YiselV
When I was a child I was very skinny---painfully so. I suffered from TB and my body didn't seem to able to hold the pounds.... they just slipped off me like sweat rolling down skin on a sweltering day. Once I was treated for Tuberculosis at 7 years old... I started to gain weight, but I was completely average and healthy.
By the time I was in highschool I had developed into what a lot of people would say: a CURVECIOUS and beautiful girl. I had curves, but I was healthy, athletic, and happy. By the end of my senior year, I felt great about college and my future. Once my first semester of college had ended,,, I had gained the infamous FRESHMEN 15--and then some. Pizzas, Coffees, Bagels, Sweets, Alcohol.... all the foods and beverages that entered my body were high in fat and calories... and I was high on life. College friends, being in the greatest city on earth and preparing myself for a career in Fashion was all that I had in mind---my health last on the list, of course. Once I was in my last year of my BA I was dating a guy in the Army... and once he left for boot camp, missing him and having nothinng else to do motivated me. I started going to the gym and eating better. I lost 20lbs the first month! I was on a roll and my crazy (but very effective trainer) talked to me about dreams of being a fitness model, took me to competitions, I was elated... and intrigued. Could this really be me? Getting up at 5:30 am every morning---carrots/yogurt, 1 1/2 hours at the gym, work 9-5 pm, school 6-10 pm, and my boyfriend on his way back soon... things couldn't be better. Until the day came and he came....but he didn't come. He didn't visit, and he didn't even call. Then later on he told me he had fallen in love with someone else. I was 20 yrs old and devastated. I had moved out from my parents home, and went to live with my aunt. At my aunt's home things were not like at my mom's; there were no restrictions. My cousins ate... a lot. All types of foods-- at all times. And so I ate the same... a lot, and at all times. I did forgive my boyfriend but he didn't even seem to notice my weight gain... maybe because he was to busy cheating on me to do so.
After dumping him again and wanting to move on with my life... I started a diatery program. I started METABOLIFE, and ran... 2 miles about 3 times a week. It worked. I lost 15lbs the first 3 weeks..... but the teas, the fiber, the colon cleansing stuff.... just got to me, you know?! And so I stopped...the program and the running, and I gained the weight back, and then some! I had really bad acne due to my bad eating and so now I was a FAT girl with bad skin and family issues. I was angry most of the time, but more so... I was SAD to not have a clue as to how get my life back on track--then Sept 11 happened. And I lost my job and the little bit of confidence I had left on a BRIGHT future. So I ate more.... why the hell not? I'd say. And so I gained more.
Fast forward 2 years.... I had just started a new job. More time at work... more stress. Have you seen that movie "The Devil Wears PRADA? Well let me just say My PRADA wearing bitch of a boss made Meryl Streep look like Mother Theresa! Bad eating habits took over. No more swimming, or acting, or modeling, just work. I got sick... really sick and I went to the Dr. And she said "I think you have PCOS." And "You are Pre-Diabetic." And I was confused. Ok, PCOS I understood... I had read about it. I knew what it was. But Pre-diabetic? What the fu@k? You either have it or you don't... correct? So I didn't listen I took my medication, but I ate and I didn't exercise. Then, I stopped taking the pills and I stopped listening and I stopped taking the crap--and quit my job--never to imagine I would be out of work for a year. And during that year.... guess what I did? I traveled, had fun with friends, freelanced a little, and I partied. I partied hard.. I ate and drank--without regards to health or weight. And so I gained.
I went to back home (DR) for 2 months and lost 12 lbs. Of course the food there is not overprocessed, filled with sugars, sprayed with hormones, so it was easy and effortless. I just stopped after 7 pm everday, as simple as that. But I came back to NYC and gained it all back. And then the fad diets followed. The Accupuncture Diet, with needles in my ear... where I was supposed to rub if I got hungry. Atkins, Low Carb, South Beach, No Carbs, Cabbage Soup, No Sugar, every single diet you can think of I tried. Then medically assisted weightloss.... Meridia--didn't work. Nothing worked.
I finally found a job, my current job. In this job I work twice as hard--and longer hours, except I actually like this job, so it does not bother me as much. But the long hours and the eating late and bad bothers my body. I am now 219lbs (was 222lbs at my heaviest), and sick. I have DIABETES and I now have to take insulin shots for it, not one, but 2 a day. I am tired all the time. My back hurts, I get massive headaches that most of the times stem from my stomach, and I am FAT. I am a size 16 (19 at my heaviest) and I hate it. I hate every part of it. I hate being oout breath all the time, i hate not being able to run or swim or climb without feeling as if my heart is going to breakout of my chest, and I HATE SHOPPING. I hate buying clothes at Lane Bryant or the plus size section in stores. I HATE BEING FAT. And since I have only played the role of the heavily overweight girl in only the last 4 to 5 years... I have not quite gotten used to it. Yes, I am more comfortable wth my body--and that I credit to the man in my life, my boyfriend of 7 months who has been a driving force in making me feel better about myself... but I want to be comfortable as a runner, and a swimmer, and a climber-as I was once before. I want to be able to have children... happy, healthy beings. And my more shallow existence wants to wear a bikini for the first time in 6 years. I want to reach my weight goal by 28th b-day (oct. 19)! I want to dance again... horseback ride... climb Pico Duarte, maybe even EVEREST! Who knows? With my new found POSITIVITY there is no stopping me. I have been reading and listening to people and doubting my decision to get LAP BAND surgery but,,,
I have NO plans to head back now.
I have NO plans to hesitate.
I have NO plans to delay my bikini clad image to my friends.... and to a beautiful new sea.
I am forging ahead... and I am SO ready for June 22nd. The day of my rebirth!
