want2bethin4me
*OCTOBER 14Th, 2006*
I have struggled with weight since middle school. When I was younger, I was the little chubby girl who was so darn cute (so i was told). As I approached high school, that is when I really had a hard time accepting my weight. I remember feeling like no one will ever like me as a girlfriend. Here all my friends had boyfriends or males who were interested in them where ever we went. I remember roller skating and when the couple skate was announced, it seemed like I was the only one without someone to skate with.
While in high school I struggled with making my self throw up with over the counter poison control medicine. It worked for a while then my parents caught on. But by the time I hit my senior year, i was thin but did not think so. I was was still feeling insecure. Still no steady boyfriend but 1 or 2 males who could have been. When It can to senior prom, no one asked me to go. I went with my best friend. That did a lot for my self esteem. I remember crying and feeling so fat and alone.
Well during college and early adult years the weight started coming on. Yet I met the man of my life, Greg. He loved me for me though I could not understand why. Two years after we met we married. Still not believing that it was finally happening. But remember thinking "Why am I not overjoyed with happiness?" It was my wedding day yet I felt so self concious. And after my wedding, the weight kept coming on.
We decided to try to have a family right away. After my 1st miscarriage and 2 years later, I saw 3 doctor's. Finally I was diagnosised with PCOS. FINALLY a reason for the weight gain, right? Well it doesnt help that is for sure. After hearing over and over "You need to lose some weight and then you will find that you will be able to concieve".. HELLO DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE TRIED???????... After 2 miscarriages and the loss of my twin son's, we finally had a baby girl after 4 years of fertility treatments. YEY!!!! She is my world and life... Which leads me to now....
I decided to have weight loss surgery in April of 2006. I have thought about it for years but never researched or talked about it until then. My daughter at this point was 7 months old. The weight I lost after her was coming back on triple... In May I started my process and here I am in October 2006 waiting on a surgery date.
The reasoning behind my surgery being delayed is the fact I have been a smoker for years...... I have to quit before they will even schedule my surgery.. I have gone from a pack a day to 1,2 or even none in 3 weeks. I AM ALMOST THERE:) Hopefully by next week I can take my nicotine test and have a date. I will keep you posted...
