TwistedCherry
Got a date, but I am not happy
May 30, 2008
I got the okay from my insurence the very first time they asked for it. I asked to have July 7th, and I got that too. Today I had my treadmill stress test, that was definitly strange, but I did well.
Tomorrow night, I have my overnight sleep study. Then, everything will be done, complete, and ready. Its just up to us to save the 2K for BASS, and to make sure I lose the weight. I haven't weighed myself at the hospital, but according to my scale, I am down to 333. That is down9 lbs. Not sure if I really trust my scale, but hey, even if that one is down just a few, then I must have lost. Doesnt have to be exaclt accurate, as long as its going down, and not up. I havent tried to lose any weight. I have just tried to eat less. I should start walking, that will make it come off much faster.
The only problem I am having is the money. Money is so bad for us right now! Like I am worried about losing the house, and my car, bad. My husband keeps trying to tell me to not worry, but I am scared to death. I am actually not wanting to eat. Part of me hates that, and is scared about that. I never know what to do if I am not eating. But this time, I am just going to go with the flow and not eat. I have been drinking more water too. Not sure if that really helps?
I just want this to happen. I want to know that I will be able to pay for it. I want to know that we will be okay. I am so stressed, its not even real.
Ever just want to fast forward through life because your just tired? You partly just wanna see that we are going to be okay, that I will have the surgery, and just to be able to relax. To enjoy this time. Not to stress out so much about it.
Tomorrow night, I have my overnight sleep study. Then, everything will be done, complete, and ready. Its just up to us to save the 2K for BASS, and to make sure I lose the weight. I haven't weighed myself at the hospital, but according to my scale, I am down to 333. That is down9 lbs. Not sure if I really trust my scale, but hey, even if that one is down just a few, then I must have lost. Doesnt have to be exaclt accurate, as long as its going down, and not up. I havent tried to lose any weight. I have just tried to eat less. I should start walking, that will make it come off much faster.
The only problem I am having is the money. Money is so bad for us right now! Like I am worried about losing the house, and my car, bad. My husband keeps trying to tell me to not worry, but I am scared to death. I am actually not wanting to eat. Part of me hates that, and is scared about that. I never know what to do if I am not eating. But this time, I am just going to go with the flow and not eat. I have been drinking more water too. Not sure if that really helps?
I just want this to happen. I want to know that I will be able to pay for it. I want to know that we will be okay. I am so stressed, its not even real.
Ever just want to fast forward through life because your just tired? You partly just wanna see that we are going to be okay, that I will have the surgery, and just to be able to relax. To enjoy this time. Not to stress out so much about it.
Progress, slow but steady
May 14, 2008
So, I had a minor set back last week. I met with the surgeon, and found out I actually gained 4 lbs.. 
I was told I have to lose a total of 17 lbs for the surgery. Which is fine, if I actually really put my mind to it, I can do it. Infact, I would love to lose 20lbs just to get to an even amount. It would be just so much better for me anyway. Every pound off is much better for me, for my surgery. I am very ansious right now because I am waiting to hear about the insurance authorization. Its hard for me to not call "just to see" whats happening there. *sigh
I have my Endoscopy tomorrow. I am scared to death about that, but, for different reasons. I need to get this done, the EKG, and the Pulmonary, and then just save the $$$$$. I want this done and over with so I can start my life. I just want out of my fat suit so bad. I went to a support meeting at the hospital over the weekend, and was just so inspired to have this done. Some people had lost 70lbs in 3 months, thats INSANE!!
I keep thinking, if I lose 20, that will take me to 324, and 70 on top of that will take me down to 254. Now, that sounds like alot still, but its damn near 100 lbs off my body, and that is soooo much. If I could lose 150 lbs I would be so happy. The way I am built, I dont look huge, I carry it well. I am toned and tight, and little framed. So, even if I weigh 150 or 180 I will look little. I know I will feel so happy, so healthy.
I cant wait to ride horses again. Not just hop on, and walk around, and then get off out of guilt. I want to get on and ride and ride and ride for hours. I want to ride with people, and have fun. I want to know my horse can carry me, and not feel like Im hurting him.
I cant wait! I really need this, and want this.
I was told I have to lose a total of 17 lbs for the surgery. Which is fine, if I actually really put my mind to it, I can do it. Infact, I would love to lose 20lbs just to get to an even amount. It would be just so much better for me anyway. Every pound off is much better for me, for my surgery. I am very ansious right now because I am waiting to hear about the insurance authorization. Its hard for me to not call "just to see" whats happening there. *sighI have my Endoscopy tomorrow. I am scared to death about that, but, for different reasons. I need to get this done, the EKG, and the Pulmonary, and then just save the $$$$$. I want this done and over with so I can start my life. I just want out of my fat suit so bad. I went to a support meeting at the hospital over the weekend, and was just so inspired to have this done. Some people had lost 70lbs in 3 months, thats INSANE!!
I keep thinking, if I lose 20, that will take me to 324, and 70 on top of that will take me down to 254. Now, that sounds like alot still, but its damn near 100 lbs off my body, and that is soooo much. If I could lose 150 lbs I would be so happy. The way I am built, I dont look huge, I carry it well. I am toned and tight, and little framed. So, even if I weigh 150 or 180 I will look little. I know I will feel so happy, so healthy.I cant wait to ride horses again. Not just hop on, and walk around, and then get off out of guilt. I want to get on and ride and ride and ride for hours. I want to ride with people, and have fun. I want to know my horse can carry me, and not feel like Im hurting him.
I cant wait! I really need this, and want this.
Its nothing huge, but its still upsetting
Apr 24, 2008
I got an email from the nurse from the WLS center, and she had to reschedule my surgeon appointment. Its only for a week later, but Ive already been counting down the days, and it just seems frustrating.
I am really hoping that this is just one set back, that it means nothing, and that really there is a good reason.
i went to the Chiropractors today, and he was just amazed at how messed up my back was. He cant even adjust me due to the knots, and how tight my mucles are cramped up. Come to find out, hes a WLS patient who went through the same procedure, same place, a few years back. He looks great, and says its the best thing hes ever done! Made me smile, till he started manipulating me..lol
Between school, money, and wondering if I will have this surgery or not, its no wonder my back is as bad as it is. I hope that between him, and the WLS everything will be much better given time!
I am really hoping that this is just one set back, that it means nothing, and that really there is a good reason.
i went to the Chiropractors today, and he was just amazed at how messed up my back was. He cant even adjust me due to the knots, and how tight my mucles are cramped up. Come to find out, hes a WLS patient who went through the same procedure, same place, a few years back. He looks great, and says its the best thing hes ever done! Made me smile, till he started manipulating me..lol
Between school, money, and wondering if I will have this surgery or not, its no wonder my back is as bad as it is. I hope that between him, and the WLS everything will be much better given time!
I am doing really well at getting my family on the track to bei
Apr 17, 2008
So, I have gotten my husband to switch to 2% milk, (its gonna be a while before I can accomplish the 1%), Splenda, and grain breads. Plus now hes taking healthier snacks to work. I am buying more fruit, and less snacks for the house for the kids.
I am not trying to get them to be health nuts by any means, but I figgure if I do for sure have this WLS, we all need to be on the same page. It would be too expensive to shop for them, and then myself once I am 3 months, even 6 months post op. By then, I hope that we all have adopted and learned how to eat healthier.
I am having a problem losing the diet soda though. A few years back I switched from Coke to Diet Dr. Pepper. In my meeting a few weeks back, I learned that the dark sodas interfere with calcium absorption. I know sodas are bad anyway on many levels. And that I wont be able to drink ANY after my surgery. So, I am drinking more 'allowed' drinks like Crystal Lite and sugar free Kool-aid. But I couldnt help it, I had to buy some kind of soda today, and bought diet 7-Up.
I will get there, eventually. One small step at a time, right.
I see my regular Dr. tomorrow for my physical, and my back. I am in alot of pain, and these darn perscriptions from the ER on Monday are not even touching my back. I am popping them like candy, and I sware my back doesnt feel any better, but in my mind, I am taking a pain pill, and it has to work!
Maybe she can give me something more effective that I wont have to take all the time? Just once, or maybe twice, and it just might work!!!
I am not trying to get them to be health nuts by any means, but I figgure if I do for sure have this WLS, we all need to be on the same page. It would be too expensive to shop for them, and then myself once I am 3 months, even 6 months post op. By then, I hope that we all have adopted and learned how to eat healthier.
I am having a problem losing the diet soda though. A few years back I switched from Coke to Diet Dr. Pepper. In my meeting a few weeks back, I learned that the dark sodas interfere with calcium absorption. I know sodas are bad anyway on many levels. And that I wont be able to drink ANY after my surgery. So, I am drinking more 'allowed' drinks like Crystal Lite and sugar free Kool-aid. But I couldnt help it, I had to buy some kind of soda today, and bought diet 7-Up.
I will get there, eventually. One small step at a time, right.I see my regular Dr. tomorrow for my physical, and my back. I am in alot of pain, and these darn perscriptions from the ER on Monday are not even touching my back. I am popping them like candy, and I sware my back doesnt feel any better, but in my mind, I am taking a pain pill, and it has to work!
Maybe she can give me something more effective that I wont have to take all the time? Just once, or maybe twice, and it just might work!!!
Pretty fast, still not fast enough
Apr 16, 2008
So, we got our new insurance last month. So far, out of 7, possibly 8 steps, I have completed 3 in less than 3 weeks. My health insurance has been verified, I had attended the Pre-operative class at John Muir, and by an extreme amount of luck got an appointment that same day for the psychological Evaluation. I have my consultation with the surgeon on the 29th of this month. And on the 18th of this month, (on the 18th) I have my physical with my primary care doctor.
I am really anxious. Twice now, I have started this, and twice, it just fizzled out. I can litterally feel my body start to give out within the last week. My right knee has been hurting, and I was diagnosed with arthritis last week. 3 days ago, my back has started to lock up and sieze on me. The amount of pain is unreal, and I am still in the middle of school. Finals start next week, and I dont eve know if I can do this? The weight needs to go. I need to be free of this pressure, this weight, this pain. I dont want another back surgery, I refuse to have that. I pray with everything I have that the surgeon okays me. I dont know why he wouldnt, but I am just in the mindset of being negative. I am just waiting for something to happen, for it to not happen, and for me to accept my fate of dieing in this fat body.
I am really anxious. Twice now, I have started this, and twice, it just fizzled out. I can litterally feel my body start to give out within the last week. My right knee has been hurting, and I was diagnosed with arthritis last week. 3 days ago, my back has started to lock up and sieze on me. The amount of pain is unreal, and I am still in the middle of school. Finals start next week, and I dont eve know if I can do this? The weight needs to go. I need to be free of this pressure, this weight, this pain. I dont want another back surgery, I refuse to have that. I pray with everything I have that the surgeon okays me. I dont know why he wouldnt, but I am just in the mindset of being negative. I am just waiting for something to happen, for it to not happen, and for me to accept my fate of dieing in this fat body.
