traceyls57

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Ok I am giving another week and then I am going for a fill, I have some restriction but not sure enough. I guess after the one fill that left me not able to swallow my own salvia has left me a litttle fill gun shy. I can't keep going up in weight, I am going to really try and stick to good food choices and do protein first, that way I will know if I need a fill or if it has been my fault for not making wise food choices.  I need to come back here more often, that is the other thing I need to be doing, I always loved reading others posts on forum and haven't been on here again in to long, so there ya go I getting back on track!!!!!

I haven't been here in a while, and it shows in the way I have been eating. I am really not sure what is going on, because I have restriction, but I just don't have the patients to work it, and end up eating bad things rather than take the time to chew the protein. When I do start with solid protein I feel stuck right away. So I just wait a few minutes and then try to eat the more softer foods and then work the protein in slowly. I know this is not the way, and I am going down on Monday to see my doctor, I don't think I need a fill, cause if I did, I wouldn't be getting stuck so easily. I will hopefully find out what is going on, and start working this band again.

OK, I know that I haven't been eating right, mainly because I have been sick, and I can't eat solid protein, but to gain weight is really pissing me off. I know I shouldn't have had the chocolate shakes, and chips and dip, and more ice cream, but it goes down, and with me not feeling well I haven't been doing anything but laying around, to tired to move, but not to tired to eat all the bad things. I did try pinto and cheese, and that got stuck, so  I ate what would go down, and now I am at 230 again, it was 235 on Monday which really set me in a tail spin, but started eating just protein shakes, instead of ice cream shakes, and today it is 230, still 5 pounds up, and now having to lose the same weight all over again. I know it is my fault, lesson learned, but the band can be fickle, not only do I have a sinus infection but also upper repository infection, went to walk in clinic yesterday and got anti biotic, cause my regular doc wouldn't give me one cause he just gave me one in April, so said to get Zyrtec which is for allergies, I don't have allergies, never have, I know my body and when I tell him I have sinus infection I  know I have sinus infection not allergies, so sinus went into upper respiratory which it always has when I don't' get anti biotic to clear the sinus infection. Jeez I could have been feeling better in a couple of days instead of still suffering for over a week, but no he had to do it his way, so just went to walk in clinic and got the meds so hopefully I will be feeling better by this weekend if not sooner. I know I am ranting and raving , but on top of being sick my period started on Monday and I am  flowing really heavy, so much for going threw my change of life, that isn't happening, I give up, I am going to be 52 and all my friends have already stopped having periods and old fertile Bertile here is still cycling on, causing me heavy bleeding and cramps that could pass a baby, and yes my band is also suffering by being to tight at these times, but who knows when it will loosen up, with me being sick and all. OK, I am done having a hissy fit, going to try and move today, have to get those freaking 5 pounds off again, and get the freaking scale moving in the right direction again, I want to be at least 200 by my year anniversary, if I don't get there, I will be one pissed off  still ovulating, woman, and guess who I am going to be pissed at? ME, it is all my fault, not the band, not the doctor, not my husband( at least not this time), not the kids, just me, and I don't' like being mad at me, so I need to quit whining and get it in gear, so if anyone who reads this wants to give me some advice with getting to 200 by September 10Th please pipe in. I am done so I will be back when there is some good news to write about........

I know I have read that when your sick you can't eat, hopefully, I will lose tons of weight during this time, but I doubt it,  I have been stuck between 225 and 230 forever now, I know I don't need a fill cause I can't eat solid protein slowly without getting stuck  after couple of bites. I try and follow band rules with protein first but if I want to eat a little more than two bites i will eat mushy stuff first and then solid protein. I just hope the scale will start moving again soon, ( thanks Leanne for saying you lost 10 pds in one month) cause I had figured those days are over. I am way behind for the normal weight loss, and I just would love to be at 80 pds at my 1 year anniv., but right now I feel like poo and cant get motivated to do any exercise maybe when I feel better. Oh well enough wining for now. 

OK I am in a mood tonight, lets see where do I start, oh yeah, had a doctors appt. and my blood pressure is still up a little, and my cholesterol is up a little, so he is changing my med on that. That is so frustrating cause iam almost 60 pds down, and i have to go back on the meds, I guess your genes do play a role in it, but I thought I would be good when i lost the weight. The other thing is that the scale is stuck again, and I am pissed, not eating that much at all, I am suppose to have a fill on the 13th, but shoot I can't even eat any solid protein without getting stuck, and that's with small bites and chewing until my jaw is sore. So, I just have been having honey nut cheerios for dinner, hell I couldn't even finish a pintos cheese for lunch today. I just don't get it. I will call Tuesday if I am still having this problem and cancel that appt. too. I am really in a pissy mood, coming back from the casino, my van started having problems so have to take it in in the a.m. which means I have to take dh to work. He is pissed cause I went to the casino today, I don't get it, I don't spend much money, and most time I either come home with the same or more than what I left with. It's just a nice get away for a couple of hours, and good conversation with a friend on the way up there and back.  So yeah, there is the stress he is constantly giving me that I just don't need now. Lindsey is still seeing the same guy, sorry but I just don't care for him. I am upset that she has decided not to have the band surgery, and she was already approved. I know she will regret it and wished he had done it, but you can't tell her anything. I need to start exercising, I know if I were the scale would start moving, but I just don't have the energy to do it right now. I know I want to lose at Least 20 pounds before my 1 year anniv. and if I don't I will be really disappointed, but it is all up to me. OK, I feel a little better after venting here. I need to fill out my mothers day cards so I can put them in the mail tomorrow so they get there on Saturday. I have alot to do the next couple of days, so I won't be on here for a while again.  228 at the doctors office today, will see if I can get that in the 210 before the end of the month, lets see how that goal works out for me.

Finally took the time to put up some photos of the family in Florida on Spring break. It was a great time, and hopefully by next year I will look a lot smaller in the pictures. I just have to say that normally I don't want my picture taken, but on this trip I was asking to get my picture taken, lol, I am not vain just want to have some pictures to show my progress.

Yesterday got on the scale, and finally I am in the 20's, I have been waiting forever for the scale to move. I have been dong pretty well so far with this fill level, I have a fill appt. on the 28Th so I will see how I am doing when the time comes, but right now I am feeling pretty good restriction. Also, I don't want to ever get to the point of being so tight I can't swallow my saliva, that was messed up! 

 Yesterday went to a birthday party, and other than a few chips and dip, and 2 Kahula and Creme did well, I was hungry when we got home, so just went to bed. 
 
 Today, it is raining and I really want to eat something but not hungry so battling some bordem hunger. I just don't want to go back to the 30's and with it being only one half pound out of there I know I have to be careful.

   Vacation was fantastic! I feel so much better mood and body wise, I was really in a slump, not getting off the sofa all day, and just not a very happy person, but since going to the sunshine state and now getting a little sunshine here, I have been in a happy cheerful mood.  The kids all got along fairly well, and I really enjoyed having them all together, wish Lindsey could have come to complete the family, but she had to work. We went to Disney and it was crazy, the weather was great, mid 70's only two day was it going to be that cool so I think everyone else felt the same way, and that is why they closed the park at 1p.m. it was at capacity, never have I ever heard anyone that had that happen too, even my cousin you goes to Disney more than a few times a year, never heard of that one. The girls were in awwww, and it was just a good time, and no rubbing things this time, and I could keep up with everyone, so wohooo for that. I will post pictures when I download them to my home computer, if it will allow me to.

I have all kinds of yard work to do, so hopefully that will add to the loss of weight, and as long as I stay on track I can see some weight coming of this summer. It is a slow and steady process and although I get frustrated when the scale doesn't move I have to remember that this isn't bypass and I knew going in that it would be a slow process, and the fact that I haven't gained any weight back is a miracle in itself!  So today is a positive day for me.

Yeah still at 233 but I have no one to blame but myself, I have been in a funk lately and can't get motivated to do anything. I am leaving the day after tomorrow, you would think that going to Florida for spring break would motivate me, but I honestly think that I am depressed, I think I might be going into menopause and that is what is going on with me, cause even before the weight loss going away would have got my butt in gear. My day consists of watching TV all day, some laundry and some packing, but mostly sitting in the same spot all day. So yeah it is my fault that I haven't lost anymore weight. When I get back from vacation I am calling my doctor for  blood work to see what the heck is going on,cause this isn't  normal for me. I will get on line when in Florida to check in, don't think I will have a scale handy but will still check in. Hopefully, my period won't show up while I am gone, but who knows now what will happen.

OK I will take it, my goal is to be in the 20's when we leave for Florida on the 3 rd, so I have my work cut out for me. I got back on the elliptical today and did almost 14 min. which is a all time high for me. If the weather gets a little better Charlie and I will go for a walk. I have been have some problems with anxiety lately, which really bothers me, I had to call my son to come to the house last night, Bill is out of town this week and I woke up about 1 a.m. to use the bathroom and my left arm was killing me, now this isn't unusual cause I had surgery on my left shoulder years ago and still have problems with it. It really bothers me if I carry my grand baby for to long, or if I try and do weights. So when I was having this pain I took a baby aspirin (you know just in case) my son came over and checked on me and I was OK as soon as he got here, still had the pain, but not in a panic like before. With this new job of Bill's he is going to be traveling more and I have to get use to being alone. I hate when I work myself up like this, I wish I wasn't such a wimp. I don't like talking about it, but at one time in my life I had such a problem with panic attacks I couldn't even leave my house, this lasted for a long time and I missed out on a lot of things the kids did. Bill was great cause he would do the grocery shopping and  all the running for the kids. It was a really dark time in my life and I pray I never see those days again. You can understand why I never want to go back there again.  OK well on to better things, I went yesterday to a tanning bed, I really don't like doing this at my age because I hate what it has done to my skin, the age spots won't go away, and it sucks. I was a sun goddess in my days and I love the sun, but my skin looks worse than my mom and my mother in laws who are in there 70's, so when I used to get warned about it I thought when I got older it wouldn't matter to me, but you know what it means a lot. Wish I would have listened. OK Iam done now will post again on next Wednesday and hopefully I will be in the 220's.

I promised myself I wouldn't weigh myself everyday anymore, just once a week, and the last time I weighed myself I was 238, but I have been bouncing around these 4 pounds for the longest time, ugh. I have been so tired and with just getting over a heavy period and thinking that my blood pressure medicine needs to be adjusted I have cut back to one every other day, cause i just felt weak. So, today is a new day, I feel myself again, I am up and doing laundry going to watch the girls this afternoon, and later going to find something to wear to a dinner for my husbands work. It's casual work attire, whatever that means, so I am going to look for a nice pant outfit. Most of my stuff is to big now, and the stuff I have been wearing of Lindsey's old work clothes are to young for me, so I will have to go shopping, oh darn. Hopefully I can find something that I can wear in Florida too. Bill is out of town till late Thursday, and I really need to get something done, but until today haven't felt like it. Went to the Four Winds and Blue Chip last night and that was fun, lost any money I won, dam it, I know better than to keep playing, but you see all these people winning around you and you think well my time should be coming, and well it never did, lol, I will learn someday. I enjoyed going with friends and just talking the whole night.  OK well I have work to do so I will write again on next Wednesday. Oh yeah, my appt for my next fill has been rescheduled for the 28Th hope this fill holds out for that long, I have good restriction and can finally eat solid protein. We will see. OK out for now.