Brian Meiers

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Spending this week watching the Amgen Tour of California.  Great race run by great people.  

I was invited to the Team Presentation in Sausalito last Friday.  Talk about an enjoyable evening.  Got to meet Robin Williams, most of the Tour riders and many local media peeps.  A nice evening by the Bay.

Speaking of roots, it's time to dye my hair again... but that's another post.

My diet is wonky.  I ride A LOT and at a pretty high intensity so I've had to modify my diet to meet the caloric needs of my body.  Racing cyclists can burn between 5000 an 9000 calories in a day.  Replacing that much usually isn't too hard to do- unless you're a bariatric patient.

That's damn hard to keep up with when my intake and absorption are limited.

I've experimented with a lot of different approaches to "bariatric sports nutrition" (you read it first here!!!).  Basically, for me,  it comes down to meeting the fuel requirements of an aerobic engine with the limited intakes of a Roux-en-Y bypass.  Since I can't rely on sugars and carbs the way non-bariatric athletes can, I have had to keep close tabs on my protein intake.  

Here's the boring numbers part:

At my maximum, I was taking in 2.5 grams of protein per kilogram of body weight per day.  At 66 Kgs, I was taking in 165 grams of protein per day.  With a low/no carb diet and 165 grams of protein, I was still only getting around 700 Cals per day.  Not enough fuel!!!

Where do I get more fuel from?  Fats.  Fats from cheese.  Fats from meat.  The 9 Cals per gram are a great fuel source especially when my body is in ketosis and using fats for energy.

Anyhoo- the long story short is, that after a year of serious experimentation, I've come around full circle.  The best diet for me is my original bariatric diet of proteins, fats and water.

huh, go figure.

My weight loss journey has been a pretty successful one.  I'm not saying that in order to toot my own horn, but more to lay the foundation for this blog entry.  

I've actually gained weight.  Funny how difficult that is to write.  The difficulty is that gaining weight in the weight loss world would seem like FAILURE!  That sense of failure, at least for me, seems married to the fear of being obese again.

Now, when I say I've gained weight, I'm talking about 5 to 10 lbs, depending on the day.  In the scope of my weight loss, 5 pounds isn't very much at all.  But to the scared part of my mind, it's almost as if it could be 50.

The fear of regaining the weight is substantial.  It's something I have to gain control over or else it will control me.  When i put weight on the first time, it was because I turned to food for comfort from my fears, regrets and sadness.

When I decided to have my bypass surgery, I promised myself to never live that way again.  Fears do not rule me.  My success is my own.  I promised to  myself.

I love to journal.  It's both edifying and cathartic for me.  There's only one little problem.  I have TOO MANY BLOGS!!

I only used to write in journals that I kept at home.  There were for me to read only...my private thoughts, feelings and dreams.  Once I started here on OH, I began my first blog.  What a great experience it has been.  I re-read my original blog and was amazed by the journey. 

It's funny, though, because I forgot about that day to day excitement I felt when the surgery was on the horizon and the time immediately post-op.  Reading about the daily progress checks, working toward  my goal, watching the results as they were met helped me to reconnect with that part of me.  It was an amazing time.  Those days were filled with huge moments of discovery for me.  

Getting back to the blogs....

I think right now, I have something like 5 different blogs I keep.  Sadly, the one blog that has gone untouched the longest has been my OH blog.  That was a surprise to me, because really, all the other blogs are branches off of this one.

The fact that I have so many different branches also illustrates how much my life has changed.  When I started my OH blog, it was about my bariatric journey.  It was filled with my dreams and goal that I'd hoped GBS would help me to attain.  It was also filled with my struggles and challenges that I faced along the way.

As I reached those goals, new branches started to grow.  My life started to change.  

I feel I could right a book about all the changes...

But this blog wont be that book.

It'll be about my day to day journey as a formerly morbidly obese man that found a bike and who likes to ride.....FAST.

Thanks for reading!

I totally forgot my surgi-versary!!!  Things in my life have gotten so "busy" which took my focus far from my progress on this bariatric path.

Three years out and I'm still at goal.  I reached goal weight pretty quickly and have maintained it ever since.  My lowest post op weight has been 141, but it wasn't very healthy.  I hit that point during the darkest time of my life when my daughters went missing and I stopped eating for a month.  I felt miserable and didn't find comfort in food anymore.  

My normal weight ranges between 147 and 154, depending on the time of the year.  I train for racing quite a bit, so when I am in a heavy training period my weight will drop to the low end of the range.  When the training levels drop, the weight comes up a little.  

My main source of protein continues to be Pure Whey shakes from Champion Nutrition.  A couple of years ago, I coined the phrase "Bariatric Athlete".  As a bariatric athlete, my nutritional needs live in an uncharted area between the needs of a bariatric patient and an endurance athlete. 

Neither a strict bariatric diet or endurance athlete diet works for me, so I have had to find some kind of hybrid diet that works.

On average, I try to take in around 140 grams of protein a day.  To keep things moving along internally, I use "real" foods.  I also use amino acid supplements and energy/fluid replacement drinks while riding/racing.  For the most part, I have found some things that work great.  I also continue to experiment to see what else I can eat.

I'm also a big fan of cheese!!

Went riding this afternoon.  It was a wondeful day to be outside, with blue skies, warm temps and a stiff wind blowing across the road.  Most people hate headwinds when they ride.  A strong enough wind can change an easy 10 mile ride into a slog-fest that saps the strength from a riders legs and leave them sitting on the side of the road wondering "what happened?"

I'm not sure why, but I really enjoy the wind.  The feeling of the wind on my face was one of the things that I missed when I stopped riding.  When other riders hide in the shelter of the pack, I try to make my way to the front.  This isn't always the smartest thing to do in a race... riding in the wind uses more engery that should be saved for key moments in the race.  When I'm training though, I like to get out in front and take the wind head on.

I've been riding and racing a lot more lately.  I've raced twice in two weeks with more races scheduled for the next few weeks.  While my fitness is not at it's highest levels yet, I feel good and can compete to some extent.  

I race bicycles against some of the fastest Masters in the world.  I can't help but smile when I type that because of just how "unrealistic" that would have sounded just a few years ago.  

My competitors in the Masters category are former Olympians, World Champions and Tour de France riders.  My pedigree is slightly different.  

I am a former cyclist that gained 170 lbs., had WLS and is now mixing it up again on a 16 lb. bicycle with 1 in. tires and a millimeter of lycra for protection.  I sprint at 40 mph, descend at 65 mph and climb over 5000 ft. mountain passes.  

So now, lining up at the start line against guys that have no idea who I am, I can't help but smile.  Because here is a guy, representing the Bariatric Community, about to go wheel to wheel with some of the fittest humans on Earth.  If they only knew... lol.

January 2004 My name is Brian Meiers. I am 34 years old and the proud father of the 5 best daughters the world has ever seen. I have been married to my wife Marilyn for 10 years and truly hoping for many, many more years to come. Growing up, my weight went up and down, but never to the point of being too heavy. Years ago, I used to race bicycles all around California and Nevada. I was a 'skinny' 128 lbs at 5'7" with 4% body fat. Once I stopped racing, my weight began to go up until I reached my highest weight of 280+ lbs (2/2003). Currently, I am at 270 lbs. In 2000, I began looking into wls as a means of overcoming my obesity. February 8th, 2004 (I've included some entries from my personal journal to describe my journey prior to finding OH.com) I’m waiting to hear about my echocardiogram. I’ve already had the upper GI and ultrasound of my gallbladder. This next week (Monday or Wednesday) I’ll be going in to ARMC to have my blood work done. The last time I went there, it took 4 different phlebotomists to finally draw my blood. At one point, one of the ‘vampires’ was wiggling the needle all in my arm and it felt like she was hitting the bone. Not fun at all. It’s funny, but the only thing that makes me nervous about the surgery is having the IV put in. Weird, I know. I should also say that the possibility of dying is a concern because if I were to die, I don’t know what would happen to Mel and the girls. I have no concerns about my eternal existence or what awaits me once I die. I figure I’ll find out eventually and I’ll either just fade away into oblivion or a very understanding, loving god will have made a place for me to be. My only fear is that if I died, Mel and the girls would suffer and their lives would be more difficult. I don’t want that to happen. That is the one thing that makes me question having the surgery or not. February 29th, 2004 I registered with Obesityhelp.com last week. It’s a web-site that is dedicated to the support of gastric bypass patients by creating a community of patients and clinicians. The members offer support by way of email and bulletin boards. There is also a ton of information available to members. I’m very impressed with what I have experienced so far and I imagine that I will be a supporter of Obesityhelp.com for the rest of my life. Thought about creating a new journal for myself that includes a daily or at least regularly maintained entry on Mel’s well being. I’ve had a pain in my neck and shoulders for a week now. It’s really annoying, but just something else to add to the list of aches and pains. Also, my plantar fasciaitis has been bothering me since January 18th. Some pains just persist. Haven’t completed all the pre-surgical blood work and tests I need to before the surgery. I’ll have the blood work done this week and try to find a psych doc for the psych eval. I also need to figure out what I need to do in order to schedule the EKG and nutrition class. And, I AM GOING TO THE SUPPORT GROUP THIS MONTH. I wish there was one closer to home. May 5th, 2004 Feliz Cinco de Mayo. Got in touch with Western Bariatric, the office of Dr. Douglas Krahn. Dr. Krahn is the doctor that I am being referred to for gastric bypass. I was disappointed when I first learned that I’d no longer be going to Crown Bariatric, however, after having learned that there were some problems with the hospital he is affiliated with, I’m glad to be going to Dr. Krahn. He is a very accomplished surgeon and has done his residency at Loma Linda University. Talked with his office today. They are sending me some forms to fill out before I go and meet the Dr. and his staff at the info conference on May 13th. I’ve completed all my testing and need only see a psych for my eval and then we can send it off to the insurance to see if I qualify. May 13th, 2004 Went to the Western Bariatric Information Seminar today. About 20 people attended. More than I expected. Mel joined me for the evening. The meeting was in the Carmel Room at Saint Bernardine’s Medical Center. After turning in my information packet and getting weighed, Mel and I made our way to the front of the room for close seats. The presentation was nice. He covered all the information one would expect. After he talked about the different types of procedures, I realized that the open Roux en Y was the one for me because of less chance of complications. I was nervous. I guess the thought that I’m really aiming at having this life altering surgery just hit me. Mel is pretty adamant about my having the surgery in July, although from the sound of the staff, that time frame is unrealistic. Her thoughts are, if the surgery is done much later, I will not have recovered in time to function in the daily care of the family. I’m hoping that we’ll find a medium solution. I’m willing to have it at any time, but I realize that I may not be able to function fully as the family needs. I pray that it all works out. June 8th, 2004 Have my second meeting with Dr. Krahn today. Our first meeting was at the Information Seminar he holds at St. Bernardine's Medical Center every month. This is our first "official consultation". He is my third surgeon in a year, but I feel most comfortable with him. My insurance co. (IEHP) has switched which surgeons they cover several times, but this switch to Dr. Krahn works out well for me. All my pre-op testing is done (minus the psych eval). All that's left is meeting with Dr. Krahn and sending off my request. This could be an interesting summer. June 11th, 2004 I feel so divided in my feelings right now. For such a long time, when I thought about WLS, my mind raced between thoughts of what to do next and what step I should take in order to make sure everything goes smoothly. Many of the hurdles are out of the way and it's looking like I'll be having the surgery sometime this summer. But it all seems less important today. I'm not as excited about the progress that's been made. Now, when I think of WLS and OH.com, my mind turns to Momma Angel. There have been so many posts from all of the people (me included) that have been touched in some way by that very special person. Though I will miss her presence, I am so happy that her suffering has ended and that she has moved on to a place that is free from suffering. As the days continue on and we all resume our pursuits, I think that those of us that had a chance to get to know Momma Angel a little, will know that Momma Angel is there with us. Through the ups and downs that make up the path of WLS, I have a sense that she'll be there with us as she has been all along. Thanks, Momma Angel. June 30th, 2004 Since my last entry, I've finished all of my pre-op requirements. Had my Psych Eval today with Dr. Jenkins at LLUMC. He was a very pleasant man and easy to speak with. After the evaluation, he asked if I had any questions to which I replied, "So, what do you think? Am I clear for surgery?". He said, "yes" and wished me success. Dr. Krahn should have his report by Friday (7-2-04) or Monday and then it's off to IEHP for approval. Talking with my PCP, Dr. David Lanum, on Tuesday, he said that he was very confident that I will be approved for the surgery. With my comorbidities (OSA, plantar fasciaitis, arthritis, history of heart attack, high cholesterol) and generally young age, he felt that I was a solid candidate for a successful surgery. I REALLY HOPE SO!!! I'm calling tomorrow to see exactly what the status of my case is. Crossing fingers...XX July 17th, 2004 Well, everything paperwork related is finished on my end. Had my final pre-op clearance last thursday (july 15th). I saw Dr. Slayyeh at St. Bernardines for my cardiac clearance. He said that I was the youngest (blush) and smallest (?) person he has had come through his office that was in line for WLS. That is a reaction I get from a lot of the people in the medical field that learn about my WLS. At 5'6" and 265lbs and a bmi over 40, not to mention OSA, arthrititis, high cholesterol, and a few other ailments, I'd think that I was a clear candidate for the surgery. People just say "you don't look like you weigh that much." Oh well, as Dr. Krahn told me, "I guess the perceptions of people have shifted." Anyhow, enough of that. I'm calling Sandy at Dr. K's office on monday to set up my pre-op consult. Hopefully i'll be able to see Dr. K the next day. With all of the tests and paperwork out of the way, it's out of my hands now. That brings me to my next topic... After Momma Angel passed away last month, I fell into a bit of a funk. I began to think about the reality of my decision to have wls and it's inherent risks. I could die doing this. That thought is balanced by the knowledge that I have a greater chance of dying if i DONT have the surgery. However, I need to make sure that things are squared away before I take the next step of wls. KOW (knock on wood) I keep asking myself this question; if these were to be my final days, what would i want to make sure was done before i died? two things stand out, but there are many things beyond these two things that i'd also rank as important. First, I want my wife and kids to know how much i love them. My wife and I have had a rough 10 years (the last 7 being the toughest). I wouldn't want it to end like this. I also want to make sure my kids KNOW that they are the world to me and that nothing means more to me than them. Secondly, I would want my mom to know that she has been the single most important person in my life. She knows this already, but i don't want there to be any doubt. The upside of all this.... there is a GREAT chance that everything will turn out okay and my family and I will have many more happy days to spend together and my mom will know longer have to worry about my health (she'll still worry though). There are a lot of upsides. That's it for now, I'll write more later. ciao. July 21, 2004 Just got off the phone with Sue and Dr. K's office. My approval letter has been sent off and she's expecting to hear back from IFMG with the next couple of days. She said that she's confident that I will get approval because I meet all of the criteria that they require. Fingers crossed. On a different note, I was reading a brochure/website from Dr. K's old office in Florida and it talked about the effects of WLS on relationships. It mainly talked about the increased level of self-esteem in people that have wls. The article then went on to state that the positive effects of the increased self esteem help patients to have healthier relationships with the people in their lives. I hope this proves to be true in my life. My wife and I have struggled in our relationship for quite some time and my wife points to my low self esteem as one of the, if not THE, main reasons for our marital diificulties. I've seen some posting on OH.com that talk about this topic too. The consensus there seems to point to a 50% success/failure rate in wls patient relationships due to the effects of the wls on the patient. That figure falls in the national average, so maybe it is just those relationships and not the surgery effects. My wife and I are starting counselling next week. I hope things work out for us. July 22, 2004 Went to Western Bariatric Support Group tonight and had the chance to meet some of the other patients of Dr. K. The meeting was nice, with everyone sharing their experiences (which was especially helpful for newbies like me). Didn't get to meet any of the great people I've met online, but hopefully I'll beable to in the future. I didn't participate too actively, but instead I just took it in. I do have some questions, but I"ll ask them next time. One question I have is about WLS patients and endurance sports. I'd like to begin cycling again, once i've lost enough weight and can comfortably ride again. I just don't know what to expect in terms of energy delivery seeing as most aerobic sports use fat and glycogen as energy sources, with a huge percentage of burnable calories traditionally coming from carbs. How does a low/no carb, high protein diet affect performance in endurance athletes? I'm interested in finding out more about this. July 25th, 2004 I should find out this week about whether or not I have insurance approval for my wls. Fingers crossed? Check. Rabbits foot? Check. Medical Need? Check. I've always believe that there was some real significance to my turning 35 (which i'll do this year in Sept). It is really shaping up to be a big year of change for me. My wife and I are at a turning point in our relationship and we'll begin receiving councelling this week. That's a big change. I should have my wls in the next couple of months (KOW) and that's a big change. I'm going to be seeing a therapist to work on some personal issues and gain a greater insight into who I am. That's a big change. The potential for very cool things is pretty high. If I work hard, do what I need to do in order to become and stay healthy (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), then I should have a stellar 2005. Called Dr. K's office to check on my approval status and..... I AM APPROVED!!!!! This is exciting in so many good ways (and a couple of scary ways too). I am honest enough with myself to know that wls isn't the answer to all of my prayers or a solution to all of my problems. It can be a very powerful tool in dealing with some of my problems, though. Hopefully, the health problems that I have now will be lessened or eliminated and my energy levels will rise. Like I said in my last post, the potential for really cool things happening is really high. I look forward to the changes. With the help I am getting from my therapist and the health benefits of wls, I think that I am beginning to laydown the foundation that will support longlasting happiness. July 29th, 2004 Scheduled my Patient Education class appointment for next Friday, the 6th of August. One thing Dr. K is waiting for is a letter from Dr. Frauenpreis clearing me of my cancer or a path report showing that I am cancer free. Oy. UPDATE: Called Dr. Frauenpreis' office and they said that they had found my old records and had been trying to contact me. They needed a new release form and request faxed to them so they could fax it over to Dr. K's office. It's official (as soon as it gets faxed KOW) that all of my paper work is out of the way. July 30th, 2004 Dr. K's office waiting for Dr. F's paperwork. Got a confirmation that they will be sending it on Monday. I'll call to "confirm" it (read: nag, bother, annoy). Once they get it, was told that I'd have a possible Sept. 8th surgery date. That would be very cool. In other news, my daughter turns 14 this week and we're having her party tomorrow. Though I can look back on my life and have a few regrets, one thing that I do not regret is stepping up to become the Dad of these great girls. They have been through so much and been so strong. My heroes are my five little girls. August 1st, 2004 Celebrated my daughters' 14th birthday today with a Party and the Brandin' Iron Saloon. Every 1st and 3rd Sunday of the month, the Brandin' Iron opens up for "Family Night". My daughter invited friends from school as well as our other friends and family and we had a great time. My daughter Brittany won the dance contest for her age group and qualitfied for the finals which are in December. As for me, I actually got myself out on the dance for and learned a line dance called "Boot Scoot Boogie". Fun dance, but I was only able to manage it at a slow tempo. Maybe after wls, I'll be able to do it at full tempo. that'd be someting = ) Getting calls from family members who are learning about my wls. They are all concerned and have offered to help out. That kind of support is great and I am very appreciative of it. Still trying to work things out with my wife. Hope we do get to a place where we are happy again. August 6th, 2004 Attended my pre-op patient education meeting today. During the meeting the other attendees and I were given a slip of paper with our 'tentative' surgery dates on it. When I looked at mine, I thought there was a mistake because it read "8-13-04". "That's next week, that can't be right", I wondered. They must mean "9" and not "8". Nope. No mistake. They meant "8". So, as it looks right now, I'll be having the surgery in a week. That's a lot less time than I had planned for, but I'm not going to make a fuss. The idea of moving on the the next phase of my weight loss is very interesting. For so long, my attention has been focused on getting approved for wls. Now it's time to prep for the surgery and get on with the business of losing weight and working the program. This part is exciting!!! August 9th, 2004 Everything is still on track for my 8-13-04 surgery. Sandy from Dr. K's office is ironing out the last few wrinkles with the hospital appointments. Once they finish that, then they can tell me for certain that I'll have the surgery on friday. I'm still very excited about the prospect of having the wls. It seems as if it's happening so fast, but then I remind myself that I first started checking into having the surgery about 3 years ago. It wasn't until last year that my pcp's office even began doing the paper work for surgery. 3 surgeons and one pcp, I'm am set to take the plunge into the losing side. I've been spending a lot of time with my wife and kids since learning about the nearness of my surgery date. Trying to really make sure they all know how much I love them and how much they've made me a better person simply by being in my life. Nuts and Bolts. I'm going to try and give a little bit of insight into my pre op run up, as it doesn't quite fit the format for 'normal' pre op preperations. Normally, I would have been on a strict low carb, high protein diet for two weeks prior to having the surgery. I would have also been exercising to gain some fitness before going into the surgery. What has transpired is a little different that the plan. I haven't been on the strict diet for the full two weeks do to my having found out about my surgery date with ONE week to go. I have already been eating more protein (in an attempt to get used to eating more of it), but not as much as my Dr. office states in it's guidelines. I have been able to shed some weight and I've been walking a lot more, but I couldn't really say I've gained fitness. Maybe maintained it is better. The cardiologist that checked me out a couple weeks ago said that my heart was strong and I did very well on the stress test, but the test did show some problems. I'll have to take my atenolol before surgery to make sure my heart doesn't go too fast an my blood pressure doesn't go too high. It hit 240 cystolic during the stress test. yikes. My friend LeGerald (aka Phoenix) will be coming down to spend time with my family and I as I recover. That will really help my wife out. My girls will be going to spend some time with friends and family after they come to visit me in the hospital. I'm going to miss them very much while they're away, but it is probably for the best that they go somewhere fun while I come home from the hospital. I probably won't be too talkative. That's it for today. I"ll update more as things progress. Adios. August 10th, 2004 Just got word from Sandy at Dr. K's office that my surgery date has been moved to the 18th of August. That gives me just over a week until the surgery date. August 13th, 2004 Today was to have been my surgery date, but like I mentioned before, it has been moved to next Wednesday the 18th. Got a call from Sandy today and she said that my LOA has been signed and that my date is DEFINITELY next Wednesday. I'm scheduled to have surgery at 11 a.m. pst. I went down to St. Bernardine's to take care of my pre-regististration and final tests before surgery. I gave a gallon of blood (or so it seemed), had a chest xray and urine test. Also had a final EKG. The staff at St. B's has been great, which makes both my wife and I very comfortable. My wife Mel, joined me on my appointment today and it was nice to sit and talk with her about everything. We're both a little nervous about the surgery. She hides it pretty well though. = ) Before we went home, Mel and I took a tour of the unit were I will spend the days after my surgery. I'll have my own room, which is nice and they all have big windows. They are a bit strict with visiting hours, but I'm planning on being mobile enough to get around and see my family and friends when they visit. I was given a respritory tool that I am to use after the surgery which will keep my lungs in shape. It's really funny, because I find the thing entertaining. Weird, I know, but I won't be bored as I try to make out my lung capacity. Final weekend before surgery. Wonder what I should do? With the Olympics starting, my wife and I will spend a lot of time together watching that. We are both big fans of the Olympics. That's all for now. Thanks for reading. August 14th, 2004 Was final able to pick up my ReSource shake from the pharmacy at Arrowhead Regional Medical Center (ARMC). These are the shakes that I'll be using to supplement my protein intake with after the wls. Here's a little something... I consider my wife, Mel, to be pretty intuitive (darn near psychic). Many of the things that her intuition has told her have turned out to be true or to happen. So, today, she asked me if I'd be very disappointed if I didn't have the surgery. I said no, but I asked her why she asked. She said that when they were taking my blood for the final pre op tests, that she had gotten the feeling that there would be something in my blood that may cause them to postpone/reschedule my surgery. When the phlebotomist was drawing my blood, my wife asked if one of the tests was for cancer (I was diagnosed with maligant melanoma back in '98) and the tech said "yes". It was then that she had her feeling. Hopefully, this feeling will not prove to be true, but if it does, I've noted it here as reminder for me to listen to my wife's intuitive sense. = ) Hopefully, nothing turns up (KOW). That's all for now, I'll write more later. August 16th, 2004 Two more days until surgery. I'm excited and nervous about it. For all intents and purposes, today is the final day of my "old" ways. After my doctors visit tomorrow, I'll have to take some meds that will clear out my digestive system, effectively clearing me out before Wednesday. I've been told that the clearing out process isn't very pleasant. That makes today my final day feeling like this. After tomorrows clearing, I'll have surgery and move into my recovery/postop stage of the wls. I've been working on just getting the surgery for such a long time that it feels a little strange thinking that it's going to be done in a couple of days. I'll come back later to write more. August 17th, 2004 One day to go. Still nervous. Still excited. Bro. Walker & Price stopped by last night to pray with my wife and me. I really am thankful for the people in San Bernardino 1st Ward. I've never known support like I've had from the LDS members. Truly kind people. today I have my pre-op Doc visit. I assume we'll be going over the basic game plan for tomorrow and maybe discuss my blood work results. Doc. K is also going to prescribe my "cleaner" today. That should be "interesting". lol I know that wls isn't a competition, but I feel that I should note that I feel the same butterflies that I used to feel before bike races and football games. The anticipation, I guess. I realize that this is going to be a tremendous change for my body and I am not expecting it to be an easy one. But the prospect of having the weight come off and my health improving is very exciting. I've read the comments by people who say that they have feelings of regret after the surgery. "Why did I do this?" and "What was I thinking?" I suspect that thought my cross my mind too, at some point. But the other comments, the remarks made by people that successfully lose their extra weight are inspiring. "I feel so alive!" "I have so much energy!" "This is the best thing I've ever done for myself." I want some of that! = ) So, in about 24 hours, I'll be checking myself into the hospital and begin my pre-surgery prep. If the schedule holds, in 26 hours, my surgery will begin. Very exciting! One last comment before I sign off for the morning. My mother is worried sick about me having this surgery. She sees the necessity of it, but being my mother, she is still worried. I feel sad that she is so upset, but I think she will be as happy I am once she sees that wls has help me to overcome my obesity and the accompanying problems. This is a picture of me in cycling clothes the day before surgery. August 18th, 2004 This is me, day of surgery...the hard day was the 2nd day postop. ugh. August 21. 2004 I'm home! In one piece... I'll write more later I'm on the other side. My surgery went well with no complications other than some anethesia issues before surgery. Other than that things went smoothly. The day after surgery was a pretty good day as I was able to move around pretty well, doing several laps around the Unit in each walk. My second day was my most difficult day by far. The effects of the anethesia had completely worn off by then and so the pain/discomfort level had increased. By that point, I was also ready to go home. Althought he staff at St. Bernardines was terrific, I grew tired of the hospital environment. A call from my doctor and the support of my wife got me through that day. I was ready to start pulling tubes and walk out. I'm glad I didn't. = ) My third day post op was another good day. I woke up feeling much etter than the previous day. I received a lot of comments from visitors that I didn't even look like I had surgery. I was moving around well and didn't appear to be in any pain. Trust me, there was pain, I was able to manage it. Now that I'm home, I had to re-adjust to the house setting. My bed is little lower and a lot flatter than the hospital bed, and so I was worried that I'd have to sleep proped up on the couch in the living room. Fortunately, the bed wasn't too uncomforable and I was able to sleep there. The house is quiet. Much better than the hospital in that way. My kids are visiting friends and relatives, so it is only my wife and I here. In terms of nutrition, I've been following dr.s orders as well as I can. However, I still have not been able to eat 3 meals a day even though they are very small and very pureed. I'm expecting my ability to eat the required amount will increase the further along I am post op.   So, I am very happy to be home and on my way toward my goal. August 27th, 2004 Much to blog. Attended support group last night. It was great to see them again. According to their scale, I now weight 237 lbs. After eating something stupid (protein bar) I got sick and have lost even more weight. This morning I weighed 233 lbs. My weight loss has become apparent to my family. In the car this morning, she pointed out that my neck looked smaller. When we got home, she measured it and it was 18.5 inches. Before surgery my neck size was 21 inches. Very cool to be shrinking. August 30th, 2004 My morning weight was 228 lbs. Just read a recipe for protein shakes that actually sounds tasty. My way of having the shakes wasn't working for me, so I had to try something different in order to get the protein I need (about 70g.) The recipe comes from the website of Basil White. (BasilWhite.com) I followed his story through his blog as he began the recovery process from RYN wls. My voice is coming back, though it still gets tired easily. My wife likes it because it keeps me quiet. Life is starting to get back to normal with me taking my kids to school. I have to say, though, that I am not sure that I am 100% up to doing it. I feel very tired at times. I'm trying to get all my H20 and protein and walk 30 minutes a day, but it has been tough to keep up with it. I should get used to it soon. I hope so anyway. Now, for some really cool news...... For the first time in like 5 years, I can wear my wedding ring again!!! I've been using a size 12 silver ring since I out grew my other original wedding ring. I was sad to not ba able to wear it, but now it fits. Honestly, it's a little loose, so I'm going to wear it until it's too loose. Then I'm going to put it on a chain until I meet my goal weight. Last thing, weight loss makes me crazy. I've lost more weight than I have in YEARS and it's coming off very quickly, but there is a part of me that wants it to happen even FASTER. What's up with that?!?! Looking at the scale and thinking, "Hmmm, I only lost a pound and a half since yesterday." My brain is weird. September 4th, 2004 My voice has returned and no longer gets tired out easily (much to the shagrin of my wife and kids. heheheh) Still taking my recovery easy. I have a knack for rushing things when it comes to recovering from surgery or illness, so I'm making sure to take this time really easily. Still losing weight, though I'm trying to to focus on it. I can get TOO interested in how much I'm losing. I'm trying to focus more on exercising more and eating enough protein. September 10th, 2004 Haven't been feeling too great for the past couple of days. I got sick two nights ago and haven't been able to really eat anything until tonight. Had a small piece of chicken and a little "mini" artechoke (sp?). The artechoke was very tasty and sat in my stomach well, although I am a little queazy now, but I don't think it was the food. My energy levels haven't been very high. I can walk my 30 min.s or take my wife to places she needs to go. I haven't been able to do both. I take my wife because she cannot drive due to a disability. When I'm out with her, I function alright, although I get weakness in my hips and legs after walking around for a while. Not sure why this happens, but I'll ask my doc when I see him next Tuesday. September 13th, 2004 For the past few days, I've felt more and more sluggish and occasionally lightheaded. I was figuring that I was becoming hypoglycemic, just from what I know about it. The problem was that I couldn't get myself to eat much of anything (minus baby artichoke hearts...go figure.) Nothing else stayed down, not even my protein shakes. It was like it bounced off my pouch and came right back out. Not fun. This is the first postop hiccup I think I've had. I asked my wife if I could use her glucometer just to see if I was right. My blood sugar level read "58 DANGER" which caused me to raise an eyebrow. Called Dr. K's office and they suggested that I drink a protein shake and wait for Sandy to call back. So, hear I sit nursing my shake.... waiting. = ) I'll update later. September 14th, 2004 Well, after yesterday, I went to bed feeling nauseated, but no longer dizzy. Sandy suggested I monitor myself and if I continued to feel dizzy, to go to the hospital. I layed down after drinking the shake and my dizziness went away. I waited to see Dr. K today to figure out what was going on. Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)effects wls patients when we don't eat enough. Since feeling so nauseated, my intake has been really low, so it was bound to happen. Dr. K suggested that if I start to feel hypoglycemic again, that I eat a little cracker so get some small carbs into me. That should get rid of the dizziness. The rest of the appointment went well. My weight loss is very good and I'm losing inches in my waist, hips, arms and neck. Dr. Krahn also took me off of my heart meds completely because my blood pressure was very good. It's nice to see and feel the changes that are happening, though the next few months will still have me feeling a little tired and "crappy" as my body continues to change. Tried to take in more food today, but it was a challenge. String cheese, an ounce of Roast beef and a little bit of artichoke bottoms. It's like thanksgiving dinner. lol. September 16th, 2004 Today was my daughters 9th Birthday. As is our custom, she got to pick the dinner for the day and she chose Rain Forest Cafe. We had a great time and it was especially fun to see how excited she got at the idea of being "9" because "9" is so much cooler than "8". lol WLS related news is that I had my first seafood since surgery. I had shrimp scampi and coconut shrimp. I was able to eat one of each and found it quite funny that I was cutting my shrimp into many small pieces. Way back when (like, last month...) I'd put the whole thing in my mouth and POOF, it was gone. Now I spend 30 minutes eating 2 shrimp. Funny how things change. Anyway, they were very tasty and stayed down just fine. Also, I started to not get enough water today and I could really feel the difference. I spent the rest of the evening making sure I was hydrated. Oh!!! By the way, I hit 213 today. Woo Hoo. I was surprised to see it. On tuesday, I weighed 216 and hadn't weight myself since. Starting to have to get rid of clothes that don't fit anymore. Wearing a lot of my father-in-law's hand me downs. Those are even starting to get big. Next stop....thrift store. I've got some new pictures on my profile. If you'd like to see them, scroll all the way down toward the bottom. September 21st, 2004 Since I've started taking my vitamins, I've begun to feel much better. Not able to eat as much as I should, but doing what I can to get good protein in. My vitamins (especially B12) are wonderful. It's nice to feel some energy coming back. I actually jogged a little. Just a little. Okay, very little, but it was fun regardless. = ) Celebrated my wife's, daughters' and my birthdays on Sunday. Had a nice day with my wife's family. Ate a little steak and some shrimp which hit the spot. Lately, shrimp has been something I've felt like eating. Had some at Benihana's and then again on Sunday. I think I could live off of shrimp and baby artechokes if I had too. Wrestling with something... I find it hard not to play the numbers game when it comes to weight loss. At 211 lbs., I've lost just about 53 pounds since I started with Dr. K. That's a pretty fair amount of weight. But my mind keeps wanting to check the scale. I guess I have a fear of the weight loss stopping or even gaining it back. To be honest, it's weird watching the numbers go down just about daily. A pound here, a half a pound there. When I see the numbers dropping, I start to do the math and thinking, if this keeps up, then I'll lose x amount of pounds by Y date. I prefer just taking each day as it comes and not spaz about the numbers. One last thing. I know that I'm losing weight. I see it in my clothes. People tell me how different I look. I see the scale display. But when I look at myself in the mirror or look down at my own body, I don't see the changes yet. I do see a difference in my hands. The look older to me. The also feel different. I feel my bones, which is quite strange after having heavy, thick hands for so long. I wonder when I'll see it myself. When I do, I'll be sure to blog it. Thanks for reading. September 22, 2004 Two more days until Mel's birthday. I just received an email confirmation that her gift is on the way. She's really going to like it...! Still losing weight, but I'm trying not to spend too much time on the scale. As far as eating is concerned, It's hard to find things I can eat. Part of the process I guess. September 30, 2004 I turned 35 on Monday the 27th. For some reason, I've looked forward to turning 35. I've always imagined that good things would happen when I reached that marker. October 2nd, 2004 Down to 205 this morning, which is nice to see because I never thought I'd get away from the 216-211 range. Missed my support group meeting this month and I"m kind of bummed about it. Looking forward to seeing my wls friends again. I wonder how they're all doing? October 9th, 2004 Haven't updated as frequently due to a lot going on with my family. I've been battling with my ketosis for several weeks. I figured I was just nauseated because of the surgery, however, after speaking with Dr. K, it would seem that my ketosis is going too well and I've developed a case of "thrush". Thrush is a yeast infection in the mouth that can develop after surgery. Dr. K said I was losing weight too fast and he wanted me to interrupt my ketosis. He suggested (read: ordered) that I eat some carbs to put the breaks on the ketosis. I've had some crackers and some other foods with carbs in them. At first no change, but lately I've noticed a little decrease in the nausea. Tried a piece of pizza crust with toppings, but that was a mistake. Dumped it real quick. Last Thursday I had a series of scans (upper GI and abdominal xrays) to rule out leaks and blockages. No problems there. I had to drink about a liter of barium for the tests. No great tasting, but not the worst thing either. Since the tests, my weight has stayed the same at 203 lbs. Pardon the graphic nature of this next bit, but I just have to say.... It's sunday morning now and I'm still passing the barium. When will this stuff get out of my system!? Oh well... I'm looking forward to breaking the 200 lbs mark. I thought I'd have done it by now, but with the ketosis setback, my weight loss has leveled for now. It'll happen soon enough. talk to you later. October 14th, 2004 Breaking my ketosis is playing tricks on my mind. = ) Not really, so don't be alarmed. It's just that my Dr. has very strict nutritional guidelines, and ever since I learned of them, I've been gearing myself up to follow them as well as I can. Now, because of my ketosis, he's advised me to eat more carbs (mashed potatoes, crackers, etc) which has my food wires crossed. I'm starting to feel less nauseated, but my weight loss as slowed to a crawl. I even gained a pound. Taking this time out in the middle of my weight loss is a good thing, though. It's helped me to stop obsessing about how fast I'm losing. On a different note, tomorrow is my 10th anniversary. Time flies when you're having fu..... well, time flies. I'm hoping that this marks a new beginning for my wife and I. We've gone through so much together and most people that know us are amazed we've been able to make it this long. I hope that the next ten years are kinder to us than the last. Here's a pic of my wife and I at Benihanas. October 16th, 2004 Today was one of those good days that I'd imagined when I first thought about the possibility of losing my weight via wls. As a former amateur cyclist, I'd dreamed of hopping on my bike again and riding down the road. Now that I've lost enough weight to allow me to ride my bike without pain, I set out for a little ride. It was everything I'd hoped it would be. I threw my leg over the bike and clipped into the pedals. As I pushed off and started down the street, I couldn't help but notice that I had a huge, uncontrollable smile on my face. I WAS RIDING MY BIKE!! Making the left turn at the end of my street, I felt the cool headwind hit my face for the first time in 9 years. What a thrill!! I have missed the feeling of the wind on my face and the vibration of the road in my arms. Having the chance to ride again made me realize one of my dreams. Thank you Dr. Krahn and the staff of Western Bariatric. October 22, 2004 Well, after what seems to have been an eternity, my weight has started coming off again. For the first time, my scale is beginning to show the 190's, though it settles out at 200.5. Breaking the 200 lbs. barrier has been a personal goal of mine since before I had surgery. It's very satisfying to see the goal so close. My next personal goal is 185 lbs. That would be the least I've weighed in 10 years. My thinking has begun to change as I've realized that the wls is a long term solution to a long term problem. My weight loss was so dramatic at first and I had hoped it would continue to go at that rate. Truth be told, my Dr. has a general time frame of 8 to 12 months for optimal weight loss, with it taking as much as 18 to 24 months. Looking at it in terms like that, my progress is very good. I'm still wrestling with my nutrition. My appetite is very finicky. There are some days that nothing wants to stay down. Other days, it seems like I could eat just about anything without it bothering me. Those types of days are few and far between, though. For the time being, unsalted crackers are my favorite food. Talk to you later. October 24th, 2004 WOO HOO!!!! Hit my first personal goal of going under 200 lbs.!!! Weighed myself this morning and I finally saw 199.5 on the scale. I'd had a dream about hitting that weight. I know it probably sounds wierd, but a few weeks ago, I had this really short dream of me stepping on the scale and looking down to see the 199.5. I'm very happy to say the least. Next personal goal is 185 lbs. October 27th, 2004 Funny how the blues just kind of sneak up on me. I struggle with feeling lonely, which I know is weird because I'm married and have five kids. I am very rarely "alone". I just don't have the connection with my wife that I wish I did. We've gone through a lot and are in counceling, but the process of fixing a relationship is a long one. Don't mind me, I'm just venting... WLS news... My weight is coming off regularly again and I'm at 198 lbs. Still really limited with what I can keep down. I'm concentrating on getting the fluids I need and getting more active. I've been walking much more lately. HALLOWEEN 2004 Happy Halloween!! Normally, Halloween would be the begining of my Holiday Foodfest. With five kids, Trick or Treaty always yields a huge haul of candy and other sweets. With this being my first PostOP Halloween, I will not be partaking of any Harvestfest Booty....hmmm, did that come out right? lol Anyway, took the kids for a walk around dowtown Redlands today. The shop owners opened up and handed out candies to all the trick or treaters. It was a really nice time for all of us. Lots of people came out, dressed in all kinds of crazy costumes. One guy wore a costume similar to the Oakland Raiders fan that has the spikey shoulder pads, except this guy was on 3 foot stilts that put him in the nearly nine foot range. very cool to see. After Redlands, my wife and I took the kids to a local church that has a huge Harvest Festival. After spending 2 hours there playing all sorts of carnival games, riding ponies and petting the goats and sheep, we returned home with even more candy. The funny thing about all this candy is, I don't even have the urge to eat it. My taste for foods has really changed PostOP. I used to eat lots of candy, ice cream, pasta, rice, etc. Now, none of those things have the appeal that they did back then. I do "crave" shrimp more now. go figure. Well, that's all from here. Happy Halloween....next stop Thanksgiving. November 7th, 2004 SaWING batta batta batta Mood swings suck. not having food for comfort has forced me into the uncomfortable position of RingMaster of Emotions. In the past, when things got to me, i would bury it with food. Now, I must deal with things in a much more healthy way, but i've found that i'm not accustomed to the feelings of....feelings. My anger gets hot QUICK for stupid crap. In other news... Started my water aerobics class last week. Walking into the YMCA pool area for class was interesting. After putting my things on a pool chair, taking off my hat and stepping into the warm pool, I noticed I was the only man there....and the only person under 50. Everyone was very kind and welcomed me warmly. I also have to say that these ladies were totally into the class. Talk about high energy. Hopefully in a few weeks, I'll be able to keep up with them. = ) and something from the "kids are evil" file... i grew up as one of those kids that said whatever crossed my mind. many times what came out of my mouth wasn't very kind or well thought out. Karma being what it is, I was destined to be obese and surrounded by kids. I've been called "KoolAid" by kids in the store, been told how badly I smell and even asked by a little girl if it hurt to be as fat as I was. well.. the other day at my kids school, I was taking my 5 year old through the lunch line. My 10 year old was in line for her food and I walked over to give her a hug and kiss. Her friends were there with her and they all have met me before at school functions. When my daughter said, "I love you Daddy" all of her friends whipped around and said, "that's your daddy?" They all had shocked looks on their faces. As I waited outside of the cafeteria for my daughter to finish her lunch, a group of kids came up to me and asked, "are you really her daddy?" and I said "yes". One girl responded and said, "you don't look like her daddy. her daddy was fat." Maybe kids aren't evil afte all. = ) November 19th, 2004 In my previous post, I stated that mood swings suck. I still think that they do. And they suck more when they are someone else's mood swings. There are times when I feel like the pinata to someone else's mood swings. BANG!!! BIFF!!! POW!!! then out falls the candy. I guess it wouldn't be candy in my case. More like protein shake powder, meat and cheese. Boy, won't the kids be surprised. = )That's just me venting... There is a chance that this could be my last post for a little while. Can't say why just yet, but once I get a chance, I'll blog the reason down. As for WLS topics, my weight loss has been going well. Since beginning water aerobics, I have been steadily losing weight. It's just a little bit here and there, but still enough to be happy about. This morning I weighed in at 191, which is only 6 pounds more than my lowest weight in the past 10 years. My next personal marker is in sight. I'll think of new markers once I put the 185 in the bag. Nutrition-wise, I still have to incorporate a little carbs into my diet. Straight protein makes me a little nauseated and it has become difficult to eat cheese and some meats. Soup is my food de jour. Chicken noodle goes down well and has a fair amount of protein in it. Until next time... December 5th, 2004 A bit has changed since my last entry, but things have remained the same for the most part. One thing that has changed is my weight loss has resumed. However, this is matched by something that has remained the same, namely I still struggle with finding foods that I can keep down. I'm scheduled for more lab work to determine what's going on, but for now, my Dr. thinks that my Ketosis is in overdrive which causes me to feel nauseated. So, as it stands right now, I've lost a total of 94 lbs from my heaviest weight and 77 lbs from my preOp weigh in. Still trying to find the coping skills I need in order to deal with stress better. Food was my comfort before. Now, I'm trying to find a healthier alternative. Happy Holidays!! December 12th, 2004 Christmas is just around the corner! I love winter, Christmas and New Year. This really is my favorite time of year. My wife suggested I take some new photos to progress my weight loss. I put on my old clothes and was shocked at how they fit. Hopefully I'll have them up here so you can see what I mean. To put it in perspective, I had clothes on underneath my clothes and still had room for my daughter to stand in my clothes with me. I'm now down to a size 33 pants and medium shirt. This weekend, I'll be going up to Northern California to spend time with my family and friends. This will be my first solo vacation in over 10 years. My brain could use a recharge. I'll be back in time to pick up my family and then return to NorCal for Christmas with my mom and brothers. I'm really looking forward to all of this. December 23rd, 2004 Happy Holidays! Talked with my wife about joining my old cycling club, the Fremont Freewheelers. She's super supportive and was to be a part of my return to competitive cycling. I'm very excited about it. I've begun organizing a training program that should have me regain some on-bike form by next summer. I'm not having wild dreams about winning races, but merely looking forward to mixing things up a little once more. As for my weight loss, I continue to lose weight. This morning I was 178 lbs. That puts me right near my 75% of goal mark and according to my Dr.'s plan, I can introduce new foods to my diet. This is not as big a thing because he had me do that already in order to curb my ketosis. It's nice to see, though. Once January rolls around, I begin my Prep for the season, resume my studies at Chabot and get ready for the big move. 2005 will be a very interesting year. Happy New Year! December 27th, 2004 Weight this morning was 176. Its really strange (in a very cool way) to find myself so close to my goal. I've still got a way to go, but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Visited some of my wife's family for Christmas. Many of then hadn't seen me since before my surgery. The last time they saw me I was about 270 lbs. "You're half the person you used to be." "You're so small." And my favorite..."I never noticed how big your head was." = ) January 2nd, 2005 Spent New Years with my wife at Disneyland. I wish I could say we had a great time, but the truth is, we didn't. The weekend began with an argument, that left lasting bad feelings for a couple of days. Here's a pic of Mel and me at Bleu Bayou in Disneyland. We look happy enough, but underneath we were both very sad. January 10th, 2005 172 lbs today. Goal of 150 lbs is right around the corner. It has seemed to me lately that the weight has been coming off faster, but when I look back at the numbers, it isn't "fast" so much as it seems steady. Many of the medium shirts that I had before fit well now. I remember putting on my XL shirts and they'd be tight in the chest. I held on to them as my "just in case" clothes. Having moved through them quickly, then through the larges and now to find myself in mediums is quite fun indeed. The comments from people have started to change too. Most people are used to seeing me like I was. When they see me know, the are genuinely concerned that I'm losing too much weight. Friends I've made over the last few years and even neighbors fail to recognize me when I walk up to them. Proof that my own body concept hasn't changed too much is that when I see myself in the mirror, I still see me. The differences I do see are related to my clothes. I hold them up in front of me and they look like kids clothes and not what I w About Me SF Bay Area, CA Location 21.9 BMI RNY Surgery 08/18/2004 Surgery Date Douglas M. Krahn Surgeon Feb 21, 2004 Member Since Before & After rollover to see after photo This is me the day before sugery 265 lbs.lbs I've hit my goal and getting ready to ride 149 lbs.lbs Friends 14 Latest Blog 8 Amgen Tour of California Gettin' back to ma' roots Emo Eats "Attack of the Blogs" How did I forget? Into The Wind Full Circle My Original Blog ×