wildangl

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 Such a lovely, rather bewildering feeling! Numbers, in the challenge to slenderize, become such significant things- As I saw them changing (so quickly) it was like slipping backward through my life . . .  'the last time I was this number, I was in Tbilisi', or 'the last time I was that number, I'd just become pregnant with Ian'.
I know they say not to weigh every day, but I do. I just keep hold of my lowest number, and don't get upset if it goes back up for a day or two. . . you know once you've hit that number, and your calories are under 1,000, you're losing and any bumps up are just water weight- that always comes off again.

DietPower has been an incredibly important tool for me. I've had it for years, but it's just since I had this surgery in December that I've started using it faithfully. It helps me keep track of all sorts of things- calcium levels, vitamins, fibre, protein, carbs, exercise calories, everything- but most importantly, it keeps track of my metabolic rate- I'm at 1976/day right now. So, I know if I stay under 1000 calories, I have an excess of 976 for the day. As I lose weight that will shift, and I can stay on top of any calorie changes I need to make, to keep on goal. I LOVE this program!!!

So, obviously, I've found a patterning that works for me. I'm still very aware of timing, and can't eat anything solid before @3pm- My sleeve is working beautifully, and won't let me take a single bite more than I need to. I'm in a size 16, and can walk right past the Avenue and Lane Bryant stores. People act differently toward me- I'm within 'normal' range now, and at some level, I don't have to try so hard to fit in- socially, emotionally, whatever- I don't stand out anymore.
And I'm getting some attention from men, again. It's validating, but not necessarily what I'm wanting.

So now my challenge is to get past my challenge. '199' has been a very important number to me for a long time. I don't want to go on a head trip about it- I want to refocus, and look to the next goal, rather than getting tweaky about what I've done. It'll take some self-talk, that for certain.

But I'm ready for it :}

Three months, exactly, since my VSG. It's been interesting, that's for sure.

I've arrived at a much more comfortable space- I know now how to work with my new sleeve, and how to pattern my food so that it fits in well with my lifestyle, my nutrition needs, and is so easily managed that I don't have to think about it much anymore. I know some people have lost more at this stage, but 41lbs. is fine by me- I stay at 900-1,000 calories a day and that's something I can life comfortably with for the long term- I have enough energy, I'm not hungry, and I get enough variety in what I eat to feel content.

And the clothes. My old clothes, the ones that get baggy so quickly, are piling up at such a rate that I make a run to the thrift store about every 2 weeks now. I had storage boxes of 'some day clothes'- the ones I hoped someday to fit into again, but was actually feeling pretty hopeless about (I mean really- for someone who was a size 24 to hold onto size 14? It did seem like wishful thinking) Well, I'm wearing those clothes now. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

I'm going through a strange mind game. . . .  When I first saw the size 16 jeans, I thought 'what the heck, I'll pull them up as far as they'll go, just to see what I have to work toward'- they kept pulling up and pulling up, and then they zipped! My mouth dropped open. The disconnect between what I thought my body was, its parameters, and what it's become are like some kind of smoke and mirrors trick, to my mind. It's a very strange feeling. The same thing- looking into a mirror, I don't really 'see' a difference, but when I sit in a chair, there's extra space now between the sides of my thighs and the chair arms.

It's a very interesting journey. I still have to learn to smile when I have a photo taken. I didn't used to like the camera (at all). Old habits die hard ;)

 And what an interesting time it's been.

I started at 1-2x tops and size 24 jeans, and now I'm down to Large tops and size 18 jeans. In just two months!! Sometimes it seems to go so slowly- that's what comes from weighing every day, or comparing your weight  loss to other people's- but looking back, that's some major change in two months. . . on top of recovering from surgery and a couple of colds.

I'm not a very patient person ;)

I'd kind of convinced myself that I was on solid foods, but I'm really not. I'm mostly eating really ground up meats (lunch meats, or finely diced chicken in soups) and relying heavily on Liquacel and Atkins shakes for the majority of my proteins. I was having major issues with constipation, but thanks to the 'Minute Muffin'- composed mostly of ground flax seeds, anegg and baking soda, that's an issue of the past (and it tastes a lot better than it sounds- you add different flavorings like cinnamon and splenda).

So, major life lessons over these past two months? It's not magic, it's just easier. It's still all about choices.
I discovered some wonderful little frozen shrimp shu mais (dumplings) that I could microwave in a minute and went down SO easily . . . and I knew I couldn't keep them in the house. I still get bored/snacky at night, and if I have easy foods like that around, I CAN take in more calories than I need! So I'm tossing them.

But I'm not 'hungry' in those situations, just looking to enjoy 'fooding'. A lot of the pleasure-factor is gone, when you can only eat a few bites, and you realize how much those bites 'cost'. So the days of wanton wallowing in sweet carbs are gone, as is any possibility of a binge. On the other hand, I do feel full at the right time to stay at 1,000 calories a day pretty comfortably . . . I guess you can't have it both ways ;)

I'm thinking my weight loss is a little slower than some. I haven't gotten into exercising yet- two bad colds kind of stalled things out. But I'll still get there. I have a software program called DietPower that has actually, accurately figured my basic metabolic rate. I've been loading accurate calories/exercise into it for the past two months, and it says, right now, that my metabolic rate is 2010 calories a day, at 216lbs- so if I keep in the pattern I've set up, of 1,000 calories a day, I'll lose 2lbs. a week, consistently. That's good for me. That's what I want. I want my skin to stay soft and elastic, and shrink with me, and not get all tweaky about calories, so I'm good where I'm at.
As I lose weight, I'll be adding in more exercise, so a 1,000 calorie pattern should be good.

This is what my patterning is. If I go outside of this, I do keep track of the calories involved, but I know this is @ 1,000cal/day:

Late morning-
Tazo Tea with 2 ounces of orange-flavored Liquacel
Morning Muffin
Most of my vitamins/supplements

On the way to work:
Decaf Coffee w/ Cream

Early shift (I work swing shift)
Atkins Shake

During my dinner break:
1/2 a Balance Bar & Decaf Coffee or Swiss Miss Diet Cocoa

Late Shift:
Atkins shake

At home after work:
Tom Yum Soup (homemade w/extra diced chicken), and my big, chewable Calcium Citrate tabs

I can't eat early in the day- the Morning Muffin washes down easily with the Tazo Tea- I know we're not supposed to take fluids in with foods, but the muffin really needs it- considering it's 'bulk fibre', so it acts more like a 'mushie' food.

Not much else to say. My body is shifting, adjusting my balance to fit my changing weight. Sometimes I feel just plain gangly. LOL I catch myself kind of bent over, like I probably held myself 34 lbs. ago, then I straighten up. The other day I was doing errands, and thought 'I should be heading home to rest now', and realized I wasn't tired and could easily keep going. Those are delightful little surprises.

My friend, Gia, is going to help me get exercising more regularly. He's promised he'll be strict with me, just like a trainer, so we'll see if it helps. Mostly, with spring coming, it'll be easier to get outside in the fresh air.

Two months. Seems much longer than that. I can't wait to see what happens by summer time!

 Oops! slipped up there a bit. I'm aiming for weekly updates, so I have a bit more accountability, and can remember what I learn along the way.

Five-ish weeks. Hmm. So what's different this week?

I've had to clean out my closet. LOTS of clothes that look baggy on me now, and I don't want to look like a 'bag lady', so I spent some solid time ruthlessly tossing aside a lot of comfort clothes. I actually caught myself trying to save a blouse that was way too big, thinking 'it's nice and baggy, it'll cover my behind . . . ' Talk about old tapes running through my head!
It was a lot of clothes. I like shopping at thrift stores, and I had some really nice stuff. Seems I'd settled into size 22 for a while, and I have two of the giant lawn trash bags full to take to Goodwill.
Even though I'm really enjoying fitting into smaller jeans, those clothes had a lot of memories attached, and I was having to let go of that 'fat, soft, comfortable' style.
I don't even know what my 'style' is! I was just trying to get clothes that fit! So that's where my mind is at lately- what kind of 'look' do I want, now that I'll actually have a choice . . . 

Food. Fooding. What I used to do for comfort.
I caught myself obsessing again. I have a wonderful software progrm called DietPower that analyzes every last % of every food you eat, it's nutrients, your percentages, etc. I'd literally spend an hour every day loading in what I'd eaten and when  and looking at the patterns, tweaking it here and there, etc. Then I realized I was 'dieting' again. It's actually a comment that one of my friends made on the forum. . . that she just eats her protein first, then vegetables if there's room, maybe a piece of fruit if there's still room and she gets in all her water. Occasionally, she'll have a little granola and once in a great while, a brownie at the church social.
I like that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life dieting. I want to quit making food the center of my life (one way or another) and just get on with living life!

For now, just finding out what proteins sit well, getting all the various supplements in at the right time, and slamming down fluids in between is challenging enough. I swear, sometimes I feel like the food I'm getting in is just a conduit for pills! (I have a nasty cold and I'm having to shoehorn in some antibiotics, too!)

I have learned that marinated/processed type meats tend to sit better than lean, fresh meats (e.g. pastrami sits better than lean roast beef), at least for me, and it's easy to get in half a chopped up Atkins Balance Bar when I'm on the run and can't 'focus on eating' regular solid foods.

Constipation. A major issue that I've never every had before in my life (well, twice, for medical reasons) Now, with a complete lack of roughage, it's a major issue. I can't do wheat, so that excludes any wheat bran-related substance, so I'm in the process of figuring out what works well for me, and that I can wedge into my eating pattern. I'll let you know next time what I figured out. I'm leaning toward the 'Muffins in a Minute' concept from the Bariatric Eating forum.

It's going well. I'm learning to have a little patience and be more gentle with myself. I'm journaling more, and seeing old patterns that are needing to be let go of. It's not going to happen overnight. It's like I'm re-creating myself, and that takes some thought, and time. I have lots of time.

And no, I'm not going to post my weight, or inches lost. I'm in a size 18 jean right now, and I'd be fine with staying here a couple of weeks. I have some nice clothes at this size, and if I drop a size or two, I'll have to give all these away, too!!

Laurie

 Wow. I can't believe it. Four weeks already. It's been a steep learning/healing curve, but it's starting to settle out now.

Inches. Lots of inches :) 22.5 inches in the past month, actually. That's almost two whole pants sizes. I started out barely squeezing into size 22, and now my size 20s are getting a bit baggy.
And yes, I weighed myself every day. It's just part of my morning ritual. And the scale goes up, down and sideways. But the inches- those are steady and sure, and are the reality. I measure myself at least once a week. Sometimes, when the scale goes up, I get out my measuring tape, and reassure myself that I'm still the same size, if not down a bit, and it really helps.

The challenge this week, was sorting out what food/drink pattern would work for me at work. I'm a nurse on the evening shift, and get a maximum of 30 minutes to get my meal down- and those of you who are working on mushies- you know we can't be rushed- and it's a stressful, active environment anyway. I don't have a desk job where I can 'sip' at something steadily. The egg protein shakes I'd been relying on at home, became 'foamy' in an active environment, and I was having a difficult time getting in my fluids . . . so after 4 days of 'tweaking', this is what I've worked out:

On rising: A large (16 ounce) cup of Tazo Tea (calming) w/ Splenda
11:30ish- 2 ounces of Liquacel (wonderful liquid amino acids- 30 grams protein for 140 calories- like New Whey protein bullets without the milk proteins in it)
2 ounces of tuna/egg salad or chicken/egg salad, eating slowly with a baby spoon (I use that to help pace my eating)

Arriving at work/report: 20 ounce water bottle to start working on.
4pmish- one Oh Yeah protein wafer (out of a two-pack)
7pmish- more Chicken or Tuna salad, or Taco Bell Pintos & Cheese (2 ounces)- I like Taco Bell's beans much better than the canned type- it goes down much easier. Again, using a baby spoon
9pmish- A second large cup of Tazo Tea, and the second Oh Yeah Protein wafer (after the tea!)
11:45pm- when I get home, I have a big (20 ounce) soup bowl of homemade chicken or beef broth, sometimes Tom Yum broth with @ 2 ounces of meat in it. Be sure you get most of the broth in before you start working on the meat, or it'll do that 'sink stopper' thing and you won't get the broth in.

This all totals @ 650 calories a day, and more than enough protein, lower carbs (under 30), relatively low fat, and enough fluids.

I'm thinking on my days off, I'll keep pretty much the same pattern, with a little more variety. It's really handy, keeping Oh Yeah protein wafers in my purse, and a bottle of water in the truck. I just have to remember to drink first, or that water isn't going around whatever I've eaten.

I'm just beginning to realize, this is it. This is the amount I'll be eating, give or take for the next year. Not a lot of 'wiggle room', and not that much variety, at least on the days I work. I went through a lot of trial and error/discomfort to sort out what's working right now, so I'm just going to stay with it for a week or two, and not do any more tweaking. It was very challenging, finding the right food products and working out a plan that had enough protein without any milk- but my sleeve is finally happy, I'm losing steadily, and my energy is up. I'm going to hold at this pattern for a while! :) 

 It's been three weeks, today, since I was sleeved. It's starting to get easier. I've found a patterning that works for me, that includes 100% egg protein shakes (they're easy to sip on over time) through my evening work shift, and a small amount of pureed meat or a 'protein bullet' when I get home late at night. On my days off, I have more food-like things- refried beans, pureed soups, fage, etc in a 3 meal pattern.
I'm still not getting much in though. Maybe 1/8 c. of refried beans, or 1/4 c. of fage (it's a yummy high protein greek yogurt) for a meal. And it still takes alllll day to get @ 50 ounce of fluids in.  I'm getting @ 500 calories in a day now.

BUT- and here's the best part. . . I have a pair of black jeans that were accidently shrunk in hot water. I've had them hanging in my closet as a 'someday' goal. I thought I'd try them on, just seeing if I could pull them up. I was figuring it'd be another 10lbs before I could be seen in public in them, but they FIT! PERFECTLY! :)

It's not just the weight coming off, it's the kind of weight that's coming off. It's real weight, not just water weight. They say not to weigh every day (I do, I can't help it) and to measure once a week instead. And it's really true. I see, consistently, every couple of days, the inches melting away, and clothes fitting better or even getting too big, every day.

I'm still waiting for my energy to come back, some people say they're 'fine' a week out, but my stamina is nowhere to be seen right now. As I get my calories back up to around 500-600 calories, it's getting better. 

 It's been about two weeks since I was sleeved, so I thought I'd do a bit of an update.

It's been difficult. Not the recovering from having surgery part, the 'getting in calories and fluids' part. You can't just SWALLOW any more. I used to chug water. This sip, sip, sip thing literally takes allllll day. And it's just not something you can rush anymore- If I eat one bite too much, it kind of 'urps' up, if it's two bites, it hurts like a big pill going down sideways.

And I found out I can't handle protein drinks- I have an intolerance for all forms of milk, and don't handle eggs well either. That makes it pretty challenging getting any calories in, and something I've been wrestling with every day. I wanted to follow Dr. Aceves' guidelines to the letter, I really did, but ended up going to full liquids after just seven days (instead of 10), just to get more calories in. It's worked out alright, though. And I'm finally starting to get enough energy in at @ 500 calories to get by. I simply don't have enough hours in the day to get in any more than that, for now.

The energy thing- that takes a while. The first week or so, I'd break out in a cold sweat if I took a shower and washed my hair- I'd have to rest for a while. Now, I can do some errands, putz around the house, and I don't need a nap in the afternoon anymore. It's gotten much better, energy-wise, the past day or two.

I'm going to have to plan better- now that I can handle more foods, I can transtion from the sip, sip,sip, nibble, nibble, nibble mode, to having semi-meals three times a day with water in between. . .  that's my goal for this week, because I'm going back to work in three days, and I need to get it together before then. Being a nurse, I just won't have time to work at eating or drinking all day long. I think I'll set up little protein snack packs, mostly mozzarella sticks for  now, for quick fixes.

I'm hoping I can handle being back at work. I really can't afford (on several levels) any more time off.

I'll let you know how it goes. 

And here's a shout out to Sandra and Leah- going through their sleeving this week- Go Girls!!! :}

Laurie
PS- I'm only down a total of 18pounds since I started on Atkins/liquid before surgery- that's one month ago. But I'm down about 10 inches, and a full pants size . . . 

Day 5- You're on your way home! :)

Ernesto will be wanting to leave around 7-8am, so expect an early start. Yolanda, the super-coordinator lady, will come by with a file of information that contains a copy of your lab work, EKG and a surgical summary to give to your primary physician. There's also a much larger folder that contains a large chest x-ray and your GI test. Plan for room for those in your suitcase (don't get fully packed until you get those!) Yolanda will also give you two weeks worth of Nexium Mups, and enough Supradol sublingual tabs for the next couple of days.

Please have your Passport (or the driver's license/birth certificate combo) on hand. Do NOT pack them!  One last stop by the bathroom, and you're on your way! The first hurdle is crossing the US border, and Ernesto needs to have your documents in hand, to give to the officials. It's a looooooong wait to get through customs- slow slow traffic for @ 1 1/2 hours- 2 hours- the later you leave, the longer the line, thus Ernesto's desire to leave as early as reasonable.

We cruised through customs (they just glanced at our passports), then made a pit stop at a mini-market in Calexico to use the restroom and get refreshments. I kept some bottled water with me, and had the Supradol in my purse so I could get to it when I needed it. The drive back over the mountains was relatively uneventful. If Ernesto has time, ask him to show you the optical illusion at one of the exits :)

We arrived at the San Diego airport, Ernesto dropped us off at our airline, and we were on our way home! I obviously couldn't take my own water through the TSA search, but did get some on the other side. We had a long wait, so we went into the Chili's restaurant, where my mom ordered some food, and I ordered some chicken tortilla soup, thinking I could drink the broth (wrong!) Stick to hot tea and bottled water!

I needed to use @ 2 of the Supradol over the day, and getting home, just for achiness. 

Dr Aceves is a gifted surgeon- he and his staff were very professional and caring, I felt like I was traveling home to start a new life. And it felt SO good to sleep in my own bed that night !!! :}

 Day Four- or your 2nd day Post-op

You'll have slept better last night, and you'll get some lovely chicken broth on your breakfast tray in the morning. It'll taste SO good! Fluids are going down a bit easier, and you'll have fine-tuned your sipping technique. Still some foamies, but it's getting better. Walk, walk, walk, sip, sip, sip, and nap when you can.  

It's about here that I was able to start doing some light reading. I'd brought a nice thick paperback with me, but just wasn't up to heavy reading- Angel, next door, had brought some magazines she donated to me- Oprah and Reader's Digest, if I remember right, and I could browse those alright. Something about the anesthesia, I think. Anyway, don't plan on heavy reading, magazines are good.

You've had a drain bag on your left side for a couple of days- well, today it comes out. Dr. Campos came in, and careful removed the bag with all the adhesive, then pulled the drain out a bit for Sergi to clip the suture. He then started pulling the drain out. I couldn't watch- I turned my head and it felt reallllly strange, happened quickly, but didn't hurt. From what I hear from people that DID watch, it's about 12 inches long, and looks like a huge flat worm! (yuck!) but it feels really good to get that out. Sergi will cover it with a gauze pad and some tape. From then on, they change the pad a few times- it'll have a little bit of drainage on it, and will start healing up.  

Mid- afternoon you'll have another interesting experience. It's time for your swallow test. Dr. Campos brought me to the x-ray room, and handed me a glass of the raskiest stuff I've EVER had to drink (hydroscopic fluid), and he took a series of x-rays, showing how the fluid went down through my sleeve. You get to see the size and shape of your sleeve, and how the pyloric valve works, etc. It was really interesting. They'll make prints of it, and you'll have an x-ray to take home to your own physician.

One thing Dr. Campos mentioned to me during the procedure, when I was feeling urpy, was to take a deep breath, and put my shoulders back- that helped that 'one too many swallows' go down. I've used it a couple of times since, when I've gotten one sip too far (and then I stop!)   The chicken broth goes down really well, and you'll start to feel like you'll be able to make the trip home tomorrow.

You can ask if Sergi or Lucy can do your airline web-check in for you, as long as it's less than 24 hours from your flight time- you should have your copy of your e-ticket, or a confirmation code, and they can look it up from there.

Remember to walk often, and build up your stamina.  

Oh, and that rasky hydroscopic liquid? It's a diarrhetic. yeah. Don't second guess it. If you start feeling rumbley, head to the bathroom! (trust me on that one). No more constipation issues, things get moving rather well from here on out-pardon the pun!

 Day Three, or First Day Post-op

I didn't get much real sleep the night after surgery- there was that achey pain in my left shoulder (gas), the nurses came in fairly regularly to get my blood pressure/temperature, and it was difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep. Fortunately that gets better. I could actually nap on my right side (with a pillow held close) the day after surgery.

  You'll likely still be on an IV, but they'll bring in a tray that has a glass of apple juice, a glass of tang-like orange juice, and a cup of hot chamomile/mint tea. Mostly I stayed with the bottled water, but the apple juice felt alright, too. It takes a while to get the hang of sipping the right amount, and getting used to the feeling that tells you it's time to stop. Burp as much as you can. You'll be surprise how much you'll do that, and how much it helps! There's apparently gas in your abdomen (the left shoulder ache) AND gas in your stomach/intestines. I still had foamies when I took in too much, but I wasn't nauseated anymore.

Definitely time to be getting up walking more today.   At first I just walked up and down the hall, thinking that's what they meant, but Christopher (my nurse- who has, by the way, lost 70lbs in three months from having his OWN surgery) chided me for not walking enough- apparently we're expected to walk all over the place!   I was drinking enough water, and had problems with the IV, so they took it out a little early. I kind of missed having the IV pole to lean on, but did end up walking outside in the front of the hospital in my robe. It felt good to be outside in the fresh air. From then on, when I took my hourly walk, I made a 'full circuit'.  

Today was all about getting in the fluids. There really is a fine art to it, and every person has to figure out their own way of doing it. Trial and error.   Mid-afternoon, I was given a glass full of incredibly dark blue fluid- apple juice with Methylene blue dye in it. Time for the 'leak test'. Lucy said I only had to drink half, but when Dr. Campos came in, he told me to stick out my tongue, and it wasn't blue enough. sigh. I had to finish the whoooole glass. (see the 'Gecko Woman' picture :) That's a lot of fluid when you're just building up to that. But that's all it was. It's a test to see if you have an abdominal leak- if you're leaking, it'll come out in the drainage bag (it didn't)  

I was feeling uncomfortable- passing a little gas (Dr. Aceves will ask) but not much, and generally feeling stopped up. That may seem like 'TMI' (too much information) but it does matter when you're experiencing it! I was told by Christopher that it would be taken care of tomorrow. . . I didn't really know what that meant at the time (see Day Four)

You'll get another tray of juices and tea at lunch and dinner. If you want more bottled water just ask the staff.  

A shower is a nice idea. Even though you're a bit weak there's a chair in the shower, there's a showerhead hose, and it feels really good. You have to let the water run a looooong time but it does eventually get hot. Let your nurse know, he/she will bring towels, and they'll change your bedding while you're showering. Nothing like climbing into a freshly made bed when you're all squeaky clean :)  I was able to get a good nap after that, and started feeling I was getting back my strength. My mother said I was 'getting my color back'.  

This is the night my mother spent at the Lucerna Hotel, so she could rest well. I slept much better this evening, and could get up and down fairly easily on my own. 

The cafeteria at the Almater Hospital is very small, near the front of the hospital, but VERY good, and inexpensive. My mother really liked the food there- mexican, of course! but they do serve eggs for breakfast, and serve nice, homemade frijoles with every meal. She highly recommends the food there! I obviously didn't get to try it. . . .but it smelled really good! They will do 'to go', so your companion can bring it back to your room.