Carolyn D.

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OK - I have been avoiding saying it or believing it but I have gained about 15 pounds.  Most of it since my Hysterectomy in November, but my numbers were in flux before that.  So now is the time to do something about it - denial no longer.  My goal is to loose these pounds before my 1/2 Marathon at the end of October.  That works out to 3-4 pounds a month as I would be happy with losing 12 of them.

A few small changes I can make should do it -
1.  limit the sugar free, decaf coffee to 1 or 2 cups a day (some days I think I have 10 of them - and even though they are sugar free, they are not calorie free.  60 Cal (or more depending on how big my spoon-full is) per each can really add up.
2.  stay away from the peanut butter filled pretzels from Costco!!!!!  They are addicting and even though they do have some protein - they have WAY to many carbs.
3. snack on fruit/greek yogurt - even though a 200 cal protein bar is much easier, quicker and tastier. (ok is that even a word)
4.  WATCH PORTION SIZES. (3 years after RNY I can eat a lot more food, I need to really focus on small portions).
5. and of course work out!  Run Run Run!

Everything going well.  I have to say... I did have 2 homemade chocolate chip cookies (made by Nikolas all by himself.. the first time ever... hence the excuse to try them :-(    and they made me feel HORRIBLE.  A good reminder that our bodies are not made to digest sugar/carbs.  Other than my divergence.... I feel great.  Had great energy at yoga and running.  I have a 6 mile run on Saturday and am looking forward to continuing my healthy eating to fuel my body for my 1/2 marathon in September.

I look forward to hitting the scale tomorrow to see the final 5 days results!

On another note...  I say my urologist on Monday and am going to schedule a pelvic lift and hysterectomy for October.  Going to take care of 2 problems at once and hopefully be done with surgery forever!!!!!

Weighed myself this morning - down 6 pounds - Holy Crap!  I would  say that day 1 & 2 were very successful!  Day 3 - going pretty well.

All is going well so far!  I am actually enjoying liquids again.  Made some great vanilla/coffee protein shakes, and have been enjoying SF pudding.  Why did I ever stop making that stuff!

Not hungry - and started to feel full half way through this afternoons protein shake.  Drank half and then had to go back for the other half later.  Now that is a feeling that I really like ;-)

Bought some canned tuna, tilapia and salmon for the next 3 days.  God I love fish!  AND I have my first zucchini of the season that will be ripe just about when I finish up my 5 days.  Looking forward to some fresh home grown veggies!

I am going to hit the scale tomorrow morning.

I have been at or lower than goal for 1 1/2 years...  I have to say that for the first 2 years - I did not cheat (well except for the few GS thin mints in summer 2).  But in the last few months, I have been "experimenting" with some different foods.  Ok lets say it straight - I have been eating - carbs, carbs and more carbs.  Well the last 2 weeks - somehow the pressures of having a house-full of kids, my FIL fighting cancer, and my experimentation with carbs - became a complete carb/sugar binge.  I really felt out of control for the first time since surgery.  

It really hit me hard as I was sitting at my desk with a bowl of cheetos (ok it was really my second bowl)-  my daughter came up to me and said what are you doing with a disgusted look on her face.  Thankfully she took the cheetos away.  It was a very to have her look at me that way.  She has been so proud of me over the last 2 years and I hate to disappoint her.  More than that, I have disappointed myself. 

Well instead of beating myself up - I decided to make some changes.  It just so happens that a great friend of mine, Maryn, posted that she was doing the 5 day pouch test.  I have heard about the 5 day pouch test and we have talked about it in group meetings, but I have never felt that I needed it until now.

So today was day 1 - liquid protein all day.  I feel great - much better than I have since I started eating carbs.  I feel  in control again - I feel motivated to get rid of the pounds I have gained.  Which after all the salt from the last few days is 13 pounds from my low and 8 pounds above goal. 

I honestly never thought that "I" would ever be above my goal again.  I am looking forward to feeling my tool once again and listening to my pouch. 

I have learned (once again) that carbs and I do  not get along.  I have believed from the beginning that the only carbs I need to eat are fruits, legumes and veggies.  I am going to keep with that physiology once I have done with the 5 day pouch test to keep my weight under my goal and in control.

Hey Friends,

A new post op support group is starting in San Jose - 1st & 3rd Monday.

Cathedral of Faith church on Canoas Garden Ave at Curtner Ave (1 block west of hwy 87.)  We will meet in the Family Life Center in Room 132.

Cost $5

Leader ~ Maryn Eisenhart, BU-BC              Certified Bariatric Coach from Bariatric University

Gather your bari friends and let's support each other through our journeys!!!! 

Hello Bari Friends!

I was at the farmers market the other day (Friday's at ST Kaiser) and one of the vendors was selling hummus.  After talking to him for a while about the process of how the hummus was made, what was in the hummus, etc I decided to try a few samples (I did not eat any of the pita bread, but tried quite a few varieties of hummus). 

Now - lets get this straight - before WLS I HATED garbanzo beans and totally disliked hummus - yuck.  OMG this stuff was totally awesome!!!  The company is Mediterranean Foods out of San Bruno- their hummus is smooth, creamy and made with organic ingredients.  They use very little oil in the hummus so it is low in calories, averaging 30-50 per ounce (not necessarily true for all hummus so watch out if buying store bought).  Because Hummus is made with garbanzo beans (chickpeas) - it is high in protein and high in fiber and I know that I for sure can always use a little extra fiber in my life!

So I decided to forgo my salad dressing on my lunch salad and added the hummus instead - So tasty and very satisfying.

If you have not tried hummus since WLS - give it a try.  You will be amazed how your tastes have changed!  You can check this company out at various farmers markets - check their site to find a farmers market near you. http://www.homecook.me/mediterraneanf

This would be a good dip/ safe dip to have out at Thanksgiving with some fresh veggies.  Maybe even a nice, easy stuffed grape tomato appetizer.  Set yourself up for success this holiday week!

To learn more about hummus and get some recipes you can check out  -  http://mideastfood.about.com/od/hummusrecipes/a/humus_caloric.htm

Happy Hummusing!
Carolyn

The Bathroom Mirror

 

I saw a shadow long and lean

Somehow that shadow was attached to me

The bathroom mirror does not lie

It still shows the fat girl on the outside

 

The calves on the wall are strong and firm

I wish those were mine but I cannot be sure

The bathroom mirror does not lie

My calves are fat those are not mine

 

My daughter’s arms circle my waist

She’s proud as I look at her face

The bathroom mirror does not lie

A fat mom is still on the outside

 

The jeans on the bed are small indeed

They hang in my closest waiting for me

The bathroom mirror does not lie

A single digit is not my size

 

The shop window reflects an image of me

Tall and thin I appear to be

The bathroom mirror does not lie

A fat girl waits deep inside

 

The bones reflect how thin I’ve become

From ankle to chest they show I am done

The bathroom mirror does not lie

The bones do not matter look at those thighs

 

The man looks approving as I walk by

His eyes twinkle as he smiles

The bathroom mirror does not lie

This fat girl would not catch his eye

 

The goal came and went

Where did I go?

The bathroom mirror does not lie

It still shows the fat girl hiding inside

 

There is a traitor in my house!

Last night I went to my my weight loss support group meeting.  I have missed the last couple of months due to Scott being at Les's house for his cancer surgery.  I really needed this meeting.  I went to the meeting feeling very unmotivated and was looking for a pick me up.  I have been very depressed lately and wanted some good energy.   The meeting was about Resolution vs Intention a good topic for me since I had already blown my resolution to walk the dogs EVERYDAY.  During the discussion the question was asked "what brings you joy?"  I was shocked to realize that NOTHING was currently bringing me joy.  I had all the right answers in my head.. family, dogs, husband, sex, friends, drawing, sewing, painting, working on the house,  etc but upon closer examination I realized that NONE of these things were CURRENTLY bringing me joy.  I did not have the DESIRE to do any of them.  This was startling to me.  I have struggled with depression for many years (probably my whole life) and am taking an anti-depressant along with my hoards of vitamins.  My doctor increased my anti-depressant in the fall because I simply did not want to get out of bed, and often chose to spend the day laying in bed. Well I have been getting up everyday and going through the motions of life.  Going to the gym, taking care of the kids, getting the laundry done, etc  but I am not getting any joy out of it.  After talking to my hubby last night and seriously evaluating my feelings, I was even more surprised to realized that I am feeling NOTHING.  Not joy, not sadness, not anger, not accomplishment, not pride...  I did not even feel anything when I was in a small fender bender the other day (that was totally my fault).  Obviously this is of great concern to me.  I want to live a life of joy and passion.  I want to FEEL everything, good and bad.

Is this just the winter blahs?  The holidays? The coming anniversary of my mom passing - 3 years on the 19th.  Do I need an adjustment of meds or a change?  I am thinking that maybe therapy might be a good idea. 

I am going to monitor my feelings, desires closely to see if I can figure this out.  I have the Intention of feeling joyful.  And I have decided that the first step in this might be to fake it until I make it.  I am going to start doing the things that I know have brought me joy and feelings of accomplishment in the past.

Today I am not going to let depression get the best of me.

Today I am going to:
Get up at 7:50  *
Go to Yoga  *
Take my dogs for a walk *
Take a shower *
Wear something pretty *
Do my make up*
Call a friend *
Write a blog about my feelings *
Help my kids with their homework
Make a nice dinner
Have sex with my hubby

I am not going to worry about tomorrow or the next day.  I am just going to live for right now and try to enjoy my day.

I am very happy to be 6 pounds below my goal - current weight 149 (lost 125).  I have no intention of losing any more weight and will be happy to stay under 155 which was/is my goal.  Struggling with the "desire" to continue losing even though I know this is a good weight for me.  What I really need to do is to work on toning my muscles.  I was going to the gym pretty regularly before the holidays and took the 2 weeks off while we were gone.... bad move - it was like starting ALL over again on Monday when I hit the treadmill.  Not sure I will be able to move tomorrow after yoga today.  My loose skin is starting to bother me.  I really did not think I would be so vain but it really is unflattering when I am in the buff.

I am experimenting with some new foods - trying to get more fruits and veggies into my diet. Last night I made Sweet & Sour Shrimp - that was made with unsweetened canned peaches (in water), rather than pineapple.  Very yummy.  Though over the holidays I did try some old holiday favorites - trifle, cookies and jello salad.  The trifle did not taste as good as I remember it and left a bad aftertaste in my mouth - though Ironically I still wanted more?  The cookies (peanut butter) were REALLY good and I overindulged.   My kids hate the traditional jello salad made by my family, but I love it.  I am going to experiment with making a healthier sugar free version :-)  This was my first attempt at anything that was not on my plan.  I was really hoping that I WOULD dump but unfortunately, I did not.  It is nice to know that I can have an occasional treat but I almost wish that I would have had the experience of dumping for my little experiment.  Now is when will power is going to have to come into play.  The good thing is that I tried these items, out of town, not at my house.  My house is still a safety zone for me and will continue to be so.