tsimon
11/21/05 This could be described as the true first day of my journey. In my session with my therapist that I have been seeing off and on for 10 years, she revealed that she has been doing psych evals for potential WLS candidates for about 6 months. She and I have had such a great relationship and she knows me so well that she recognizes that the weight is the last obstacle that I have to overcome in order to fully become the person that I am and that I want to be.
Her revelation has given me the strength to explore the surgery issue further.
11/29/05 I had an appointment with regular doctor and because of therapist I had the courage to bring up the issue of WLS with my PCP. To my amazement, she is totally suportive! I thought I would have to convince her that it was the best option for me, but she completely agreed and has referred me to the program at Alta Bates Summit Medical Center.
The next step is for me to attend an information seminar at Alta Bates Summit. The next available date is in January. The waiting begins!!!!
1/13/06 - The holidays were very pleasant for me, but I could hardly wait for them to be over and for January to come. I attended the informational seminar today. My best friend, who had duodenal switch in late 2000, went with me. I am so glad to have her support. She asked questions that I wouldn't have of.
As far as support goes, I was very pleasantly suprised at the response from my sister when I told her I was thinking about getting the surgery. She said she was sooooo happy because she had thought it would be a good idea for me, but didn't want to say anything until I did. She has wanted me to do if for a while and said she will be there to suport me in anyway she can. I love her and my best friend so much!
1/31/06 All the paperwork has been faxed to the surgeon's office to initiate the consultation. I had to submit a 2 week log of my eating and exercising. Now I am waiting to get the appointment.
2/8/06 I had my first consultation with Dr. Kazantsev. The nurses in the office are wonderful! They have both had the surgery and really understand me. Dr. Kazantsev was okay. I didn't feel like he saw me as an individual but I have every confidence in his ability. He gave me the nod to continue to pursue the surgery, though. So now I have to do more of the pre-op "tasks".
My sister went with me and I felt closer to her than I have in a while. She was really present for me, not just wrapped up in herself like she can be sometimes. She is going to be a great cheerleader for me.
3/1/06 I have now done my psych evaluation with my own therapist. It was a wonderful experience. I have seeing her off and on for about 10 years and she knows me so well. It was a session with her last Novemberr that got me to take action about my WLS. She informed me that she was doing psych evals. It opened the door for me to step through. I hadn't even realized how much I was subconciously thinking about having the surgery.
I have also met with the dietician. She, too was so supportive. Gave me lots of good info and a path to follow.
Attended one support group so far and am looking forward to going again.
So I am now down to 3 more "tasks" before surgery. I have to do my ultrasound on my gallbladder, an endoscopy and a sleep study. I can not wait until I get my surgery date, but don't know if that will be better or not. Then I will anxiously wait for that day.
The anticipation is killing me!
3/7/06 I just got a call from the sleep study office and they have a cancellation for Thursday 3/9. I jumped on it! That means that I will have all the "tasks" done to set consultation with Surgeon and hopefully, set the date for surgery!!!!!
Maybe my desire for a date of 4/17/06 can be a reality.
I am starting to try different protein products to get prepared for post-op diet. I also, everyday, feel that I am becoming more mentally prepared for what to expect post-op, particulary when I reading the messageboards and profiles on OH. It is such a personal way to learn about the WLS experience.
I am trying, though, to get to execising....
3/8/06 Okay, I read over the stories of the people on the memorials list and got a bit freaked out. I was not facing the real possibility of death. With my personal experience though, I don't believe that I will have any complications. It seems to me that those who lost their lives had serious other health issues and co-morbidities. I do not have serious health issues although I do now have diabetes and high blood pressure. But these problems are the reason I am having the surgery.
The thought of my children losing me after all that they have lost in their lives is unbearably painful...not for me, but for them. Their father is completely absent from their lives. He is an addict and an alcoholic. He very, very rarely even attempts to contact them.
We also lost my dear niece, their cousin, in 1999. She was 5 years old and was hit by a hit-and-run driver. My children were very close to her and it was a deep loss for all of us.
So I am my children's rock, the one constant in their lives that they can depend on. I could not bear to leave them alone.
But on the other hand, they are my reason for wanting this surgery. I want to live a long healthy life with them. I want to ride bikes, hike, run, play soccer and enjoy life with them. I want to see them grow to be adults and have children of their own.
So, I think that is more important than my fleeting fear.
There are more success stories than not and I will be a success story.
March 13, 2006 Yesterday was a day that I really wanted to be on the "losing side". My son's basketball team went roller skating for their end of the season party. A few of the parents skated and I really wish I was one of them. I was too scared and I know that it would have been very hard for me to get up if I fell. It reitereated how much I want to be physically fit so that I can enjoy moments like the one yesterday.
On Friday, 3/10, I had my ultrasound of my gallbladder (stone still there since 1999) and my endoscopy. My oldest daughter took me for the tests because I was sedated during the endoscopy. I don't remember a thing!
On Thursday, 3/9, I went for a consult at the sleep study center. I have to go spend the night and then have a follow-up. That is all I have left on the "list." Unfortunately, the sleep center is booked up and my follow-up isn't until 5/4....ugh...I was really trying to get surgery in April. Hopefully, there will be cancellations.
Will keep my fingers crossed. I am scheduled to spend the night for sleep study on 3/24...
3/14/06-Okay, I am a little discouraged right now. I just spoke to the Dr's office and they are currently scheduling surgeries in the 3rd week of May. I was hoping for April 17 so that I could have the first week post-op with my children gone for Easter vacation. Oh well...
The only thing I have to complete at this point is the sleep study and they are so booked, I don't have my follow-up until 5/4! I will keep praying for cancellations.
The psych eval and the nutritionist report haven't been submitted either. My therapist will send a letter indicating that I am recommended and I am waiting for the nutritionist to return my call.
I am trying to be patient, but I am so anxious to start my "new life."
3/16/06-I am so ready to have WLS and now it is in the hands of the doctor's office to schedule my date. I still have to have my sleep study done and the soonest I could get in is 3/24. I guess I won't get a date until after that so I am probably looking at late May or early June.
My nutritionist sent me an e-mail asking about what supplements I am taking now. She needed that to complete her report and then said she would be faxing it to doctor's office.
I am really beginning to mentally prepare for the surgery. I am focusing on getting used to protein drinks and plannning what food I need to buy for my first few weeks out of surgery. I want to do everything right so that I stay healthy and feel good.
3/17/06 As I was responding to a post on the message board my mind expanded to some insight into me and weight issues so I thougt I would include my comments here, too.
I have many of the same issues others here have. I was raised on a fatty, sugary American diet. I was a normal size until puberty and when I "rounded" out at that time my father and brothers teased me cruelly, calling me names, etc. Unfortunately, I did not have an alternative support system to tell me I was just fine the way I was. My mom offered food to comfort my hurt feelings rather than helping me learn to like and defend myself (she didn't know any better either). It became a vicious circle. People teased me and called me fat names and I ate to soothe the hurt feelings because I did not know how to cope with the hurt feelings.
For many years I have let what others think of me control my weight gain and weight loss. At one time I lost 60lbs on Weight Watchers (but needed to loss at least another 50 to make goal). Again the only comments I got from my father was to watch every thing I put in my mouth and tell me over and over again that I would put the weight back on. Needless to say, I did and then some.
But what I have discovered finally, is that I like who I am. I like the person that is me. I have so much to offer to the world but feel that I am often not taken seriously because of my weight. My epiphany is that I have hidden my self behind the weight because of my feelings of inadequacy and now that I realize how truly intelligent, funny, compassionate, and delightful I am, I do not want to hide behind my body anymore. I want the rest of the world to see me as I truly am, not just as the fat girl.
March 27, 2006-I completed my sleep study Friday night. It wasn't too bad, but of course I don't think I slept as well as I do at home. I had a hard time falling asleep...oh well.
My surgeon's office has all of the other reports and results, so the sleep study should be the last one. Hopefully, then we can start to discuss a date!!! I don't like to pester them, but DeAngela has been so incredibly patient with all my phone calls....so I will follow up later this week to see where we are.
I keep trying to get my mindset into losing the 10% so that when I get to the doctor's office there will be no hesitation in scheduling my date. For some reason, I am having a hard time and it is making feel that maybe I am not ready for this life changing surgery. But yet I want it so badly!
Today is Monday, so I am starting off a brand new week. I have been trying to fina a certain protein shake, Optisource, that my nutritionis told me about. I haven't been able to find it at Walgreen's or GNC like it's website says and I hate to order a large quantity on-line in case I do not like it. But now I am beginning to understand that I am stalling.
4-12-06 I heard from the sleep study doctor's office. They are faxing the report to my surgeon and PCP today. I think this will be it and now we can set the date!!!!!!!!! I want to call right now!!, but I will try to be patient and not bug them anymore...yeah right! My co-worker who had the surgery 2 months ago is back at work and she is doing wonderful. She looks healthy, thinner and happier. She has had no complications so far. I hope I have a similar experience.
I am going to call Dr. Kazantsev's office later. DeAngela Banks has been so patient with me when I call. I really appreciate her.
4-13-06 Okay, here we go. I just got a call from DeAngela and the doctor gave the go ahead to request authorization from the insurance...keeping my fingers crossed now!!!!!
4-19-06 I am trying to be patient...it's hard.
4-24-06 It is Monday morning. I missed the call from DeAngela at Dr K's office on Friday afternoon. I had a message on my cell and my home phones. I tried to put it all out of my head over the weekend...but of course I had to call first thing this morning. DeAngela said I have been approved!!!!! O my god, this is really going to happen. I feel like crying I am so happy (can't cry though because I just finished putting my makeup on). DeAngela said she will be calling back in a little while when she is scheduling. I am really going to have a date by the end of today...I can't believe it.
Same day, a few minutes later....I forgot to mention that DeAngela confirmed that Blue Shield of Ca authorized the surgery. Just a minor detail I forgot to add!!!! It has been easy for me from an insurance perspective. I have not dealt with them at all so far. I read others' stories of denial and struggles with insurance authorization that I feel truly lucky.
May Day, 5/1/06- Another month has begun and by the time the next one rolls around I will be only a few days away from my surgery. Almost all of my thoughts are on my surgery. I am running over in my head all of things I need to do and foods I need to prepare.
Then I realized that my surgery is 4 days before my daughter's big 16th birthday party. She and my oldest daughter have been planning this for a year. It's going to be at our house for about 50 teenagers (ugh) with a DJ, etc...Both girls promised me a long time ago that they would do everything for the party.
See I am not very comfortable with having parties. I am not sure what it is all about, but I am hesitant because I can never afford to do it as well as I think I should. I am just sure that everyone will talk about how bad it was, how they didn't have enough food and drink, etc...I have always been really bad about my children's birthday parties and I do feel guilty about that. But I j ust have never been able to get beyond it.
I think it most likely stems from several things in my childhood. My birthday is 2 days before Christmas so I never had birthday parties. My mom always said it wouldn't be right to ask people to get me a birthday present so close to Christmas. I remember one time, though, we planned a party for me. I don't know, maybe I was 5 or 6. Anyway, we must have invited about 6 girls or so and from my recollection no one showed up. Guess that explains a lot. I only have a vague recollection of it, but my subconcious must hold it close.
Also, as I was growing up my parents did very little entertaining other than my grandparents, Uncle and Aunt and cousins. Mostly from my dad's side of the family. VERY VERY rarely did anyone ever just drop in to visit and if they did, you could feel my parents tension, especially my mom.
So anyway back to the surgery issue. when I realized how close I was to the party, my first reaction was I am going through with the surgery no matter what. My second reaction was this is a very big occasion for Courtney so maybe I could ask to put it out a week. So I talked to both Courtney and Frances. They both assured me that they will do everything and that I shouldn't postpone my surgery. So I really, really want this to be a wonderful time for Courtney.
5-4-06
I got a call today from Dr. K's office and DeAngela said that there had been a cancellation and I could have my surgery on 5/30/06. I jumped on it!!!! I'm going to start my new life this month!
May 8, 2006
I am in utter conflict right now. I am trying to decide if I should arrange my surgery date to fit my children's schedules or if I should go for it as soon as it is available, which in May 30. I really want to do it right away for me...I want to get started on the losing side.
But on the other hand there are several events upcoming that are important to my children, too. First and foremost is Courtney's 16th birthday party. this is going to be a big event at my house on June 10th. If I posponed my surgery until 6/13, I could be t otally available to help plan, clean and decorate but the May 30th date works,too, because I should be up and around before the party.
The other problem is that Matt's spring concert is May 31st and I have no idea how disappointed he would be if I can't be there. That week is also Courtney's finals and I don't want to create additional stress or distraction for her. She of course says it is not a problem, but I feel that she is not being very open with me about her feelings about my surgery.
Once again the choice is between my love and deveotion to my children and my own personal needs and desires.
Oh, what to do??? I am always torn....
June 3, 2006
Sorry it took me so long to get back. I had my surgery on May 30 and I am doing pretty good today. I had surgery on Tuesday and left the hospital on Thursday. I went and stayed at my parent's house that night and then came home on Friday afternoon, after Matt got out of school.
I am feeling pretty good tonight. I have been a little sore and tight in the surgical area, but not real pain. I also had my gall bladder removed which I figured would happen.
I will write more later but wanted to put something in now.
JULY 7, 2206
OMG I can't believe I haven't updated in soooo long. I a little more than 5 weeks out and I have lost 38lbs. I am amazed at how wonderful I feel.
Eating is a challenge - what a concept!!!! My little stomach only holds so much and it is hard to get my protein and water all in. Sometimes I even forget to eat - that's a new one for me!
My blood pressure has been at normal readings and my glucose level has also been normal. Of course, I am still on a soft foods diet and am not taking in much other than protein and water. It remains to be seen what will happen when I am eating a more normal diet.
I can say that at this point I am very, very happy to have had WLS and look forward to continuing to get healthier and healthier.
August 16, 2006
Okay - I let a lot of time pass....but here is my update. I have lost 57lbs so far. I am still feeling great, but like everyone else, I am having trouble getting in my protein and my water. It is almost impossible because my stomach only holds so much.
I also have trouble chewing my food enough. When I don't it either comes back up or gets stuck right in my chest and is VERY uncomfortable. It makes me almost afraid to try anything.
But otherwise I am absolutely feeling great!
Photos
 280 Pre Op. |  |  240 Post Op. |
12/1/06 - yesterday was my six month anniversary. I haven't had time to continue to update regularly, but here goes....I am down 90 lbs!!!! I feel absolutely fantastic. I have had no problems at all. I do have to remember to not overeat because my stomach will definetely reject it!!!!
I have some trouble digesting chicken but have not had trouble with much of any other foods. Fatty foods don't settle well and breads still sit really hard in my stomach. I avoid the breads. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you veiw it, sugar does not seem to bother me too much. But once again, I can't overdo it.
I have gone from a size 26/28 to a 16/18. I officially bought pants and tops in a size 16. I haven't seen that size since I was in high school.
I feel absolutely fantastic. All of my six months labs were fine except the B12 is lower so I am to begin taking a daily B12. My hair has been falling out as well, but they say it grows back so I am just taking it in stride.
This surgery has been a blessing in my life and I have absolutely no regrets for having done it.