess Health Plus said that I have to have the test done at Henry Ford because they have a contract with them for my WLS. This really sucks because Henry Ford is the ones that told me to go to my PCP for my scope, blood work, and chest x-ray. They even gave me the paper work to give my PCP. Any way I have to wait now to find out when Henry Ford can get me in. I pray to God that it is soon because I have to have this surgery before the end of November because of the $1500.00 out of pocket expense with my insurance. The new year begins the first of December with my insurance which means that I will have another $1500.00 out of pocket expense. I CAN NOT afford for that to happen. This is already going to be an expense that I really can't afford.
I did get some happy news today. My husband, Danny said that he would take me down to Detroit for my scope. When I found out the news about having to go down there I called him at work and told him about it and he told me not to worry about it that he would take me. I couldn't believe it. What a sweetie, he has been so against this whole thing all a long, he doesn't like it at all, but he said he would take me. I hope he is starting to accept the idea of me having WLS. I don't know if he is or not. I don't want to get my hopes up.
These last couple of weeks sure have been shitty for me. My husband and I have both been having car trouble, I have been so worried about getting my surgery done in time, because of the unexpected repairs on both of our cars money is really tight right now, I lost several entries of my profile, and the worst my Dad and my husband got in to this huge fight (vocal not physical). But non the less it was really bad. I feel so sick about the whole thing. I am not going to get into detail as to what it was about because I would have to write a book for that (lol). I just feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. Well, I guess that is going to be it for this entry.
September 20, 2005
Well, I got some really good news today. I don't have to go all the way to Detroit for my scope. They are going to let me get in done in Bay City. I tell you the girls at my PCP's office are wonderful. Marcy who is one of them has been so great through this whole process, she has bent over backwards to help me. She got me an appointment for my scope on Thursday (9-22-05). She rules!!!!
I was looking back at my profile and noticing all the dates of the entries. There is a huge gap between the first entry and the second. I'm talkin 4 months! I think I know why. I wasn't having any luck with the insurance company and WLS just looked like it may not happen for me so I think it was to depressing for me to write about. Well, thats it for today.
September 21, 2005
This is going to be a short entry today. Tomorrow I have my scope test done. I am not sure what to expect. I am trying to diet right now because Dr. Carlin gave me a 5 pound weight loss rquirement before surgery. I am really having a hard time. I want to eat everything. I started my diet diary and exercise log yesterday. This really sucks, I hate dieting. I started walking yesterday, I walked 1.37 miles and I did the same today. I am so scared that I won't lose the 5 pounds! I have to, otherwise I won't beable to have the surgery. I am just scared right now, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I am so stressed out about these damn 5 pounds!
September 24, 2005
Well, I had my scope done the other day (9-22-05), it went good. I really don't remember to much about it. I have my results back from my chest x-rays and they look good. The nurse said that the scope results where also good, I am really happy about that. Now the next thing will be my medical clearance on October 10th. I sure don't look forward to the trip to Detroit but I am anxious to get this over with and begin healing. I have been told the first 6 months are the hardest, I just want to get it over with. I am still trying to lose that 5 pounds. I think I have lost about 3 so far. The food diary is not my favorite. It is kind of a pain in the ass to write everything down all the time. I don't mind the exercise log because you only have one entry a day. I will continue to do both because I have to, not because I like to. (LOL) Well, that is it for now.
September 29, 2005
Today as I was taking my walk (2.52 miles) I was thinking about how much weight I would lose after surgery, and about how much I would weigh. I was thinking that I would like to be about 130 pounds. I can't even remember ever weighing 130 pounds. I remember when I was in the 6th grade we would be weighed at school like once or twice a year. I remember weighing like 158 or 159 pounds. I remember my one friend asking me how much I weighed and I told her 125 pounds. She then told me that was what her mother weighed. Gosh, and I even lied about it and I still was way over what a 6th grader should be. I remember feeling so ashamed. When I was 16 years old I lost weight and finally got down to about 160. I think that was the last time I ever weighed so little. Weight has always been an issue for me. I just want to be normal, I want to feel normal.
October 7, 2005
Well, I am still struggling to lose these damn 5 pounds! I don't know what the hell the problem is, it should be easy it is only 5 pounds. I am now walking 2 and a half miles so it can't be the exercise. Shit this has me so stressed out!
I sure hope my husband, Danny comes around. I know he is scared for me, I don't blam him, I would be scared too. I just really need him and his support. I love him so very much and I want him with me always. Thats it for now.
October 12, 2005
Well, I had my medical clearance appointment on the 10th and it went well. The best part was my husband, Danny went with me. I couldn't believe it. I am so glad he went with me, it ment so much to me to have him there. He still wishes I wouldn't have the surgery and I understand that he is scared for me. I just hope he continues to be there for me because I really do need him, I love him so much. Thats it for now hopefully I will have more time to write more soon.
October 15, 2005
Well, last night I got a call from my Dad. He found out that I am going to have WLS. He was really upset, he was so upset he started to cry. I can't handle people being upset especially about me. I am so mad that he found out. My husband told my brother which I wasn't happy about but I wasn't mad either but then my brother told his stupid girlfriend that then thought she had the right to run and tell my stepmom who then told my Dad. I just can't beleive it, people need to mind their own damn buisness. I have been stugling with my decision for the last day and a half now because of this shit. I pray that I have made the right decision and that I will be alright during and after surgery. God help me!!!!!!!
October 16, 2005
Well, I am feeling better today about my decision to have WLS. I think my biggest problem is that once it it done there is no turning back and I worry about being one of those few people that do regret it because of complications and so on.
I have just gotten my profile sprucced up and I really like it, I love dolphins.
Oh- I also forgotten to mention in the entry that talked about my medical clearance that I did lose my 5 pounds, infact I lost 6, now I just have to make sure not to gain any back. I would like to lose more before my next appointment with Dr. Carlin. Thats all for now!
October 25, 2005
Well, I had my appointment with Dr. Carlin on Friday the 21st. I have a date..........November 29, 2005 is my date for surgery! I am going through many emotions right now! I am mainly nervous about my weight at the moment. I lost 12 pounds which is wonderful considering I only had to lose 5 pounds. But at the visit I was told if I even gain 1 pound my surgery will be post poned. I can't let that happen. I just made the end of the year with my insurance by 1 day!!!!! That sure is cutting it close. I have to have my surgery then so I must not gain anything at all. Now I am going to be so stressed out about gaining damn weight until November 23, 2005 when I go meet with Wanda for my week before surgery weigh in. This is so nerve racking, I can't wait till it is all done and I can begin the healing process! Thats it for now.
November 1, 2005
Where do I begin! As if I don't already have enough to worry about! My husbands work is now talking about switching insurance companies AGAIN!!!!!! If they do the change will take effect on December 1, 2005. Damn I can't beleive it. I am so stressed out right now that I just want to cry! As long as my surgery is done by November 29th I think I should be okay. I hope! I am so worried something is going to f**k this up for me. I have come so far, and I am so close. I just want to sceam right now!!!!!!!! Please God let me have this surgery......I want to have it........I need to have it. I pray that this year of jumping hoops for the insurance company and the many many 3 hour trips to Detroit arn't all a waste. I don't think I can take much more!!!!!!!!!!! Thats it for now I am going to go pull my hair out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 15, 2005
2 WEEKS AND COUNTING
Damn am I scared!!!!!! I pray that I am able to have this and I pray that I will be alright. I am just going through so many emotions right now. It is really hard to concentrate on anything because I have so much going through my mind right now. This is such an emotional rollercoster!!!!!! It may sound like I am babbling right now but I can't help it. I am so worried about everything right now. I want this so bad and I am so worried that something may screw it up for me and I am so worried that something might go wrong during or after the surgery. God------I just need to chill out. Damn I am driving myself crazy!!!!!!!
One week from today I start the liquid diet. God give me strengh to get through it. I hope I can survive the week on liquids. I have to survive or I can kiss my dream of surgery good-bye............
Well, thats it for now I need to go and try to chill out!!!!!!!!!!
November 16, 2005
Man---I don't know if it is nerves or what but I woke up this morning dizzy and sick to my stomach. I couldn't even go to work because I was so dizzy. I am so scared I hope I start to chill out cause I don't think I can handle this for 2 weeks. I have so much going through my mind right now. I just pray to God that everything will be alright.
Thats it for now.........
November 24, 2005
THANKSGIVING DAY!!!!!!!!!
Well, I am on my 3rd day of the week before surgery liguid diet and I am so hungery. I want to eat so bad, but I know I can't do that. I had my final weigh in yesterday with Wanda and everything went good. I am down a total of 18 pounds. I am happy about that!!!! All is set for Tuesday. I am still a little scared. I have my good days and my bad days. I just pray to God that he will look over me and make the surgery a success with no complications. I also pray for a speedy recovery!!!!! Well, that about it for now, I hope to have atleast one more entry before the big day!
December 8, 2005
I haven't updated my profile in a while. I had my surgery and I am finding it hard to be on the computer. I am going through some emotional issues right now. I cry several times a day for no reason and I can't even seem to be happy about having the surgery. At times I even wish I would'nt have gone through with it. I am not sure why I am so emotional right now but I hope it don't last much longer because this is crazy. I have so much I want to tell about my surgery I just don't feel like sitting here on the computer. I will have to tell about it some other time. I do have to say that my husband, Danny has been so WONDERFUL. He has taken such good care of me this last week. He was so awesome in the hospital. I couldn't have made it without him. I love him so much! I had a hard time with him going back to work today, I am just so emotional!!!!!!!!!!
December 15, 2005
I still am dealing with emotional issues right now. I am depressed and tired and don't really feel like doing much of anything. I am trying to pull myself out of this slum but it is really hard. I had my 2 week check up yesterday and and it went ok. I am not getting enough protein, fluid or calories in. I have to work harder at it they said. So far I have lost a total of 35 pounds since my first weigh in at Henry Ford. I lost 17 pounds since a week before my surgery. I can't even get excited about that. I am just drained. I wish I wasn't so depressed. I don't feel like talking about my hospital stay so that is still going to have to wait till I feel like it. Thats it for now!!!!!!!
December 29, 2005
Well, it has been a month since my surgery and I guess I am ready to talk about my surgery and hospital stay.
I was told to be at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. and it is a 3 hour drive for my husband and I so we left at about 2:00 a.m. We got to the hospital just before 5:00 a.m. We had to wait for quite some time to be called to the prep room. Once we were called they began to prep me for surgery. I was really having a hard time I was so freaked out and scared that I almost just walked out and went home. I was so scared that I ended up having an anxiety attack. My surgeon came to see me before surgery and I told him how scared I was and they then gave me something to calm me. I was so scared that I might not ever see my wonderful husband again I just kept crying, he was also so scared and crying. It was a very emotional time. I don't remember anything after that until I was in my room and I seen my husband. When I woke up in my room I was in a lot of pain. Pain I have never felt before. For quite some time I was in alot of pain and then when my husband would ask the nurses about it they just said for me to push my Morphine button. I was doing just that but still in alot of pain. Later on one of the nurses dicovered that my IV was kinked and I wasn't getting anything including pain medicine. Once they unkinked my IV I was pretty much druged up for 2 days. Most of my hospital stay is a blure. I do remember my wonderful husband taking such good care of me. He brushed my hair, put chapstick on me, washed my face, gave me ice chips. He did so much for me, he did everything for me plus he ran back home twice during my 2 day stay to take care of our animals and don't forget it is almost a 3 hour drive one way. What a Man!!! If it wasn't for him I don't know what I would have done because I really didn't like being in the hospital at all. I don't even like thinking of it. Oh-yeah the day that I was free to go home the nurse that was going to wheel me down to the car came in my room and walked over to me and looked at me and said "Why did you have this done? You're not that big." I was already regreting my decision at this point and wishing that I wouldn't have gone through with it. I told her that my husband felt the same way and didn't want me to have it done. She then looked at him and said " Well I would have fought a little harder for you not to have it done." I couldn't believe what I was hearing especially from a nurse. She then said "Oh-well its to late now just like if you were pregnate it would be to late." I was just shocked I already was feeling like shit and now I have a nurse making me feel worse and it really pissed me off she said that about my husband.
Now if you were to ask me if I still regret it I would have to say the jury is still out on that one. I have my ok days and my bad days. I hope to soon have good days. I still can't get in all my liquids, I am only getting about half, same with my protein and calories. I was beating myself up over it but I stopped that. I just try to get in what I can which is about half of what I am suppose to. I still can't eat alot of things because it hurts. It hurts my chest like it is stuck or something. As far as the depression I think I am pretty much past it. I am still pretty tired but I know I have to push through that because next week I go back to work. I am still not as happy about the weight loss part as I thought I would be. I don't think I am losing as fast as some but that is okay because I don't want to lose it to fast. Well, thats about it for now, I am just taking one day at a time and praying for the best.
January 16, 2006
Man...... it sure has been a while since I last updated. Well, I am back to work and it is going okay. I think that I have gotten kinda lazy while I was off work. I enjoy being able to sleep in!!!! I am down a total of 31 pounds since November 22,2005 which was the week before surgery. Since September 2005 my first visit with Dr. Carlin I am down 49 pounds. Thats about it for now I hope to update more again soon! Oh Yeah------ I am still having a hard time getting in all my fluid and protein. I am still only getting in half of what I need to be.
February 16, 2006
It has been a month since my last entry. I wish I would update more often but I am just trying to deal with the everyday life issues right now. I am so scared of screwing up this surgery. I am so worried that I will fail this just like every other time I tried to lose weight. I have only lost another 10 pounds. I am not sure if that is good or not. It seems to be going slow. I deal with the head hunger all the time and the old habit of grazing seems to want to pop back up. I am only 2 and a half months out and my old habits are right there to test me. I pray to God I don't mess this up. God give me strenght to make this a success!!!!!!!!
I have my 3 month check up on the February 22, 2006 and I just hope it goes okay. I sure hope that I am losing at a normal speed and not to slow. Well, thats it for now!!!
March 5, 2006
Well, here I am once again. I still am not updating quite as often as I should. I had my 3 month check up with Dr. Carlin and everything went good. My blood work was good and I was told I am losing at a good rate. I can now swallow my meds which is a great thing cause it really sucked having to break them up. I don't have to go back to Detroit till November for my 1 year check up. Dr. Carlin said that I can see my PCP for my 6 month check up. I am really glad about that cause I hate the trip to Detroit.
I am still really having trouble with worrying about screwing this up. I worry about not losing any more weight and being such a disappointment. My biggest fear is not losing or gaining my weight back. I still have issues with food. I deal with the head hunger and the addiction to food all the time. I still find myself day dreaming about food. I feel like such a freak. I really need to find out about seeing a someone to talk to about this. I don't think my insurance covers it so I doubt if I do. I just pray to God to help me through this and help me continue to lose the weight and KEEP it off.
I have had some good moments..........I was able to buy a pair of Levi jeans a JcPenneys right off the shelf, size 16 which was not in the plus side of the store. I started to cry when I was able to do that. I am also able to buy a XL shirt now which is also on the regular side of the store and not the plus side.
I have been really bad about exercising lately. I really haven't since my 3 month check up with Dr. Carlin. I HAVE to get back at it. I NEED to start it tomorrow. I need to get my shit together and eat right, get my protein and fluid in and exercise!!!!! I think that might be a part of my problem with worrying so much right now. I will check back in a couple of weeks and I hope that I got my head out my ass and started to get back on track!!!!!!!!! I better have!!!!!!!! I also better have lost some more weight, I better be down to 186 pounds in 2 weeks. That is my goal!!!!!!!!
March 21, 2006
Well, I missed my goal by 2 pounds. I guess that isn't too bad. I am still not exercising like I should. The first week of me getting back on track went good I was up early every morning getting my exercise in before work. Last week I was bad and didn't get any exercise in. I really need to get back on track this week. I still find myself thinking about food. I am not hungery, I think that I am just so use to always thinking FOOD. It has always been my comfort!!!!!! I am going to give myself another goal. By Easter which is 3 and a half weeks away I want to be down to 179 pounds. So I have 9 pounds to lose in 3 and a half weeks. There is no reason why I shouldn't make this goal! I just need to get back on track and stay there!!!!!!
March 22, 2006
Just a quick entry............
I have gone from a BMI of 44.4 (Extremly Obese) to 32.2 (Obese). How about that!!!!!!!! I can't wait to be (Normal).
April 14, 2006
I had another "WOW" moment the other day!!!!!!! We went to a Birthday party down the road. It was held outside so of course there was lawn chairs. It was kind of weird because I forgot at first that I have lost weight cause when I seen the lawn chairs I was like great lets try to squeeze into this and I was also worried about the chair giving out. Then it dawned on me...... Hey you have lost weight so I sat down and guess what I was sitting in a lawn chair comfortably with room on both sides........... WOW!!!!!!!!!
Well, thats it for now.......oh yeah I got the nerve to make an appointment with a social worker to talk about my feelings about food and other stuff. My appointment is April 17, 2006 I am kinda nervous because I have never been to see anyone like that. I am not the kind of person who like to talk about their feelings and all. I know that I need to atleast try especially if this will help me keep the weight off for good!!!!!!!!!!
April 16, 2006
Well, I did it.........I made my goal for Easter...... I am now exactly 179 pounds! Now I need to set another goal but I am not sure what yet so I will have to think about it and enter it later. Thats it for now.............
April 25, 2006
Well..........I have another goal for myself. This one is going to be very hard to reach but I am going to give it my best. I would love to reach 100 pounds lost by my 6 month post op date which will be May 29, 2006. I have quite bit to go but I am going to try. Thats it for now.............
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May 22, 2006
Well, I don't think that I am going to make my 100 pounds lost goal by my 6 month post op anniversery. I have 10 more pounds to go and only about a week left. I do have to admitt that I didn't work at it as hard as I should of. I say I am going to but then I don't.
I do know that I WILL lose 100 pounds it just wont be before my 6 month post op date.
Some good news is that I am only over weight now. I went from a BMI of 44.4 (extremely obese) to a BMI of 29 (over weight). How about that. Pretty soon I maybe normal. I can't wait to be just NORMAL!!!!! Thats it for now..............
May 29, 2006
Wow, I t has been 6 months already......... Today is my 6 month post op anniversary! Although I did not make my own personal goal for my 6 months I think that I am doing pretty good and more important is that I feel pretty good! My goal was to have lost 100 pound by my 6 month post op anniverary well I didn't make it but I am pretty close. I have lost 93 pounds. I missed my goal by 7 pounds. I still think that 93 pounds is pretty damn good!
My new goal will be to have lost 100 pounds by my wedding anniversary which is 1 month from today! I have 7 pounds to loose by June 29th. I should have no problem doing that.
Well that is it for now..........
June 19, 2006
Well, its been a while since I have updated this thing. I really don't know where to begin. I had my 6 month check up with Dr. Skory, my PCP. Everything went good except my vitamin D is a little low and also my iron. He wants me to get blood work done again next month just to see if it is okay.
Danny and I had a crawfish boil (my wonderful husband Danny is from Louisiana) any how we had a crawfish boil on June 3, 2006 and invited the neighbors and someother friends. I was really looking forward to the party and I was feeling pretty good about myself with the weightloss and all. Well, that didn't last long because one of our noisy damn neighbors as soon as she seen me rushes up to me and infront of everyone she yells you had gastric bypass surgery didnt you! I didn't know what to say she caught me so off guard. I haven't told anyone other than family and I didn't want anyone to know. I am not ashamed of having the surgery, I just am a private person and I don't think everyone needs to know my business. After she said that I just lied and said no. I felt so guilty for lying and sooooooooooo guilty of not giving this surgery the credit it sooooooooooooo deserves. I just couldn't get it off my mind!!!! She wouldn't let up either the whole time she was there she kept going on and on! I just wish people would mind there own damn buisiness!!!!!!!! My weight has always been an issue and I thought that now that I lost it it wouldn't be such an issue anymore but I was wrong! I just want to be normal, why is someones weight such a big deal to some people!!!
I am so greatful to have had this WONDERFUL surgery and I thank God for my surgeon Dr. Carlin and my PCP Dr. Skory who helped me get this life changing surgery!!!!!!!
It has been one hell of a journey and I know that I am still on it. I just am so glad I made this choice for myself, it truley is the best thing I have ever done for myself, becides marrying my husband of corse!!!!! I guess thats it for know I will try to update sooner wether I made my goal for my wedding anniversary or not on the 29th.
June 30, 2006
Well, guess what I made my goal for my anniversary. I have lost a total of 100 pounds!!!!! I have changed my original final goal. It was to weigh 135 pounds. I think my new final goal will be 140 pounds. I think that I am just going to concentrate on that. I can't believe I have lost 100 pounds. Holly Shit.............I am just so amazed, I can't believe it. What a ride this has been.......I will try to write more soon.............
August 13, 2006
It sure has been awhile since I updated my profile. I have lost about 107 pounds now. I feel great!!!!!!!! It is amazing how much better you feel about yourself when you are not caring all that extra weight around!!!!!!!
I still do have my bad days when I don't feel that good about myself especially when it comes to the extra skin and my breast that are just aweful!!! But over all I am very Happy, I would do it all again tomorrow if I had to!!!!!!!! I am so afraid of gainning the weight back, it is always in the back of my head!!!! I pray that I will never allow that to happen!!!!!!
Well, thats it for now...........
September 22, 2006
I am really stressed out! I am so worried about gainning my weight back! I can just about eat anything and I am not even 10 months post op yet. My old habits are trying to creep back, the emotional eatting, the grazing! I am so worried about not losing any more and about gainning my weight back which the stress makes me want to eat. I can't stand it I don't EVER want to live in that FAT body again!!!!!!! For the last 2 months I keep going from 150 pounds to 148 pounds back and forth. I still would like to lose another 15 pounds. I pray to God that I will never gain my weight back. I am so SICK of food and my weight being such an issue with me. Why can't I just be Normal?????????? Please God help me keep this weight off for GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
