Veraj
Down in the Dumps~
Mar 18, 2007
Well by now I should have been in post- op recovery...3 days out. But the insurance stopped the surgery by refusal to pay...looking for that "pre-existing condition". Seems that good business sense on thier part would be take care of the issue so that they do not have to pay more in the long run.
It has not been easy to accept that I will have to continue to walk with this weight and that I will continue to have the pain I do for another 3 months. But I am a keeper of the faith and know in my heart that God shuts doors for a reason and maybe he forseen something that was not going to be a good thing for me...so I will wait with a patient heart as much as humanly possible and rely on him for that which I am unable to do.
This emotional roller coaster ride has caused me some emotional eating and a weight gain of quite a few pounds...why do I sabbotage myself like this?
Pressing on....
The Journey Begins...
Feb 12, 2007
February 12, 2007
The journey actually began last year in June of 2006...looking into having the surgery...filling out requests to have the surgery...begging insurance to approve the surgery...jumping through the hoops to have the surgery...then waiting for the response I wanted to hear...
It took until February of 2007 for the insurance to approve...now the fear sets in.
I have for the last 10 years spoken harshly to myself everytime I have had to move from a chair to the bathroom or a chair to go to work..."I hate myself, I am so fat, God why won't you help me?" I had lost hope and resigned myself to being fat the rest of my life....having no life...
The easiest tasks have become extrememly hard for me...walking, breathing, bathing, cutting toe nails, and many other personal issues that a person wouldn't blog...
But now I have some glimmer of hope since being approved for the RNY to take place in one month! I also have great fear...as everyone I have ever spoken to that has had this done...so I just need to place my faith in God rather than focus on me and my fear...maybe had I done that years ago with this issue I would not have been questioning Him in the first place. I know he allows us to make choices and Lord knows the choices I had picked put me into this situation...
And so the journey begins...Count down to victory!
March 23,2007
New date set for the surgery... June 21st! Another 3 months and another lesson in patience not to mention carrying this fat around and feeling like crap...But I know I will feel better by Christmas of 2007 if all goes well! Pressing on!
